In the future, all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles would be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
In the future, all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles would be passengers.
Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
In contemporary society, driverless vehicles are perceived as crucial factors in the development of each country. Despite many drawbacks that may arise from this perspective, this essay will illustrate that the benefits are more justifiable by analyzing the risks and potential benefits of using driverless vehicles.
Admittedly, skeptics may contend that depending on driverless vehicles can result in some unforeseeable risks. Firstly, using these vehicles can diminish the activity of people as well as make it difficult to identify the potential dangers of surroundings because most modern devices are embedded in the main machine; it is a permanent and unchangeable device, so these devices are hard to change flexibly. Additionally, using driverless vehicles means that our information is publicized on the main machine, which can be stolen by vice.
Nevertheless, in spite of some issues above, it is believed that there are more benefits to using driverless vehicles. On the one hand, in the innovative technology, modern devices are improved, bolstered, and highly researched; some cars can connect to customers; it is easier to change routes or tentative arrival times. Besides it, these vehicles can help people take a rest after a hard-working day or business events, preventing accidents. For the nervousness of cybercriminals, because of serious controlling of main devices, it is convenient to find out the criminals. On the other hand, due to connecting with main devices, it gets more chances to contact in some urgent situations.
In conclusion, while there are valid concerns regarding the potential risk of using driverless transportation. Despite the challenges related to this controversy, I firmly agree that driverless vehicles have more advantages than disadvantages.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"crucial factors" -> "key factors"
Explanation: The term "crucial" may imply a sense of urgency or importance that is not necessarily supported by the context. "Key" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term that still conveys importance without emotional connotation. -
"justifiable" -> "defensible"
Explanation: "Justifiable" can imply a moral or ethical justification, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Defensible" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the rationality of arguments in an academic context. -
"unforeseeable risks" -> "unpredictable risks"
Explanation: "Unforeseeable" suggests a lack of knowledge or anticipation, which may not be the intended meaning. "Unpredictable" better captures the idea of risks that are difficult to anticipate or forecast, which is more precise in this context. -
"diminish the activity of people" -> "reduce human activity"
Explanation: "Diminish the activity of people" is awkward and unclear. "Reduce human activity" is more direct and clearer, improving the flow and precision of the sentence. -
"make it difficult to identify the potential dangers of surroundings" -> "complicate the identification of potential hazards"
Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and awkward. "Complicate the identification of potential hazards" is more concise and uses more precise vocabulary suitable for academic writing. -
"most modern devices are embedded in the main machine" -> "many modern devices are integrated into the vehicle"
Explanation: The phrase "embedded in the main machine" is unclear and informal. "Integrated into the vehicle" is more specific and appropriate for describing the technological aspects of driverless vehicles. -
"it is a permanent and unchangeable device" -> "these devices are fixed and non-modifiable"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. "Fixed and non-modifiable" provides a clearer and more technical description of the devices’ characteristics. -
"vice" -> "criminals"
Explanation: "Vice" is an archaic term and unclear in this context. "Criminals" is the correct term for referring to individuals who engage in illegal activities, making it more appropriate and clear in an academic essay. -
"bolstered, and highly researched" -> "enhanced and extensively researched"
Explanation: "Bolstered" is an informal and less precise term. "Enhanced" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. "Extensively researched" is also more specific than "highly researched," which is vague. -
"some cars can connect to customers" -> "some vehicles can connect with users"
Explanation: "Connect to customers" is informal and imprecise. "Connect with users" is more formal and appropriate for describing interactions between vehicles and people in an academic context. -
"it is easier to change routes or tentative arrival times" -> "it is simpler to modify routes or adjust arrival times"
Explanation: "Easier" is somewhat informal and vague. "Simpler" and "modify" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"nervousness of cybercriminals" -> "concerns of cybercriminals"
Explanation: "Nervousness" is an emotional term that is not suitable for formal writing. "Concerns" is a neutral and appropriate term for describing the worries of cybercriminals in an academic context. -
"it gets more chances to contact in some urgent situations" -> "it offers more opportunities for communication in urgent situations"
Explanation: "It gets more chances to contact" is awkward and unclear. "It offers more opportunities for communication" is clearer and more formal, improving the precision and flow of the sentence. -
"valid concerns" -> "legitimate concerns"
Explanation: "Valid" can be seen as somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Legitimate" is more specific and appropriate for academic discussions about the validity of concerns.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of driverless vehicles. The introduction clearly states the intention to illustrate that benefits outweigh drawbacks, which is a good approach. However, the discussion of disadvantages is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For example, while it mentions "unforeseeable risks," it does not elaborate on what these risks might entail or provide specific examples. This could leave the reader wanting more information on the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion of disadvantages. Including specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the potential risks of driverless vehicles would strengthen this section. Additionally, ensuring that each part of the question is thoroughly explored will lead to a more comprehensive answer.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the argument could be more persuasive if it consistently reinforced this stance throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother, as the current structure feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use linking phrases that reinforce their argument when transitioning between points. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of each body paragraph can help remind the reader of the overall stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of driverless vehicles, such as improved technology and the potential for reducing accidents. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, while it mentions that driverless vehicles can help people rest, it does not explain how this would occur or provide evidence to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. Each point made should be backed up with evidence or real-world examples that illustrate the benefits of driverless vehicles. This will not only strengthen the argument but also engage the reader more effectively.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on driverless vehicles and their advantages and disadvantages. However, there are moments where the language becomes vague, such as the phrase "it is believed that there are more benefits," which could confuse readers about the source of this belief. Additionally, some sentences are convoluted, making it harder to follow the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly contributes to the argument. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding vague language can help clarify the message. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing could help keep the essay on track and relevant to the prompt.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and support for ideas. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that driverless vehicles have more advantages than disadvantages. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the introduction sets the stage well, but the transition from the drawbacks to the advantages is somewhat abrupt. The second paragraph discusses drawbacks but lacks a clear structure that distinguishes between different types of risks. The advantages in the third paragraph are presented, but the ideas are not clearly delineated, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that outline the main idea. For example, in the drawbacks section, explicitly state the types of risks (e.g., safety, privacy) before discussing them. In the advantages section, categorize benefits (e.g., safety, convenience) to create a more structured argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, separating the introduction, drawbacks, advantages, and conclusion. However, the effectiveness of these paragraphs could be improved. The second paragraph on drawbacks combines multiple ideas without clear separation, which can confuse the reader. The third paragraph also mixes several advantages without clear transitions or connections between them.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For the drawbacks, consider splitting the paragraph into two: one focusing on safety concerns and another on privacy issues. Similarly, for the advantages, ensure each point is clearly articulated and supported with examples or explanations, possibly dedicating a separate paragraph to each major advantage.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Nevertheless," and "On the one hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel forced or unclear. For example, "Besides it" is awkward and does not smoothly connect the ideas. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices does not always enhance clarity, as seen in the transition between discussing risks and benefits.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases such as "In addition," "Furthermore," and "Conversely." Ensure that transitions clearly indicate the relationship between ideas. For instance, when moving from drawbacks to advantages, a phrase like "Despite these concerns, there are significant benefits to consider" would provide a smoother transition. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and persuasiveness of the argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "contemporary society," "unforeseeable risks," and "innovative technology." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "main machine" and "modern devices," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "modern devices," alternatives like "advanced technologies" or "cutting-edge systems" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied phrases to express similar ideas would contribute to a more sophisticated lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the activity of people" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "the nervousness of cybercriminals" is an awkward construction that does not accurately reflect the context.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and accuracy in vocabulary choices. Instead of "the activity of people," consider specifying what activity is being diminished (e.g., "the physical engagement of individuals"). For "the nervousness of cybercriminals," a more precise phrase could be "the threat posed by cybercriminals" or "the risks associated with cybercrime." This will help convey your arguments more effectively.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the term "vice" in the context of "which can be stolen by vice" appears to be a misuse or misspelling, as it does not fit the intended meaning. This could confuse readers and detracts from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms, ensuring that vocabulary choices align with their intended meanings.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there are areas for improvement, particularly in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully checking for spelling errors, the overall quality of the essay can be significantly enhanced.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, phrases like "Despite many drawbacks that may arise from this perspective" and "it is believed that there are more benefits to using driverless vehicles" show an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated structures. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences follow a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, some sentences are overly complex and may confuse the reader, such as "using these vehicles can diminish the activity of people as well as make it difficult to identify the potential dangers of surroundings."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences more effectively. For example, break down overly long sentences into shorter, clearer ones. Additionally, try to incorporate different sentence starters and structures, such as questions or exclamatory sentences, to keep the reader engaged. Practicing writing with varied sentence lengths and types can help in achieving a more dynamic writing style.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "the activity of people as well as make it difficult" lacks parallel structure, as it should read "the activity of people and make it difficult." Furthermore, the phrase "it is easier to change routes or tentative arrival times" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the nervousness of cybercriminals," which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring parallel structure in lists and comparisons. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and grammatical errors. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also enhance grammatical proficiency. Lastly, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness, ensuring that each sentence conveys its intended meaning effectively.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, driverless vehicles are perceived as **key factors** in the development of each country. Despite the many drawbacks that may arise from this perspective, this essay will illustrate that the benefits are more defensible by analyzing the risks and potential advantages of using driverless vehicles.
Admittedly, skeptics may contend that relying on driverless vehicles can lead to some **unpredictable risks**. Firstly, using these vehicles can **reduce human activity** and complicate the identification of potential hazards in the surroundings because many modern devices are integrated into the vehicle; these devices are fixed and non-modifiable, making it challenging to adapt them flexibly. Additionally, utilizing driverless vehicles means that our information is stored on the main system, which can be vulnerable to theft by **criminals**.
Nevertheless, despite the issues mentioned above, it is believed that there are more benefits to using driverless vehicles. On the one hand, with innovative technology, modern devices are **enhanced and extensively researched**; some vehicles can connect with users, making it simpler to modify routes or adjust arrival times. Furthermore, these vehicles can provide people with the opportunity to rest after a hard-working day or business events, thereby preventing accidents. Regarding the concerns of cybercriminals, due to the rigorous control of main systems, it becomes easier to identify and apprehend offenders. On the other hand, the connectivity with main systems offers more opportunities for communication in urgent situations.
In conclusion, while there are legitimate concerns regarding the potential risks of using driverless transportation, I firmly believe that the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages.