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The provided chart shows information about the percentage of unemployed citizens as well as the quantity of people migrating from Ireland from 1988 to 2008.

Overall, the proportion of unemployed residents witnessed a dramatic decrease from 1988 to 2008. At the same time, there was a downward trend in the number of inhabitants who left Ireland.

In 1988, about 60000 people left Ireland, which was the highest point. From 1988 to 1992, the quantity of residents migrating from Ireland experienced a substantial fall to approximately 35000, followed by a slight increase by 3000 in 1994. In an 8-year period from 1994, this figure plummeted to around 25000 people. In contrast, there was a doubling to about 50000 in the number of people leaving Ireland in 2008.

Regarding the percentage of Irish inhabitants who were jobless, there was a fluctuation between 1988 and 1992, before witnessing a significant decline by approximately 10% in 2000. From 2000 to 2004, the proportion of unemployed people in Ireland remained stable at around 5%, then rose slightly to 6% in 2008.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "quantity of people" -> "number of individuals"
   Explanation: Using "number of individuals" instead of "quantity of people" adds a more formal and precise tone to the description of the population movement.

2. "inhabitants" -> "residents"
   Explanation: While "inhabitants" is not incorrect, "residents" is a more common and appropriate term when referring to people living in a specific place, like Ireland in this context.

3. "experienced a substantial fall" -> "experienced a significant decline"
   Explanation: "Substantial fall" can be replaced with "significant decline" to convey a stronger and more specific decrease in the number of residents migrating from Ireland.

4. "plummeted" -> "dropped"
   Explanation: "Plummeted" is a more dramatic term, and "dropped" is a simpler and clearer alternative that maintains the meaning of a sharp decrease in the number of people leaving Ireland.

5. "jobless" -> "unemployed"
   Explanation: While "jobless" is commonly used, "unemployed" is a more formal and precise term to describe individuals without a job in the context of the percentage of Irish residents who were not employed.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data presented. It clearly presents and highlights key features such as the decrease in the percentage of unemployed citizens and the fluctuation in the number of people migrating from Ireland. The information is appropriately selected and presented in a structured manner.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend the analysis of the data further by providing more detailed comparisons between different years and trends. Additionally, ensuring that the information is accurately represented without any inaccuracies would enhance the overall quality of the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by first discussing the trend in the number of people migrating from Ireland and then transitioning to the percentage of unemployed residents. There is a clear progression throughout the essay, moving from one point to the next in a coherent manner. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, with transitions such as "Overall," and "Regarding" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on either the migration data or the unemployment data.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied cohesive devices to further connect ideas and enhance the flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that the paragraphing is consistent and logical throughout the essay to improve overall organization. Further development of the introduction and conclusion could also help in strengthening the coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation, such as "proportion," "witnessed," "substantial," "plummeted," and "fluctuation." There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, such as "inhabitants" instead of "residents" and "quantity" instead of "number."

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more varied vocabulary and paying attention to word choice and spelling accuracy. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to convey information about the provided chart. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay provides a clear overview of the data presented in the chart.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures and pay attention to punctuation. Additionally, ensure that complex sentences are accurate and clear to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates the percentage of unemployed citizens and the quantity of people migrating from Ireland between 1988 and 2008.

Overall, there was a notable decrease in the proportion of unemployed residents from 1988 to 2008. Concurrently, there was a downward trend in the number of inhabitants leaving Ireland.

In 1988, approximately 60,000 people emigrated from Ireland, marking the peak. This number experienced a substantial decline to around 35,000 from 1988 to 1992, followed by a slight increase of 3,000 in 1994. Over the next 8 years, this figure dropped to approximately 25,000 individuals. Conversely, there was a doubling to about 50,000 people leaving Ireland in 2008.

In terms of the percentage of Irish inhabitants who were unemployed, there was fluctuation between 1988 and 1992 before witnessing a significant decline of around 10% in 2000. From 2000 to 2004, the proportion of unemployed individuals in Ireland remained steady at approximately 5%, then slightly increased to 6% in 2008.