In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many other things different from in their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

People once sought adventures abroad to experience the distinctiveness of other lands. However, nowadays, the natural landscapes around the world have become indistinguishable, sparking controversy. Globalization and rapid technological advancements are the primary drivers of this phenomenon. While they bring significant benefits to individuals worldwide, they also contribute to cultural erosion, rendering it detrimental.

From a holistic perspective, globalization serves to unite the world in various aspects. For instance, young people in many Asian nations now sport fashion trends from the United States. Moreover, well-known brands like KFC or Starbucks are ubiquitous across the globe, impacting even the most remote tourist destinations. Additionally, advancements in technology, particularly the internet, provide easy access to a wealth of information about diverse destinations worldwide. Consequently, this has resulted in a recent decline in tourism.

However, amid mounting concerns regarding threats to national cultures, efforts have been made to address this issue. A pertinent example is McDonald’s, which has adapted its menu to suit local tastes in countries like Vietnam, showcasing how globalization can lead to the fusion rather than the complete eradication of cultures.

In conclusion, the ramifications of this proliferation are inevitable. To preserve their unique identities, governments and societies must take proactive measures. Otherwise, global tourism will continue to lose its appeal, ultimately becoming monotonous and dull.

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Errors and Improvements:

"People once sought adventures abroad" -> "Individuals formerly sought adventures overseas"
Explanation: "People" is a broad term; "individuals" is more formal. "Once sought" can be replaced with "formerly sought" for a more sophisticated tone. "Abroad" can be substituted with "overseas" for variety.
"distinctiveness of other lands" -> "uniqueness of foreign territories"
Explanation: "Distinctiveness" is slightly informal; "uniqueness" is a more academic alternative. "Other lands" can be replaced with "foreign territories" to enhance formality.
"sparking controversy" -> "provoking debate"
Explanation: "Sparking controversy" is somewhat colloquial; "provoking debate" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.
"primary drivers of this phenomenon" -> "main catalysts for this occurrence"
Explanation: "Drivers" is relatively informal; "catalysts" is a more formal synonym. "Phenomenon" can be replaced with "occurrence" for variety.
"significant benefits to individuals worldwide" -> "substantial advantages for individuals globally"
Explanation: "Significant benefits" can be replaced with "substantial advantages" for a more formal tone. "Worldwide" can be substituted with "globally" for variety.
"rendering it detrimental" -> "making it deleterious"
Explanation: "Rendering it detrimental" is slightly informal; "making it deleterious" is a more formal alternative.
"holistic perspective" -> "comprehensive viewpoint"
Explanation: "Holistic" is somewhat informal; "comprehensive" is a more formal synonym. "Perspective" can be replaced with "viewpoint" for variety.
"young people in many Asian nations now sport fashion trends" -> "youth in numerous Asian countries now adopt fashion trends"
Explanation: "Young people" can be replaced with "youth" for a more formal tone. "Sport fashion trends" can be replaced with "adopt fashion trends" for clarity and formality.
"ubiquitous across the globe" -> "widespread worldwide"
Explanation: "Ubiquitous" is slightly informal; "widespread" is a more formal synonym. "Across the globe" can be replaced with "worldwide" for variety.
"advancements in technology, particularly the internet" -> "technological advances, especially the internet"
Explanation: "Advancements" can be replaced with "technological advances" for a more formal tone. "Particularly" can be substituted with "especially" for variety and formality.
"wealth of information about diverse destinations worldwide" -> "abundance of information regarding various destinations globally"
Explanation: "Wealth of information" can be replaced with "abundance of information" for a more formal tone. "Worldwide" can be replaced with "globally" for variety.
"resulted in a recent decline in tourism" -> "led to a recent decrease in tourism"
Explanation: "Resulted in" can be replaced with "led to" for a more formal tone. "Decline" can be replaced with "decrease" for variety.
"amid mounting concerns regarding threats to national cultures" -> "amid increasing concerns about endangerment to national cultures"
Explanation: "Mounting concerns" can be replaced with "increasing concerns" for variety and formality. "Threats" can be replaced with "endangerment" for a more formal tone.
"A pertinent example is McDonald’s" -> "An apt illustration is McDonald’s"
Explanation: "Pertinent example" can be replaced with "apt illustration" for variety and formality.
"proactive measures" -> "preemptive actions"
Explanation: "Proactive measures" can be replaced with "preemptive actions" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses the reasons behind the increasing similarity of cities worldwide, considering globalization and technological advancements. Additionally, it weighs the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively covers the main points of the prompt, it could benefit from providing more specific examples or data to support its claims. Adding statistics or case studies could enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that globalization and technological advancements have led to both benefits and drawbacks, particularly in terms of cultural erosion and tourism decline.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state its stance in the introduction and conclusion paragraphs. This would help reinforce the argument and ensure consistency in conveying the author’s viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to globalization, technological advancements, cultural impact, and tourism decline. It provides examples such as the spread of fashion trends and global brands, as well as efforts by companies like McDonald’s to adapt to local cultures.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas further, the essay could delve deeper into the specific ways in which globalization and technological advancements contribute to cultural erosion. Exploring additional examples or discussing opposing viewpoints could enrich the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the topic throughout, discussing the reasons behind the increasing similarity of cities worldwide and evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance to the topic, the essay could avoid generalizations and delve into more specific aspects of globalization and technological advancements that impact cultural diversity. Providing concrete examples and avoiding tangential discussions would help maintain focus.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, explicitly stating the author’s position, extending ideas further, and avoiding tangential discussions. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall quality and depth of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization by presenting a well-structured introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, starting with an introduction that sets the context and provides a thesis statement. The body paragraphs effectively support the main arguments with relevant examples and transitions, leading to a coherent conclusion.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective topic, avoiding any tangential discussions that may disrupt the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately uses paragraphs to organize ideas and develop arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the topic, beginning with a clear topic sentence that sets the stage for the discussion. Within each paragraph, supporting details and examples are effectively presented to reinforce the main ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay generally employs effective paragraphing, some paragraphs could benefit from further elaboration or clarification of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is adequately developed, providing sufficient explanation and evidence to support the arguments presented. Additionally, consider varying the length and structure of paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and interest.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a proficient use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "however," "moreover," and "in conclusion" are effectively utilized to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. Additionally, cohesive devices within sentences, such as pronouns and parallel structures, contribute to the overall coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: While the essay employs cohesive devices adequately, there is room for further diversification and refinement. Consider incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases to provide greater nuance and sophistication to the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices to guide the reader through the discussion. To further improve coherence and cohesion, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, enhancing the development of ideas within each paragraph, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, encompassing terms such as "distinctiveness," "controversy," "globalization," "eradication," "proliferation," and "monotonous." These words effectively convey nuanced ideas and contribute to the depth of the argument presented.
- How to improve: To further enrich the lexical variety, consider incorporating specialized terminology related to globalization, cultural preservation, and tourism. Additionally, exploring synonyms and alternative phrases for commonly used words can enhance the richness of expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, such as in the phrase "advancements in technology" and "mounting concerns." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "young people in many Asian nations now sport fashion trends from the United States" could be refined to specify the nature of these trends or the demographic involved.
- How to improve: Aim for specificity in vocabulary selection to convey ideas with utmost clarity. Instead of using broad terms, opt for precise descriptors that accurately capture the intended meaning. This can involve employing adjectives, adverbs, or specific terminology relevant to the context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with no noticeable errors detracting from comprehension. Words such as "ubiquitous," "proactive," and "inevitable" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To uphold spelling accuracy consistently, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and rectify any potential errors. Additionally, cultivating a habit of reviewing written work meticulously can help prevent spelling mistakes from occurring.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. For instance, there are instances of compound sentences such as "Globalization and rapid technological advancements are the primary drivers of this phenomenon," which effectively convey complex ideas. Additionally, complex sentences like "While they bring significant benefits to individuals worldwide, they also contribute to cultural erosion, rendering it detrimental" showcase the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced arguments.
- How to improve: To further enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more advanced structures such as conditional sentences, inverted sentences, or participial phrases. These additions can add depth and sophistication to your writing, enriching the reader’s experience and demonstrating a higher level of language proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are structured correctly, and punctuation marks are appropriately utilized to aid comprehension. However, there are minor instances where punctuation could be refined for clarity, such as ensuring consistency in comma usage within lists or complex sentences. For example, in the sentence "Moreover, well-known brands like KFC or Starbucks are ubiquitous across the globe, impacting even the most remote tourist destinations," a comma before "impacting" would improve readability.
- How to improve: Continuously review and refine your understanding of punctuation rules, paying particular attention to areas of inconsistency or ambiguity. Practice incorporating punctuation marks deliberately to enhance clarity and flow in your writing. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing online resources to reinforce your grasp of grammatical concepts and punctuation conventions.

Bài sửa mẫu

In earlier times, individuals formerly sought adventures overseas to explore the uniqueness of foreign territories. However, nowadays, cities worldwide are increasingly resembling each other, provoking debate. Globalization and rapid technological advances are the main catalysts for this occurrence. While they offer substantial advantages for individuals globally, they also contribute to making it deleterious.

From a comprehensive viewpoint, globalization plays a pivotal role in connecting the world in various aspects. For instance, youth in numerous Asian countries now adopt fashion trends from around the world. Moreover, well-known brands like KFC or Starbucks are widespread worldwide, impacting even the most remote tourist destinations. Additionally, technological advances, especially the internet, provide an abundance of information regarding various destinations globally, leading to a recent decrease in tourism.

However, amid increasing concerns about endangerment to national cultures, preemptive actions have been taken to mitigate this issue. An apt illustration is McDonald’s, which has adapted its menu to suit local tastes in countries like Vietnam, demonstrating how globalization can lead to the fusion rather than the complete eradication of cultures.