In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planets to live on, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As interest in living on other planets continues to grow, many suggest that significant funds should be devoted to studying other planets. While this is a valuable pursuit, it should not come at the expense of the well-being of people on Earth and the planet’s ecosystems.

One argument in favor of investing in space exploration is that it represents the ultimate frontier for human exploration and can provide intellectual fulfillment for individuals. The innate human desire to explore new frontiers is a fundamental driving force. Human cognitive and linguistic abilities reflect a high level of curiosity and self-expression, making gaining a deeper understanding about outer space a potential avenue for fulfilling these desires. For example, despite not being financially lucrative, organizations like NASA continue to allocate billions of dollars annually to the development of space exploration. Thus, enabling human colonization of Mars could open up new opportunities for understanding the universe and our place in it.

On the other hand, it can be argued that conducting research about other planets should not come at the expense of the Earth’s well-being. Instead of allocating funds to discover planets that might sustain life, we must prioritize safeguarding the planet that we know supports life – our own. Therefore, resources invested in exploring the extraterrestrial life on other planets could be redirected towards initiatives such as poverty alleviation programs.

In conclusion, while the universe may offer tremendous potential benefits, I believe that prioritizing the care of our home planet and promoting its sustainable development is the wiser choice.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"As interest in living on other planets continues to grow" -> "As interest in colonizing other planets persists"
Explanation: "Colonizing" is a more precise term than "living on" in the context of space exploration, and "persists" is more formal than "continues to grow," aligning better with academic style.
"significant funds should be devoted" -> "substantial resources should be allocated"
Explanation: "Substantial resources" is a more precise and formal term than "significant funds," and "allocated" is more specific than "devoted," which can imply a sense of dedication rather than a formal decision-making process.
"it should not come at the expense of" -> "it should not compromise"
Explanation: "Compromise" is a more precise and formal term than "come at the expense of," which can sound somewhat colloquial and vague in an academic context.
"the ultimate frontier for human exploration" -> "the ultimate frontier of human exploration"
Explanation: Adding "of" after "frontier" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"can provide intellectual fulfillment for individuals" -> "may offer intellectual fulfillment to individuals"
Explanation: "May offer" is more tentative and academically appropriate than "can provide," which can imply certainty that is not always warranted in academic discussions.
"despite not being financially lucrative" -> "although not financially lucrative"
Explanation: "Although" is a more formal conjunction than "despite," which can imply a contrast that is not necessarily intended in this context.
"enabling human colonization of Mars" -> "facilitating human colonization of Mars"
Explanation: "Facilitating" is a more precise and formal term than "enabling," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"could open up new opportunities" -> "may present new opportunities"
Explanation: "May present" is more formal and cautious than "could open up," which is slightly informal and less precise.
"Instead of allocating funds to discover planets that might sustain life" -> "Rather than allocating funds to explore planets that could support life"
Explanation: "Rather than" is a more formal alternative to "Instead of," and "could support" is more precise than "might sustain," which is less formal and slightly vague.
"we must prioritize safeguarding the planet that we know supports life" -> "we must prioritize safeguarding the planet that supports life"
Explanation: Removing "that we know" simplifies the sentence and maintains a more formal tone, as it is implied that the author is aware of the planet’s life-supporting capabilities.
"resources invested in exploring the extraterrestrial life on other planets" -> "resources allocated to the exploration of extraterrestrial life on other planets"
Explanation: "Allocated to the exploration of" is more precise and formal than "invested in exploring," which is less specific and slightly informal.
"I believe that prioritizing the care of our home planet" -> "I advocate for prioritizing the care of our home planet"
Explanation: "Advocate for" is a more assertive and formal expression than "believe," which is somewhat subjective and less forceful in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It discusses the perspective of allocating funds towards researching other planets while also considering the importance of prioritizing Earth’s well-being. The introduction and conclusion explicitly reflect on the balance between these two viewpoints.
- How to improve: To further enhance the score, ensure each paragraph directly connects back to the prompt’s specific aspects (e.g., the balance between funding for Earth vs. space exploration) throughout the essay. Strengthening topic sentence clarity in body paragraphs would help maintain a consistent focus on addressing all parts of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that prioritizes the well-being of Earth over excessive investment in researching other planets. This position is effectively stated in the introduction and reinforced in the conclusion, providing a cohesive thread throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, consider explicitly stating the essay’s position in each body paragraph’s topic sentence. This approach ensures that the reader can easily track the development of the argument without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are generally well-presented, with examples such as the pursuit of intellectual fulfillment and the necessity of safeguarding Earth’s ecosystems effectively supporting the argument. However, some instances lack detailed elaboration or specific examples to fully extend the discussion.
- How to improve: Include more concrete examples and expand on the implications of both funding options (Earth vs. Mars) to provide a deeper analysis of the potential benefits and drawbacks. This enhancement would enrich the essay’s depth and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly remains on topic by consistently discussing the allocation of funds between Earth and space exploration. However, there are moments where the focus slightly shifts towards the general benefits of space exploration rather than specifically addressing the prompt’s question.
- How to improve: Maintain strict adherence to the prompt by consistently linking every argument and example directly back to the central theme of resource allocation between Earth and space research. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to answering the prompt’s core question.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a balanced consideration of arguments, there is room for improvement in maintaining a more consistent focus on directly answering all parts of the question and enhancing the depth of argumentation through specific examples and detailed analysis. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score by more thoroughly demonstrating critical thinking and engagement with the prompt’s complexities.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issue and positions, followed by two well-developed body paragraphs that present contrasting viewpoints. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and supports it with relevant examples and arguments. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main idea throughout. Consider using topic sentences to explicitly introduce the main idea of each paragraph, which helps readers navigate the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph is coherent and develops a single aspect of the argument. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, guiding the reader through the argumentative structure.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea. This not only aids coherence but also strengthens the essay’s overall argumentative flow. For example, explicitly stating "One argument in favor…" or "On the other hand…" can clarify the purpose of each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices effectively. These include transitional words and phrases such as "while," "on the other hand," "therefore," and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking words and phrases where appropriate, such as "furthermore," "moreover," and "conversely." This can enhance the sophistication of the essay’s cohesion and improve the overall fluency of the argument.

Overall, the essay effectively achieves a Band Score of 7 for Coherence and Cohesion by maintaining a clear and logical structure, using paragraphs effectively to develop ideas, and employing a range of cohesive devices to connect arguments and enhance coherence. With attention to refining paragraph topic sentences and incorporating more varied cohesive devices, the essay could potentially strengthen its coherence and cohesion even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary throughout. It employs terms such as "intellectual fulfillment," "cognitive abilities," "extraterrestrial," and "sustainable development." These choices contribute to the essay’s clarity and complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and phrases where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "space exploration," you could vary it with "interplanetary exploration" or "cosmic exploration." This would demonstrate a higher level of lexical precision and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely, such as "innate human desire," "prioritize safeguarding," and "poverty alleviation programs." These terms effectively convey the intended meaning and contribute to coherence.
- How to improve: While precise in many instances, there are a few areas where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, instead of "the ultimate frontier," consider using "the pinnacle of human exploration." This adjustment could provide a sharper focus and align more closely with the argument’s tone and depth.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally strong, with few errors observed ("extraterrestrial," "colonization," "prioritizing"). This enhances readability and maintains the professionalism of the response.
- How to improve: To maintain consistent spelling accuracy, continue to review and practice the spelling of technical or less frequently used terms related to space exploration and ecological concepts. Engaging in regular proofreading exercises can also help in identifying and correcting any overlooked errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, contributing to its clarity and coherence. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary choices while maintaining strong spelling accuracy, the essay could further enhance its lexical resource and overall impact.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, conditional clauses, and cohesive devices like transitions ("while," "on the other hand," "therefore"). These structures enhance coherence and demonstrate a good command of sentence variety to convey complex ideas.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more passive constructions, rhetorical questions, and inverted sentences. These additions can add stylistic variety and nuance to your arguments, enhancing the overall sophistication of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not hinder overall comprehension. Instances of correct usage include subject-verb agreement, complex sentence constructions, and punctuation marks used appropriately to separate clauses and ideas.
- How to improve: Pay closer attention to article usage (e.g., "the universe may offer tremendous potential benefits" could be strengthened with "the universe offers tremendous potential benefits"). Additionally, ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay, especially when transitioning between present and past tenses. These refinements will further polish your already strong grammatical foundation.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation, supporting a Band 7 score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Continue to refine sentence structure variety and maintain meticulous attention to grammatical details to consistently achieve higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

As interest in colonizing other planets persists, some argue that substantial resources should be allocated to this endeavor. While facilitating human colonization of Mars may offer intellectual fulfillment to individuals, it should not compromise the well-being of people on Earth and our planet’s ecosystems.

One argument supporting investment in space exploration is that it represents the ultimate frontier of human exploration and may offer intellectual fulfillment. Human curiosity and desire to explore new frontiers are deeply ingrained, driving significant efforts in space exploration. For instance, organizations like NASA allocate billions annually to space exploration, aiming to deepen our understanding of the universe. Although not financially lucrative, these endeavors could present new opportunities for humanity.

However, it is crucial to consider that rather than allocating funds to explore planets that could support life, we must prioritize safeguarding the planet that supports life – Earth. Resources allocated to the exploration of extraterrestrial life on other planets could instead be directed towards initiatives such as poverty alleviation programs or environmental conservation efforts.

In conclusion, while exploring other planets may hold promise, I advocate for prioritizing the care of our home planet and ensuring its sustainable development. This approach ensures that we safeguard our immediate environment and resources while exploring opportunities beyond Earth.