Increasing travels between countries enable people to learn different cultures or to increase tension between people from different countries?

As the world has become flatter and flatter, transnational travel also becomes more popular. While many people argue that this increasing trend can put people from different nations under peer pressure, I believe that globalisation can bring more benefits over drawbacks.
It is undeniable that international travels promote great cultural exchange opportunities. Through joining global summits or any other international scale programs, we can meet people from different sides of the globe. This helps us broaden our knowledge about languages, national costumes and interesting things about cultures. It is justifiably proud to tell people about our nation's history and its affluent heritages, while it is also fascinating to hear other people showing their countries' cultural features. As culture is the soul of a nation, cross-cultural exchange helps each individual show their pride of the place where they were born and grew up, as well as preserve their specific culture identity.
In addition to cultural aspect, transnational travel can also help develop tourism significantly, with countries mainly living on tourism like Thailand or Indonesia, tourism industry plays a vital role in the countries' econemies. The more tourists a country can attract, the more prosperous that nation can become. As a result, local residents may have a better quality of life, contributing to the whole country's development. Further than tourism, developing countries can benefit a lot from globalisation thanks to the expansion of large multinational companies. This allows the host country to decrease the unemployment rate diamatically,to receive more investment on buildings, factories and to develop a stronger economy as multinational enterprises share their extensive experience and offer intensive training. A flatter world can help countries take advantage of different aspects of economy.
In conclusion, I believe that the increasing trend of travels between nations can bring people great opportunities to get access to cultural
diversity and find a good job in an international working environment. From national perspective, globalisation can help develop the economy
to a better level and plug the wealth gap between countries due to the popularity of foreign investment projects.

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Errors and Improvements:

"While many people argue that this increasing trend can put people from different nations under peer pressure," -> "While many contend that this growing trend may subject individuals from various nations to peer pressure,"
Explanation: Replacing "argue" with "contend" and modifying the sentence structure enhances formality and precision, aligning with academic style.
"Through joining global summits or any other international scale programs," -> "By participating in global summits or other large-scale international programs,"
Explanation: Replacing "joining" with "participating in" and refining the phrasing contributes to a more formal tone and improved clarity.
"It is justifiably proud to tell people about our nation’s history and its affluent heritages," -> "It is justifiable pride to share information about our nation’s history and its rich cultural heritage,"
Explanation: Adjusting the sentence structure and replacing "proud to tell" with "justifiable pride to share" enhances the formality and clarity of expression.
"As culture is the soul of a nation," -> "Given that culture serves as the soul of a nation,"
Explanation: Introducing "Given that" and rephrasing the sentence increases formality and strengthens the logical connection between statements.
"it is also fascinating to hear other people showing their countries’ cultural features." -> "it is also intriguing to learn about others showcasing the cultural features of their countries."
Explanation: Substituting "fascinating" with "intriguing" and refining the phrasing contributes to a more sophisticated and academically suitable expression.
"transnational travel can also help develop tourism significantly," -> "transnational travel can also significantly contribute to the development of tourism,"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better flow and replacing "help develop" with "significantly contribute to the development of" adds precision and formality.
"countries mainly living on tourism like Thailand or Indonesia, tourism industry plays a vital role in the countries’ econemies." -> "countries heavily reliant on tourism, such as Thailand or Indonesia, the tourism industry plays a vital role in their economies."
Explanation: Clarifying the comparison, using "reliant on" instead of "mainly living on," and correcting "econemies" to "economies" improve accuracy and formality.
"The more tourists a country can attract, the more prosperous that nation can become." -> "The greater the number of tourists a country can attract, the more prosperous the nation can become."
Explanation: Enhancing the comparative structure and using "greater" instead of "more" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.
"decrease the unemployment rate diamatically," -> "dramatically decrease the unemployment rate,"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "diamatically" to "dramatically" ensures accuracy, and the rephrasing improves formality.
"plug the wealth gap between countries due to the popularity of foreign investment projects." -> "bridge the wealth gap between countries through the popularity of foreign investment projects."
Explanation: Replacing "plug" with "bridge" and refining the phrasing enhances formality and maintains clarity in expressing the impact of foreign investment projects on the wealth gap.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "While many people argue that this increasing trend can put people from different nations under peer pressure, I believe that globalization can bring more benefits over drawbacks."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction sets the stage for the essay but lacks a clear summary of the main points that will be discussed. Adding a concise preview of the arguments would enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s structure.
- Improved example: "While there are concerns about increasing travel putting people under peer pressure, I firmly believe that the advantages of globalization outweigh the drawbacks. In this essay, I will discuss the cultural exchange opportunities and economic benefits that transnational travel can bring."
Quoted text: "Through joining global summits or any other international scale programs, we can meet people from different sides of the globe. This helps us broaden our knowledge about languages, national costumes and interesting things about cultures."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The first body paragraph introduces the idea of cultural exchange, but the explanation is somewhat general. To improve, provide specific examples or personal experiences that illustrate the benefits of participating in global summits, enhancing the depth of your argument.
- Improved example: "Participating in global summits, such as the United Nations conferences, offers a unique opportunity to engage with diverse cultures. For instance, during my attendance at an international conference, I interacted with delegates from various countries, gaining insights into their languages, traditional costumes, and fascinating cultural practices."
Quoted text: "In addition to the cultural aspect, transnational travel can also help develop tourism significantly, with countries mainly living on tourism like Thailand or Indonesia, tourism industry plays a vital role in the countries’ economies."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you touch upon the economic benefits of tourism, the connection between cultural exchange and economic development could be more explicit. Consider elaborating on how a rich cultural experience for tourists can contribute to a country’s economic growth.
- Improved example: "Moreover, a vibrant cultural experience for tourists, stemming from cross-cultural interactions, not only enhances a country’s tourism sector but also stimulates economic growth. For instance, countries like Thailand and Indonesia showcase their unique cultural heritage, attracting tourists and boosting local economies."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but could benefit from providing more specific examples and strengthening the connections between cultural exchange and economic development.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a relatively clear progression of ideas, organizing information logically throughout the text. There’s a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, maintaining a central topic within each paragraph. It effectively discusses the cultural exchange benefits and the economic impacts of transnational travel, supporting each point with examples and reasoning.

Cohesive devices are used with a reasonable range and some skill, aiding in connecting ideas within and between sentences. However, there are occasional instances of overuse or underuse of cohesive devices, affecting the flow slightly. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, though there are minor lapses in logical transitions between paragraphs.

How to improve:
To elevate the coherence and cohesion further:

Ensure consistent use of cohesive devices without overusing them, maintaining a smoother flow.
Strengthen the transitions between paragraphs for a more seamless progression of ideas.
Aim for a more consistent and balanced approach to paragraphing, emphasizing logical transitions between each section to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, showcasing an attempt to use less common lexical items. There is a variety of vocabulary related to cultural exchange, tourism, economy, and globalization, enhancing the depth of discussion. The candidate effectively conveys ideas with some precision, utilizing words and phrases appropriate to the context. The essay employs less common lexical items, indicating an awareness of style and collocation, although occasional errors in word choice and collocation are noticeable. Additionally, some minor inaccuracies in word formation and spelling are present, but they do not significantly impede communication. The candidate maintains coherence and demonstrates an understanding of the topic through a fairly diverse lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource further, focus on refining word choice and ensuring precise usage of less common vocabulary. Proofreading for occasional inaccuracies in spelling and word formation would strengthen the essay’s lexical quality. Additionally, expanding the range of sophisticated vocabulary while maintaining accuracy in word choice and collocation can elevate the lexical richness of future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, and the writer uses a variety of complex structures effectively. Most sentences are error-free, with only occasional minor errors. The writer successfully conveys ideas and maintains coherence throughout the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer can pay attention to sentence structure complexity, ensuring a consistent and intentional use of advanced structures. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors, such as missing articles or subject-verb agreement, will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our increasingly interconnected world, the rise in international travel has become a prominent feature. While some argue that this surge may lead to tension among people from different nations, I posit that globalization holds more advantages than disadvantages.

Undoubtedly, international travels facilitate valuable cultural exchanges. Participation in global summits and similar international programs enables individuals to meet people from diverse corners of the world. This interaction broadens our understanding of languages, national customs, and intriguing aspects of various cultures. Taking pride in sharing our nation’s history and rich heritage becomes justifiable, while simultaneously appreciating the cultural features of others. Since culture is the essence of a nation, cross-cultural exchanges allow individuals to express pride in their place of origin, preserving their unique cultural identity.

Beyond the cultural realm, transnational travel significantly boosts tourism, particularly in countries heavily reliant on it, such as Thailand or Indonesia. The tourism industry plays a pivotal role in these countries’ economies. The ability to attract more tourists contributes to the prosperity of the nation, ultimately improving the quality of life for local residents and fostering overall national development. Moreover, globalisation benefits developing countries through the expansion of multinational companies. This translates into a dramatic decrease in unemployment rates, increased investment in infrastructure, factories, and a more robust economy. The flattening of the world enables countries to leverage diverse aspects of their economy.

In conclusion, the increasing trend of international travel provides individuals with tremendous opportunities to explore cultural diversity and secure employment in an international setting. From a national perspective, globalization serves as a catalyst for economic development, bridging the wealth gap between countries through the popularity of foreign investment projects.