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In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In the contemporary era, majority of people expect to possess their own house instead of renting one. While some people vehemently argue that having a detached house which prove their academic level is extremely necessary, others claim that renting a house is a suitable selection for almost people, particularly for the young. From my perspective, the merits of this trend outweigh the demerits.
The opponents of owning own house may point to the arguments that this trend just appropriate for people who starting a family, having mature enough and need a permanent accommodation, usually over 30 years old. Moreover, demanding have own house also put significant pressure on numerous individuals, concentrating on a group of young people are not affordable for housing costs as they have not stable job yet, leading to erratic income.
However, the advantages of owning a house can not be ignored, because of for the large number of people, having own property like house seemed a worthy thing to proud of, so they have more motivation to reach their purpose. Additionally, individuals can design home by themselves comfortably, which they can not carry out when renting house, that also mean they can have a private space that do not worry about be annoyed by anything.
In conclusion, although house for rent have several minor benefits including cost and flexibility, buying a contemporary house is the best chosen for a long-term.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "majority of people" -> "the majority of individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "majority of people" with "the majority of individuals" adds formality to the expression and aligns with academic language conventions.

  2. "vehemently argue" -> "strongly argue"
    Explanation: Substituting "vehemently argue" with "strongly argue" maintains the intensity of the expression while adopting a more formal tone.

  3. "detached house which prove their academic level" -> "detached house that reflects their academic status"
    Explanation: Changing "detached house which prove their academic level" to "detached house that reflects their academic status" improves clarity and uses more precise language.

  4. "suitable selection for almost people" -> "suitable choice for most individuals"
    Explanation: "Suitable selection for almost people" is replaced with "suitable choice for most individuals" for a more formal and precise expression.

  5. "starting a family, having mature enough" -> "starting a family and being mature enough"
    Explanation: Adjusting "starting a family, having mature enough" to "starting a family and being mature enough" enhances grammatical correctness and maintains a formal style.

  6. "demanding have own house" -> "aspiring to own a house"
    Explanation: Changing "demanding have own house" to "aspiring to own a house" improves the sentence structure and introduces a more formal phrase.

  7. "are not affordable for housing costs" -> "cannot afford housing expenses"
    Explanation: Replacing "are not affordable for housing costs" with "cannot afford housing expenses" offers a clearer and more academically appropriate expression.

  8. "not stable job yet" -> "not yet in stable employment"
    Explanation: Substituting "not stable job yet" with "not yet in stable employment" maintains formality and improves the structure of the phrase.

  9. "leading to erratic income" -> "resulting in unpredictable income"
    Explanation: Changing "leading to erratic income" to "resulting in unpredictable income" provides a more precise and formal description.

  10. "because of for the large number of people" -> "because, for a large number of individuals"
    Explanation: Adjusting "because of for the large number of people" to "because, for a large number of individuals" improves the sentence structure and aligns with formal language conventions.

  11. "seemed a worthy thing to proud of" -> "seemed a worthy accomplishment to be proud of"
    Explanation: Expanding "seemed a worthy thing to proud of" to "seemed a worthy accomplishment to be proud of" introduces a more sophisticated expression while maintaining clarity.

  12. "do not worry about be annoyed by anything" -> "do not have to worry about being annoyed by anything"
    Explanation: Correcting "do not worry about be annoyed by anything" to "do not have to worry about being annoyed by anything" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.

  13. "house for rent have several minor benefits" -> "renting a house has several minor benefits"
    Explanation: Changing "house for rent have several minor benefits" to "renting a house has several minor benefits" provides a grammatically correct and more formal expression.

  14. "buying a contemporary house is the best chosen for a long-term" -> "opting to buy a contemporary house is the best choice for the long term"
    Explanation: Replacing "buying a contemporary house is the best chosen for a long-term" with "opting to buy a contemporary house is the best choice for the long term" improves clarity, correctness, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the perspective that owning a home is important for some, while others prefer renting, especially young individuals. However, the analysis could be more detailed, and the essay falls short of fully addressing the nuances of the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more depth in discussing the reasons why some people prefer renting and the situations in which owning a home might be important. Explore the complexities of the issue to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a stance in favor of owning a home, stating that the merits outweigh the demerits. However, the expression of this position could be more explicit and consistently woven throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Clearly state the position in the introduction and reinforce it in each body paragraph. Ensure that the entire essay is dedicated to supporting and elaborating on this viewpoint, creating a more cohesive and persuasive argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks in-depth development and supporting evidence. For instance, the argument that owning a house is a status symbol could be expanded with examples or statistics.
    • How to improve: Provide more specific examples and evidence to support key points. Elaborate on the benefits of owning a house and address potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic, there are moments where the focus wavers. The discussion about renting being suitable for young people could be more connected to the main argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made contributes directly to the central argument. Provide a smooth transition between ideas to maintain coherence and prevent any divergence from the main topic.

Overall Feedback:

The essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt but falls short in providing a thorough analysis and supporting evidence. To improve, focus on expanding and developing ideas, consistently presenting and reinforcing the chosen position, and maintaining a clear, focused discussion throughout. Additionally, addressing the essay’s brevity and expanding on critical points will contribute to a more comprehensive and cohesive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between the arguments in the second paragraph could be improved for a more seamless connection. Additionally, the conclusion could better summarize the key points made in the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs for a smoother flow of ideas. Ensure that the conclusion succinctly restates the main points without introducing new information.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately but could benefit from more varied sentence structures within each paragraph. Some paragraphs are overly long, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. There is room for improvement in structuring paragraphs to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into more digestible chunks, each focusing on a specific point or idea. Vary sentence lengths and structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the overall argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a basic range of cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "moreover," "although"). However, there is a lack of diversity in the use of these devices, and some transitions could be more nuanced for a smoother connection between ideas. Additionally, the pronoun reference in the second paragraph might cause confusion.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to include a wider range of linking words and phrases. Ensure that pronoun references are clear, avoiding ambiguity. Work on making transitions more sophisticated to create a seamless flow between sentences and ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in enhancing the flow of ideas, paragraph structure, and the use of varied cohesive devices. Paying attention to these aspects will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with words like "contemporary," "vehemently," and "erratic income." However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and sophistication. For instance, the repetition of phrases such as "own house" and "contemporary era" could be avoided for a richer lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. Avoid repetitive phrasing, and opt for diverse words to convey similar ideas. For instance, instead of consistently using "own house," alternatives like "personal residence" or "private dwelling" can be employed to add variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas adequately, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "which prove their academic level" is unclear and could benefit from more precise wording. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity, affecting the precision of expression.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity in expression by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Avoid ambiguous or vague phrases, and provide clear context for the reader. In the mentioned example, specifying how owning a house correlates with academic achievement or choosing a clearer phrase would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of spelling accuracy. There are instances of misspellings, such as "appropriate" misspelled as "apropriate" and "chosen" as "choosen." While these errors do not severely impede comprehension, they contribute to a less polished overall presentation.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, and take the time to review each word individually. Developing a habit of revising written work with a focus on spelling will contribute to more polished and error-free writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominant, with limited use of complex structures. For instance, the sentence, "While some people vehemently argue that having a detached house which prove their academic level is extremely necessary," lacks complexity and could benefit from a more varied structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating complex sentence structures, such as using subordination and relative clauses. For example, instead of a simple sentence, one could say, "While some vehemently argue in favor of owning a detached house, asserting that it reflects their academic achievement, others contend that renting is a more suitable option."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. For example, in the sentence, "Moreover, demanding have own house also put significant pressure on numerous individuals," the phrase "demanding have own house" lacks proper grammar. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in certain places, also contribute to inaccuracies.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Proofread the essay to catch and correct punctuation errors. For the mentioned sentence, it could be revised as, "Moreover, the demand to own a house also puts significant pressure on numerous individuals."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in expressing ideas, improving the grammatical range and accuracy would contribute to a more sophisticated and polished piece of writing. Incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical errors will enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present-day, the majority of individuals aspire to own a home rather than renting one. While some strongly argue that having a detached house reflecting their academic status is crucial, others contend that renting a house is a suitable choice for most individuals, particularly the young. From my perspective, the merits of this trend outweigh the demerits.

Opponents of owning one’s own house may argue that this trend is only suitable for individuals starting a family, being mature enough, and in need of permanent accommodation, typically over 30 years old. Moreover, the demand to own a house puts significant pressure on numerous individuals, especially a group of young people who cannot afford housing expenses due to not being in stable employment, resulting in unpredictable income.

However, the advantages of owning a house cannot be ignored because, for a large number of individuals, owning a property like a house is a worthy accomplishment to be proud of. This motivation drives them to reach their goals. Additionally, individuals can design their homes themselves, a luxury not available when renting, providing a private space where they do not have to worry about being annoyed by anything.

In conclusion, while renting a house has several minor benefits, including cost and flexibility, opting to buy a contemporary house is the best choice for the long term.

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