In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

In many parts of the world,teenage now have a tendency to take a gap year which is the time between finishing highschool and starting university.From my perspective,this trend has various benefits and drawbacks as well.This will be discussed in the following essay
On the one hand,taking a gap can bring a great opportunity for learner to discover themselves.Clearly,they can have enough time to find out something that they are really passionate about,or enrich their knowledges by approaching the new sources.Students usually take part in vollunterings,or travelling to the places that they have never arrived before to explore the new cultures.Moreover,doing some part-time job is also the perfect choice that young people can decrease the financial pressure before entering university and they are believed to accquire more experients and soft skills than those who do not work and travel anywhere
On the other hand,I believe that this trend also has several disadvantages that should not be skipped.First of all,the most concerned issue is distraction.In other words,young people who spent their time earning money or travelling might be lost their motivation to continue their studying way.Some experts believe that most student taking a gap year will tend to enjoy the feeling such as having enough abilities to become a breakwinner,or consume the foreign cuisine.Those who decide to continue their studying can face up with the entirely different knowledge at first,somes are most likely to fall behind.Additionally,travelling sometimes can be the main cause of geting sick or injuring
To conclude,while some people think that taking a gap year is a good idea.I personally believe that travelling and working too early can bring more drawbacks

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"teenage" -> "teenagers"
Explanation: "Teenage" is an adjective, while "teenagers" is the noun form referring to individuals in their teenage years. Using the noun form enhances clarity and grammatical correctness.
"gap year which is the time" -> "gap year, which is the period"
Explanation: Adding a comma before "which" and replacing "time" with "period" improves the sentence’s structure and clarity.
"From my perspective," -> Omit
Explanation: Phrases like "From my perspective" are overly subjective and unnecessary in formal writing. Removing it maintains objectivity and professionalism.
"various benefits and drawbacks as well" -> "both benefits and drawbacks"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "various benefits and drawbacks as well" to "both benefits and drawbacks" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"This will be discussed in the following essay" -> "These will be discussed in the subsequent essay"
Explanation: Using "these" instead of "this" and replacing "following" with "subsequent" enhances coherence and formality.
"taking a gap can bring a great opportunity for learner" -> "taking a gap year can offer significant opportunities for learners"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality by specifying "taking a gap year" and using "offer significant opportunities" instead of "bring a great opportunity."
"learners" -> "students"
Explanation: "Students" is a more common and precise term in academic contexts than "learners."
"they can have enough time to find out something" -> "students have ample time to explore"
Explanation: Simplifying and rephrasing for clarity and conciseness.
"enrich their knowledges" -> "enrich their knowledge"
Explanation: "Knowledge" is typically used in the singular form.
"approaching the new sources" -> "accessing new resources"
Explanation: "Accessing new resources" is a more precise and formal phrase than "approaching the new sources."
"take part in vollunterings" -> "participate in volunteering"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "volunteering" and using the verb "participate" for clarity and formality.
"or travelling to the places that they have never arrived before" -> "or traveling to previously unvisited destinations"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and precision, avoiding awkward phrasing.
"explore the new cultures" -> "explore new cultures"
Explanation: Simplifying and removing the article "the" before "new cultures" for clarity.
"Moreover,doing some part-time job is also the perfect choice that young people can decrease the financial pressure" -> "Moreover, engaging in part-time employment can alleviate financial pressure for young people"
Explanation: Rephrasing for clarity and formality, using "engaging in part-time employment" instead of "doing some part-time job" and "alleviate financial pressure" for precision.
"accquire more experients" -> "acquire more experiences"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "experiences."
"breakwinner" -> "breadwinner"
Explanation: Correcting the term to "breadwinner," which refers to someone who earns money to support a family.
"consume the foreign cuisine" -> "sample foreign cuisines"
Explanation: Using "sample" instead of "consume" for a more neutral and appropriate term in this context.
"those who do not work and travel anywhere" -> "those who neither work nor travel"
Explanation: Clarifying and restructuring the sentence for coherence and formality.
"this trend also has several disadvantages that should not be skipped" -> "this trend also entails several disadvantages that should not be overlooked"
Explanation: Replacing "skipped" with "overlooked" for a more formal tone and clarity.
"First of all," -> Omit
Explanation: Phrases like "First of all" are unnecessary in formal writing and can be omitted for brevity and clarity.
"the most concerned issue is distraction" -> "a major concern is distraction"
Explanation: Rephrasing for clarity and formality, using "a major concern" instead of "the most concerned issue."
"lost their motivation to continue their studying way" -> "lost motivation to continue their studies"
Explanation: Simplifying and rephrasing for clarity and conciseness.
"experts believe that most student taking a gap year will tend to enjoy the feeling such as having enough abilities to become a breakwinner" -> "experts believe that many students taking a gap year tend to overestimate their abilities, such as becoming a breadwinner"
Explanation: Clarifying and rephrasing for coherence and precision, using "overestimate their abilities" instead of "enjoy the feeling such as having enough abilities."
"consume the foreign cuisine" -> "indulge in foreign cuisine"
Explanation: Using "indulge in" for a more appropriate and formal expression regarding experiencing foreign cuisine.
"somes are most likely to fall behind" -> "some are likely to fall behind"
Explanation: Correcting the grammar by removing "most" as it is unnecessary in this context.
"travelling sometimes can be the main cause of geting sick or injuring" -> "traveling can sometimes lead to illness or injury"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and precision, using "lead to" instead of "be the main cause of," and correcting the spelling of "getting."
"While some people think that taking a gap year is a good idea." -> "While some advocate for taking a gap year,"
Explanation: Rephrasing to remove ambiguity and enhance formality, using "advocate for" instead of "think that."
"travelling and working too early can bring more drawbacks" -> "early travel and employment can lead to additional drawbacks"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and conciseness, using "early travel and employment" instead of "travelling and working too early" and "lead to" instead of "bring."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people taking a gap year between high school and university. It discusses the benefits such as self-discovery, gaining experiences, and reducing financial pressure, as well as the drawbacks including potential distraction, loss of motivation, and health risks associated with travel.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more structured approach to addressing each part of the prompt. Clearly delineate between advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs to enhance clarity and organization. Additionally, provide more specific examples or evidence to support each point made.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance against the idea of young people taking a gap year, asserting that it brings more drawbacks than benefits. This position is consistently articulated throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While clarity is commendable, presenting a balanced view by acknowledging potential benefits alongside the drawbacks would strengthen the argument. Consider acknowledging potential benefits but emphasizing why the drawbacks outweigh them.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. It mentions advantages such as self-discovery and gaining experiences, and drawbacks such as distraction and health risks, but lacks elaboration and specific examples to fully support these points.
- How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed explanations and concrete examples to bolster arguments. For instance, instead of stating that taking a gap year allows students to discover themselves, provide anecdotes or research findings illustrating how gap years have led to personal growth and self-awareness in real-life situations.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year between high school and university. However, there are moments of slight deviation, such as discussing unrelated issues like becoming a breadwinner or consuming foreign cuisine.
- How to improve: To enhance relevance, ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic of gap years. Avoid tangential discussions that distract from the main argument. Instead, focus on providing focused analysis and examples that directly address the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, offering balanced perspectives, and maintaining focus on the topic throughout. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and presents the writer’s perspective. Each paragraph discusses either the advantages or disadvantages of taking a gap year, providing examples to support the points made. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence of the essay. The transitions between ideas are somewhat abrupt, and the progression of arguments could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of a gap year to its drawbacks could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider creating a more structured essay outline. Begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that previews the main points to be discussed. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s progression, providing a smoother transition between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing could be improved. Each paragraph focuses on either the advantages or disadvantages of taking a gap year, which helps maintain clarity. However, the paragraphs lack depth and coherence within themselves. For example, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument effectively.
- How to improve: Aim for greater coherence within each paragraph by focusing on one main idea and providing sufficient supporting details or examples. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main point of the paragraph. Use transitions within paragraphs to connect ideas logically. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to enhance readability and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence, but the execution is inconsistent. Some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," are used to signal shifts between different arguments. However, there is limited variation in cohesive devices, and some connections between ideas feel forced or abrupt.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices to improve coherence. Instead of relying solely on transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to establish clear relationships between ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the natural flow of ideas and use cohesive devices strategically to guide the reader through the essay’s structure more smoothly.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempt to vary word choice. However, there are instances of repetition and simplistic language that limit the depth of expression. For example, "opportunity," "discover," "passionate," "enrich," "volunteering," "financial pressure," "acquire," "experiences," and "soft skills" are utilized but could be supplemented with more nuanced vocabulary to enhance lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more diverse vocabulary relevant to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "opportunity," explore synonyms such as "prospect," "chance," or "avenue." Utilize a thesaurus or contextual word analysis to discover synonyms that convey similar meanings but add variety to your writing. Additionally, aim to incorporate idiomatic expressions or phrasal verbs to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates imprecise vocabulary usage at times, which detracts from the overall clarity and effectiveness of communication. For instance, phrases like "learners," "enrich their knowledges," "new sources," "perfect choice," and "accquire more experients" could be refined for better precision. Additionally, there are instances where word choice may not fully convey the intended meaning, such as "lost their motivation," "entirely different knowledge," and "conclude."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for accuracy and specificity in word choice. Instead of using generic terms like "learners," specify whether you mean students, individuals, or another relevant term. Avoid using vague phrases like "new sources"; instead, specify what types of sources (e.g., academic, cultural, experiential) are being referred to. Be cautious with word forms and ensure correct pluralization (e.g., "experiences" instead of "experients"). Furthermore, ensure that your vocabulary accurately conveys your intended meaning, avoiding ambiguous or vague expressions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays several spelling errors throughout, such as "highschool" (should be "high school"), "vollunterings" (should be "volunteering"), "breakwinner" (should be "breadwinner"), "somes" (should be "some"), and "geting" (should be "getting"). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software or online platforms. Additionally, proofreading your work carefully before submission can help catch spelling errors. Familiarizing yourself with common spelling patterns and irregularities in English can also contribute to improved spelling accuracy. Additionally, practice writing regularly to reinforce correct spelling conventions and develop a greater awareness of common errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair attempt at utilizing a variety of sentence structures. However, there is a predominant use of simple and compound sentences, with limited complexity. For instance, there’s a frequent use of simple subject-verb-object structures, such as "Students usually take part in volunteering" or "Some experts believe." Complex structures like conditional sentences or subordinate clauses are infrequently employed. Although some attempts at complexity are evident, such as in "those who decide to continue their studying can face up with the entirely different knowledge," they are not consistently applied throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, it is advisable to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex structures like conditional sentences, relative clauses, and participial phrases to add depth and sophistication to the writing. For example, instead of solely using simple sentences, try combining them or embedding subordinate clauses to create more complex constructions. This will improve coherence and readability while demonstrating a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and inconsistencies throughout its content. These errors primarily include subject-verb agreement issues, such as "teenage now have" (teenagers now have) and "young people who spent their time earning money or travelling might be lost their motivation" (young people who spend their time earning money or traveling might lose their motivation). Additionally, punctuation errors are prevalent, with missing commas in compound sentences ("First of all the most concerned issue is distraction") and incorrect usage of articles ("a breakwinner"). The essay also lacks coherence in some areas due to abrupt transitions and unclear pronoun references.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to focus on fundamental grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and proper punctuation usage. Reviewing sentence structures for clarity and coherence can help identify areas where pronouns need clarification or where additional punctuation is necessary. Proofreading the essay thoroughly after writing and considering seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also aid in identifying and correcting grammatical errors. Additionally, practicing writing in a variety of contexts and receiving feedback can help reinforce grammatical concepts and improve overall proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In various regions worldwide, teenagers are increasingly opting for a gap year, which is the period between completing high school and embarking on university studies. From my perspective, this trend carries both benefits and drawbacks, which I’ll address in the subsequent essay.

On the positive side, taking a gap year can offer significant opportunities for learners to explore and discover themselves. Students have ample time to explore their passions and enrich their knowledge by accessing new resources. Many engage in volunteering or traveling to previously unvisited destinations, allowing them to immerse themselves in new cultures. Moreover, engaging in part-time employment can alleviate financial pressure for young people and provide them with valuable experiences and soft skills.

However, this trend also entails several disadvantages that should not be overlooked. A major concern is distraction, as young people who spend their time earning money or traveling may lose motivation to continue their studies. Experts believe that many students taking a gap year tend to overestimate their abilities, such as becoming a breadwinner or indulging in foreign cuisine. Consequently, those who decide to continue their studies may face challenges in catching up with the curriculum, and some are likely to fall behind. Additionally, traveling can sometimes lead to illness or injury, posing risks to young people’s health and well-being.

While some advocate for taking a gap year, it’s essential to recognize that early travel and employment can lead to additional drawbacks.