In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the Internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages ?

It is true that in this modern society, Internet has become the most effective tool for working and studying, leading to an improvement in storing knowledge on the Internet, whereas physical books were used to store knowledge in the past. This essay will argue that the benefits of this development are far more significant than its disadvantages.
There are some minor disadvantages associated with storing knowledge on the Internet. Chief among these is that when people come to remote places such as the countryside where there is no signal and WiFi, it is difficult for them to access the Internet. As a result, people will be hindered from getting the knowledge that they want at that time, which is a significant inconvenience. However, this case may not be common nowadays as advanced technology and WiFi hotspot has been equipped everywhere including the countryside and rural areas. Another disadvantage of this improvement is that the Internet sometimes fails and data can be lost, thereby making the valuable knowledge that people stored disappear immediately. Therefore, people will have to spend time to retrieving the lost knowledge, which can consume a large amount of time and effort.
Nevertheless, I still think that the advantages of this development eclipse the aforementioned drawbacks for several reasons. The first reason is that storing knowledge on the Internet offers people several conveniences compared to the past when students and workers had to carry numerous heavy physical books containing the necessary knowledge, which put strain on their spines, and thus resulted in many health-related issues. For this reason, when people store knowledge on the Interne, they only need to bring a phone, a tablet, or a laptop with them, which avoids the detrimental impact in the past and provides more convenience. Another point worth mentioning is that thanks to the storage capacity of technological gadgets, a vast amount of knowledge can be contained in just a small phone, which its storage can be compared to a library. Consequently, people can get access to knowledge more easily, rapidly, and efficiently as they do not have to carry many books for storing knowledge.
In conclusion, despite some drawbacks that can be produced as a result of storing knowledge on the Internet, I still hold the belief that the beneficial impacts it provides are of greater significance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive opening, enhancing the academic tone of the essay by implying a clear, established fact rather than a subjective opinion.
"Internet has become the most effective tool" -> "the Internet has become the most effective tool"
Explanation: Capitalizing "Internet" is necessary to refer to the proper noun, adhering to standard English grammar rules and maintaining the formal tone of the essay.
"leading to an improvement in storing knowledge on the Internet" -> "resulting in improved knowledge storage on the Internet"
Explanation: "Resulting in improved knowledge storage" is more precise and academically appropriate, as it directly links the action to the outcome, enhancing clarity and formality.
"physical books were used to store knowledge in the past" -> "physical books were previously used to store knowledge"
Explanation: "Previously" is more formal and precise than "in the past," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"There are some minor disadvantages associated with" -> "Several minor disadvantages are associated with"
Explanation: "Several" is more specific and formal than "some," and "are" aligns better with the passive voice used in the sentence, enhancing the academic tone.
"when people come to remote places such as the countryside" -> "when individuals travel to remote areas such as rural regions"
Explanation: "Individuals" and "rural regions" are more formal and precise terms than "people" and "the countryside," respectively, fitting better in an academic context.
"it is difficult for them to access the Internet" -> "access to the Internet is challenging for them"
Explanation: "Access to the Internet is challenging" is a more formal and concise way to express the difficulty, improving the flow and formality of the sentence.
"which is a significant inconvenience" -> "which poses a significant inconvenience"
Explanation: "Poses" is more formal and precise than "is," aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the action of inconvenience.
"advanced technology and WiFi hotspot has been equipped" -> "advanced technology and Wi-Fi hotspots have been equipped"
Explanation: "Wi-Fi hotspots" should be plural to match the context, and "have been equipped" corrects the verb tense to match the past continuous aspect of the sentence.
"the Internet sometimes fails and data can be lost" -> "the Internet may fail, resulting in data loss"
Explanation: "May fail, resulting in data loss" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "sometimes fails and data can be lost," improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"making the valuable knowledge that people stored disappear immediately" -> "resulting in the immediate loss of valuable knowledge stored"
Explanation: "Resulting in the immediate loss of valuable knowledge stored" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of the original.
"people will have to spend time to retrieving the lost knowledge" -> "individuals will need to spend time retrieving the lost knowledge"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "need to spend time retrieving" is grammatically correct and clearer than "will have to spend time to retrieving."
"which can consume a large amount of time and effort" -> "which can consume considerable time and effort"
Explanation: "Considerable" is a more precise and formal adjective than "large," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"I still think" -> "I maintain"
Explanation: "I maintain" is a more assertive and formal expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more conversational "I still think."
"the beneficial impacts it provides are of greater significance" -> "the benefits it offers are of greater significance"
Explanation: "Benefits" is a more precise term than "beneficial impacts," and "offers" is more formal than "provides," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the storage of knowledge on the Internet versus in books. It acknowledges minor disadvantages (such as connectivity issues and data loss) and argues that the advantages outweigh these drawbacks.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that all aspects of the prompt are fully explored. Consider elaborating further on the specific advantages and disadvantages with more nuanced examples or counterarguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position that the benefits of storing knowledge on the Internet outweigh its drawbacks. It clearly states this viewpoint in the introduction and concludes by reiterating the stance.
- How to improve: Strengthen clarity by linking each paragraph directly back to this central argument. Ensure that each supporting point directly reinforces the essay’s stance without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, with examples provided to support claims (e.g., the convenience of accessing knowledge and the reduction in physical strain). However, some examples could be further developed to provide deeper analysis.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion by exploring the implications of Internet-based knowledge storage in different contexts (e.g., education, research, accessibility in developing regions). This would enrich the depth of analysis and strengthen the essay’s argumentative structure.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays focused on the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the Internet compared to books. There are minor tangential points, such as discussions on technological advancements and the impact on physical health.
- How to improve: Maintain strict adherence to the essay prompt by avoiding tangents that do not directly contribute to the discussion of advantages versus disadvantages. Ensure each paragraph directly ties back to the main theme of the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively argues its viewpoint. To achieve a higher band score, further development of ideas with deeper analysis and a more focused approach on the prompt’s requirements would be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and thesis statement clearly. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument: disadvantages, advantages, and a concluding statement. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing disadvantages to advantages could be more clearly signposted.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis statement. Use transitional phrases or words (e.g., "However," "Nevertheless," "In conclusion,") more consistently to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph generally focuses on one main idea: disadvantages of Internet storage, advantages of Internet storage, and a concluding paragraph summarizing the argument. However, paragraph length and structure vary, with some paragraphs being overly long. For instance, the paragraph discussing advantages could be split into two to enhance readability and clarity of argumentation.
- How to improve: Aim for more consistent paragraph length and structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence where appropriate. Shorter paragraphs can help maintain reader engagement and improve clarity of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as "however," "nevertheless," and "for instance" to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. While these are used, there is limited variety in cohesive devices. More diverse cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("therefore," "in addition"), and referencing (repetition of key terms) could enhance the coherence further.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to strengthen logical connections between ideas. Ensure each cohesive device is used appropriately and effectively to maintain coherence without over-reliance on any single type.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a clear argument progression, there are opportunities to enhance coherence through smoother transitions, more consistent paragraphing, and a wider array of cohesive devices. These improvements can help elevate the essay to a higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion in the IELTS Task 2 writing criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It uses words and phrases such as "effective tool," "significant inconvenience," "advanced technology," "conveniences," "detrimental impact," and "vast amount of knowledge." These choices help convey meaning clearly but lack variety in terms of nuanced or less common vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance your score, aim to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary that aligns closely with the specific contexts you’re discussing. For instance, instead of using "effective tool," consider alternatives like "potent resource" or "powerful medium," depending on the context. Utilize synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition and to showcase a deeper lexical range. Additionally, consider incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to technology and knowledge storage to further enrich your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas clearly, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, phrases like "significant inconvenience" and "detrimental impact" are somewhat generic and could benefit from more precise wording to better convey the specific nature of the issues discussed.
- How to improve: Work on using vocabulary that precisely captures the nuances of the advantages and disadvantages discussed. For instance, instead of "significant inconvenience," you might specify the exact nature of the inconvenience, such as "accessibility challenges in remote areas." Similarly, instead of "detrimental impact," consider specifying the specific negative outcomes or consequences of relying on Internet-based knowledge storage. Precision in vocabulary not only improves clarity but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally adequate, with only a few minor errors observed (e.g., "Interne" instead of "Internet," "retrieving" instead of "retrieving," and "consuming" instead of "consume"). These errors do not significantly hinder comprehension but indicate a need for more consistent proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch errors before finalizing your writing. Additionally, take time to review your work carefully, focusing specifically on commonly misspelled words or those that might be mistyped due to fast typing. Developing a habit of proofreading systematically can help in identifying and correcting spelling errors effectively.

Overall, while your essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains coherence, enhancing vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling consistency will further strengthen your ability to convey ideas clearly and convincingly in academic writing contexts.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences like "This essay will argue…" are used alongside complex sentences such as "Chief among these is that when people come to remote places…" The variety is adequate for clarity and coherence, contributing to a balanced flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s structure variety, consider integrating more complex sentence structures, such as using conditional clauses or inverted sentence structures for emphasis. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can add more rhythm and engagement to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar and punctuation are proficient, with few errors that do not significantly impede understanding. For example, there are minor errors like "when people store knowledge on the Interne" (should be "Internet") and "which its storage can be compared to a library" (could be rephrased for clarity). However, these errors do not obscure the writer’s meaning and are typical of the occasional slip in articles or prepositions.
- How to improve: Focus on consistent use of articles ("the," "a," "an") and correct preposition placement. Reviewing these aspects during proofreading can help in catching and correcting such errors. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structures to ensure they are clear and logically connected, avoiding any ambiguities that may arise from complex sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonably wide range of sentence structures, contributing to its coherence and clarity. With some attention to refining sentence variety and meticulous proofreading for minor errors, the essay could further strengthen its grammatical accuracy and stylistic finesse.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that in today’s modern society, the Internet has become the most effective tool for working and studying, resulting in improved knowledge storage on the Internet, whereas physical books were previously used to store knowledge. This essay will argue that the benefits of this development are far more significant than its disadvantages.

Several minor disadvantages are associated with storing knowledge on the Internet. Chief among these is that when individuals travel to remote areas such as rural regions where access to the Internet is challenging for them, which poses a significant inconvenience. However, this scenario may not be common nowadays as advanced technology and Wi-Fi hotspots have been equipped everywhere, including countryside and rural areas. Another disadvantage is that the Internet may fail, resulting in the immediate loss of valuable knowledge stored. Therefore, individuals will need to spend time retrieving the lost knowledge, which can consume considerable time and effort.

Nevertheless, I maintain that the benefits it offers are of greater significance than these drawbacks for several reasons. Firstly, storing knowledge on the Internet offers people several conveniences compared to the past when individuals had to carry numerous heavy physical books containing the necessary knowledge, which put strain on their spines and resulted in many health-related issues. For this reason, when people store knowledge on the Internet, they only need to bring a phone, a tablet, or a laptop with them, which avoids the detrimental impacts seen in the past and provides more convenience. Another point worth mentioning is that thanks to the storage capacity of technological gadgets, a vast amount of knowledge can be contained in just a small phone, whose storage can be compared to a library. Consequently, people can get access to knowledge more easily, rapidly, and efficiently as they do not have to carry many books for storing knowledge.

In conclusion, despite some drawbacks that can arise from storing knowledge on the Internet, I maintain the belief that the benefits it provides are of greater significance.