In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Obesity has emerged as a significant concern in many countries around the world. The prevalence of sedentary lifestyles and the dominance of the fast-food industry are two main factors contributing to this phenomenon, which can only be solved with a combination of family education and governmental policies.
To begin with, the deterioration of individual health can be attributed to changes in their habits and dietary options. In the first place, with the current rapid economic development, adults are required to work in offices for longer hours, whereas a significant number of children have to spend all day studying, leaving them with little time for outdoor activities. This sedentary lifestyle among many families contributes significantly to the reduction in individuals' overall well-being and weight control. Another factor contributing to this issue is the dominance of fast food over traditional home-cooked meals. Parents, with their hectic schedules and limited time for taking care of themselves and their children, now turn to processed food as a more convenient option. Unfortunately, regular consumption of these high-calorie meals has been scientifically proven to be related to obesity, heart disease, and other health issues.
To tackle all these problems, families and society need to assume an active role. First of all, it is important for parents to instill a more healthy lifestyle in themselves and their children. This entails providing their families with meals prepared at home rather than processed options and spending more time on sports or outdoor activities. Another approach should be for governments to introduce higher taxes on fast food enterprises to render fast food a less appealing choice for people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"significant concern" -> "pressing issue"
Explanation: Replacing "significant concern" with "pressing issue" conveys a stronger sense of urgency and importance, aligning better with the academic tone of addressing global health challenges.
"sedentary lifestyles" -> "sedentary lifestyles"
Explanation: The original phrase is appropriate and accurately reflects the academic and formal context of the discussion on health and lifestyle.
"dominance of the fast-food industry" -> "predominance of the fast-food sector"
Explanation: "Predominance" is a more precise term than "dominance" in this context, and "sector" is more specific and formal than "industry," enhancing the academic tone.
"can only be solved" -> "can be addressed only"
Explanation: The placement of "only" before the verb "be addressed" makes the sentence more precise and emphasizes the exclusivity of the solution, which is more appropriate in academic writing.
"deterioration of individual health" -> "decline in individual health"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more academically precise term than "deterioration" when referring to health, as it implies a gradual change over time.
"with the current rapid economic development" -> "in the context of rapid economic development"
Explanation: "In the context of" is a more formal and precise phrase that situates the economic development within a broader discussion, improving the academic tone.
"adults are required to work" -> "adults find themselves obligated to work"
Explanation: "Find themselves obligated to work" adds a nuance of external pressure and societal expectations, which is more reflective of the complex factors influencing work hours.
"a significant number of children" -> "a considerable number of children"
Explanation: "Considerable" is a more formal adjective than "significant," which enhances the academic tone without changing the meaning.
"little time for outdoor activities" -> "limited opportunities for physical activities"
Explanation: "Limited opportunities for physical activities" is a more precise and formal way to describe the constraints on engaging in such activities, emphasizing the broader implications for health.
"contributes significantly to the reduction in" -> "significantly contributes to the decrease in"
Explanation: Reordering the adverb "significantly" improves the flow of the sentence, and "decrease" is a more formal term than "reduction" in this context.
"hectic schedules" -> "demanding schedules"
Explanation: "Demanding" is a more formal adjective that conveys the intensity and challenges of managing time effectively, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"taking care of" -> "caring for"
Explanation: "Caring for" is a more formal and concise way to express the act of looking after someone, improving the sentence’s academic tone.
"scientifically proven" -> "empirically demonstrated"
Explanation: "Empirically demonstrated" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "scientifically proven," emphasizing the evidence-based nature of the claims.
"tackle all these problems" -> "address these challenges"
Explanation: "Address these challenges" is a more formal and precise way to indicate the actions needed to deal with the issues discussed, aligning better with academic language.
"instill a more healthy lifestyle" -> "foster a healthier lifestyle"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more formal verb than "instill," and "healthier lifestyle" is grammatically correct and more concise, enhancing the academic quality of the recommendation.
"meals prepared at home" -> "home-prepared meals"
Explanation: "Home-prepared meals" is a more concise and formal way to describe meals made at home, improving the sentence’s clarity and academic tone.
"higher taxes on fast food enterprises" -> "increased taxation on fast food entities"

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying both the causes of increasing average weight and decreasing health and fitness levels, as well as proposing measures to solve these issues. It discusses sedentary lifestyles, the prevalence of fast food, and proposes family education and governmental policies as solutions.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support the arguments about sedentary lifestyles and fast food dominance. Additionally, discussing potential challenges in implementing the proposed solutions could add depth to the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that sedentary lifestyles and the dominance of fast food are primary causes of the health and fitness issues, and advocating for a combination of family education and governmental policies as solutions.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main stance without introducing conflicting viewpoints.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and provides some development, particularly in discussing the causes of increasing weight and decreasing health. However, there is room for improvement in extending and supporting these ideas with more detailed examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the essay, incorporate statistics, studies, or real-life examples to support each point made. Additionally, consider exploring potential counterarguments and refuting them to strengthen the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the causes of increasing weight and decreasing health and proposing relevant measures to solve these issues. However, there are minor deviations, such as briefly mentioning economic development, which could be more directly tied to the main discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the main topic. Avoid tangents or extraneous information that does not contribute to the central argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses key elements. To improve further, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing more specific examples, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic could elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. It effectively introduces the topic in the first sentence, presents causes in the subsequent paragraphs, and concludes with measures to address the issue. Each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective point: sedentary lifestyles, dietary habits, family and societal roles, and governmental policies. The progression from causes to solutions is smooth and coherent.
- How to improve: While the overall organization is strong, ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs could further enhance coherence. Utilizing transition phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help to strengthen the logical flow between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, each dedicated to discussing a specific aspect of the problem and its corresponding solution. Topic sentences are clear, guiding the reader through the essay’s structure. The paragraphs maintain a balanced length and focus, aiding readability.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraph structure, consider incorporating more varied sentence structures within paragraphs. This can prevent monotony and enhance engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph concludes with a sentence that summarizes the main point and transitions smoothly to the next paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices are used to a satisfactory extent throughout the essay, aiding in the coherence of ideas. Examples include cohesive conjunctions like "to begin with" and "another factor," which help signal the organization of the essay. Additionally, the repetition of key phrases such as "sedentary lifestyle" and "fast food" reinforces the essay’s central themes.
- How to improve: To further enrich cohesion, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("these issues"), synonyms ("sedentary lifestyle" instead of repeated use of "little time for outdoor activities"), and parallel structures ("instill a healthier lifestyle and dedicate more time to outdoor activities"). This can enhance the fluency and coherence of the essay, contributing to a more cohesive overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. For instance, it incorporates terms like "prevalence," "sedentary lifestyles," "dominance," "processed food," "well-being," and "high-calorie meals." However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance richness and precision.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and nuanced expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fast food," you could employ alternatives like "junk food," "processed cuisine," or "convenience meals." Additionally, introducing specialized vocabulary related to health and nutrition could elevate the lexical richness, such as "nutrient-poor diet" or "obesogenic environment."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas. For instance, terms like "sedentary lifestyle," "fast food," and "obesity" are employed accurately within their contexts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or varied to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, aim to replace repetitive phrases with more specific terms or synonyms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fast food," you could vary the terminology by employing expressions like "processed snacks," "quick-service meals," or "commercially prepared dishes." Additionally, ensure that each term used aligns precisely with the intended meaning to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, contributing to clarity and readability. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "fast-food" (missing hyphen) and "well-being" (hyphenated inappropriately).
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct any minor errors. Pay particular attention to compound words and hyphenation rules to ensure consistency and adherence to standard conventions. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers can help in identifying and rectifying spelling inaccuracies effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, ranging from simple to complex. For instance, it utilizes compound and complex sentences effectively to convey ideas. Phrases like "To begin with," and "Another factor contributing to this issue is…" add coherence and clarity to the essay. Moreover, the essay employs relative clauses ("which can only be solved with a combination of family education and governmental policies") and participial phrases ("with the current rapid economic development, adults are required to work in offices for longer hours") to enhance sentence complexity and demonstrate syntactical flexibility.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a satisfactory range of structures, further diversification could enhance its sophistication. Introducing conditional sentences, modal verbs for speculation, and rhetorical questions could elevate the complexity and engagement of the essay. Additionally, incorporating more advanced syntactical constructions like inversion or parallelism would add richness to the expression.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured and grammatically sound. For instance, subject-verb agreement is consistently maintained, and verb tense usage is appropriate throughout. Additionally, punctuation marks, such as commas and periods, are used effectively to demarcate clauses and separate ideas. For example, in the sentence, "The prevalence of sedentary lifestyles and the dominance of the fast-food industry are two main factors contributing to this phenomenon, which can only be solved with a combination of family education and governmental policies," the comma is appropriately placed before the relative clause to clarify the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay’s grammatical accuracy is commendable, occasional errors in article usage and preposition placement are noticeable. For instance, in the phrase "instill a more healthy lifestyle," the indefinite article "a" should be omitted for grammatical correctness ("instill a healthier lifestyle"). Similarly, in "on sports or outdoor activities," the preposition "on" could be replaced with "in" for better alignment with standard usage ("in sports or outdoor activities"). Careful proofreading and revision focusing on these specific areas would help enhance grammatical precision and polish the essay further. Additionally, varying sentence lengths strategically can improve overall readability and rhythm.

Bài sửa mẫu

Obesity has become a pressing issue in numerous countries globally, with a noticeable decline in individual health and fitness levels. The predominance of sedentary lifestyles and the fast-food sector significantly contribute to this concerning trend, which requires a multifaceted approach involving both family education and governmental intervention to address effectively.

Primarily, the increase in obesity rates can be attributed to shifts in daily routines and dietary preferences. In the context of rapid economic development, adults often find themselves obligated to work longer hours in office settings, while a considerable number of children spend extensive hours studying, leaving minimal opportunities for physical activities. This lifestyle, prevalent among many families, notably contributes to the decrease in overall well-being and weight management. Additionally, the predominance of fast food over home-prepared meals exacerbates the issue. With demanding schedules and limited time for proper care, parents often opt for processed foods as a convenient solution. However, it has been empirically demonstrated that regular consumption of these high-calorie meals is linked to obesity, heart disease, and other health concerns.

To effectively address these challenges, proactive measures are essential at both the familial and societal levels. Firstly, it is imperative for parents to foster a healthier lifestyle for themselves and their children. This involves prioritizing home-prepared meals over processed options and dedicating more time to physical activities and sports. Moreover, governments can play a significant role by implementing policies such as increased taxation on fast food entities. By making fast food less financially appealing, such measures encourage healthier dietary choices among the population.

In conclusion, the rising prevalence of obesity stems from sedentary lifestyles and the dominance of the fast-food industry. To combat this issue effectively, a collaborative effort involving family education and governmental intervention is necessary. By encouraging healthier habits and implementing policies that promote better dietary choices, societies can work towards mitigating the adverse effects of obesity and improving overall health and fitness levels.