In some countries, the population is aging and the birth rate is declining. How will this affect society and how can it be prevented? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

For many years, some countries have decreased population aging and birth. This is a concern in society and a matter for the government to resolve this problem significantly.
Society is increasingly developing simultaneously the young couple should opposite with economic burdens, pressure from the workplace, and afford to cover the living expenses. For example, in 2020, there were 727 million people aged 65 or older. This number is expected to more than double by 2050. United Nations. "World Population Ageing 2020 Highlights. Raising a child causes very expensive fees due to a couple's decision to give birth to 1 child or not. Furthermore, the rate of aging but the rate of birth has not increased. This leads to the falls affecting the economic growth in the country because the number of laborers drops and then labor shortage in the future.
To tackle the issues, not only the government but also individuals change their awareness and attitude. The government should encourage and assist subsidies to pregnant people. Additionally, social networks post information about the case taking place and persuade couples to give birth. They also society members need to think about the impact of their actions on future generations. For example, the government should be concerned and allocate special budgets to young couples, free tuition education, and well-being to children under 18 ages.
In conclusion, the population going down is extremely alarming to the rise of the country so the government should promulgate solutions and citizens should execute it to improve matters.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"decreased population aging and birth" -> "decline in population aging and birth rates"
Explanation: "Decreased population aging and birth" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Decline in population aging and birth rates" is grammatically correct and more precise, enhancing clarity and formality.
"a concern in society and a matter for the government to resolve this problem significantly" -> "a pressing concern in society and a significant challenge for the government to address"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and vague. The revised version clarifies the nature of the issue and the government’s role, using more formal and precise language.
"simultaneously the young couple should opposite with economic burdens" -> "simultaneously, young couples face economic burdens"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies that it is the couples who face economic burdens, not "opposite" them.
"afford to cover the living expenses" -> "are able to cover their living expenses"
Explanation: "Afford" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Are able to" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"This number is expected to more than double" -> "This number is expected to double"
Explanation: "More than double" is redundant and informal. "Double" is sufficient and maintains the intended meaning with a more formal tone.
"Raising a child causes very expensive fees" -> "Raising a child incurs significant expenses"
Explanation: "Causes very expensive fees" is informal and imprecise. "Incur significant expenses" is more formal and accurately describes the financial burden of raising a child.
"the rate of aging but the rate of birth has not increased" -> "the rate of aging has increased, while the birth rate has not"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly structured and unclear. The revision clarifies the relationship between the two rates and improves readability.
"the falls affecting the economic growth" -> "the decline affecting economic growth"
Explanation: "The falls" is incorrect and unclear. "The decline" is the correct term and is more formal and precise in this context.
"not only the government but also individuals change their awareness and attitude" -> "not only the government but also individuals must change their awareness and attitudes"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incomplete and informal. Adding "must" and "attitudes" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.
"encourage and assist subsidies to pregnant people" -> "encourage and provide subsidies to pregnant individuals"
Explanation: "Assist subsidies" is grammatically incorrect. "Provide subsidies" is the correct phrase, and "individuals" is more formal than "people" in this context.
"post information about the case taking place" -> "post information about ongoing cases"
Explanation: "The case taking place" is vague and informal. "Ongoing cases" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"society members need to think about the impact of their actions" -> "society members must consider the impact of their actions"
Explanation: "Need to think about" is informal and vague. "Must consider" is more direct and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"the population going down is extremely alarming to the rise of the country" -> "the declining population is a significant concern for the country’s growth"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the concern and uses more formal language.
"the government should promulgate solutions and citizens should execute it" -> "the government should implement solutions, and citizens should adhere to them"
Explanation: "Promulgate" is not typically used in this context, and "execute it" is informal. "Implement" and "adhere to them" are more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses the effects of an aging population and declining birth rates on society, and it proposes potential solutions to mitigate these issues. For instance, it mentions economic burdens on young couples and the resulting labor shortages, which are relevant to the societal impacts of these demographic changes. However, the explanation of the effects is somewhat vague and lacks depth, particularly in elaborating on how these demographic shifts specifically impact various sectors of society.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could provide more detailed examples of societal impacts, such as the strain on healthcare systems or pension schemes due to an aging population. Additionally, it could explore more diverse solutions, such as policies that support work-life balance or incentives for larger families.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the government and society must take action to address the declining birth rate and aging population. However, the position could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. For example, while the introduction states the need for government intervention, the body paragraphs sometimes shift focus to individual responsibilities without clearly linking back to the government’s role.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently refer back to the initial argument throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases that connect individual actions back to governmental responsibilities could help reinforce this position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as economic burdens and the need for government subsidies, but many of these ideas are not fully developed. For instance, while it mentions that raising a child is expensive, it does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim. Additionally, the solutions proposed are somewhat generic and lack detailed explanation or examples of how they could be implemented effectively.
- How to improve: To strengthen this criterion, the writer should aim to elaborate on each idea presented. For example, when discussing subsidies, the essay could provide specific types of subsidies that have been successful in other countries. Including statistics or case studies could also help substantiate the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the aging population and declining birth rates. However, some sentences are convoluted and could lead to confusion about the main argument. For example, the phrase "the young couple should opposite with economic burdens" is unclear and detracts from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve coherence and clarity, the writer should focus on simplifying sentence structures and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument. Regularly revisiting the prompt and ensuring that all points made are directly relevant to the question can help maintain focus.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from more detailed examples, clearer articulation of its position, and improved coherence in its arguments. By addressing these areas, the writer could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the aging population to the economic implications is somewhat abrupt. The introduction mentions the government’s role but does not clearly outline how the body paragraphs will address both the effects of an aging population and potential solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis. This will help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but some could be better structured. For example, the first body paragraph combines several ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for readers to follow. The second paragraph, while more focused on solutions, could benefit from clearer transitions between points.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. For instance, in the first body paragraph, separate the discussion of economic burdens and the statistics about aging into distinct sentences or even two paragraphs. This will create a clearer structure and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "furthermore," but the range is limited. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes repetitive, and there are instances where transitions between ideas are lacking, which can disrupt the flow of the essay. For example, the transition from discussing economic burdens to the government’s role in addressing the issue could be smoother.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "however," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on improving logical organization, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. Phrases such as "economic burdens," "living expenses," and "labor shortage" are relevant but repetitive. The use of terms like "young couple" and "government" appears frequently without synonyms or alternative expressions, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "young couple," they could use "new parents," "young families," or "couples in their early stages of parenthood." Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as replacing "very expensive" with "prohibitively costly" or "financially burdensome."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "decreased population aging" is unclear; it would be more accurate to say "the aging population is increasing." Additionally, the phrase "the rate of aging but the rate of birth has not increased" is awkward and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in their word choice. For example, instead of saying "the rate of aging but the rate of birth has not increased," they could say, "while the aging population continues to grow, the birth rate remains stagnant." This not only clarifies the meaning but also improves the overall flow of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "the falls affecting" (which should be "the fall affecting") and "under 18 ages" (which should be "under 18 years old"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should employ proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve spelling skills over time. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can also reinforce correct spelling in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic command of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, many sentences are simple or compound but lack complexity. An example is the sentence "This leads to the falls affecting the economic growth in the country because the number of laborers drops and then labor shortage in the future." This sentence could be more effectively structured to enhance clarity and engagement. Additionally, there is a reliance on similar sentence beginnings, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "The government should encourage and assist subsidies to pregnant people," the writer could say, "In order to address the declining birth rate, the government should not only encourage but also provide financial subsidies to support pregnant individuals." Additionally, varying the use of transition words and phrases can help create more complex and engaging sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, the phrase "the population is aging and the birth rate is declining" is not clearly articulated in the introduction. The use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "For example, in 2020, there were 727 million people aged 65 or older," where the comma placement is correct, but other sentences lack necessary punctuation, leading to run-on sentences. Furthermore, phrases like "the rate of aging but the rate of birth has not increased" are grammatically incorrect and confusing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper sentence construction. For example, the sentence "the rate of aging but the rate of birth has not increased" could be revised to "While the aging population is increasing, the birth rate has not seen a corresponding rise." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, will improve clarity. It may be beneficial to review grammar resources or seek feedback from peers to identify and correct common errors.

By addressing these areas, the writer can significantly improve the grammatical range and accuracy of their writing, potentially raising their IELTS band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

For many years, some countries have experienced a decline in population aging and birth rates. This is a pressing concern in society and a significant challenge for the government to address.

Society is increasingly developing; simultaneously, young couples face economic burdens, pressure from the workplace, and difficulties in covering their living expenses. For example, in 2020, there were 727 million people aged 65 or older. This number is expected to more than double by 2050, according to the United Nations’ “World Population Ageing 2020 Highlights.” Raising a child incurs significant expenses, which influences a couple’s decision to have one child or not. Furthermore, while the rate of aging has increased, the birth rate has not. This decline affects economic growth in the country because the number of laborers is decreasing, leading to a labor shortage in the future.

To tackle these issues, not only must the government but also individuals change their awareness and attitudes. The government should encourage and provide subsidies to pregnant individuals. Additionally, social networks should post information about ongoing cases and persuade couples to have children. Society members must consider the impact of their actions on future generations. For example, the government should be concerned and allocate special budgets to young couples, provide free tuition education, and ensure well-being for children under 18.

In conclusion, the declining population is a significant concern for the country’s growth, so the government should implement solutions, and citizens should adhere to them to improve the situation.