In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
On the one hand, taking a gap year allows young people to have a useful break from academic pressures. For example, travelling to some tourist attractions such as Ha Long bay and Hoi An ancient town offers a large amount of valuable knowledge not only about traditional culture but also the diverse lifestyles of local people. Another positive aspect is that students are able to gain a better orientation during this time. To be more specific, by working in professional environment or participating in volunteer activities, students have opportunities to acquire more real life experiences and hands on skills which are not usually taught at school. As a consequences, taking a gap year not only helps young people to feel refreshed but also enables them to make more effective decisions to determine exactly about their future majors.
On the other hand, financial problems can be one of the significant drawbacks of taking a gap year. For instance, students who have no savings or earn limited money may experience stress related to expenses for accommodation, transportation or other commitments. Another negative aspect is that students may find themselves forgetting academic knowledge. To illustrate, after a long period of time without studying, young people can face difficulties in adapting to life in education. Clearly, the potential for financial strain and knowledge gap can pose significant challenges for students who choose to take a gap year.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"On the one hand" -> "On the one hand, however"
Explanation: Adding "however" after "On the one hand" introduces a transition to the contrasting viewpoint, enhancing the formal structure of the argument. -
"young people" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: "Young individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "young people," which is somewhat informal and less specific. -
"have a useful break" -> "enjoy a beneficial respite"
Explanation: "Enjoy a beneficial respite" is more formal and academically appropriate than "have a useful break," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"travelling to some tourist attractions" -> "visiting certain tourist destinations"
Explanation: "Visiting certain tourist destinations" is more formal and precise than "travelling to some tourist attractions." -
"offers a large amount of valuable knowledge" -> "provides significant knowledge"
Explanation: "Provides significant knowledge" is more concise and academically formal than "offers a large amount of valuable knowledge." -
"not only about traditional culture but also the diverse lifestyles" -> "not only about traditional culture but also diverse lifestyles"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "diverse lifestyles" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone. -
"Another positive aspect is that students are able to gain" -> "Another advantage is that students can gain"
Explanation: "Another advantage is that students can gain" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the redundancy of "are able to." -
"working in professional environment" -> "working in professional environments"
Explanation: "Environments" should be plural to match the variety of settings students may encounter. -
"participating in volunteer activities" -> "engaging in volunteer activities"
Explanation: "Engaging in" is a more formal synonym for "participating in," enhancing the academic tone. -
"acquire more real life experiences" -> "gain practical experience"
Explanation: "Gain practical experience" is a more precise and formal expression than "acquire more real life experiences." -
"hands on skills" -> "hands-on skills"
Explanation: "Hands-on skills" is the correct idiomatic expression, which should be used as one word. -
"As a consequences" -> "As a consequence"
Explanation: "As a consequence" is the correct form, correcting the grammatical error. -
"determine exactly about their future majors" -> "determine their future majors"
Explanation: Removing "exactly about" corrects the awkward phrasing and maintains the formal tone. -
"financial problems can be one of the significant drawbacks" -> "financial issues can be a significant drawback"
Explanation: "Financial issues" is more precise and formal than "financial problems," and "a significant drawback" is grammatically correct. -
"students who have no savings or earn limited money" -> "students with limited financial resources"
Explanation: "Students with limited financial resources" is a more formal and concise way to express financial constraints. -
"may experience stress related to expenses" -> "may face financial stress"
Explanation: "Face financial stress" is a more direct and formal way to describe the financial challenges. -
"forgetting academic knowledge" -> "losing academic proficiency"
Explanation: "Losing academic proficiency" is a more precise and formal term than "forgetting academic knowledge." -
"young people can face difficulties" -> "young individuals may encounter challenges"
Explanation: "May encounter challenges" is more formal and avoids the casual tone of "can face difficulties."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. However, it lacks depth in exploring the disadvantages, providing only two points that are not fully developed. For example, while financial problems are mentioned, the discussion does not explore other potential disadvantages such as the impact on social life or career progression. The essay also fails to clearly delineate between advantages and disadvantages in terms of structure, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are equally explored. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating on the points made. For instance, discussing how a gap year might affect a student’s motivation or readiness for university could provide a more balanced view. Additionally, organizing the essay with clear sections for advantages and disadvantages would improve clarity.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general stance that taking a gap year has both benefits and drawbacks, but it does not maintain a clear position throughout. The transitions between the advantages and disadvantages are somewhat abrupt, which can lead to confusion about the writer’s overall perspective on the trend. The conclusion is also missing, which would typically summarize the main points and reinforce the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the discussion of advantages and disadvantages can also help maintain a cohesive argument. A concluding statement that reflects on the overall implications of taking a gap year would strengthen the essay’s position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant but lack sufficient development and support. For instance, the advantages of gaining real-life experiences and knowledge from travel are mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument. Similarly, the disadvantages are briefly mentioned without thorough exploration or supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, anecdotes, or data. For instance, discussing a specific skill gained from a volunteer experience or providing statistics on the financial impact of a gap year could add depth. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is clearly linked back to the main argument will help in extending the discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the mention of "valuable knowledge" from travel is vague and could be more directly tied to how this knowledge specifically benefits students in their future studies or careers.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the advantages or disadvantages of taking a gap year. Avoiding vague statements and instead providing concrete examples that illustrate the benefits or drawbacks will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, reviewing the essay to eliminate any off-topic sentences will enhance coherence.
Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on developing a more balanced and detailed discussion of both sides of the argument, maintaining a clear position, providing specific examples to support their ideas, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, the first paragraph discusses the benefits of a gap year, such as gaining knowledge and real-life experiences, while the second paragraph addresses the drawbacks, like financial issues and potential knowledge loss. This logical organization helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For example, transitioning from the advantages to the disadvantages could be smoother with a phrase like "While there are clear benefits, it is also important to consider the potential drawbacks." This would help to create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses the positive aspects of taking a gap year, while the second addresses the negative aspects. This clear separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the paragraphs could be further enhanced by ensuring that each one contains a balanced amount of information and analysis.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, after discussing the advantages, a concluding sentence could reiterate how these benefits contribute to personal growth and decision-making. This would reinforce the main idea and provide a stronger closure to each paragraph.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "For example," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors, which would enhance the overall fluency of the writing. For instance, the phrase "As a consequence" is used, but alternatives like "Consequently" or "Thus" could diversify the language.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, when introducing examples, consider using phrases like "For instance," "To illustrate," or "In particular." Additionally, using connectors that indicate contrast or comparison, such as "However," "Conversely," or "Nevertheless," can help to clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates its points, but there are opportunities to improve the fluidity and depth of the analysis through enhanced transitions, balanced paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms relevant to the topic such as "gap year," "academic pressures," "valuable knowledge," and "financial problems." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the phrases used to describe the benefits and drawbacks of a gap year. For instance, the terms "positive aspect" and "negative aspect" are used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "positive aspect," alternatives like "advantage," "benefit," or "merit" could be employed. Similarly, "negative aspect" could be replaced with "disadvantage," "drawback," or "downside." This would not only enrich the vocabulary but also make the writing more engaging.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "traditional culture" and "diverse lifestyles," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "to determine exactly about their future majors," where "determine" is not the best choice. A more suitable verb could be "decide" or "choose," as they better reflect the context of making a choice regarding future studies.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Reviewing vocabulary in context and considering synonyms with slightly different connotations can help. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can aid in finding more precise vocabulary.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Ha Long bay" (should be "Ha Long Bay") and "As a consequences" (should be "As a consequence"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should make a habit of proofreading their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial for long-term improvement.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and includes relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of the vocabulary used. By incorporating more varied expressions, selecting words with greater precision, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "To be more specific, by working in a professional environment or participating in volunteer activities, students have opportunities to acquire more real-life experiences and hands-on skills which are not usually taught at school" showcases the writer’s ability to convey detailed information effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Another positive aspect is" or "On the other hand," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Another positive aspect is," the writer could use alternatives like "Additionally," or "Moreover," to introduce new ideas. Mixing in some shorter, impactful sentences can also create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "As a consequences" should be corrected to "As a consequence," and the term "professional environment" should be preceded by "a" for grammatical correctness. Furthermore, the use of commas is inconsistent; in the sentence "students have opportunities to acquire more real life experiences and hands on skills which are not usually taught at school," a comma before "which" would improve clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay for common errors, particularly focusing on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, especially regarding clauses and lists, would enhance clarity. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
On the one hand, taking a gap year allows young individuals to enjoy a beneficial respite from academic pressures. For example, visiting certain tourist destinations such as Ha Long Bay and Hoi An Ancient Town provides significant knowledge not only about traditional culture but also about the diverse lifestyles of local people. Another advantage is that students can gain better orientation during this time. To be more specific, by working in professional environments or engaging in volunteer activities, students have opportunities to acquire more real-life experiences and hands-on skills that are not usually taught at school. As a consequence, taking a gap year not only helps young individuals to feel refreshed but also enables them to make more effective decisions regarding their future majors.
On the other hand, financial issues can be a significant drawback of taking a gap year. For instance, students with limited financial resources may face stress related to expenses for accommodation, transportation, or other commitments. Another negative aspect is that students may find themselves losing academic proficiency. To illustrate, after a long period without studying, young individuals may encounter challenges in adapting to life in education. Clearly, the potential for financial strain and knowledge gaps can pose significant challenges for students who choose to take a gap year.