In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true that adults nowadays are tend to keep living with their families despite having accomplished higher education or getting jobs. Although this phenomenon would bring both benefits and drawbacks to human life, I think the disadvantages are more significant than the advantages.
On the one hand, spending time living with parents might help the young to make most of time to save money that might be a good factor for their future careers. For example, in lieu of spending salaries to buy a house or to pay for a car by installments, they could save that money to prepare for their marriages. Moreover, living under the same roof could make the relationships among families members become close-knit, since they have more time to confide in each other and understand others deeply.
On the other hand, there are two main drawbacks of continuing to live with parents. Firstly, there might appear generations gap between parents and their children. Parents born in the last of twentieth century have their own perspective of views, which are usually different from their children due to the time periods, tend to force the young do as what they were used to like when they have to get married or when they have to give birth. As a result, that could lead to some agreements or unexpected serious consequences of conflicts. Secondly, adults living with parents tend to be passive, since there are no things that need to be concerned about. For instance, when the young decides to move out from their houses, they would have to consider about plenty of financial problems such as houses price or service costs that will help them to be more mature.
In conclusion, although there are several advantages of continuing living with parents, I would argue that the disadvantages are far greater.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"adults nowadays are tend to keep living" -> "adults nowadays tend to continue living"
Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "are" and correcting the phrase to "adults nowadays tend to continue living" improves the grammatical structure and eliminates redundancy.
"disadvantages are more significant than the advantages" -> "drawbacks outweigh the benefits"
Explanation: Replacing "disadvantages are more significant than the advantages" with "drawbacks outweigh the benefits" offers a more concise and formal way of expressing the idea.
"make most of time" -> "make the most of their time"
Explanation: Adding "their" and modifying the phrase to "make the most of their time" enhances clarity and aligns with proper grammar usage.
"that might be a good factor" -> "which can be advantageous"
Explanation: Substituting "that might be a good factor" with "which can be advantageous" introduces a more precise and formal expression.
"to pay for a car by installments" -> "to make installment payments for a car"
Explanation: Changing "to pay for a car by installments" to "to make installment payments for a car" improves the formality and flow of the sentence.
"under the same roof could make" -> "living together could foster"
Explanation: Replacing "under the same roof could make" with "living together could foster" provides a more sophisticated and formal expression.
"close-knit" -> "close-knit relationships"
Explanation: Adding "relationships" after "close-knit" ensures clarity and completeness in the sentence.
"might appear generations gap" -> "might create a generation gap"
Explanation: Adjusting "might appear generations gap" to "might create a generation gap" maintains accuracy and improves the formality of the sentence.
"perspective of views" -> "perspectives"
Explanation: Simplifying "perspective of views" to "perspectives" removes redundancy and improves conciseness.
"force the young do" -> "influence the younger generation to"
Explanation: Changing "force the young do" to "influence the younger generation to" conveys the idea more formally and accurately.
"when they have to give birth" -> "when they choose to start a family"
Explanation: Substituting "when they have to give birth" with "when they choose to start a family" provides a more accurate and formal representation of the idea.
"unexpected serious consequences of conflicts" -> "unforeseen and severe conflicts"
Explanation: Rewording "unexpected serious consequences of conflicts" to "unforeseen and severe conflicts" enhances precision and formality.
"adults living with parents tend to be passive" -> "individuals residing with their parents often exhibit passivity"
Explanation: Transforming "adults living with parents tend to be passive" into "individuals residing with their parents often exhibit passivity" maintains formality and clarity.
"there are no things that need to be concerned about" -> "there are fewer responsibilities to consider"
Explanation: Changing "there are no things that need to be concerned about" to "there are fewer responsibilities to consider" improves the expression of the idea in a more formal manner.
"houses price" -> "housing prices"
Explanation: Correcting "houses price" to "housing prices" ensures proper pluralization and usage.
"that will help them to be more mature" -> "which contributes to their maturity"
Explanation: Modifying "that will help them to be more mature" to "which contributes to their maturity" offers a more refined and formal expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. It mentions advantages (e.g., saving money, fostering close relationships) and disadvantages (e.g., generation gap, potential passivity) of adults living with their parents.
- How to improve: While the essay mentions advantages and disadvantages, a more balanced exploration and analysis of these aspects could enhance the depth of the response. Ensure each point is thoroughly discussed, providing specific examples and elaboration.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This stance is clear from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay’s overall coherence, consider introducing the main position in the introduction with a clear thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each body paragraph reinforces this position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, providing examples such as saving money and close family relationships. However, the support is somewhat limited and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the quality of the essay, expand on each idea by providing more specific examples and details. Consider including personal experiences or research findings to strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of adults living with parents. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be more explicit.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. For instance, when discussing the generation gap, connect it explicitly to the impact on individuals living with their parents. Be precise in linking examples to the overall topic.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt, covering both advantages and disadvantages of adults living with their parents. To improve, focus on providing a more balanced discussion, reinforcing the main position, and offering more in-depth examples to support the ideas.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the coherence within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a seamless transition between ideas. In this essay, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one point to the next. Additionally, explicitly state the thesis in the introduction to set the tone for the essay.
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced, and the concluding paragraph is abrupt, lacking a summary or restatement of the main points.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a cohesive structure. Aim for balance in paragraph lengths. In the conclusion, provide a brief summary of the main points and restate the thesis to reinforce the essay’s overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," to signal shifts between advantages and disadvantages. However, there’s room for improvement in the variety and precision of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including transition words (e.g., moreover, therefore, however) and pronouns to create smoother connections between sentences and ideas. This will enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally clear organizational structure, improvements in paragraph coherence, balance, and the use of a more diverse range of cohesive devices can elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of attempts to use varied vocabulary, such as "accomplished" and "confide," but there is room for improvement. The essay could benefit from incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider incorporating advanced vocabulary relevant to the context. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "save money," explore alternatives like "accumulate financial resources" or "amass economic assets" to showcase a broader lexical repertoire. Additionally, diversify your word choices in expressing ideas to add depth to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is somewhat inconsistent. Certain expressions, such as "are tend to" and "unexpected serious consequences of conflicts," lack precision. Additionally, the phrase "make most of time" could be more precisely articulated.
- How to improve: Strive for accuracy in your word choices. Replace imprecise phrases with clearer alternatives. Instead of "are tend to," use "tend to" or "have a tendency to." In the case of "make most of time," consider rephrasing to "make the most of their time." Precision enhances the clarity of your ideas and contributes to a more sophisticated writing style.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "are tend to" (are inclined to), "advantages of continuing living" (advantages of continuing to live), and "agreements" (arguments). These errors impact the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: Prioritize careful proofreading to identify and correct spelling errors. Consider using writing tools or seeking feedback to enhance spelling accuracy. Practice consistently to reinforce correct spellings and avoid common mistakes. Improving spelling will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation of your ideas.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, refining vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will enhance the overall quality of your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in the variety of structures. For instance, the essay tends to rely on basic sentence structures, such as subject-verb-object, without incorporating more complex constructions like conditional sentences, inverted structures, or parallelism.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences, using a mix of simple and compound structures. Utilize conditional constructions to express hypothetical situations or cause-and-effect relationships. This will add depth and sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors throughout. For example, "adults nowadays are tend to keep living" should be "adults nowadays tend to keep living." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent use of capitalization.
- How to improve: Focus on eliminating basic grammatical errors, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and proper verb usage. Review the rules of punctuation, especially regarding commas in compound sentences. Consistently capitalize the first word of each sentence and proper nouns. Proofread carefully to catch and correct these errors, enhancing the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing.
Overall, while your essay demonstrates competency in grammatical range and accuracy, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical details will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is a fact that many adults nowadays tend to continue living with their parents even after completing their education and securing jobs. While this choice offers both benefits and drawbacks, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
On the positive side, choosing to reside with parents can enable young individuals to make the most of their time by saving money. This financial prudence becomes a valuable asset for their future endeavors. Instead of allocating salaries towards buying a house or making installment payments for a car, they have the opportunity to save for future commitments, such as marriage. Additionally, sharing a living space fosters close-knit relationships among family members. This closeness is nurtured through increased time for mutual confiding and understanding.
Conversely, there are two significant drawbacks to continuing to live with parents. Firstly, it might create a generation gap between parents and their children. Parents, born in the last decades of the twentieth century, often hold perspectives different from their children due to the influence of their respective time periods. This variance may lead parents to influence the younger generation to adhere to traditional practices, potentially resulting in disagreements or unforeseen conflicts. Secondly, individuals residing with their parents often exhibit passivity since there are fewer responsibilities to consider. Moving out forces young adults to confront various financial challenges, such as housing prices and service costs, contributing to their overall maturity.
In conclusion, while there are advantages to continuing to live with parents, such as financial savings and closer relationships, I contend that the drawbacks, particularly the potential generation gap and passivity, outweigh these benefits.