In the modern world, we still value artists such as painters, writers and musicians. What can arts tell us about life that science cannot?

Despite progress in technology, artists have not been marginalized. To understand why the arts have remained irreplaceable, it is important to first understand science's limitation in expressing human emotions, and then to acknowledge the art's ability to fulfil this role.
Admittedly, science has been integral in developing our understanding of the natural world. Our perceptions of weather phenomena and diseases have shifted away from superstitions to science-based awareness. However, this area is fully reliant on numbers, thus is unable to explore the human psyche.
In contrast, the arts can encapsulate human emotions and then project these feelings on any medium, arguably most potently in music. For instance, during the Vietnam War and the subsequent Cold War era, as the world was gripped with fear of mutual nuclear destruction, musicians rose to the occasion. Through Jon Lennon's "Imagine" and Bob Marley's "Flying in the wind", people's distrust of the war propaganda and hope of a unified world was expressed in melodies and lyrics.
Not only can the arts capture emotions, artistic fields such as writing and cinema can be used to communicate ideals, philosophy, or act as satirical criticism of politics. George Orwel's "1984" is regarded as a masterful criticism of authoritarianism; similarly, "Animal Farm" highlights the hypocrisy and corruption of the Soviet Communism regime through its metaphors. In cinema, antiwar films like "Come and See", "Schindler's List" and "Grave of the Fireflies" expose the audience to the brutal atrocities and destruction brought about by war.
In short, while science explains the natural world, the arts help us understand ourselves. The former discovers how the external environment functions whereas the latter explains the inner workings of the human hearts and souls.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"artists have not been marginalized" -> "artists have not been supplanted"
Explanation: The term "supplanted" more accurately conveys the idea that artists have not been replaced or surpassed by technology, which is more precise and formal than "marginalized."
"science’s limitation" -> "the limitations of science"
Explanation: Using "the limitations of science" instead of "science’s limitation" corrects the possessive form to plural, which is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.
"art’s ability to fulfil this role" -> "the arts’ ability to fulfill this role"
Explanation: Changing "art’s" to "the arts’" corrects the possessive form to plural, aligning with the plural noun "arts," which is more appropriate in this context.
"Our perceptions of weather phenomena" -> "Our understanding of weather phenomena"
Explanation: Replacing "perceptions" with "understanding" provides a more precise term that better fits the academic context, suggesting a deeper comprehension rather than just a superficial view.
"is fully reliant on numbers" -> "is entirely dependent on numerical data"
Explanation: "Entirely dependent on numerical data" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone by specifying the type of data relied upon.
"arguably most potently in music" -> "perhaps most effectively in music"
Explanation: "Perhaps most effectively" is a more measured and academically appropriate phrase than "arguably most potently," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"people’s distrust of the war propaganda" -> "public distrust of war propaganda"
Explanation: Changing "people’s" to "public" broadens the scope to encompass a larger audience, which is more appropriate in an academic context.
"George Orwel’s" -> "George Orwell’s"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "Orwel" to "Orwell" ensures accuracy and professionalism in referencing a well-known author.
"masterful criticism of authoritarianism" -> "perceptive critique of authoritarianism"
Explanation: "Perceptive critique" is a more precise and formal term than "masterful criticism," which is somewhat subjective and less commonly used in academic writing.
"the hypocrisy and corruption of the Soviet Communism regime" -> "the hypocrisy and corruption within the Soviet Communist regime"
Explanation: Adding "within" clarifies that the critique is directed at the internal workings of the regime, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"the latter explains the inner workings of the human hearts and souls" -> "the latter elucidates the inner workings of human hearts and souls"
Explanation: "Elucidates" is a more formal and precise verb than "explains," fitting better in an academic context, and removing "the human" before "hearts and souls" corrects the possessive form to plural.

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the limitations of science in expressing human emotions and contrasting this with the capabilities of the arts. The introduction clearly sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples from music, literature, and cinema that illustrate how the arts convey complex human experiences. However, the essay could have explicitly stated what the arts tell us about life that science cannot, as this is a crucial part of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline what specific insights about life the arts provide that are unattainable through scientific inquiry. This could involve a more direct comparison or a concluding statement that synthesizes the insights gained from the arts versus those from science.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the arts are essential for understanding human emotions and experiences, which science cannot fully encapsulate. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay with relevant examples. The use of phrases like "the arts help us understand ourselves" reinforces the writer’s stance effectively.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could strengthen it by reiterating the main argument in the conclusion more emphatically. A strong concluding sentence that encapsulates the main points and the significance of the arts in relation to science would enhance the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas regarding the role of the arts, including emotional expression, communication of ideals, and social criticism. Each idea is supported with specific examples, such as references to songs and literary works, which effectively illustrate the points made. The examples are well-chosen and relevant, enhancing the overall argument.
- How to improve: To further extend the ideas, the writer could provide additional analysis of the examples given. For instance, discussing how the emotional responses elicited by the mentioned works impact society or individuals could deepen the analysis. Additionally, integrating a broader range of artistic forms or more contemporary examples could enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the question of what the arts can convey about life that science cannot. The examples provided are relevant and contribute to the overall argument without straying off-topic.
- How to improve: While the essay is largely on topic, ensuring that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the central thesis would strengthen the coherence. For instance, a brief reminder of the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph could help maintain focus and reinforce the connection between the examples and the thesis.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a compelling argument, but slight adjustments in clarity, depth of analysis, and explicit connections to the prompt could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins by establishing the importance of the arts in contrast to science, effectively outlining the limitations of science in expressing human emotions. The structure follows a coherent path: first discussing science’s role, then transitioning to the arts, and finally providing specific examples to support the argument. For instance, the mention of musicians during the Vietnam War serves as a strong illustration of how art can convey complex emotions that science cannot.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea of that paragraph. This would help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Additionally, a brief summary or transition sentence at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the connection between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses the limitations of science, and the subsequent paragraphs provide examples from music and literature. However, the paragraph discussing George Orwell’s works could be more clearly delineated, as it currently feels somewhat tacked on to the previous discussion about music.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth. For example, after discussing music, a transition sentence could lead into the next paragraph by stating how literature also serves a similar purpose in expressing human experience. This would reinforce the overall structure and make the essay easier to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "despite," "however," and "not only… but also," which effectively link ideas and create a sense of continuity. The use of examples from music and literature further enhances cohesion by providing concrete illustrations of abstract concepts. However, there are moments where the flow could be improved with additional cohesive devices, particularly in connecting the examples back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating more linking phrases that explicitly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," could be used to introduce new examples or ideas, making the connections between points clearer. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help maintain cohesion and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and effective use of cohesive devices. By refining paragraph transitions and enhancing the use of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms relevant to both the arts and sciences. Phrases like "human psyche," "satirical criticism," and "masterful criticism" showcase a sophisticated understanding of language. The use of specific examples, such as "Jon Lennon’s ‘Imagine’" and "George Orwell’s ‘1984’," illustrates the writer’s ability to integrate vocabulary that is not only varied but also contextually appropriate.
- How to improve: To elevate the essay further, the writer could incorporate even more varied synonyms or expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "arts," alternatives like "creative expressions" or "artistic endeavors" could enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary related to emotions or philosophical concepts could deepen the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying complex ideas. The phrase "expressing human emotions" accurately reflects the intended meaning, while "hypocrisy and corruption" clearly articulates the themes of Orwell’s works. However, there are instances where the precision could be improved, such as the phrase "the art’s ability to fulfil this role," where "art" should be pluralized to "arts" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure subject-verb agreement and consider the context when selecting terms. For example, instead of "the arts can encapsulate," using "the arts encapsulate" would provide a more direct statement. Furthermore, incorporating more specific adjectives to describe emotions or artistic expressions could refine the clarity of the arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors that detract from the overall quality of the writing. Words such as "superstitions," "integral," and "hypocrisy" are spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s command of English orthography.
- How to improve: While spelling is strong, the writer should maintain this level of accuracy by proofreading for any potential typographical errors, especially in longer essays where fatigue may lead to oversight. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can further reinforce this skill.

In summary, the essay achieves a strong Band 8 score for Lexical Resource due to its wide range of vocabulary, precise usage, and correct spelling. By focusing on enhancing lexical variety, ensuring grammatical precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "To understand why the arts have remained irreplaceable, it is important to first understand science’s limitation in expressing human emotions" effectively conveys nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which adds to its readability. The use of phrases like "not only… but also" and "in contrast" showcases the writer’s ability to connect ideas and contrast different viewpoints. However, some sentences could be further diversified; for example, the sentence "In short, while science explains the natural world, the arts help us understand ourselves" could be restructured to enhance its impact.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although science provides explanations for physical phenomena, it often overlooks the emotional experiences that art captures") can create more complex sentence forms. Additionally, using passive voice strategically can also add variety (e.g., "Art has been celebrated for its ability to convey emotions that science often fails to articulate").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors present. For instance, the phrase "the arts can encapsulate human emotions and then project these feelings on any medium" is grammatically correct and clearly articulated. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "George Orwel’s ‘1984’ is regarded as a masterful criticism of authoritarianism; similarly, ‘Animal Farm’ highlights the hypocrisy and corruption of the Soviet Communism regime through its metaphors." Here, a semicolon is correctly used, but the sentence could benefit from clearer separation of ideas with a period or a conjunction. Additionally, "Grave of the Fireflies" should have consistent formatting with the other titles.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review punctuation rules, particularly concerning the use of commas and semicolons in complex sentences. Practicing the correct placement of punctuation in compound sentences will help clarify the relationships between ideas. Furthermore, ensuring consistent formatting for titles (italicizing or using quotation marks uniformly) will improve the overall professionalism of the essay. Regular proofreading or utilizing grammar-checking tools could also help identify and correct minor errors before submission.

Overall, the essay is strong in both grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and punctuation, it could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite advancements in technology, artists have not been supplanted. To understand why the arts have remained irreplaceable, it is essential to first recognize the limitations of science in expressing human emotions, and then to appreciate the arts’ ability to fulfill this role.

Admittedly, science has been integral in developing our understanding of the natural world. Our understanding of weather phenomena and diseases has shifted from superstitions to science-based awareness. However, this field is entirely dependent on numerical data, which limits its capacity to explore the complexities of the human psyche.

In contrast, the arts can encapsulate human emotions and project these feelings across various mediums, perhaps most effectively in music. For instance, during the Vietnam War and the subsequent Cold War era, as the world was gripped by fear of mutual nuclear destruction, musicians rose to the occasion. Through Jon Lennon’s “Imagine” and Bob Marley’s “Blowin’ in the Wind,” the public’s distrust of war propaganda and hope for a unified world were expressed in powerful melodies and poignant lyrics.

Not only can the arts capture emotions, but artistic fields such as writing and cinema can also be employed to communicate ideals, philosophy, or serve as satirical critiques of politics. George Orwell’s “1984” is regarded as a perceptive critique of authoritarianism; similarly, “Animal Farm” highlights the hypocrisy and corruption within the Soviet Communist regime through its compelling metaphors. In cinema, anti-war films like “Come and See,” “Schindler’s List,” and “Grave of the Fireflies” expose audiences to the brutal atrocities and destruction wrought by war.

In short, while science explains the natural world, the arts help us understand ourselves. The former discovers how the external environment functions, whereas the latter elucidates the inner workings of human hearts and souls.