In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in other countries. Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages

In many nations, learners live with their parents whilst studying domestically at universities in their states. Besides, there are multiple students pursuing study abroad in foreign countries. In my perspective, the merit of the latter school of thought on personal development will outbalance its possible drawback of economic hardships.

Granted, moving to another state and studying can be a catalyst for undergraduates to enhance themselves. This is illustrated by the fact that approaching an unfamiliar environment is likely to foster international student’s opportunities and exposures such as the chance of a high-paying job or the chance of making friends with foreigners who are proficient and knowledgeable. Overseas students could benefit from diverse fields in opting for their careers as well as fresh angles from their foreign classmates, lecturers and professionals. As a result, these opportunities will aid overseas students to broaden their horizons and boost their salaries as well. In a nutshell, relocating to a new nation not only assists foreign students with lifetime opportunities to raise their salaries but also stimulates their potential skills.

However, pursuing education overseas can be a matter for learners when it comes to the economy. Up to a point, parents don’t have enough money to cover the cost of the apartment, furniture, or school fees, leading to decreasing the daily spending of families or even taking out a whopping loan in order to accumulate money for college students chasing education abroad. This, hence, deteriorates the life quality of both those who stay behind and overseas students. To sum up, enrolling in education foreign to study has its con regarding financial problems, thereby possibly exacerbating the quality of life.

In conclusion, although abroad learners can confront difficulty concerning financial obstacles to a certain extent, I endorse that the perk of this issue will outweigh the possible con due to the self-improvement that it yields. In my opinion, if learners have financial conditions to attend foreign university, they should move to another nation to study.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In many nations, learners live with their parents whilst studying domestically at universities in their states." -> "In many countries, students reside with their parents while pursuing higher education domestically within their home countries."
Explanation: Replacing "learners" with "students" and "universities in their states" with "pursuing higher education domestically within their home countries" enhances specificity and formality, aligning better with academic style.
"Besides, there are multiple students pursuing study abroad in foreign countries." -> "Additionally, numerous students opt to study abroad in foreign countries."
Explanation: "Besides" is somewhat informal and vague; "Additionally" is more formal and precise. "Pursuing study abroad" is awkward; "opt to study abroad" is more natural and clear.
"In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "In my perspective" is grammatically incorrect; "From my perspective" is the correct phrase.
"the merit of the latter school of thought on personal development will outbalance its possible drawback of economic hardships" -> "the advantages of pursuing higher education abroad will outweigh its potential drawbacks, including economic challenges"
Explanation: "The merit of the latter school of thought" is awkward and unclear; "the advantages of pursuing higher education abroad" is more direct and clear. "Outbalance" is not a standard verb; "outweigh" is the correct term.
"This is illustrated by the fact that approaching an unfamiliar environment is likely to foster international student’s opportunities and exposures" -> "This is exemplified by the fact that exposure to an unfamiliar environment can foster opportunities and experiences for international students"
Explanation: "Approaching an unfamiliar environment" is awkward; "exposure to an unfamiliar environment" is more precise. "Exposures" is incorrect; "experiences" is the correct term.
"the chance of a high-paying job or the chance of making friends with foreigners who are proficient and knowledgeable" -> "the potential for high-paying employment or the opportunity to form friendships with knowledgeable and proficient individuals"
Explanation: "The chance of" is informal; "the potential for" and "the opportunity to" are more formal. "Foreigners" is vague; "individuals" is more precise.
"opting for their careers" -> "selecting their career paths"
Explanation: "Opting for their careers" is informal and vague; "selecting their career paths" is more specific and formal.
"fresh angles from their foreign classmates, lecturers and professionals" -> "new perspectives from their foreign classmates, instructors, and professionals"
Explanation: "Fresh angles" is colloquial; "new perspectives" is more formal. "Lecturers" is correct, but "instructors" is more commonly used in academic contexts.
"aid overseas students to broaden their horizons and boost their salaries as well" -> "enable overseas students to broaden their horizons and enhance their earning potential"
Explanation: "Aid" is somewhat informal; "enable" is more precise. "Boost their salaries" is informal; "enhance their earning potential" is more formal and specific.
"Up to a point, parents don’t have enough money to cover the cost of the apartment, furniture, or school fees" -> "In some cases, parents may not have sufficient funds to cover the costs of accommodation, furniture, and school fees"
Explanation: "Up to a point" is vague; "In some cases" is clearer. "Don’t have enough money" is informal; "may not have sufficient funds" is more formal.
"leading to decreasing the daily spending of families or even taking out a whopping loan" -> "resulting in reduced family expenditures or necessitating significant loans"
Explanation: "Decreasing the daily spending of families" is awkward; "resulting in reduced family expenditures" is clearer. "Taking out a whopping loan" is informal; "necessitating significant loans" is more formal.
"enrolling in education foreign to study has its con regarding financial problems" -> "enrolling in foreign education to study poses concerns regarding financial issues"
Explanation: "Has its con" is incorrect; "poses concerns" is grammatically correct. "Regarding financial problems" is informal; "regarding financial issues" is more precise.
"enough money to attend foreign university" -> "sufficient funds to attend a foreign university"
Explanation: "Enough money" is informal; "sufficient funds" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the question. It discusses the advantages of studying abroad (personal development, career opportunities, exposure to diverse perspectives) versus the disadvantages (financial burdens on families, potential decrease in quality of life).
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each aspect (advantages and disadvantages) is explored in more depth with specific examples or data. This will provide a more balanced analysis and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that favors the advantages of studying abroad outweighing the disadvantages. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, particularly evident in the concluding paragraph.
- How to improve: While maintaining clarity is commendable, consider acknowledging counterarguments more explicitly. This can enrich the argument by showing a nuanced understanding of the topic and potentially enhancing persuasive impact.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately with examples (e.g., opportunities for career advancement, cultural exposure). However, some ideas could be more fully developed, such as discussing specific challenges faced by students or offering more detailed examples of personal growth.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, incorporate more specific details or personal anecdotes that illustrate the points made. This will add depth and authenticity to the argument, making it more compelling to the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad versus studying domestically. However, there are moments where the discussion of financial issues slightly detracts from the main focus.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute directly to the main theme.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear position and adequate support for its arguments. To improve to a higher band score, focus on deeper analysis, more detailed examples, and maintaining strict relevance to the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusive summary. Each paragraph is dedicated to a distinct aspect of the topic, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on either advantages or disadvantages throughout. Consider a more balanced exploration of counterarguments within each paragraph to strengthen argumentative coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is adequately utilized with clear topic sentences and supporting details. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, aiding the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph remains tightly focused on a single idea or aspect of the argument. Consider varying sentence structure more to add variety and maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., ‘however’, ‘although’, ‘in conclusion’), pronouns (‘this’, ‘these’), and repetition of key ideas (‘in my perspective’, ‘to sum up’). These devices contribute to coherence by linking ideas and guiding the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, aim to diversify cohesive devices by incorporating more advanced linking words and phrases (e.g., ‘furthermore’, ‘nevertheless’, ‘consequently’) where appropriate. Pay attention to the precise placement of these devices to strengthen the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay effectively achieves a Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion by maintaining a coherent structure, utilizing paragraphs effectively, and employing a variety of cohesive devices. Further improvements can be made by refining the focus within paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, including words like "merit," "foster," "stimulates," "horizons," "deteriorates," and "perk." These words contribute to the clarity and sophistication of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating more specific academic or technical terms related to education and personal development. For instance, using terms like "academic enrichment," "cultural immersion," or "career prospects" could add depth to the discussion, especially in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, such as "self-improvement," "economic hardships," and "quality of life." However, there are instances where simpler or less precise terms like "life quality" instead of "quality of life" could be refined for clearer expression.
- How to improve: Aim for consistent precision in word choice throughout the essay. Review each sentence for opportunities to replace general terms with more specific vocabulary. For example, replacing "chasing education abroad" with "pursuing international education" could strengthen the clarity and impact of your points.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally good, with only minor errors observed (e.g., "undergraduates" could be singular as "undergraduate" for consistency).
- How to improve: Continue to proofread carefully for minor spelling errors and ensure consistency in singular/plural forms of nouns (e.g., "students" vs. "student’s"). Utilize spelling and grammar tools to catch overlooked errors and develop a habit of reviewing your writing before submission.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score in Lexical Resource. To improve further, focus on enhancing precision and depth of vocabulary while maintaining accuracy in spelling and word usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs complex sentences (e.g., "Granted, moving to another state and studying can be a catalyst…"), compound sentences (e.g., "This, hence, deteriorates the life quality…"), and uses transitional phrases effectively to connect ideas ("In a nutshell," "To sum up," "In conclusion"). These structures contribute to coherence and convey nuanced arguments effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s structural variety, consider integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If…then" constructions), inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Not only does relocating…but it also stimulates…"), and passive voice where appropriate. This would add sophistication and depth to the argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some areas where errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement ("Overseas students could benefit…as well as fresh angles…"), punctuation inconsistencies (comma splices and missing commas), and awkward phrasing ("parents don’t have enough money to cover the cost of the apartment, furniture, or school fees, leading to decreasing the daily spending of families…").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, particularly in complex sentences. Review comma usage rules to avoid splices and ensure clarity in sentence structure. Consider revising awkward phrasing for smoother readability and clearer meaning. Practicing proofreading techniques can also help in catching these errors before final submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong ability to use a wide range of structures effectively, there is room for improvement in enhancing grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency. With continued practice and attention to these areas, the essay can further elevate its clarity and precision, potentially reaching a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many countries, students reside with their parents while pursuing higher education domestically within their home countries. Additionally, numerous students opt to study abroad in foreign countries. From my perspective, the advantages of pursuing higher education abroad will outweigh its potential drawbacks, including economic challenges.

Moving to another country for study can significantly contribute to students’ personal development. This is exemplified by the fact that exposure to an unfamiliar environment can foster opportunities and experiences for international students, such as the potential for high-paying employment or the opportunity to form friendships with knowledgeable and proficient individuals. Overseas students can also benefit from diverse perspectives in choosing their career paths, gaining new insights from their foreign classmates, instructors, and professionals. This exposure enables overseas students to broaden their horizons and enhance their earning potential.

However, pursuing education overseas can pose financial challenges for students. In some cases, parents may not have sufficient funds to cover the costs of accommodation, furniture, and school fees, resulting in reduced family expenditures or necessitating significant loans. This financial burden can affect both the students studying abroad and their families back home, potentially impacting their quality of life.

In conclusion, despite the financial challenges that students may face when studying abroad, I believe that the benefits of international education outweigh these potential drawbacks due to the significant personal growth it facilitates. In my opinion, if students have the financial means to attend a foreign university, they should consider moving to another country to pursue their studies.