In some countries, university students live with their families, while in other countries, students choose to study in another city. Do you think there are benefits to living away from home when studying abroad?

Undergraduate students living overseas sometimes have to deal with several problems relating to home-sickness, alienation and money management. However, from my perspective, it is beneficial for students to live away from home as it allows them to gain freedom and crucial skills for their future.
There is one major reason that explains why living apart from family could be highly beneficial. In practice, studying abroad can help students foster practical skills needed for their future lives such as management and decision-making, especially when they live far from home. As these important skills are learnt by the students, they have a better preparation for their future prospects, eventually reducing their family’s burden.
Additionally, it is also a valuable opportunity for students as they can gain more freedom compared to when they live with their families. For instance, Vietnamese households often restrict their children from performing activities that they consider dangerous, harmful or risky. However, their beliefs sometimes can be outdated, especially in today’s modern world, so by gaining independence, students acquire the chance to do whatever they want, allowing their creativity and productivity to blossom.
Nevertheless, opponents of this idea suggest that students may suffer from numerous issues such as homesickness or illnesses as a whole. While this point has some merit on the surface, it is important to take into account that the students have enough capabilities to take care of themselves. Moreover, overseas countries can offer excellent medical treatment, so it is quite redundant to worry about potential sicknesses that the students might experience.
In conclusion, there are numerous advantages students can gain from living apart from home. While there are some proponents who argue its benefits, it is surely beneficial since students can acquire the necessary skills and independence. From my perspective, if students are offered a chance to study abroad, they should consider carefully the benefits they might gain along the way so that they come to the best decision.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"home-sickness" -> "homesickness"
Explanation: The correct term is "homesickness," which is a compound noun that should not be hyphenated. This adjustment corrects the grammatical error and maintains academic formality.
"from my perspective" -> "from my viewpoint"
Explanation: "From my viewpoint" is a more formal expression compared to "from my perspective," aligning better with academic writing standards.
"gain freedom" -> "achieve independence"
Explanation: "Achieve independence" is a more precise and formal phrase that better conveys the significant personal development that occurs when students live away from home.
"crucial skills" -> "essential skills"
Explanation: The term "essential" is more formal and academically precise than "crucial," enhancing the tone of the essay.
"have a better preparation" -> "are better prepared"
Explanation: The phrase "are better prepared" is more direct and concise, which improves readability and maintains a formal academic style.
"a valuable opportunity" -> "a significant opportunity"
Explanation: "Significant" carries a weightier and more formal connotation than "valuable," which is appropriate in academic contexts to emphasize the importance of the opportunity.
"can gain more freedom" -> "can attain greater independence"
Explanation: "Attain greater independence" is a more formal and precise way to describe the process and outcome of living away from home.
"their beliefs sometimes can be outdated" -> "their beliefs may sometimes be outdated"
Explanation: Including "may" introduces a conditional mood, which softens the assertion and aligns better with the speculative and analytical tone expected in academic essays.
"allowing their creativity and productivity to blossom" -> "enabling their creativity and productivity to flourish"
Explanation: "Enabling" and "flourish" are more formal and vivid terms that enhance the description of personal development, better suiting the academic tone.
"so it is quite redundant" -> "thus, it is somewhat redundant"
Explanation: "Thus" is a more formal transition, and "somewhat" moderates the claim, which is preferable in academic writing to maintain a balanced and careful argument.
"numerous issues such as homesickness or illnesses as a whole" -> "various issues including homesickness and illnesses"
Explanation: The phrase "including homesickness and illnesses" avoids redundancy and enhances clarity by listing the issues directly without unnecessary generalization.
"it is surely beneficial" -> "it is undoubtedly beneficial"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is more authoritative and formal than "surely," strengthening the argument in an academic context.
"come to the best decision" -> "make the best decision"
Explanation: "Make the best decision" is a more commonly accepted phrase in formal writing, emphasizing the action of deciding in a more direct manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the benefits and potential challenges of living away from home when studying abroad. The writer acknowledges the issues of homesickness, alienation, and money management that students may face, while also highlighting the advantages such as gaining freedom and crucial skills.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate the challenges and benefits discussed. This would help in painting a clearer picture for the reader and strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing in favor of the benefits of living away from home when studying abroad. The writer consistently supports this position by discussing the practical skills gained, the opportunity for independence, and addressing counterarguments.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion. This would leave no room for ambiguity and ensure that the reader understands the stance from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Each paragraph is well-structured and focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. Ideas are extended through examples and explanations, such as the discussion on practical skills and independence.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay, the writer could provide additional evidence or research to support their claims. Incorporating data or statistics related to the success rates of students who study abroad, or examples of famous individuals who benefited from the experience, would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the benefits and challenges of living away from home when studying abroad. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly veers off track, such as the mention of medical treatment in overseas countries, which is somewhat tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument. In this case, while discussing the benefits of independence, it’s important to stay focused on how this relates to the overall theme of living away from home for study purposes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues in favor of the benefits of living away from home when studying abroad. By providing more specific examples, explicitly stating the position, incorporating additional evidence, and maintaining focus, the essay could further elevate its argumentative strength and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs that present arguments and examples supporting the thesis. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, there is a slight lack of coherence in transitioning between some paragraphs, such as the transition between the second and third paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by using cohesive devices such as transitional phrases or topic sentences that link ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences or paragraphs to ensure each point logically follows the previous one.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be more cohesive internally. For example, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs to distinguish between the reasons why living apart from family is beneficial and the examples supporting this claim.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides sufficient supporting details. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "however," "additionally," "nevertheless," "in conclusion") and pronouns (e.g., "this idea," "these important skills"). These cohesive devices help connect ideas and improve coherence. However, there is room for improvement in using a wider variety of cohesive devices and integrating them more seamlessly into the text.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover," "on the other hand," "conversely"). Additionally, ensure cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to strengthen connections between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a coherent structure and effectively utilizes paragraphs and cohesive devices, there are opportunities for improvement in enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could achieve an even higher score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the author utilizing words such as "alienation," "prospects," "reducing their family’s burden," "outdated," "capabilities," and "redundant" effectively. These choices contribute to the clarity and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary choices and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary aligns closely with the topic and context to avoid any ambiguity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary precisely, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, the use of "restrict" accurately describes the limitations imposed by Vietnamese households. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, instead of using "outdated," a more precise term such as "antiquated" or "obsolete" could enhance the expression.
- How to improve: To improve precision, strive to select words that precisely capture the intended nuance or meaning. Consult a thesaurus to explore synonyms that offer more specificity or depth. Additionally, pay close attention to the connotations of words to ensure they align with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "proponents" misspelled as "proposals." Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to catch any inadvertent errors. Additionally, review commonly misspelled words and practice their correct spelling to reinforce accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and lexical resource, contributing to a cohesive and articulate response to the essay prompt. By refining vocabulary choices for precision and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy, the author can further elevate the effectiveness and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively utilizes complex sentences such as "There is one major reason that explains why living apart from family could be highly beneficial," showcasing the ability to convey complex ideas fluently. Additionally, the essay employs conditional sentences ("If students are offered a chance to study abroad, they should consider carefully the benefits they might gain"), interrogative sentences ("Do you think there are benefits to living away from home when studying abroad?"), and descriptive phrases ("in practice," "especially when they live far from home") to enhance the richness and clarity of expression.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, further diversification could enhance its sophistication. Encourage the incorporation of more varied sentence types, such as exclamatory or imperative sentences, to add depth and nuance to the writing. Additionally, encourage the use of rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion to add flair and elegance to the prose.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. The writer effectively utilizes subject-verb agreement, proper tense usage, and accurate pronoun reference throughout the essay. Punctuation marks, including commas, periods, and apostrophes, are appropriately used to clarify meaning and structure sentences. For instance, "Moreover, overseas countries can offer excellent medical treatment, so it is quite redundant to worry about potential sicknesses that the students might experience" demonstrates correct comma usage to separate independent clauses in a compound sentence.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains a strong level of grammatical accuracy, attention to minor errors, such as article usage ("the students have enough capabilities" could be revised to "students have enough capabilities"), can further refine the clarity and precision of expression. Encourage proofreading for consistency in tense and ensure that all pronouns have clear antecedents to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, advise reviewing complex sentence structures to ensure proper subordination and coordination for seamless readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

Undergraduate students studying overseas may face challenges such as homesickness, feelings of isolation, and managing finances. However, from my viewpoint, there are significant benefits to living away from home as it enables students to gain independence and essential skills for their future.

One primary reason supporting the advantage of living independently is the opportunity it provides for students to develop practical life skills, such as decision-making and financial management. This becomes especially evident when students reside far from their families. By acquiring these crucial skills, students are better prepared for their future endeavors, consequently lessening the burden on their families.

Moreover, living away from home offers students a significant opportunity to experience greater freedom compared to living with their families. For instance, in many Vietnamese households, children are often restricted from engaging in activities deemed dangerous or risky by their parents. However, these beliefs may sometimes be outdated in today’s modern world. By gaining independence, students can pursue their interests freely, enabling their creativity and productivity to flourish.

However, detractors of this idea argue that students may encounter various issues, including homesickness and illnesses, while living away from home. While this concern holds some validity, it’s essential to recognize that students possess the capabilities to take care of themselves. Additionally, many overseas countries offer excellent medical facilities, rendering concerns about potential illnesses somewhat unnecessary.

In conclusion, there are undeniable advantages to students living independently while studying abroad. Despite some opposing viewpoints, the benefits are evident as students can attain greater independence and essential life skills. Therefore, it is crucial for students considering studying abroad to carefully weigh the potential benefits and make the best decision for their future.