In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations?

It is acknowledged that society has changed rapidly over the past few years, with one of the most remarkable changes being the rise in average life expectancy. This essay will shed light on the worrying consequences behind this development before suggesting some solutions to solve this topic of concern.
The adverse impacts associated with this matter are stark. As for individuals, that the elderly are susceptible to various health problems requiring special treatments puts pressure on the healthcare system, which can translate into financial burdens on families and tax-payers. Regarding the effects on society, since the population is becoming gray, there are not enough young people to replace the positions when old people retire, which contributes to the scarcity of human resources.
I am convinced that there are many measures that can be taken to tackle this issue. Foremost is encouraging spouses to give birth by applying several policies such as providing more maternal benefits, subsidizing mother care, and paying education fees for children. The second method is hiring workers from overseas. By doing this, governments could ensure the development speed of the countries and increase tax revenues. Finally, it is important to raise the retirement age in order to prevent the shortage of new manpower.
In summary, aging population has exerted a number of impacts on individuals and society, which should be solved by some remedies. It is predicted that unless these remedies are adopted, the problem associated with a longer lifespan will continue to persist in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is acknowledged" -> "It is widely recognized"
Explanation: "It is widely recognized" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the introduction, indicating a broader consensus among experts or scholars.
"the worrying consequences" -> "the significant consequences"
Explanation: Replacing "worrying" with "significant" removes emotional connotation and aligns better with the objective tone expected in academic writing.
"solve this topic of concern" -> "address this issue"
Explanation: "Address this issue" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquialism "solve this topic of concern."
"that the elderly are susceptible" -> "that the elderly are more susceptible"
Explanation: Adding "more" clarifies the comparison, making the statement more specific and accurate.
"special treatments" -> "specialized treatments"
Explanation: "Specialized treatments" is a more precise term that better fits the context of medical care.
"puts pressure on the healthcare system" -> "places a burden on the healthcare system"
Explanation: "Places a burden" is a more formal and accurate expression, suitable for academic writing.
"which can translate into financial burdens" -> "which may result in financial burdens"
Explanation: "May result in" is a more precise and formal way to express potential consequences.
"gray" -> "aging"
Explanation: "Aging" is a more formal and precise term than "gray," which is colloquial and less specific.
"not enough young people to replace" -> "insufficient young people to replace"
Explanation: "Insufficient" is a more formal and precise adjective than "not enough," enhancing the academic tone.
"Foremost is encouraging spouses to give birth" -> "Firstly, encouraging couples to have children"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Foremost," and "couples" is a more inclusive and formal term than "spouses."
"applying several policies" -> "implementing various policies"
Explanation: "Implementing" is a more precise verb for policy actions, and "various" is more formal than "several."
"subsidizing mother care" -> "providing maternal support"
Explanation: "Providing maternal support" is a more formal and comprehensive term than "subsidizing mother care."
"paying education fees for children" -> "covering educational expenses for children"
Explanation: "Covering educational expenses" is a more formal and detailed phrase than "paying education fees."
"hiring workers from overseas" -> "recruiting international workers"
Explanation: "Recruiting international workers" is a more formal and precise term than "hiring workers from overseas."
"ensure the development speed of the countries" -> "facilitate the economic development of countries"
Explanation: "Facilitate the economic development" is a more precise and formal expression than "ensure the development speed."
"increase tax revenues" -> "enhance tax revenues"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "increase," fitting better in an academic context.
"raise the retirement age" -> "increase the retirement age"
Explanation: "Increase" is a more commonly used and accepted term in formal writing than "raise" in this context.
"exerted a number of impacts" -> "had a significant impact"
Explanation: "Had a significant impact" is a more concise and formal way to express the effects of aging population.
"should be solved by some remedies" -> "must be addressed through various measures"
Explanation: "Must be addressed through various measures" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the necessity and scope of the solutions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the problems caused by increasing life expectancy and suggesting measures to mitigate these issues. The first paragraph outlines the consequences for individuals and society, such as the strain on healthcare systems and labor shortages. However, while the problems are identified, the discussion could benefit from more depth and specific examples to illustrate the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples of the health issues faced by the elderly and how these specifically impact healthcare systems. Additionally, discussing the societal implications of an aging population, such as increased demand for social services or changes in family dynamics, would provide a more comprehensive view of the issues.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges the problems of an aging population and proposes solutions. The writer’s conviction is evident in the phrasing, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing problems and solutions could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of problems with the proposed solutions. For example, explicitly stating how each solution directly addresses the problems mentioned would reinforce the essay’s logical flow.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as encouraging childbirth through policies and hiring overseas workers, but these ideas are not fully developed. The solutions are listed, but they lack detailed explanations or supporting arguments that would strengthen their validity. For instance, the benefits of raising the retirement age could be elaborated on by discussing potential economic impacts or societal attitudes toward older workers.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each proposed solution with specific examples or data that support their effectiveness. This could include statistics on the economic benefits of increasing the birth rate or case studies of countries that have successfully implemented similar policies.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of an aging population and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "financial burdens on families and tax-payers" could be expanded to discuss the broader societal implications of these burdens.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the specific problems and solutions in relation to the aging population, thus reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer transitions, and more substantial support for its arguments. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that sets the context and outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, with the first discussing the problems associated with an aging population and the subsequent paragraphs proposing solutions. For instance, the transition from discussing individual impacts to societal impacts is smooth, and the solutions are logically sequenced, enhancing the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. This would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases between paragraphs could strengthen the connections between ideas, making the flow of the essay even more seamless.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the prompt. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on individual solutions and the other on societal solutions. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution and improve clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs to avoid overcrowding. For example, the discussion on encouraging childbirth could be expanded into its own paragraph, allowing for a more detailed explanation of the proposed policies. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence will enhance the effectiveness of the paragraphing.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "as for," "regarding," and "foremost," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, the essay relies heavily on simple conjunctions and phrases, which can become repetitive. The use of more sophisticated linking words and phrases could enhance the overall cohesion of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of transitional phrases such as "in addition," "furthermore," and "consequently." This would not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, using referencing devices (e.g., "this issue," "such measures") can help avoid repetition and create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "average life expectancy," "health problems," and "financial burdens" effectively conveying the main ideas. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety, with phrases such as "worrying consequences" and "topic of concern" being somewhat repetitive and lacking in sophistication. The use of "gray" to describe an aging population is informal and could be replaced with a more academic term like "aging" or "elderly."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "problems," they could use "challenges," "issues," or "difficulties." Additionally, using more precise academic language can elevate the overall quality of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the elderly are susceptible to various health problems" is accurate, but the term "susceptible" could be replaced with "prone" for better clarity. The phrase "the population is becoming gray" is also vague and could be more clearly stated as "the population is aging."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more accurately. They could practice using context-appropriate vocabulary by reading academic articles on aging populations and noting the terminology used. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity can help ensure that the vocabulary aligns closely with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there is a minor issue with the phrase "mother care," which should be "maternal care" for more formal and accurate usage. Additionally, "aging" is spelled correctly in American English, but the essay uses "aging" in a context where "ageing" (British English) might be more appropriate, depending on the intended audience.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to commonly confused words and ensuring consistency in spelling conventions (American vs. British English). Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding their vocabulary, choosing more precise words, and carefully proofreading their work, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the phrase "As for individuals, that the elderly are susceptible to various health problems requiring special treatments puts pressure on the healthcare system" showcases a complex structure with a subordinate clause. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the sentence "The adverse impacts associated with this matter are stark" is somewhat simple and could benefit from further elaboration or a more complex construction.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include multiple clauses. For example, instead of stating "The second method is hiring workers from overseas," the writer could say, "Another effective method to address this issue is to hire skilled workers from overseas, which could alleviate the labor shortage and bring diverse expertise to the workforce." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases and transitional words can help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For example, the phrase "the population is becoming gray" should be "the population is becoming gray," where "gray" might be better replaced with "aging" for clarity and appropriateness in context. Additionally, the sentence "It is predicted that unless these remedies are adopted, the problem associated with a longer lifespan will continue to persist in the future" is grammatically correct but could be simplified for clarity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which can translate into financial burdens on families and tax-payers."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch minor errors and consider using grammar-checking tools for additional support. Focusing on common grammatical structures and ensuring that subject-verb agreement is maintained will also be beneficial. Moreover, practicing the use of punctuation in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve overall readability. For instance, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can enhance understanding.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely recognized that society has changed rapidly over the past few years, with one of the most remarkable changes being the rise in average life expectancy. This essay will shed light on the worrying consequences behind this development before suggesting some solutions to address this issue.

The adverse impacts associated with this matter are stark. For individuals, the fact that the elderly are more susceptible to various health problems requiring specialized treatments puts pressure on the healthcare system, which can translate into financial burdens on families and taxpayers. Regarding the effects on society, as the population is becoming gray, there are not enough young people to replace those who retire, which contributes to the scarcity of human resources.

I am convinced that there are many measures that can be taken to tackle this issue. Firstly, encouraging couples to have children by implementing various policies such as providing more maternal support, subsidizing childcare, and covering educational expenses for children is essential. The second method is recruiting international workers. By doing this, governments could facilitate the economic development of countries and enhance tax revenues. Finally, it is important to increase the retirement age in order to prevent the shortage of new manpower.

In summary, the aging population has exerted a number of impacts on individuals and society, which must be addressed through various measures. It is predicted that unless these measures are adopted, the problems associated with a longer lifespan will continue to persist in the future.