In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many other thing different from in their home coutries.Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar.What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweight the disadvantages?
In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many other thing different from in their home coutries.Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar.What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweight the disadvantages?
Many years ago, people distinguished between their hometown's scenery or culture and other nation's one by having a trip to that country.In recent days, many cities look more and more alike around the world. Although there are several merits of this tendency, I personally believe that its disadvantages are much more significant.
The similar between many cities has some noticeable merits.The first one is that the development speed between those cities can bt minimized or disappeared. The construction facilities are not different anymore. Tourists and ciitizens can visit the sky scraaper, high building, which can bring so much beautiful views. More and more convinient store, famous restaurants will be established and opened. There is no need to go to the modern cities, which are very expensive and crowded. The second one is that people feel more familiar if they moved to those cities to live and work. New inhabitants will get used to staying in the new cities faster. There will not be any shock culture or troubles in living conditions. They do not have to spend too much time to discover and visit new place that they haven't been to in the new area.
Despite the positives mentioned above, I would argue that this similarity is detrimental overall.The first reasons is that similar cities can cause boring to the visitors. New tourists can not find the different and signature point between two cities if they are looked alike. There is no impression which are stayed in the tourist's mind,which will not motivate them to come to thoese cities another time. It leads to the decreasing and losing of tourism industry. The second reason is that similar cities can not show out the impression of each city's culture. All of different traditional cultures will be the same, which can affect to the development of the religion and language. People in those cities do not know about their history, which is a problem in educatung children and promulgating religious beliefs.
Inconclusion, while there are several merits, I strongly believe that the trend of similar cities nowadays is unbeneficial in general.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Many years ago" -> "Historically"
Explanation: "Historically" provides a more precise temporal reference and is more formal than "Many years ago," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing. -
"distinguished between their hometown’s scenery or culture and other nation’s one" -> "distinguished between their hometown’s scenery and culture and those of other nations"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision corrects the grammatical structure and uses "those of other nations" to maintain a formal tone. -
"In recent days" -> "In recent years"
Explanation: "In recent years" is a more appropriate temporal phrase for academic writing, whereas "In recent days" is informal and imprecise. -
"look more and more alike" -> "become increasingly similar"
Explanation: "Become increasingly similar" is a more formal and precise way to describe the ongoing process of cities becoming alike. -
"The similar between many cities has some noticeable merits" -> "The similarity between many cities has several notable advantages"
Explanation: "The similarity" is grammatically correct, and "several notable advantages" is more formal and precise than "some noticeable merits." -
"can bt minimized or disappeared" -> "can be minimized or eliminated"
Explanation: "Can be minimized or eliminated" corrects the typo and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing. -
"Tourists and ciitizens" -> "tourists and citizens"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and uses the correct plural form "citizens." -
"high building" -> "high-rise buildings"
Explanation: "High-rise buildings" is the correct term for structures of this type, enhancing the formality and accuracy of the description. -
"convinient store" -> "convenient stores"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and pluralizes "store" to match the context of multiple establishments. -
"famous restaurants will be established and opened" -> "famous restaurants will be established and opened"
Explanation: This is a redundant statement; the verb "opened" is implied by "established," so it can be removed for clarity and conciseness. -
"There is no need to go to the modern cities" -> "There is no need to visit modern cities"
Explanation: "Visit" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "go," which is too informal and vague. -
"The second one is that people feel more familiar if they moved to those cities to live and work" -> "The second advantage is that individuals become more familiar with these cities when they relocate to live and work there"
Explanation: "Individuals become more familiar with these cities" is more precise and formal, and "relocate" is a more academic term than "moved." -
"New inhabitants will get used to staying in the new cities faster" -> "New residents will acclimate to living in these cities more quickly"
Explanation: "Acclimate to living in these cities more quickly" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic writing. -
"There will not be any shock culture or troubles in living conditions" -> "There will be no cultural shock or difficulties in adapting to living conditions"
Explanation: "Cultural shock or difficulties in adapting to living conditions" corrects the awkward and incorrect original phrase, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"They do not have to spend too much time to discover and visit new place that they haven’t been to in the new area" -> "They do not need to spend considerable time discovering and visiting new areas they have not previously visited"
Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal vocabulary, improving the flow and precision of the sentence. -
"The first reasons is that similar cities can cause boring to the visitors" -> "The first reason is that similar cities can be boring for visitors"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and uses "be boring for visitors" for a more formal and correct expression. -
"New tourists can not find the different and signature point between two cities if they are looked alike" -> "New tourists cannot identify the unique features between two cities if they appear similar"
Explanation: "Cannot identify the unique features" is more precise and formal than "can not find the different and signature point," which is awkward and unclear. -
"There is no impression which are stayed in the tourist’s mind" -> "There is no impression that remains in the tourist’s mind"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and clear. -
"which will not motivate them to come to thoese cities another time" -> "which will not motivate them to visit these cities again"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error and uses "visit these cities again" for a more formal and
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increasing similarity of cities and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. The author mentions merits such as the convenience of familiar environments and the minimization of cultural shock, as well as disadvantages like the loss of unique cultural identities and the potential decline in tourism. However, the reasons provided could be more explicitly linked to the prompt, particularly in terms of elaborating on why cities are becoming more similar.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate specific reasons for the similarity of cities, such as globalization, the influence of multinational corporations, or advancements in technology. Each reason should be explicitly stated and supported with examples to ensure a comprehensive answer to the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages of similar cities outweigh the advantages. This stance is maintained throughout, particularly in the concluding statement. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. Additionally, reiterating the main position in each paragraph can reinforce the essay’s stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of city similarity. However, the support for these ideas is often vague or lacks depth. For instance, the claim that similar cities can lead to a decline in tourism is mentioned but not sufficiently backed up with examples or explanations.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing the decline in tourism, the author could reference specific cities that have experienced this issue or provide statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on how cultural similarities affect local traditions would add depth to the discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for city similarity and the associated advantages and disadvantages. However, there are moments where the argument becomes slightly convoluted, particularly in the discussion of cultural impacts, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each point made directly addresses the prompt. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences can help maintain clarity and coherence.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, improvements can be made in the areas of clarity, depth of support, and explicit connections to the prompt. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing merits and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the merits of similar cities to their disadvantages is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph lists merits without clearly linking them to the thesis, and the second body paragraph introduces disadvantages without a smooth transition from the previous ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the merits, a phrase like "On the other hand" could better signal the shift to disadvantages. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement will strengthen the overall coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, with distinct sections for merits and disadvantages. However, some paragraphs could be more clearly defined. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of development and familiarity, and another on the impact on tourism. This would allow for a more focused discussion of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by examples and explanations. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "although," "despite," and "which," but there is a limited range of devices used throughout. Some sentences are also missing necessary punctuation, which can disrupt the flow and clarity. For instance, the phrase "which can bring so much beautiful views" lacks clarity and could be better structured.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "however." Additionally, pay attention to punctuation and sentence structure to ensure clarity. For example, breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can enhance readability and coherence.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "development speed," "construction facilities," and "signature point" show an effort to incorporate specific vocabulary related to the topic. However, the range is limited, and some phrases are repetitive, such as "similar cities" and "new cities," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should strive to incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "similar cities," alternatives like "homogeneous urban environments" or "cities with indistinguishable characteristics" could add depth. Additionally, exploring more complex phrases related to urban development and cultural identity would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the development speed between those cities can bt minimized or disappeared" is confusing and incorrectly structured. The term "boring" is also overly simplistic when discussing the potential lack of uniqueness in cities. Moreover, "impression which are stayed in the tourist’s mind" contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "boring," the writer could use "monotonous" or "uninspiring." Additionally, restructuring sentences for clarity, such as changing "the development speed can bt minimized" to "the pace of development can be harmonized," would enhance precision and readability.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "bt" instead of "be," "ciitizens" instead of "citizens," "sky scraaper" instead of "skyscraper," and "convinient" instead of "convenient." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and keeping a list of frequently confused terms can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, coupled with feedback, will also help in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes over time.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are notable areas for improvement, particularly in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and correcting spelling errors. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many years ago, people distinguished…") and compound sentences ("Although there are several merits of this tendency, I personally believe…"). However, the range is limited, and more complex structures are needed to enhance the overall quality of the writing. For instance, the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences is minimal, which could provide depth and sophistication to the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. For example, instead of saying, "The first one is that the development speed between those cities can be minimized or disappeared," they could say, "One significant advantage is that the development speed between those cities can be minimized, or even eliminated, leading to a more uniform urban landscape." Additionally, using more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases can help connect ideas more fluidly.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, phrases like "the similar between many cities" should be corrected to "the similarity between many cities." Additionally, there are instances of incorrect verb forms and articles, such as "can bt minimized" instead of "can be minimized," and "the sky scraaper, high building" should be "the skyscrapers and high buildings." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, also detract from the overall readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch common errors. They can benefit from studying subject-verb agreement, correct article usage, and the proper formation of plural nouns. For punctuation, practicing the use of commas in lists and compound sentences will enhance clarity. For example, the sentence "There is no impression which are stayed in the tourist’s mind, which will not motivate them to come to thoese cities another time" could be revised to "There is no impression that stays in the tourists’ minds, which will not motivate them to return to those cities." Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also help in this area.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, enhancing the range of grammatical structures and improving accuracy will significantly raise the band score in this criterion.
Bài sửa mẫu
Many years ago, people distinguished between their hometown’s scenery or culture and those of other nations by traveling to those countries. In recent years, many cities around the world have become increasingly similar. Although there are several merits to this tendency, I personally believe that its disadvantages are much more significant.
The similarity between many cities has some noticeable advantages. The first one is that the development speed between these cities can be minimized or eliminated. The construction facilities are no longer different. Tourists and citizens can visit the skyscrapers and high-rise buildings, which can provide beautiful views. More and more convenient stores and famous restaurants will be established and opened. There is no need to go to modern cities, which are often very expensive and crowded. The second advantage is that people feel more familiar if they move to these cities to live and work. New residents will acclimate to living in these cities more quickly. There will be no cultural shock or difficulties in adapting to living conditions. They do not need to spend considerable time discovering and visiting new areas they have not previously explored.
Despite the positives mentioned above, I would argue that this similarity is detrimental overall. The first reason is that similar cities can be boring for visitors. New tourists cannot identify the unique features between two cities if they appear alike. There is no impression that remains in the tourist’s mind, which will not motivate them to visit these cities again. This leads to a decrease in the tourism industry. The second reason is that similar cities cannot showcase the unique aspects of each city’s culture. All the different traditional cultures will appear the same, which can affect the development of religion and language. People in those cities do not know about their history, which is a problem in educating children and promoting religious beliefs.
In conclusion, while there are several merits, I strongly believe that the trend of similar cities nowadays is unbeneficial in general.