introduce yourself

Hello everyone! It is great to meet you. Today, I would like to introduce myself. At first, my Dhamma name is Tịnh Khiêm. People usually call me Khiem. I am …. years old. well, I am from… province. I graduated Can Tho Buddhist high school. Currenlty, I am studying at Viet Nam Buddhist University in Ho Chi Minh city. I am a freshman and am majoring in Philosophy department. you know? I really like it because Philosophy helps us solve problems and fosters curiosity to find solutions to unanswered questions. Therefore, students studying Philosophy also practice and cultivate critical thinking, reasoning, negotiation, analysis, and problem solving.
Speaking about my university, it is one of the four Budhdist universities in Vietnam where has many morden facilities for studying. Especially, teachers are always supportive and enthusiastic with their students. I mean, they are someone that I will always turn to for advice when I have to make an important decision. Moreover, there is a library, named Trí Quảng. This name is also the name of the principal in my university. well, it is a morden-looking building for student come here to read book. I always go there after class. the next place I want to share with you is a campus where there are many trees. it is nice and fresh air there. My school is in the countryside of Ho Chi Minh therefore, it is quite quiet and peaceful. I like the most the air in the morning with the beautiful scenery when I sightseeing from the fourth floor of the hostel.
In short, I enjoy everything in there. I think it is the best place to studying also cultivating for Buddhist monks and nuns. That’s all. Thanks for your listening. by the way, have a great time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Hello everyone!" -> "Good day, everyone."
Explanation: "Good day, everyone." is a more formal greeting suitable for academic and professional settings, whereas "Hello everyone!" is too casual and informal for an academic context.
"It is great to meet you." -> "It is an honor to meet you."
Explanation: "It is an honor to meet you." is a more formal expression that conveys respect and professionalism, fitting for an academic introduction.
"At first, my Dhamma name is Tịnh Khiêm." -> "Initially, my Dhamma name is Tịnh Khiêm."
Explanation: "Initially" is a more precise temporal marker than "At first," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"People usually call me Khiem." -> "I am commonly referred to as Khiem."
Explanation: "I am commonly referred to as" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "People usually call me."
"I am …. years old." -> "I am currently aged … years."
Explanation: "Currently aged" is a more formal and precise way to express age in academic writing.
"well, I am from… province." -> "Furthermore, I am from… province."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "well," which is too conversational for academic writing.
"I graduated Can Tho Buddhist high school." -> "I graduated from Can Tho Buddhist High School."
Explanation: "From" is the correct preposition for indicating origin, and "High School" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"Currenlty, I am studying at Viet Nam Buddhist University in Ho Chi Minh city." -> "Currently, I am studying at Viet Nam Buddhist University in Ho Chi Minh City."
Explanation: "Currently" is the correct spelling, and "City" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"I am a freshman and am majoring in Philosophy department." -> "I am a freshman and am majoring in the Philosophy department."
Explanation: Adding "the" before "Philosophy department" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.
"you know?" -> "as you may know"
Explanation: "As you may know" is a more formal way to introduce a statement that assumes prior knowledge, suitable for academic writing.
"Therefore, students studying Philosophy also practice and cultivate critical thinking, reasoning, negotiation, analysis, and problem solving." -> "Consequently, students pursuing Philosophy also develop critical thinking, reasoning, negotiation, analysis, and problem-solving skills."
Explanation: "Consequently" is a more formal transitional word than "Therefore," and "develop" is more precise than "practice and cultivate," and "problem-solving skills" is a more formal phrase.
"it is one of the four Budhdist universities in Vietnam where has many morden facilities for studying." -> "it is one of the four Buddhist universities in Vietnam, which offers many modern facilities for studying."
Explanation: "Which offers" is grammatically correct and more formal than "where has," and "modern" should be spelled correctly as "modern."
"Especially, teachers are always supportive and enthusiastic with their students." -> "Notably, teachers are consistently supportive and enthusiastic towards their students."
Explanation: "Notably" is a more formal transitional word than "Especially," and "towards" is the correct preposition for indicating direction of enthusiasm.
"I mean, they are someone that I will always turn to for advice when I have to make an important decision." -> "I mean, they are individuals whom I always consult for guidance when making important decisions."
Explanation: "Individuals whom I always consult for guidance" is more formal and precise than "someone that I will always turn to for advice."
"well, it is a morden-looking building for student come here to read book." -> "Furthermore, it is a modern-looking building where students come to read books."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional word, and "modern-looking" should be spelled correctly as "modern-looking," and "students come to read books" is grammatically correct.
"I always go there after class." -> "I frequently visit the library after classes."
Explanation: "Frequently visit" is more formal than "always go," and "classes" should be plural to match the context.
"the next place I want to share with you is a campus where there are many trees." -> "the next aspect I would like to discuss is the campus, which features numerous trees."
Explanation: "Aspect" is a more formal term than "place," and "features numerous trees" is more precise and formal than "there are many trees."
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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively introduces the writer by providing personal details such as their name, age, educational background, and current studies. However, it could benefit from a more structured approach to ensure that all relevant aspects of the introduction are covered. For instance, while the writer mentions their Dhamma name and personal interests, there is less emphasis on personal hobbies or experiences that could provide a fuller picture of their personality.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, consider including more personal anecdotes or interests outside of academic life. This could involve discussing hobbies, family background, or future aspirations, which would enrich the introduction and engage the audience more effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the writer’s identity and experiences. However, the flow is occasionally disrupted by informal language and abrupt transitions, which can confuse the reader. For instance, the shift from discussing the university to the library feels somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, use transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Additionally, consider structuring the essay with clear sections (e.g., personal background, academic experience, and interests) to guide the reader through the introduction more logically.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the writer’s major and the supportive environment at the university. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the statement about the benefits of studying Philosophy could be expanded with specific examples or personal experiences that illustrate how it has impacted the writer’s thinking or life.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, aim to elaborate on key points with examples or anecdotes. For instance, discussing a specific philosophical concept that has influenced the writer’s perspective could provide depth and clarity to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the writer’s introduction. However, there are moments where the narrative strays slightly, such as the casual interjection "you know?" and informal phrases that detract from the overall coherence. Additionally, the mention of the library and campus could be more relevantly tied back to the writer’s personal experience.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, avoid informal language and ensure that all details contribute to the overall introduction. Each point made should relate back to the central theme of introducing oneself, reinforcing the writer’s identity and experiences without unnecessary digressions.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and engagement, potentially leading to a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical sequence, beginning with a personal introduction and moving on to details about the university and its environment. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the university’s supportive teachers to the library is somewhat abrupt and lacks a clear connective thought.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through your thoughts. For example, after discussing the supportive teachers, you could introduce the library with a phrase like, "In addition to the supportive faculty, the university also boasts excellent facilities, such as the library…" This would create a more cohesive narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult for readers to follow the progression of ideas. Each new idea or topic should ideally start a new paragraph to visually separate thoughts and improve readability. For instance, the introduction, university description, and personal reflections should each be in distinct paragraphs.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by starting a new paragraph for each main idea. For example, create one paragraph for your introduction, another for your university experience, and a final one for your personal reflections on the environment. This will help organize your thoughts and make the essay easier to navigate.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "In short," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For instance, phrases like "you know?" and "well," are informal and disrupt the flow of the essay rather than contribute to cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, avoid informal phrases that may detract from the overall coherence of your writing. Instead, focus on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, you can improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, potentially raising your band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "Philosophy," "critical thinking," and "morden facilities." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "I like" and "I enjoy." The use of "morden" instead of "modern" indicates a lack of variety and sophistication in word choice.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "I like," the writer could use "I appreciate," "I am fond of," or "I take pleasure in." Additionally, exploring more academic or nuanced vocabulary related to their field of study would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys the intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "morden" is a misspelling of "modern," and "someone that I will always turn to" could be more accurately expressed as "someone to whom I can always turn." The phrase "the air in the morning with the beautiful scenery when I sightseeing" is awkward and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Proofreading for common errors and awkward phrasing can help. For instance, revising "I am majoring in Philosophy department" to "I am majoring in Philosophy" would enhance clarity. Additionally, using phrases like "I enjoy the morning air and beautiful scenery while sightseeing" would improve the flow and precision of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Currenlty" instead of "Currently," "Budhdist" instead of "Buddhist," and "morden" instead of "modern." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools like spell checkers. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial. It is crucial to proofread the essay multiple times before submission to catch these errors.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for vocabulary use, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling will help elevate the band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, such as "I graduated Can Tho Buddhist high school" and "I am a freshman and am majoring in Philosophy department." There are few complex sentences, which restricts the overall grammatical range. The use of phrases like "Speaking about my university" and "In short" indicates an attempt to use transitional phrases, but these are not sufficiently varied or complex to enhance the essay’s effectiveness.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "I really like it because Philosophy helps us solve problems," the writer could say, "I really enjoy studying Philosophy, as it not only helps us solve problems but also fosters a curiosity to find solutions to unanswered questions." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can enhance the overall flow and complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "Currenlty" should be "Currently," and "Philosophy department" should be "the Philosophy department." There are also issues with capitalization, such as "Budhdist" instead of "Buddhist," and the inconsistent use of lowercase at the beginning of sentences, e.g., "well, I am from…" and "you know?" This inconsistency affects the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for spelling errors and proper noun capitalization. Practicing sentence structure and punctuation rules, such as ensuring that each sentence begins with a capital letter and ends with appropriate punctuation, will also help. Additionally, the writer could benefit from reviewing subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, as in "the Philosophy department" instead of "Philosophy department." Engaging in grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors could further enhance their skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Good day, everyone!** It is an honor to meet you. Today, I would like to introduce myself. **Initially, my Dhamma name is Tịnh Khiêm.** I am commonly referred to as Khiem. **I am currently aged … years.** Furthermore, I am from… province. I graduated from Can Tho Buddhist High School. **Currently, I am studying at Viet Nam Buddhist University in Ho Chi Minh City.** I am a freshman and am majoring in the Philosophy department. **As you may know,** I really enjoy it because Philosophy helps us solve problems and fosters curiosity to find solutions to unanswered questions. **Consequently, students pursuing Philosophy also develop critical thinking, reasoning, negotiation, analysis, and problem-solving skills.**

**Speaking about my university, it is one of the four Buddhist universities in Vietnam, which offers many modern facilities for studying.** Notably, teachers are consistently supportive and enthusiastic towards their students. **I mean, they are individuals whom I always consult for guidance when making important decisions.** Moreover, there is a library named Trí Quảng. This name is also the name of the principal at my university. **Furthermore, it is a modern-looking building where students come to read books.** I frequently visit the library after classes.

**The next aspect I would like to discuss is the campus, which features numerous trees.** It is nice and has fresh air there. My school is located in the countryside of Ho Chi Minh, therefore, it is quite quiet and peaceful. **I like the most the air in the morning with the beautiful scenery when I am sightseeing from the fourth floor of the hostel.**

In short, I enjoy everything here. **I think it is the best place for studying and cultivating for Buddhist monks and nuns.** That’s all. **Thanks for your listening. By the way, have a great time!**