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In some countries, it is thought that children begin formal education at four years old. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In some countries, it is thought that children begin formal education at four years old. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

These days, ni some countries, parents think that children should begin formal education at the early age. From my perspective, this trend has both positive and negative impact.
On the one hand, Studying at the age of four encourages children to develop various aspects of life. First of all, they can acquire knowledge quickly and effectively. At this period, children’s brain is significant developed. Therefore, They have a comprehensive understanding of life aspects in the convenient way. Furthermore, Engaging in a totally new environment help children improve their communication skill, due to interaction with their peers and teachers. It not only help children to foster a sense of self- confidence but also follow the positive habit from their friends.
On the other hand, this trendency has an adverse effect on children’s mental and physical development if children begin the formal education at a very early age. Excessively forcing children to have formal education leading them to numerous mental diseases such as depression and autism. Therefore, parents should not let children study at the age of four. Other aspect, lack of self-confidence and courage in communicating with stranger and in a strange environment leading children to fear and making them stress.
In conclusion, Giving children a formal education at four years old is not a inclement idea, but It also have a bad affect for children. I think parent should look after and observe their children as much as possible to find their children problems and solve it.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "ni some countries" -> "In some countries"
    Explanation: Replacing "ni" with "In" corrects the grammatical error and establishes a more formal tone by using proper preposition.

  2. "positive and negative impact" -> "positive and negative impacts"
    Explanation: Changing "impact" to "impacts" ensures subject-verb agreement and maintains grammatical accuracy in formal writing.

  3. "Studying at the age of four" -> "Commencing formal education at the age of four"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more precise and formal expression for the initiation of formal education.

  4. "children’s brain is significant developed" -> "children’s brain significantly develops"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb tense and structure enhances clarity and aligns with the principles of formal language.

  5. "Therefore, They have a comprehensive understanding" -> "Therefore, they develop a comprehensive understanding"
    Explanation: Ensuring subject-verb agreement and choosing a more active verb improves the sentence’s formality and coherence.

  6. "Furthermore, Engaging in a totally new environment help children" -> "Furthermore, engaging in a completely new environment helps children"
    Explanation: Adjusting the verb tense and subject-verb agreement enhances the formality and accuracy of the sentence.

  7. "not only help children to foster a sense of self-confidence" -> "not only helps children foster a sense of self-confidence"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb tense improves grammatical accuracy and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "trendency" -> "tendency"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error enhances the overall professionalism of the text.

  9. "leading them to numerous mental diseases" -> "leading to various mental health issues"
    Explanation: Replacing "mental diseases" with "mental health issues" is more accurate and aligns with formal language conventions.

  10. "this trendency has an adverse effect" -> "this tendency has adverse effects"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error and adjusting the noun-verb agreement improve the overall formality and accuracy of the sentence.

  11. "parent should look after" -> "parents should oversee"
    Explanation: Using "parents" in the plural form and replacing "look after" with "oversee" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  12. "a inclement idea" -> "an inauspicious idea"
    Explanation: Substituting "inclement" with "inauspicious" provides a more sophisticated term while maintaining the intended meaning.

  13. "It also have a bad affect" -> "It also has a negative impact"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb tense and using a more precise term enhance the formality and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges both positive and negative aspects of starting formal education at the age of four. However, the response lacks depth and fails to fully explore the implications, providing only surface-level insights.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the writer should delve into more specific details, providing examples and elaborating on the positive and negative impacts. Additionally, ensuring a balanced discussion of both aspects will strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a balanced view but struggles to maintain a clear stance throughout. The introduction suggests a nuanced perspective, but the body paragraphs lack a consistent and focused position.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly establish their position in the introduction and consistently reinforce it in each body paragraph. This could involve expressing a preference for either the positive or negative aspects, supported by strong arguments and evidence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they are underdeveloped and lack elaboration. For instance, the positive impact of early education is mentioned briefly without providing concrete examples or evidence.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support their points. Elaborating on each idea and offering detailed explanations will strengthen the overall argumentation.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but includes some irrelevant information, such as the mention of depression and autism without sufficient connection to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the writer should ensure that every point made is directly related to the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential information that does not contribute to the overall argument. Stick to discussing the positive and negative aspects of starting formal education at an early age.

In conclusion, while the essay provides a basic response to the prompt, it would benefit significantly from greater depth, clearer positioning, more developed ideas, and strict adherence to the topic. Expanding on each point with specific details and examples will contribute to a more comprehensive and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It begins with an introduction discussing both positive and negative aspects of starting formal education at the age of four. The subsequent paragraphs elaborate on each viewpoint, and the conclusion offers a concise summary. However, there are instances of unclear connections between ideas, such as the transition between discussing the positive impacts and moving to the negative aspects.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a smooth transition between ideas. Clearly indicate shifts between positive and negative aspects to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to strengthen the flow between paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but the structure is not consistently effective. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow. For instance, the paragraph discussing the negative impacts of early education combines various points without clear separation.
    • How to improve: Improve paragraphing by maintaining a single main idea in each paragraph. Separate distinct ideas into different paragraphs for clarity. This approach enhances the essay’s overall readability and helps readers follow the progression of arguments.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and pronouns, to connect ideas within sentences. However, there is a limited variety, and some connections are unclear. For instance, the transition from discussing positive impacts to negative impacts lacks a clear link.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create stronger connections between ideas. Include a variety of transition words and phrases to indicate relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the progression of ideas is evident, allowing the reader to follow the essay’s logic more easily.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more effective presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to express ideas using different words, the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For instance, phrases like "these days" and "from my perspective" are used repeatedly, and there’s room for more diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, try incorporating a broader range of vocabulary. Instead of using repetitive phrases, experiment with synonyms and explore different ways of expressing ideas. Introduce more advanced vocabulary when appropriate to elevate the overall lexical richness.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage at times. For example, the term "significant developed" may be more accurately expressed as "significantly developed." There are instances where more precise vocabulary choices could strengthen the impact of the message.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, pay close attention to the choice of words. Proofread carefully and consider alternative terms that convey the intended meaning more accurately. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms, ensuring that each word aligns precisely with the intended context.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "trendency" (tendency), "inclement" (inherent), and "affect" (effect). These errors impact the overall spelling accuracy and readability of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly or use spelling and grammar check tools. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words and pay attention to word forms. Developing a habit of reviewing and correcting spelling errors will contribute to overall improvement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the lexical resource score. Utilizing a more diverse and precise vocabulary, along with careful proofreading for spelling, will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in the diversity of sentence structures. For instance, there is a tendency to start sentences with similar structures, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which can make the essay sound somewhat repetitive.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound and compound-complex sentences. Vary the beginnings of sentences to avoid repetition, and experiment with different sentence lengths for a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates reasonable grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors present. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "brain is significant developed") and article use (e.g., "a totally new environment"). Punctuation, such as comma splices and missing commas, also affects the overall accuracy.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct subject-verb agreement errors and inaccuracies in article use. Pay attention to comma placement, ensuring proper usage to avoid confusion. Consider seeking feedback or consulting grammar resources to address specific grammatical challenges.

This essay is well-organized and presents a balanced view on the prompt. Improving sentence variety and addressing specific grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and refined essay, potentially raising the Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In some countries, there is a belief that commencing formal education at the age of four is beneficial for children. From my perspective, this trend has both positive and negative impacts.

On the positive side, beginning education at the age of four can contribute to various aspects of a child’s development. Firstly, children at this age can quickly and effectively acquire knowledge, thanks to the significant development of their brains. Therefore, they develop a comprehensive understanding of different aspects of life in a convenient manner. Furthermore, engaging in a completely new environment helps children improve their communication skills through interactions with peers and teachers. This not only helps children foster a sense of self-confidence but also encourages positive habits learned from their friends.

However, on the negative side, this tendency can have adverse effects on children’s mental and physical development if they start formal education at a very early age. Forcing children into formal education at a young age may lead to various mental health issues such as depression and autism. Therefore, parents should oversee and carefully consider whether introducing formal education at age four is a beneficial or inauspicious idea. Additionally, the early exposure may result in a lack of self-confidence and courage in communicating with strangers or in unfamiliar environments, leading to fear and stress in children.

In conclusion, while giving children formal education at the age of four is not necessarily an inauspicious idea, it also has negative impacts. Parents should be vigilant and observe their children as much as possible to identify and address any potential problems that may arise from early education.

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