In some countries, there has been an increasing number of parents who decide to education their children at home themselves instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Recently, several countries have witnessed a significant rise in homeschooling trends in many families. Although these children could gain valuable opportunities from home education programs, there are clearly unavailable negative aspects associated with it. From my perspective, the drawbacks of this type of education surpass its benefits.

On the one hand, the benefits of homeschooling such as personalized curriculum and strengthened family bonding presents a chance for children to develop holistically in a safe environment. Firstly, the curriculum is designed to suit the child’s abilities and their needs. Therefore, parents can focus on the strengths and have a strategy to improve weaknesses of them. In comparison, some students studying at school are feeble in any subjects, have to struggle by themself because of the compulsory curriculum. Secondly, if parents teach their child as teachers, they will spend more time with their children on their academic path as well as other activities. parents are capable of understanding the personalities and the desires of their children. Meanwhile children with lacking social skills or suffering from several diseases such as autism may feel secure when their parents are by their side most of the time.

On the other hand, some downside effects of this tendency like potential deficiency in social skills and lack of quality education can not be ignored. Firstly, home-schoolers spend most of their time and only interact with their families without making new friends. Indeed, having few opportunities to communicate as well as approach different types of people, children will likely have trouble behaving well in social situations. As a result, making friends could be a challenge for these children and also they may have difficulty in expanding their social circles. In contrast, there are not only studying but also other activities, competitions at school that pupils engage in personally or groups. Thus, it stimulates those kids to be more active, creative as well as the ability to solve problems themselves and cooperate with other people. Secondly, some parents are not experienced and qualified enough to educate their youngsters in all fields. Predominantly, each person excels at one or several sectors, but not all sections. So when parents decide to become their children’s trainers, they have to do research, study, and find the most appropriate method to teach their kids effectively. This time and energy consuming task will cause them exhaustion and great stress.

In conclusion, admit the tendency that parents choose to teach their children at home, create an appropriate growth plan for their kids and strengthen the familial bond. The consequences such as lacking interpersonal skill and unqualified education outweigh the advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Recently, several countries have witnessed a significant rise in homeschooling trends in many families." -> "Recently, several countries have observed a significant increase in homeschooling trends among many families."
Explanation: "Observed" is more precise and formal than "witnessed," and "increase" is more commonly used in academic contexts than "rise."
"there are clearly unavailable negative aspects associated with it" -> "there are clearly several negative aspects associated with it"
Explanation: "Clearly unavailable" is incorrect as "unavailable" typically refers to something that does not exist or is not accessible. "Several" is more appropriate to indicate the presence of multiple aspects.
"the drawbacks of this type of education surpass its benefits" -> "the drawbacks of this type of education outweigh its benefits"
Explanation: "Outweigh" is the correct term for comparing the relative importance or magnitude of two things, whereas "surpass" typically implies exceeding in quality or degree.
"the benefits of homeschooling such as personalized curriculum and strengthened family bonding presents a chance" -> "the benefits of homeschooling, such as personalized curricula and strengthened family bonding, offer opportunities"
Explanation: "Presents a chance" is informal and vague; "offer opportunities" is more precise and formal. Also, "curricula" should be plural to match the plural "benefits."
"have to struggle by themself" -> "must struggle on their own"
Explanation: "Themself" is grammatically incorrect; "on their own" is the correct phrase for indicating independence.
"parents are capable of understanding the personalities and the desires of their children" -> "parents are able to understand their children’s personalities and desires"
Explanation: "Capable of" is slightly less formal than "able to," and "their children’s" is the correct possessive form.
"children with lacking social skills or suffering from several diseases such as autism" -> "children with lacking social skills or those suffering from conditions such as autism"
Explanation: "Lacking" is not the correct form; "lacking" should be "lacking in" or "deficient in." Also, "diseases" is too broad; "conditions" is more appropriate and less stigmatizing.
"some downside effects of this tendency like potential deficiency in social skills and lack of quality education can not be ignored" -> "some adverse effects of this trend, such as potential deficiencies in social skills and a lack of quality education, cannot be ignored"
Explanation: "Downside effects" is informal; "adverse effects" is more precise and formal. "Like" is informal and should be replaced with a comma for proper list introduction. "Can not" is a contraction; "cannot" is the correct form.
"making friends could be a challenge for these children and also they may have difficulty in expanding their social circles" -> "making friends may be challenging for these children, and they may also face difficulties in expanding their social circles"
Explanation: "Could be a challenge" is informal; "may be challenging" is more formal. "And also" is informal; "and" is sufficient.
"there are not only studying but also other activities, competitions at school that pupils engage in personally or groups" -> "there are not only academic studies but also extracurricular activities and competitions at school that pupils engage in individually or in groups"
Explanation: "Studying" is too vague; "academic studies" is more specific. "Competitions" should be plural to match "activities."
"Thus, it stimulates those kids to be more active, creative as well as the ability to solve problems themselves and cooperate with other people" -> "Thus, this stimulates children to be more active, creative, and develop problem-solving skills and the ability to cooperate with others"
Explanation: "Those kids" is informal; "children" is more appropriate. "As well as" is informal; "and" is sufficient. "Themself" is incorrect; "themselves" is the correct form.
"Predominantly, each person excels at one or several sectors, but not all sections" -> "Generally, individuals excel in one or several areas, but not all fields"
Explanation: "Predominantly" is less formal; "generally" is more suitable for academic writing. "Sectors" and "sections" are both correct but "areas" is more commonly used in educational contexts.
"So when parents decide to become their children’s trainers, they have to do research, study, and find the most appropriate method to teach their kids effectively" -> "Thus, when parents decide to become their children’s educators, they must conduct research, study, and identify the most effective methods to teach their children"
Explanation: "Trainers" is informal; "educators" is more formal. "Do research, study, and find" is informal; "conduct research, study, and identify" is more precise and formal. "Teach their kids" is informal; "teach their children" is more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling. The introduction clearly states that the author believes the drawbacks outweigh the benefits, which is a direct response to the question. The advantages are presented in the first body paragraph, focusing on personalized education and family bonding. The disadvantages are discussed in the second body paragraph, highlighting social skills deficits and potential educational inadequacies. However, while the essay mentions both sides, the exploration of the advantages is less developed than the disadvantages, which could lead to a perception of imbalance in addressing the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should aim for a more balanced exploration of both advantages and disadvantages. This could involve providing more specific examples or evidence to support the advantages of homeschooling, ensuring that both sides are given equal weight in the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of homeschooling outweigh the advantages. This stance is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, there are moments in the body paragraphs where the language could be more assertive in reinforcing this position, particularly in the discussion of advantages, which may lead to some ambiguity about the author’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could use more definitive language when discussing the advantages, perhaps by explicitly stating how these benefits are outweighed by the disadvantages. Additionally, summarizing the key points of the argument in the conclusion could reinforce the position more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling. The advantages include personalized learning and family bonding, while the disadvantages focus on social skills and educational quality. However, the support for the advantages is somewhat superficial, lacking depth in examples or elaboration. The disadvantages are better supported with clear reasoning and examples, which makes them more compelling.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate more on the advantages. This could involve providing specific examples of successful homeschooling cases or research findings that highlight the benefits. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies could lend more credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the pros and cons of homeschooling as requested by the prompt. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "children with lacking social skills or suffering from several diseases such as autism" could be more directly tied to the overall argument about social skills in the context of homeschooling.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument of the advantages versus disadvantages of homeschooling. This might involve revising sentences to clarify how specific examples or points support the overall thesis and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, enhancing the depth of support for ideas, and maintaining a tighter focus on the prompt throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs (one for advantages and one for disadvantages), and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of homeschooling. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of homeschooling, such as personalized curriculum and family bonding, while the second paragraph addresses the drawbacks, including social skills deficiency and lack of quality education. However, the transition between points could be smoother, as some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationship between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a single theme, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on social skills and the other on the quality of education. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. For example, when discussing social skills, dedicate one paragraph to the lack of interaction with peers and another to the implications of this on personal development. This will not only enhance clarity but also allow for a more thorough examination of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In contrast," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "In comparison" is used, but it could be more effectively integrated with additional context to clarify the comparison being made.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "On the other hand," "Consequently," and "As a result" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help to maintain cohesion without repetitive phrasing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "homeschooling," "personalized curriculum," "strengthened family bonding," and "social skills." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, phrases like "rise in homeschooling trends" could be enhanced to "growing prevalence of homeschooling practices," which would show a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "children" multiple times, alternatives like "youths," "students," or "young learners" could be used. Additionally, employing academic vocabulary related to education, such as "pedagogical approaches" or "educational methodologies," would elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices, such as "unavailable negative aspects," which should be revised to "significant negative aspects." The phrase "feeble in any subjects" is also vague; it would be clearer to say "struggling in various subjects." These imprecise terms can confuse readers and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "deficiency in social skills," the writer could use "deficits in social skills," which is more precise. It is beneficial to review synonyms and contextually appropriate phrases to ensure that the vocabulary aligns with the message being communicated.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "education" misspelled as "educate," "themselves" written as "themself," and "lacking" incorrectly used as "lacking" instead of "lack." These errors can undermine the credibility of the writing and distract the reader from the content.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Practicing spelling commonly used academic words and terms related to the essay topic can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with proper usage in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases such as "the benefits of homeschooling such as personalized curriculum and strengthened family bonding presents a chance for children to develop holistically" showcases an attempt to combine multiple ideas into a single complex structure. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from the overall effectiveness. For instance, "the drawbacks of this type of education surpass its benefits" is a clear and effective statement, but other sentences, such as "some students studying at school are feeble in any subjects," could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using subordinate clauses to add depth. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Firstly" or "Secondly," try beginning with an introductory clause that sets the context, such as "While homeschooling offers personalized learning, it may also lead to social isolation." This approach not only diversifies sentence structure but also improves coherence and flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "there are clearly unavailable negative aspects associated with it" is awkward and incorrect; it should be rephrased for clarity, such as "there are clearly negative aspects associated with it." Additionally, the sentence "parents are capable of understanding the personalities and the desires of their children" lacks parallel structure and could be improved for clarity. Punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "Firstly, home-schoolers spend most of their time and only interact with their families," can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments. Practicing sentence rewriting can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and items in a list. For example, revising "the drawbacks of this type of education surpass its benefits" to "the drawbacks of this type of education, in my opinion, surpass its benefits" would enhance clarity and correctness.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement in sentence structure variety and grammatical precision. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, several countries have witnessed a significant rise in homeschooling trends among many families. Although these children could gain valuable opportunities from home education programs, there are clearly several negative aspects associated with it. From my perspective, the drawbacks of this type of education outweigh its benefits.

On the one hand, the benefits of homeschooling, such as personalized curricula and strengthened family bonding, offer opportunities for children to develop holistically in a safe environment. Firstly, the curriculum can be tailored to suit the child’s abilities and needs. Therefore, parents can focus on their child’s strengths and devise strategies to improve any weaknesses. In comparison, some students studying at school who struggle in certain subjects must often manage on their own due to the compulsory curriculum. Secondly, if parents take on the role of educators, they will spend more time with their children on their academic journey as well as on other activities. Parents are able to understand their children’s personalities and desires better. Meanwhile, children with lacking social skills or those suffering from conditions such as autism may feel more secure when their parents are by their side most of the time.

On the other hand, some adverse effects of this trend, such as potential deficiencies in social skills and a lack of quality education, cannot be ignored. Firstly, homeschooled children spend most of their time interacting only with their families, which limits their opportunities to make new friends. Indeed, with few chances to communicate and engage with different types of people, these children will likely struggle in social situations. As a result, making friends may be challenging for them, and they may also face difficulties in expanding their social circles. In contrast, at school, there are not only academic studies but also extracurricular activities and competitions that pupils engage in individually or in groups. Thus, this stimulates children to be more active, creative, and develop problem-solving skills and the ability to cooperate with others. Secondly, some parents may not be experienced or qualified enough to educate their children in all subjects. Generally, individuals excel in one or several areas, but not all fields. Thus, when parents decide to become their children’s educators, they must conduct research, study, and identify the most effective methods to teach their children. This time-consuming task can lead to exhaustion and significant stress for parents.

In conclusion, while the trend of parents choosing to teach their children at home can create an appropriate growth plan and strengthen familial bonds, the consequences, such as lacking interpersonal skills and unqualified education, outweigh the advantages.