In some country, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some country, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the contemporary era, there are always a small number of entrepreneurs whose income is exceedingly immense. Residents see it prospers the nation, whereas some of them argue that it is compulsory for incomes to be under-controlled and not beyond the limit. In my perspective, I strongly believe that owning high salaries is able to contribute to the finance and community problems.

On the other hand, this is the century where homelessness, starvation, poverty are becoming worse. As the country prospers, the living standard rises leads to people in some places can not afford to eat well and dress warmly. Therefore, the wealth people are responsible for support and contribute to the lower classes and the poorer communities. An example of this is the celebrity "The Rock" has donated for the charity "Make A Wish" for disabled children. This has lit up the better live for unlucky kids positively.

On the one hand, limiting the threshold of how much residents earn can be really dangerous. Moreover, it is arguing that the incomes are taken away as though it represents for their hard work and determination of making money. Additionally, if there is a cap on income, some highly skilled or talented people might lose motivation to work hard or pursue certain careers. This could hurt the economy in the long run by limiting innovation and attracting less talent. Such experience existed in Soviet Union, when engineers earned the same income as workers did. As a result, a demonstration occurred which caused residents and government in controversy. Thus, the economy went down badly and the Soviet Union disintegrated.

To conclude, allowing people to earn salaries is recommended. It does not only play a significant role in the developing the prosperity of the nation, but also helps securing, maintaining and supporting the public. In my opinion, having wealth people in the country is really good as it represents the richness and how developed that country is.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "there are always a small number of entrepreneurs" -> "there are always a limited number of entrepreneurs"
   Explanation: The phrase "a small number" is vague and can be replaced with "a limited number" for a more precise and formal tone.

2. "income is exceedingly immense" -> "incomes are extremely high"
   Explanation: "Exceedingly immense" is redundant and awkward. "Extremely high" is more straightforward and appropriate for academic writing.

3. "Residents see it prospers the nation" -> "Residents believe that it benefits the nation"
   Explanation: "See it prospers" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Believe that it benefits" is grammatically correct and clearer.

4. "compulsory for incomes to be under-controlled and not beyond the limit" -> "necessary to regulate incomes and prevent excessive levels"
   Explanation: "Under-controlled" is not a standard term; "regulate" and "prevent excessive levels" are more precise and formal.

5. "owning high salaries is able to contribute" -> "having high salaries contributes"
   Explanation: "Owning high salaries" is awkward and incorrect; "having high salaries" is more natural and correct.

6. "the living standard rises leads to people in some places can not afford" -> "the rising living standards lead to people in some areas being unable to afford"
   Explanation: "The living standard rises leads" is grammatically incorrect. "The rising living standards lead" corrects this, and "being unable to afford" is more formal than "can not afford."

7. "the wealth people are responsible for support and contribute to the lower classes and the poorer communities" -> "the wealthy are responsible for supporting and contributing to the lower classes and poorer communities"
   Explanation: "The wealth people" is awkward and unclear; "the wealthy" is the correct noun form. Also, "supporting and contributing" is more formal than "support and contribute."

8. "This has lit up the better live for unlucky kids positively" -> "This has significantly improved the lives of disadvantaged children"
   Explanation: "Lit up the better live" is incorrect and informal. "Significantly improved the lives of disadvantaged children" is precise and formal.

9. "limiting the threshold of how much residents earn" -> "imposing a limit on the income of residents"
   Explanation: "Limiting the threshold of how much" is verbose and unclear. "Imposing a limit on the income" is concise and clear.

10. "it is arguing that the incomes are taken away as though it represents for their hard work" -> "it is argued that the incomes are being taken away as a representation of their hard work"
    Explanation: "It is arguing" is incorrect; "it is argued" is the correct form. Also, "as though it represents for" is awkward; "as a representation of" is clearer and more formal.

11. "Such experience existed in Soviet Union" -> "Such an experience existed in the Soviet Union"
    Explanation: "Such experience" is grammatically incorrect; "Such an experience" is grammatically correct. Also, "the" is needed before "Soviet Union" for proper noun usage.

12. "a demonstration occurred which caused residents and government in controversy" -> "a demonstration occurred, causing controversy among residents and the government"
    Explanation: "In controversy" is incorrect; "causing controversy among" is grammatically correct and clearer.

13. "the economy went down badly" -> "the economy suffered significantly"
    Explanation: "Went down badly" is informal and vague; "suffered significantly" is more precise and formal.

14. "having wealth people in the country is really good" -> "the presence of wealthy individuals in the country is beneficial"
    Explanation: "Having wealth people" is awkward and unclear. "The presence of wealthy individuals" is clear and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding high salaries and government control over income. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the two opposing perspectives. The author discusses the benefits of high salaries in the context of economic prosperity and social responsibility, while also acknowledging the argument for limiting salaries to prevent inequality. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. For instance, while the author mentions the negative aspects of high salaries, the discussion lacks depth on the potential benefits of government control over salaries.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that each viewpoint is explored more thoroughly. This could involve providing more examples or evidence for both sides, particularly the potential benefits of salary regulation, such as reducing income inequality or ensuring fair wages for all workers.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author clearly states their opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, advocating for high salaries as beneficial for the economy. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, while the author supports high salaries, the discussion about the dangers of limiting income could be perceived as somewhat contradictory without a clear connection back to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should consistently link back to their main argument when discussing counterarguments. Phrases like "While some may argue for salary limits, it is essential to recognize that…" could help in reinforcing their stance while acknowledging opposing views.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the social responsibility of wealthy individuals and the potential negative consequences of salary caps. However, the development of these ideas could be improved. For instance, the example of "The Rock" donating to charity is relevant but could be elaborated upon to illustrate how high earners positively impact society. Similarly, the historical reference to the Soviet Union is a strong point but could be better integrated to clarify its relevance to the argument against salary caps.
  • How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve expanding on how high salaries contribute to economic growth or providing statistics on the impact of wealth distribution on society. Additionally, ensuring that examples are directly tied to the argument will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of high salaries and government regulation. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of poverty and homelessness, which, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main argument about salary regulation.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking discussions of social issues back to the debate on salary control, perhaps by discussing how high salaries could be used to address these issues rather than merely stating them as problems.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from deeper exploration of both sides, more consistent reinforcement of the main argument, and more detailed support for the ideas presented. By addressing these areas, the author can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of high salaries and the potential dangers of limiting them is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the negative aspects of wealth disparity but does not clearly connect to the second paragraph’s argument against salary caps.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main point. Additionally, employ transitional phrases (e.g., "Conversely," "In contrast," "Furthermore") to guide the reader through the argumentation more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, but the internal structure of the paragraphs could be strengthened. For example, the first body paragraph mixes the discussion of societal issues with the responsibilities of wealthy individuals, which may confuse the reader. The second body paragraph, while focused on the dangers of income limitation, could benefit from clearer examples and explanations.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence, followed by supporting details. For instance, in the first body paragraph, clarify the connection between wealth and societal responsibility before introducing specific examples.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall coherence. For example, "this is the century" and "the wealth people" could be expressed more fluidly.
  • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using synonyms or different expressions to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance clarity. For example, instead of saying "Moreover," you could use "In addition" or "Furthermore" to vary your transitions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "entrepreneurs," "immense," "prosper," and "charity." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "high salaries" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, phrases like "living standard rises" could be expressed in more varied ways, such as "standard of living improves" or "quality of life increases."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "high salaries," alternatives like "elevated incomes," "substantial earnings," or "lucrative salaries" could be employed. Reading widely and noting varied vocabulary in context can also help in expanding one’s lexical repertoire.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the wealth people" should be corrected to "wealthy people" or "rich individuals." Additionally, the term "under-controlled" is awkward; a more appropriate term would be "regulated" or "controlled." The phrase "the better live for unlucky kids" is also unclear and could be better expressed as "an improved quality of life for disadvantaged children."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used and ensure that they convey the intended meaning clearly. Practicing with vocabulary exercises that emphasize collocations and context can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing common phrases and idiomatic expressions can enhance clarity and accuracy.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "prosper" (used as a verb instead of "prosperity" as a noun), "compulsory" (which could be misinterpreted in this context), and "disintegrated" (which is misspelled as "disintegrate"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify words that sound incorrect. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be an effective strategy for improvement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of vocabulary use, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By actively expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the other hand" and "On the one hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, the overall range is limited, as many sentences follow a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the sentence "Residents see it prospers the nation" lacks clarity and proper structure, which detracts from its effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of saying "As the country prospers, the living standard rises leads to people in some places can not afford to eat well and dress warmly," the writer could rephrase it to "Although the country prospers, the rising living standards mean that many people in certain areas cannot afford adequate food and clothing." This not only improves clarity but also enhances the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several grammatical and punctuation errors throughout the essay that impact clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "the living standard rises leads to people in some places can not afford" contains a grammatical error; it should be "the rising living standards lead to people in some places being unable to afford." Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, hinder readability. The phrase "Moreover, it is arguing that the incomes are taken away as though it represents for their hard work" is awkwardly constructed and contains grammatical inaccuracies.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper use of gerunds and infinitives. For example, instead of saying "the incomes are taken away as though it represents for their hard work," the writer could revise it to "the income is taken away as though it represents their hard work." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, will help improve clarity. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises focused on common errors can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, there are always a small number of entrepreneurs whose incomes are exceedingly high. Residents believe that this benefits the nation, whereas some argue that it is necessary to regulate incomes and prevent excessive levels. In my perspective, I strongly believe that having high salaries contributes positively to financial and community problems.

On the other hand, this is the century where homelessness, starvation, and poverty are becoming worse. As the country prospers, the rising living standards lead to people in some places being unable to afford to eat well and dress warmly. Therefore, the wealthy are responsible for supporting and contributing to the lower classes and poorer communities. An example of this is the celebrity “The Rock,” who has donated to the charity “Make A Wish” for disabled children. This has significantly improved the lives of disadvantaged children.

On the one hand, limiting the threshold of how much residents earn can be really dangerous. Moreover, it is argued that incomes are taken away as though they represent hard work and determination in making money. Additionally, if there is a cap on income, some highly skilled or talented people might lose motivation to work hard or pursue certain careers. This could hurt the economy in the long run by limiting innovation and attracting less talent. Such an experience existed in the Soviet Union when engineers earned the same income as workers did. As a result, a demonstration occurred, causing controversy among residents and the government. Thus, the economy suffered significantly, and the Soviet Union disintegrated.

To conclude, allowing people to earn high salaries is recommended. It does not only play a significant role in developing the prosperity of the nation, but also helps secure, maintain, and support the public. In my opinion, the presence of wealthy individuals in the country is beneficial as it represents the richness and development of that country.