Influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of many species and loss of biodiversity. What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solutions can you suggest to protect endangered species and biodiversity?

Influence of human beings on the world’s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of many species and loss of biodiversity.
What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity?
What solutions can you suggest to protect endangered species and biodiversity?

It is argued that human development in ecosystems around the world is resulting in endangered species coupled with the loss of ecological diversity. I suppose the human beings’ growth is the main reason but advanced technologies and official laws can reduce that severe problem.
The two main causes of species extinction are change of their habitats and over- exploration of natural resources. Initially, when humans artificially transform the environment, they destroy vegetation and animals’ natural surroundings. For instance, to build new roads people are cutting down the trees and cementing the soil, altering the environment. Because of that, many species are dying out. Secondly, when the activities connected with capturing and harvesting a natural resource are too intense in a particular area, natural assets become exhausted. Namely, too frequent fishing does not leave enough time for fish to reproduce and makes them significantly reduced. In other words, human interferences often deplete local flora and fauna and cause loss of bio-diversity.
From my perspective, the first remedy, is utilizing harnessing technologies to enhance agricultural productivity. By implementing precision agriculture techniques, farmers can optimize resource use, reducing the need for land expansion and habitat destruction. For example, drones and satellite imagery can monitor crop health and identify areas requiring targeted interventions, minimizing the use of pesticides and fertilizers. Furthermore, the development of drought-resistant crops through biotechnology can alleviate the pressure on water resources, preserving natural ecosystems. The second approach, governments can significantly improve biodiversity by implementing strong laws and regulations. Establishing protected areas, controlling deforestation and pollution, and cracking down on illegal wildlife trade are crucial steps. Incentivizing sustainable practices, like organic farming, encourages responsible land use.
In essence, human activities have been causing massive extinctions of distinct species. I believe by integrating technology into agricultural practices and proactive approach of strict laws from governments, we can foster a sustainable future for both humans and nature.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "I suppose the human beings’ growth" -> "I attribute the growth of human populations"
   Explanation: "I suppose" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "I attribute" is more assertive and appropriate for academic discourse. Additionally, "human beings’ growth" is awkwardly phrased; "the growth of human populations" is clearer and more formal.

2. "can reduce that severe problem" -> "can mitigate this severe issue"
   Explanation: "reduce" is somewhat vague and informal; "mitigate" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to describe the reduction of negative impacts. "This" is preferred over "that" for referring to the previously discussed issue.

3. "change of their habitats" -> "alteration of their habitats"
   Explanation: "Change" is too general and informal; "alteration" is more specific and academically precise.

4. "over- exploration of natural resources" -> "overexploitation of natural resources"
   Explanation: "Over- exploration" is not a standard term; "overexploitation" is the correct term and is widely recognized in environmental and ecological contexts.

5. "cementing the soil" -> "compacting the soil"
   Explanation: "Cementing" is incorrect in this context; "compacting" is the correct term for describing the process of compressing soil.

6. "many species are dying out" -> "numerous species are becoming extinct"
   Explanation: "Dying out" is informal and imprecise; "becoming extinct" is the scientifically accurate term for species that have ceased to exist.

7. "too frequent fishing" -> "excessive fishing"
   Explanation: "Too frequent" is informal and vague; "excessive" is more precise and formal.

8. "makes them significantly reduced" -> "significantly reduces their numbers"
   Explanation: "Makes them significantly reduced" is awkward and unclear; "significantly reduces their numbers" is clearer and more direct.

9. "human interferences" -> "human interference"
   Explanation: "Interferences" is plural and incorrect; "interference" is the singular form needed here.

10. "harnessing technologies" -> "utilizing technologies"
    Explanation: "Harnessing" is somewhat informal and less precise; "utilizing" is more commonly used in formal academic writing to describe the application of technologies.

11. "can optimize resource use" -> "can optimize resource utilization"
    Explanation: "Use" is too general; "utilization" is more specific and formal, fitting the context of resource management.

12. "cracking down on illegal wildlife trade" -> "enforcing regulations on illegal wildlife trade"
    Explanation: "Cracking down" is colloquial; "enforcing regulations" is more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.

13. "Incentivizing sustainable practices" -> "Promoting sustainable practices"
    Explanation: "Incentivizing" is slightly informal and less direct; "promoting" is straightforward and commonly used in formal writing.

14. "proactive approach of strict laws" -> "proactive implementation of stringent laws"
    Explanation: "Approach of" is awkward and unclear; "implementation of" is more direct and precise, and "stringent" is more formal than "strict."

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt regarding the primary causes of biodiversity loss and potential solutions. The causes identified—habitat destruction and over-exploitation of natural resources—are relevant and well-explained. The author provides specific examples, such as deforestation for road construction and overfishing, which illustrate these points clearly. The solutions proposed, including the use of technology in agriculture and the implementation of strong governmental regulations, are also pertinent to the issue of biodiversity loss.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the causes and the suggested solutions. For instance, after discussing habitat destruction, the author could directly link how technological advancements can mitigate this specific issue. Additionally, including a brief discussion on the socio-economic factors that contribute to biodiversity loss could provide a more comprehensive view.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that human activities are the primary drivers of biodiversity loss, and it suggests that technology and legislation can help address these issues. The author’s stance is consistent throughout, as evidenced by the repeated emphasis on human impact and the proposed solutions. However, the phrase "I suppose" in the introduction may weaken the assertiveness of the position.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author should avoid tentative language and instead use more assertive phrases. For example, replacing "I suppose" with "I firmly believe" would enhance the conviction of the argument. Additionally, reinforcing the position in the conclusion by summarizing the main points succinctly could further solidify the essay’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples. The discussion on technological solutions, such as precision agriculture and biotechnology, is well-developed and demonstrates an understanding of how these innovations can help address biodiversity loss. However, the essay could benefit from more elaboration on the governmental solutions proposed, as they are somewhat briefly mentioned.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should provide more detailed explanations or examples of how specific laws or regulations could be implemented and their expected impact on biodiversity. For instance, discussing successful case studies of protected areas or specific legislation that has positively affected biodiversity could enhance the argument’s depth.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of biodiversity loss and the influence of human activities throughout. Each paragraph addresses relevant aspects of the prompt without straying into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, with a clear progression from causes to solutions.
  • How to improve: While the essay generally stays on topic, ensuring that every example directly ties back to the main argument is crucial. The author should periodically reiterate how each point relates to the overarching theme of biodiversity loss to maintain a strong focus. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences can help keep the writing clear and on-topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s ideas. By addressing the suggested improvements, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s viewpoint. The body paragraphs are organized into clear sections that address the causes of biodiversity loss and potential solutions. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses habitat destruction and over-exploitation of resources as primary causes, providing relevant examples. However, the transition between the causes and solutions could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the solutions. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "To combat these pressing issues, several solutions can be implemented" would create a clearer link between the two sections. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction, two body paragraphs (one for causes and one for solutions), and a conclusion are clearly delineated. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on technological solutions and the other on governmental measures. This would provide a clearer structure and allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs. For instance, one paragraph could detail the use of technology in agriculture, while the other could discuss the role of government regulations. This division would not only enhance clarity but also allow for a more thorough examination of each solution, making the argument more compelling.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "initially," "for instance," and "in essence," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "human interferences" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with more specific terms to enhance clarity. Additionally, the essay relies heavily on conjunctions like "and" and "but," which can make the writing feel repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "and," consider using "additionally," "moreover," or "furthermore" to introduce new ideas. Additionally, using phrases like "on the other hand" when discussing contrasting ideas can improve the overall flow. Furthermore, ensure that terms are precise; instead of "human interferences," consider "human activities" or "human impact" for clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of biodiversity and human impact on ecosystems. Terms such as "endangered species," "ecological diversity," "natural resources," and "precision agriculture" indicate an ability to use topic-specific language effectively. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "human beings’ growth" could be replaced with "human population growth" or "human expansion" for greater clarity and precision.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider incorporating synonyms and more advanced terms. For instance, instead of repeating "natural resources," alternatives like "environmental assets" or "ecological resources" could be used. Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more academic articles on environmental science may help in discovering richer vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecise language that could lead to misunderstandings. For example, the phrase "over-exploration of natural resources" might be better expressed as "overexploitation of natural resources," which is a more commonly used term in environmental discourse. Additionally, "human interferences" should be corrected to "human interference," as it is typically used in the singular form in this context.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review commonly accepted terms in environmental studies and ensure that they are using them correctly. Reading academic papers or reputable articles on biodiversity can provide insights into the precise language used in the field.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall. However, there are minor errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "bio-diversity" should be written as "biodiversity" without a hyphen. Additionally, "too frequent fishing does not leave enough time for fish to reproduce and makes them significantly reduced" could be rephrased for clarity, as it contains awkward phrasing that may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in terminology. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a good range of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in precision and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "when humans artificially transform the environment, they destroy vegetation and animals’ natural surroundings." This showcases the ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way causes and solutions are introduced, which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider varying the introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of consistently starting with "the two main causes" or "the first remedy," try using different transitions such as "One significant factor contributing to…" or "An effective solution could be…" This will enhance the flow of the essay and keep the reader engaged.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with a few notable errors. For example, the phrase "the human beings’ growth is the main reason" could be more accurately phrased as "human growth is the main reason," eliminating the possessive form which is unnecessary here. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the comma placement in "the first remedy, is utilizing harnessing technologies," where the comma is incorrectly placed before "is."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on eliminating unnecessary possessive forms and ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses. Practicing sentence diagramming can help clarify where punctuation is needed. Furthermore, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help reduce errors. For instance, ensure that clauses are properly connected without unnecessary punctuation that disrupts the flow of the sentence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that human development in ecosystems around the world is resulting in endangered species coupled with the loss of ecological diversity. I suppose the growth of human populations is the main reason, but advanced technologies and official laws can mitigate this severe problem.

The two main causes of species extinction are the alteration of their habitats and the overexploitation of natural resources. Initially, when humans artificially transform the environment, they destroy vegetation and animals’ natural surroundings. For instance, to build new roads, people are cutting down trees and compacting the soil, altering the environment. Because of that, many species are dying out. Secondly, when the activities connected with capturing and harvesting a natural resource are too intense in a particular area, natural assets become exhausted. Namely, excessive fishing does not leave enough time for fish to reproduce and significantly reduces their numbers. In other words, human interference often depletes local flora and fauna and causes a loss of biodiversity.

From my perspective, the first remedy is utilizing technologies to enhance agricultural productivity. By implementing precision agriculture techniques, farmers can optimize resource utilization, reducing the need for land expansion and habitat destruction. For example, drones and satellite imagery can monitor crop health and identify areas requiring targeted interventions, minimizing the use of pesticides and fertilizers. Furthermore, the development of drought-resistant crops through biotechnology can alleviate the pressure on water resources, preserving natural ecosystems. The second approach is that governments can significantly improve biodiversity by enforcing regulations on illegal wildlife trade. Establishing protected areas, controlling deforestation and pollution, and cracking down on illegal wildlife trade are crucial steps. Promoting sustainable practices, like organic farming, encourages responsible land use.

In essence, human activities have been causing massive extinctions of numerous species. I believe that by integrating technology into agricultural practices and the proactive implementation of stringent laws from governments, we can foster a sustainable future for both humans and nature.