In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is a popular belief that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping. I completely agree. This essay will address my choice of opinion as follows.
Previously, there were many supporters of the trend leaning towards the fact that most people shop online. This is because in the future people will not have time, they will be busier. Simply put, people will be busy all day and work. According to a recent survey example, many people never go to the store. In general, because they all shop online.
Above all, the fact that there are a lot of people shopping online now. Specifically, more than seventy percent of the world buys online. consequently making people in the future shop online it is a very easy thing. from my perspective this is a bad thing because when you buy at the shop you can try it but if you buy it online you cannot try it and sometime it will be not good . as all things mentioned above that mean it is bad.
in conclusion.for these reasons it is clear that I don’t agree with shopping is replacing shopping in store

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"I completely agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone, replacing the casual "I completely agree."
"This essay will address my choice of opinion as follows." -> "This essay will elaborate on my perspective."
Explanation: "Elaborate on my perspective" is more formal and precise than "address my choice of opinion," which sounds awkward and informal.
"there were many supporters of the trend leaning towards the fact that most people shop online" -> "there were numerous proponents of the trend that most individuals shop online"
Explanation: "Numerous proponents" is more formal and precise than "many supporters," and "individuals" is more formal than "people" in this context.
"This is because in the future people will not have time, they will be busier" -> "This is because in the future, individuals will be increasingly busy"
Explanation: "Increasingly busy" is a more precise and formal way to describe the expected increase in busyness, and removing the contraction "they will" aligns with formal writing standards.
"Simply put, people will be busy all day and work" -> "In essence, individuals will be occupied throughout the day with work"
Explanation: "In essence" is a more formal phrase than "Simply put," and "occupied throughout the day with work" is more precise and formal than "busy all day and work."
"According to a recent survey example" -> "As exemplified by a recent survey"
Explanation: "As exemplified by" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "According to a recent survey example," which is redundant and informal.
"many people never go to the store" -> "many individuals rarely visit stores"
Explanation: "Rarely visit stores" is more formal and precise than "never go to the store," which is overly simplistic and informal.
"Above all, the fact that there are a lot of people shopping online now" -> "Notably, the widespread adoption of online shopping"
Explanation: "Notably" is a more formal transition, and "widespread adoption" is a more precise and academic term than "there are a lot of people shopping online now."
"more than seventy percent of the world buys online" -> "over 70% of the global population shops online"
Explanation: "Over 70% of the global population shops online" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "more than seventy percent of the world buys online."
"consequently making people in the future shop online it is a very easy thing" -> "therefore, online shopping will become increasingly convenient"
Explanation: "Therefore, online shopping will become increasingly convenient" is clearer and more formal than the awkward and informal original phrase.
"from my perspective this is a bad thing" -> "from my perspective, this is detrimental"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more formal and precise adjective than "bad," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"when you buy at the shop you can try it but if you buy it online you cannot try it and sometime it will be not good" -> "when purchasing in-store, one can try products, whereas online purchases do not allow for this, and sometimes the product may not meet expectations"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the comparison, using "purchasing in-store" and "online purchases" for consistency and precision, and "meet expectations" for a more formal expression.
"as all things mentioned above that mean it is bad" -> "as previously discussed, this indicates a negative outcome"
Explanation: "As previously discussed, this indicates a negative outcome" is more formal and precise than the vague and informal "as all things mentioned above that mean it is bad."
"in conclusion.for these reasons it is clear that I don’t agree with shopping is replacing shopping in store" -> "In conclusion, these reasons demonstrate that I do not concur with the notion that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping"
Explanation: "In conclusion, these reasons demonstrate that I do not concur with the notion that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by stating a clear position that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping. However, the response lacks depth in exploring the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The essay mentions that many people shop online but does not provide a balanced view or consider counterarguments. For instance, it could have discussed the benefits of in-store shopping or the reasons why some consumers still prefer it.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should include a more nuanced discussion. This could involve acknowledging the advantages and disadvantages of both shopping methods, providing statistics or studies to support claims, and clearly articulating the extent of their agreement or disagreement with the statement.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear position stating agreement with the idea that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping. However, the position becomes muddled towards the end when the writer expresses a negative view on online shopping without clearly reconciling this with their initial agreement. The conclusion states, "I don’t agree with shopping is replacing shopping in store," which contradicts the earlier assertion of complete agreement.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, the writer should ensure that their argument aligns with their conclusion. They could restate their position in the conclusion while summarizing the main points that support it. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help clarify the relationship between ideas and maintain coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about online shopping, such as convenience and the inability to try products before purchasing. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with concrete examples or evidence. The use of vague phrases like "many people never go to the store" lacks specificity and fails to provide a strong foundation for the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate their points. For instance, citing a survey that quantifies the growth of online shopping or discussing specific products that are commonly bought online versus in-store would strengthen the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of these trends would provide more depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the shift from in-store shopping to online shopping. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing the negative aspects of online shopping without adequately linking them back to the prompt. For example, the statement about the inability to try products is relevant, but the way it is presented feels disconnected from the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could use topic sentences to clearly indicate how each paragraph supports their main argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential thoughts and ensuring that all examples reinforce the central thesis will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of the topic, maintain a consistent position, provide specific examples to support their ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general agreement with the statement that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping, but the organization of ideas is weak. For instance, the transition from discussing the popularity of online shopping to the negative aspects of it is abrupt and lacks a clear logical progression. The introduction states the author’s opinion, but the subsequent paragraphs do not effectively build on this viewpoint with structured arguments. The essay lacks clear topic sentences that would guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the author should outline their main points before writing the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting details. For example, the author could structure the essay into clear sections: one discussing the benefits of online shopping, another addressing the drawbacks, and a final section summarizing their stance. This would create a more coherent argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not effectively utilize paragraphs, which makes it difficult to follow the argument. The text is presented in a single block, which can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main points. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea, but here, multiple ideas are jumbled together without clear separation.
- How to improve: The author should break the essay into distinct paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. For instance, one paragraph could focus on the reasons why online shopping is becoming popular, while another could discuss the disadvantages of this trend. Additionally, ensuring that there is a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points would help reinforce the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which hinders the flow of ideas. Phrases like "simply put" and "above all" are used, but they are not effectively connected to the preceding or following sentences. The transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt, leading to a disjointed reading experience. For example, the phrase "consequently making people in the future shop online it is a very easy thing" lacks clarity and proper connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the author should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "however," "furthermore," "in addition," "on the other hand") to connect ideas more smoothly. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create a more fluid narrative. For instance, instead of repeating "people," the author could use "consumers" or "shoppers" to maintain variety and cohesion in the text.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear opinion, it suffers from issues related to organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the author can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their writing, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions, such as "popular belief," "supporters of the trend," and "busy all day." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, phrases like "people will be busy" and "people never go to the store" could be expressed with more variety and nuance. The use of "consequently" is a positive attempt at linking ideas, but overall, the vocabulary does not display a wide enough range to achieve a higher score.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeating "people will be busy," alternatives like "individuals will lead increasingly hectic lives" could be used. Additionally, exploring more specific terms related to online shopping and consumer behavior would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "making people in the future shop online it is a very easy thing" is awkward and unclear. The term "bad thing" is overly simplistic and lacks the nuance needed for an academic essay. Furthermore, the phrase "if you buy it online you cannot try it and sometime it will be not good" is vague and could be articulated more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "bad thing," the writer could say "presents significant drawbacks." Additionally, rephrasing unclear statements for clarity, such as "purchasing online limits the ability to assess product quality firsthand," would enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "consequently" (which is incorrectly capitalized), "sometime" (should be "sometimes"), and "that mean" (should be "that means"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch errors before submission. Familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms is also beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple and compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For instance, phrases like "people will be busy all day and work" and "there are a lot of people shopping online now" are straightforward but do not utilize varied grammatical forms. The use of subordinating clauses is minimal, which restricts the ability to convey more nuanced ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "people will be busy all day and work," you could say, "As people become increasingly busy with work commitments, they are more likely to turn to online shopping." Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can make the writing more dynamic and engaging.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "consequently making people in the future shop online it is a very easy thing" is grammatically incorrect and lacks proper punctuation, making it difficult to understand. Additionally, there are instances of run-on sentences, such as "as all things mentioned above that mean it is bad," which should be separated for clarity. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in the conclusion where "in conclusion.for these reasons" should be corrected to "In conclusion, for these reasons."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors such as subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments, and run-on sentences. Practicing punctuation rules, especially the use of commas and periods, will also help. A useful strategy is to read the essay aloud, which can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes. Furthermore, consider using grammar-checking tools to catch errors before finalizing the essay.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focus on expanding your sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy through careful proofreading and practice.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there is a popular belief that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping. I completely agree. This essay will elaborate on my perspective as follows.

Previously, there were numerous proponents of the trend that most individuals shop online. This is because, in the future, people will not have time; they will be busier. Simply put, individuals will be occupied throughout the day with work. As exemplified by a recent survey, many individuals rarely visit stores. In general, this is because they all shop online.

Above all, the fact that there are a lot of people shopping online now is significant. Specifically, more than seventy percent of the world buys online, therefore making online shopping increasingly convenient in the future. From my perspective, this is detrimental because when purchasing in-store, one can try products, whereas online purchases do not allow for this, and sometimes the product may not meet expectations. As previously discussed, this indicates a negative outcome.

In conclusion, these reasons demonstrate that I do not concur with the notion that online shopping is replacing in-store shopping.