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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

In some nations, youngsters are advised to get an employment or take time to discover new places in a year between graduating high school and becoming a university student. While this trend has a few benefits, there are also drawbacks involved.
It is clear that taking a gap year for working or traveling offers some considerable advantages. The first merit of a gap year is that the young gain practical skills which are not taught in traditional classroom. For example, young individuals can experience real – world challenges and learn how to solve the problems and enhance their communication skills when they get a job. In addition, when young people travel to various countries, they can practice language skills, adapting to a new environment as well as broaden their horizons which are important to their successful careers. Besides, what makes a gap year benifical is that it helps them make a better career choice. This is because many high school graduates do not have any little ideas about their future jobs. After experiencing a gap year for working or traveling, the young find out their strength, weakness and passions.
Despite the positive aspects, working or traveling for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies has its own drawbacks. First, after leaving school for a year, the young individuals may be left behind because their routines and habits are different from the school time, which make them difficult to continue studying tertiary education. Moreover, they loss of academic knowledge because they forget the knowledge after a long time. Another disadvantage of a gap year is that youngsters can take potential risks. For instance, young people could be taken traffic accidents or robbery when they discover new places alone. Moreover, the young can get job scams because they do not have much experience in searching the right work place.
In conclusion, despite several advatages of taking a year to travel or work, it still offers disadvantages; therefore, the young deciding to do this should consider both sides of a gap year.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "youngsters" -> "young people"
    Explanation: "Youngsters" can sound informal and slightly pejorative in academic writing. "Young people" is more neutral and appropriate for formal contexts.

  2. "get an employment" -> "secure employment"
    Explanation: "Get an employment" is awkward and informal. "Secure employment" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

  3. "take time to discover new places" -> "spend time exploring new destinations"
    Explanation: "Take time to discover new places" is vague and informal. "Spend time exploring new destinations" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  4. "a few benefits" -> "several benefits"
    Explanation: "A few" can imply a small number, which might not accurately reflect the significance of the benefits discussed. "Several" is more neutral and appropriate for academic writing.

  5. "The first merit of a gap year is that the young gain practical skills" -> "One significant advantage of a gap year is that young individuals acquire practical skills"
    Explanation: "The first merit" is less common and slightly informal. "One significant advantage" is more typical in academic writing, and "young individuals" is more formal than "the young."

  6. "real – world challenges" -> "real-world challenges"
    Explanation: The hyphen in "real – world" is incorrect. "Real-world" is the correct form, enhancing readability and formality.

  7. "enhance their communication skills when they get a job" -> "develop their communication skills during employment"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is correct, but "develop" is more precise in this context, focusing on the process of skill acquisition. "During employment" is more formal than "when they get a job."

  8. "benifical" -> "beneficial"
    Explanation: "Benifical" is a typographical error. "Beneficial" is the correct spelling, ensuring accuracy and professionalism in academic writing.

  9. "little ideas" -> "little idea"
    Explanation: "Little ideas" is grammatically incorrect. "Little idea" is the correct form, aligning with the singular noun "idea" used in the context.

  10. "After experiencing a gap year for working or traveling, the young find out their strength, weakness and passions" -> "After a gap year of working or traveling, young individuals discover their strengths, weaknesses, and passions"
    Explanation: "The young" is informal and vague. "Young individuals" is more specific and formal. "Find out" is less formal than "discover," and "strength, weakness and passions" should be pluralized to match the plural subject "strengths, weaknesses, and passions."

  11. "leave behind" -> "fall behind"
    Explanation: "Leave behind" is less precise in this context. "Fall behind" is more commonly used to describe being left behind in a competitive or academic context, fitting the intended meaning better.

  12. "they loss of academic knowledge" -> "they lose academic knowledge"
    Explanation: "They loss" is grammatically incorrect. "They lose" corrects the verb form, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  13. "taken traffic accidents" -> "involved in traffic accidents"
    Explanation: "Taken" is incorrect in this context. "Involved in" is the correct preposition to use when describing participation in an event or situation, such as accidents.

  14. "job scams" -> "employment scams"
    Explanation: "Job scams" is informal and slightly vague. "Employment scams" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.

  15. "the young deciding" -> "young individuals deciding"
    Explanation: "The young" is informal and vague. "Young individuals" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, as requested by the prompt. The advantages are well-articulated, including the acquisition of practical skills, language practice, and better career choices. The disadvantages are also discussed, such as the potential loss of academic knowledge and risks associated with travel. However, while the points made are relevant, the depth of exploration for each aspect could be improved. For instance, the discussion on career choices could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could expand on each point with more detailed examples or case studies. Including specific statistics or studies that support the claims made about the benefits and drawbacks would enhance the argument’s credibility.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the writer’s stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. The phrase "despite several advantages" suggests a leaning towards the negatives, but this is not clearly articulated throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more definitive statement about which side they lean towards would help clarify their overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of a gap year. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For example, the mention of "real-world challenges" is vague and could be expanded to include specific types of challenges or skills gained. Additionally, the disadvantages are somewhat generalized and could benefit from more concrete examples.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. This could involve discussing particular skills gained from specific jobs or types of travel experiences that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages more vividly.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly unclear, such as "what makes a gap year benifical," which could distract from the main argument. Additionally, the phrase "the young" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with "young people" or "youth" for clarity.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all language used is clear and precise. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that terminology is consistent will help keep the essay on topic. Proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will also enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. With more detailed examples, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, and refined language, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The points are generally organized logically, with advantages discussed first followed by disadvantages. However, within paragraphs, the flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing practical skills to language skills feels abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," to connect ideas more cohesively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph contains relevant information, but some sentences within the paragraphs are overly long and could be broken down for clarity. For example, the sentence discussing the benefits of practical skills could be split into two: one focusing on real-world challenges and the other on communication skills.
    • How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Additionally, consider using shorter sentences to enhance readability. Each paragraph should ideally start with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "In addition," and "Despite the positive aspects." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "what makes a gap year beneficial" could be better linked to the subsequent point about making career choices.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "On the other hand," to introduce contrasting ideas, or "Consequently," to indicate results. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and maintains a coherent structure, improvements in logical flow, paragraph clarity, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "gap year," "practical skills," and "broaden their horizons." However, the use of synonyms is somewhat limited, and phrases such as "the young" and "youngsters" are repeated without variation. For instance, "young individuals" and "young people" could have been supplemented with alternatives like "youth" or "adolescents" to enhance lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. Keeping a list of alternative terms for common words can help diversify vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young people," consider using "youth," "teenagers," or "young adults."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, some terms are used imprecisely. For example, "get an employment" should be "get employment" or "find a job." The phrase "the young find out their strength, weakness and passions" is vague and could be more clearly articulated as "the young discover their strengths, weaknesses, and passions." Additionally, "advatages" is a misspelling that detracts from precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. It is advisable to review word forms and collocations. For instance, instead of "make a better career choice," consider "make more informed career choices." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can also help solidify understanding of word usage.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "benifical" (beneficial), "advatages" (advantages), and "loss" (losses). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. Reading the essay aloud can help identify errors, as can using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and practicing them can enhance spelling skills over time. Engaging in regular writing practice, followed by careful revision, will also contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision,and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, using words more precisely, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, it effectively employs complex sentences like "While this trend has a few benefits, there are also drawbacks involved." However, many sentences are simple or compound, such as "The first merit of a gap year is that the young gain practical skills which are not taught in traditional classroom." This limits the overall grammatical range. The use of phrases like "what makes a gap year beneficial" shows some variation, but the essay could benefit from more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences or varied clause placements.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses or participial phrases. For example, instead of saying, "young individuals can experience real-world challenges," they might say, "By experiencing real-world challenges, young individuals not only develop practical skills but also enhance their problem-solving abilities." Additionally, experimenting with different sentence beginnings can create a more engaging flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, "the young gain practical skills which are not taught in traditional classroom" should be "the young gain practical skills that are not taught in traditional classrooms." The phrase "real – world challenges" contains an unnecessary space before the dash, and "benifical" is a misspelling of "beneficial." Furthermore, the sentence "Moreover, they loss of academic knowledge because they forget the knowledge after a long time" is grammatically incorrect; it should read "Moreover, they may lose academic knowledge because they forget it after a long time."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and periods, can enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and rectify errors before submission. Lastly, revisiting basic grammar rules, such as the difference between "lose" and "loss," will strengthen overall writing accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In some nations, young people are encouraged to secure employment or spend time exploring new destinations during the year between graduating high school and starting university studies. While this trend presents several benefits, there are also notable drawbacks involved.

It is clear that taking a gap year for working or traveling offers considerable advantages. One significant advantage of a gap year is that young individuals acquire practical skills that are not taught in traditional classrooms. For example, they can face real-world challenges and learn how to solve problems, as well as develop their communication skills during employment. In addition, when young people travel to various countries, they can practice language skills, adapt to new environments, and broaden their horizons, which are important for their successful careers. Furthermore, a gap year can be beneficial in helping them make more informed career choices. Many high school graduates have little idea about their future jobs, but after experiencing a gap year of working or traveling, they often discover their strengths, weaknesses, and passions.

Despite these positive aspects, working or traveling for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies has its own disadvantages. First, after leaving school for a year, young individuals may fall behind, as their routines and habits differ from their previous academic life, making it difficult for them to continue with tertiary education. Moreover, they may lose academic knowledge since they forget what they learned after a long break. Another disadvantage of a gap year is that young people can face potential risks. For instance, they might be involved in traffic accidents or experience robbery while exploring new places alone. Additionally, young individuals may encounter employment scams due to their lack of experience in finding the right workplace.

In conclusion, despite several advantages of taking a year to travel or work, there are also significant disadvantages. Therefore, young individuals deciding to pursue a gap year should carefully consider both sides of this experience.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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