In some parts of the world, the rate of divorce has increased dramatically over the past few decades. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions.

In some parts of the world, the rate of divorce has increased dramatically over the past few decades. Explain some possible reasons for this problem and suggest some solutions.

Many couples get divorced nowadays, which is considered as a popular issue of many countries in the world and this number is escalating significantly. There are many causes of this phenomenon and some possible measures will be taken in the following essay.
To begin with, there are two major reasons why divorce has experienced a significant number over the past few decades. Firstly, it is obvious that with the rapid advancement of the internet, young people have a tendency to take advantage of social networks or online applications as the best way to make online friends and seek for partner. After a short time of chatting with each other, they fall in love and they want to get married at the young age without having deep understanding about their lover. As a consequence, unmatured awareness and incompatibility of tember are the main reason they make decision to end up relationship. Secondly, financial instability is also another cause that many individuals make up their mind to separate from each other. Economic recession also puts many people in state of being unemployed and they are not financially abundant to take care of family members. Getting divorced is the best way to help them get rid of poverty.
Nevertheless, there are also many best solutions that can be supposed to solve this problem. Educational programs about “ Healthy Marriage” should be implemented on many schools because that is considered as the best way for students to raise their awareness about love as well as they have judicious decision. when choosing their partner. Simultaneously, it is also crucial to have the intervention and advice of parents whenever their children have lover. Besides, individuals must ensure to have a stable when setting up family so that they can bring a better life for their children. Having a stable income also helps them bring a sense happiness, which is considered as an important element to lead to a happy ending.
In conclusion, proliferation of the internet and the shortage of income are the two major reasons why a number of divorces have grown drastically. However, parents and schools need to keep an eye on this matter to help them have a good awareness about true love.

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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "get divorced nowadays" -> "undergo divorce in contemporary times"
    Explanation: Replacing "get divorced nowadays" with "undergo divorce in contemporary times" introduces a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic language expectations.

  2. "popular issue" -> "prevalent phenomenon"
    Explanation: Substituting "popular issue" with "prevalent phenomenon" elevates the vocabulary to a more formal level, emphasizing the widespread nature of the subject.

  3. "escalating significantly" -> "is on the rise substantially"
    Explanation: Changing "escalating significantly" to "is on the rise substantially" maintains formality while offering a more nuanced and precise description of the increase in divorce numbers.

  4. "some possible measures will be taken" -> "potential interventions will be explored"
    Explanation: Replacing "some possible measures will be taken" with "potential interventions will be explored" conveys a more academic and measured tone, avoiding a colloquial expression.

  5. "unmatured awareness" -> "immature understanding"
    Explanation: Substituting "unmatured awareness" with "immature understanding" maintains clarity while using a more standard and formal term.

  6. "incompatibility of tember" -> "temperamental incompatibility"
    Explanation: Changing "incompatibility of tember" to "temperamental incompatibility" provides a more precise and academically appropriate term for describing relational challenges.

  7. "best way to make online friends" -> "primary means of forming online connections"
    Explanation: Replacing "best way to make online friends" with "primary means of forming online connections" enhances formality and emphasizes the importance of online interactions.

  8. "fall in love" -> "develop romantic feelings"
    Explanation: Substituting "fall in love" with "develop romantic feelings" maintains the emotional context while using a more formal and descriptive expression.

  9. "unemployed" -> "experiencing unemployment"
    Explanation: Changing "unemployed" to "experiencing unemployment" adds formality and precision to the description of the economic challenges faced by individuals.

  10. "get rid of poverty" -> "alleviate financial hardship"
    Explanation: Replacing "get rid of poverty" with "alleviate financial hardship" offers a more formal and nuanced expression for the economic motive behind divorce.

  11. "best solutions" -> "effective remedies"
    Explanation: Substituting "best solutions" with "effective remedies" conveys a more formal and academically appropriate term for addressing the issue.

  12. "judicious decision" -> "thoughtful choices"
    Explanation: Changing "judicious decision" to "thoughtful choices" maintains the idea of making wise decisions while using a more standard and approachable term.

  13. "intervention" -> "guidance"
    Explanation: Substituting "intervention" with "guidance" maintains the meaning while offering a less clinical and more approachable term.

  14. "have a stable" -> "achieve stability"
    Explanation: Replacing "have a stable" with "achieve stability" provides a more grammatically correct and formal expression.

  15. "sense happiness" -> "a sense of happiness"
    Explanation: Adding "of" after "sense" in "sense happiness" corrects the phrasing to "a sense of happiness," making it grammatically accurate.

  16. "lead to a happy ending" -> "contribute to a positive outcome"
    Explanation: Changing "lead to a happy ending" to "contribute to a positive outcome" maintains the idea while using a more formal and precise expression.

  17. "proliferation of the internet" -> "ubiquity of the internet"
    Explanation: Substituting "proliferation of the internet" with "ubiquity of the internet" offers a more formal and nuanced description of the internet’s widespread presence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It explains reasons for the increasing rate of divorce (internet influence and financial instability) and suggests solutions (implementing educational programs, parental intervention, and ensuring financial stability).
    • How to improve: While the essay does address both parts, it lacks depth and could benefit from providing more nuanced explanations and examples. Encourage the writer to explore the reasons and solutions in greater detail.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a reasonably clear position throughout, stating that the proliferation of the internet and financial instability are the major reasons for divorce. However, the introduction is slightly vague, and the conclusion could reiterate the stance more explicitly.
    • How to improve: Recommend starting the essay with a clearer thesis statement and reinforcing the main position in the conclusion to enhance overall clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they are often simplistic and lack development. For instance, the discussion on the internet’s influence and financial instability could benefit from more elaboration and supporting examples.
    • How to improve: Advise the writer to expand on each point with specific examples and provide more in-depth analysis. This will strengthen the overall argument and demonstrate a more profound understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but tends to provide somewhat superficial explanations, especially regarding financial instability as a cause for divorce.
    • How to improve: Recommend staying focused on the specific aspects of each reason and avoiding vague or generalized statements. Provide specific examples or statistics to enhance the depth of the discussion.

In summary, the essay successfully addresses the prompt but lacks depth and detailed exploration of ideas. Encourage the writer to provide more specific examples, delve deeper into the reasons and solutions, and maintain a consistently clear position throughout the essay. Additionally, reinforcing the thesis in the introduction and conclusion would enhance the overall coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a somewhat logical organization, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be more coherent. For instance, the second paragraph discusses two major reasons for divorce but lacks a clear transition between the reasons. The use of the word "nevertheless" to introduce solutions implies a shift but could be better signaled.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition words and phrases to guide readers through the essay’s structure. Establish a clear link between ideas within paragraphs, ensuring a smooth progression of thoughts. For instance, employ phrases like "Moreover," or "Furthermore" to connect ideas and ensure a more seamless transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. While there is an attempt to separate the introduction, body, and conclusion, the body paragraph lacks coherence. Ideas within the second paragraph, discussing reasons for divorce, could be more clearly delineated into separate paragraphs for better organization.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down the second paragraph into two distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific reason for divorce. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order. This will not only enhance readability but also contribute to a more organized essay structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "firstly," and "secondly," which provide a basic level of coherence. However, more sophisticated cohesive devices could be employed to strengthen the essay’s overall cohesion. Additionally, the use of transition words within and between sentences is somewhat limited, affecting the smoothness of the essay’s flow.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, to create a more seamless connection between ideas. For example, utilize words like "conversely," "in addition," or "however" to establish relationships between contrasting or supporting points. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive essay structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization of ideas within paragraphs and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices will significantly enhance its overall quality.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but some words and expressions are repetitive. For instance, the repeated use of "divorce" and "awareness" could be diversified. The phrase "unmatured awareness" could be replaced with a more precise term. Additionally, the term "tember" seems to be a spelling error and may confuse the reader.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions. Avoid repetition and strive for more varied word choices. Instead of "unmatured awareness," consider using a more specific term like "immature understanding." Replace the unclear term "tember" with a more appropriate word. Proofreading for accuracy is crucial.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses vocabulary with varying degrees of precision. However, there are instances of imprecise word choices, such as "unmatured awareness," which might confuse the reader. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the precision of expressions like "best solutions" and "best way."

    • How to improve: Aim for precision in word choice to convey ideas more clearly. Instead of "unmatured awareness," consider using terms like "limited understanding" or "immaturity in judgment." When using phrases like "best solutions" or "best way," be more specific and elaborate on the particular strategies or measures that are considered optimal.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "tember" instead of "temper." Spelling accuracy is crucial for clear communication. Additionally, the phrase "the shortage of income" might be more appropriately expressed as "financial instability."

    • How to improve: Prioritize thorough proofreading to identify and correct spelling errors. For terms like "tember," ensure the correct spelling, such as "temper." Regarding the phrase "the shortage of income," consider using "financial instability" for a more precise and standard expression. Developing a habit of double-checking spelling during the writing process is recommended.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in precision and spelling accuracy. Diversifying vocabulary, choosing more precise terms, and addressing spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and effective expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is an attempt to use varied sentence structures, the variety is limited, and some structures are repetitive. For instance, there is a frequent use of simple sentences, and a lack of complex or compound-complex structures. The essay also relies heavily on transitional phrases like "to begin with" and "however," which, although functional, could be diversified for a more sophisticated expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a more diverse set of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. Utilize a mix of simple and compound-complex sentences to convey ideas with precision and complexity. Additionally, explore alternative transitional phrases to avoid repetition and add nuance to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For instance, there are instances of incorrect subject-verb agreement (e.g., "many individuals make up their mind"), misspelled words ("unmatured" instead of "immature"), and confusion in the use of articles ("a stable" instead of "stable"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent use of capitalization in headings.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreements and pay attention to articles. Proofread the essay to correct spelling errors and ensure consistency in punctuation usage. Consider seeking assistance from writing resources or tools to identify and rectify specific grammar issues. Moreover, refining your knowledge of punctuation rules will contribute to a more polished and error-free essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, the prevalence of divorce has substantially increased, emerging as a widespread phenomenon across many countries. This escalating trend is attributed to various factors, and potential interventions will be explored in this essay.

To begin with, the ubiquity of the internet has played a pivotal role in the rising number of divorces in recent decades. Young individuals often utilize social networks and online applications as their primary means of forming connections. Rapidly developing romantic feelings through online interactions, they may decide to marry at a young age, lacking a mature understanding of their partner. The consequence of such immature awareness and temperamental incompatibility becomes the primary reason for ending relationships. Additionally, experiencing unemployment due to economic recessions contributes to financial instability, prompting many couples to choose divorce as a means to alleviate financial hardship.

Despite these challenges, effective remedies can be implemented to address the issue. Educational programs focusing on “Healthy Marriage” should be introduced in schools, providing students with guidance to enhance their awareness of love and make thoughtful choices when selecting a life partner. Simultaneously, the involvement and advice of parents become crucial in guiding their children through relationships. Moreover, individuals must ensure stability in their lives before establishing a family, as a stable income not only alleviates financial burdens but also contributes to a sense of happiness, a crucial element for a positive outcome.

In conclusion, the proliferation of the internet and financial instability are the two major reasons behind the substantial increase in divorces. However, through educational initiatives in schools, parental guidance, and individuals making thoughtful choices, there is potential to reverse this trend and contribute to a positive outcome in relationships.

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