It is a natural process for animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos to become extinct. There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a natural process for animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos to become extinct.
There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely acknowledged that numerous plant and animal species have become extinct for several reasons, and similar circumstances are likely to occur in the future. This has led some to argue that it is not advisable to invest resources and efforts to halt this process because it is impractical. However, I do not fully agree with this school of thought because certain species play a crucial role in maintaining a balanced ecosystem and biodiversity, which means protecting them from extinction is necessary

Granted, the disappearance of some species is relative to the evolution process, which is inadvisable to be intervened by humans. This is because to adapt to the increasing harshness of the atmosphere and environment, which certainly affects the habitats of a species, it is necessary for some creatures to modify, for example, in terms of new body parts and behaviors, rendering the previous appearance and operation disappeared, or, the former individual extinct. Therefore, any human investment and effort hardly halts these creatures from such a significant modification, and in case it is possible, it might not be sustainable, given the enormous financial requirements for creating artificial habitats for them, which may also divert financial resources away from other fundamental sectors, such as the economy.

On the other hand, while some species may naturally become extinct due to environmental factors, there are obviously creatures whose population has declined as a result of unrestricted poaching and hunting, which can be rationally and effectively hampered by some practices and policies of people, especially the government and those in power. Obviously, there is a proliferation of people capturing and killing wildlife animals as they value their body parts, such as rhino horns or tiger skins, without an acute consciousness of the consequences, which are unbalanced ecosystems and the loss of biodiversity. As a result, not only are wildlife plants and animals detrimentally affected, but humans also have to bear the impact; therefore, it is necessary and reasonable to apply and implement preventive regulations and legislation.

In conclusion, I disagree with the thought that people should not consider the extinction of creatures, because while such a disappearance can be ascribed to the evolution process, numerous species are threatened by human actions, and also they play a vital role in the ecosystem.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is widely acknowledged" -> "It is widely recognized"
   Explanation: "Recognized" is more precise in an academic context, as it implies a formal acknowledgment or acceptance of a fact or phenomenon, which is more suitable for scholarly writing than "acknowledged."

2. "numerous plant and animal species" -> "numerous plant and animal species"
   Explanation: No change needed here, as the phrase is already formal and appropriate for academic writing.

3. "similar circumstances are likely to occur" -> "similar circumstances may occur"
   Explanation: "May" is more academically neutral than "likely," which can imply a higher degree of certainty than is warranted in this context.

4. "it is not advisable to invest resources and efforts" -> "it is not advisable to allocate resources and efforts"
   Explanation: "Allocate" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting a deliberate and strategic distribution of resources, which is more suitable for formal writing.

5. "because certain species play a crucial role" -> "since certain species play a crucial role"
   Explanation: "Since" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "because," which can sound slightly informal.

6. "the disappearance of some species is relative to the evolution process" -> "the disappearance of some species is relative to the evolutionary process"
   Explanation: "Evolutionary" is the correct term to use when referring to the process of evolution, and it is more precise in this context.

7. "it is necessary for some creatures to modify" -> "some creatures must adapt"
   Explanation: "Must adapt" is more direct and academically precise than "it is necessary for some creatures to modify," which is verbose and less clear.

8. "rendering the previous appearance and operation disappeared" -> "rendering their previous appearance and functionality obsolete"
   Explanation: "Obsolete" is a more precise term than "disappeared," which is vague and informal. "Functionality" is also more specific than "operation."

9. "any human investment and effort hardly halts" -> "any human investment and effort is unlikely to halt"
   Explanation: "Is unlikely to halt" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express doubt about the effectiveness of human intervention.

10. "which may also divert financial resources away from other fundamental sectors" -> "which could also divert financial resources from other fundamental sectors"
    Explanation: "Could" is more appropriate in academic writing than "may" when discussing potential outcomes, and "from" is more grammatically correct than "away from."

11. "there are obviously creatures whose population has declined" -> "there are clearly species whose populations have declined"
    Explanation: "Clearly" is more formal than "obviously," and "populations" should be plural to match the plural subject "species."

12. "can be rationally and effectively hampered" -> "can be effectively and rationally addressed"
    Explanation: "Addressed" is more precise and appropriate in this context, suggesting a direct and systematic approach to solving the problem.

13. "there is a proliferation of people capturing and killing wildlife animals" -> "there is a proliferation of wildlife animal capture and killing"
    Explanation: This revision avoids the awkward construction and clarifies the subject and action.

14. "without an acute consciousness of the consequences" -> "without a full awareness of the consequences"
    Explanation: "Full awareness" is a more precise and formal term than "acute consciousness," which is less commonly used in this context.

15. "it is necessary and reasonable to apply and implement preventive regulations and legislation" -> "it is necessary and reasonable to enact and implement preventive regulations and legislation"
    Explanation: "Enact" is more specific and formal than "apply," and it is the correct term for introducing new laws or policies.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding extinction. The writer presents a nuanced view, agreeing partially with the idea that extinction is a natural process while also arguing for the necessity of human intervention to protect certain species. The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points. However, the essay could have benefited from a clearer delineation of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement, as the phrase "I do not fully agree" could be elaborated further to clarify the author’s position.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For example, specifying whether they believe intervention is critical for all species or just certain ones would provide a clearer stance.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that humans should intervene to prevent the extinction of certain species, particularly those affected by human activities. The argument is consistently supported throughout the essay, with logical reasoning and examples. However, the transition between the acknowledgment of natural extinction and the call for intervention could be smoother to reinforce the author’s position.
  • How to improve: To improve the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two sides of the argument. For instance, after discussing natural extinction, a phrase like "However, this does not apply to all species, particularly those endangered by human actions" could help bridge the ideas more effectively.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the author discusses the impact of poaching and the need for regulations. The use of specific examples, such as rhinos and tigers, strengthens the argument. However, some points, particularly in the first body paragraph, could be more thoroughly developed. The discussion about the impracticality of intervention lacks specific examples or evidence to substantiate the claims made.
  • How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should include more specific examples or data to back up claims about the impracticality of intervention. For instance, citing studies or statistics on successful conservation efforts could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding extinction and human intervention. The writer successfully avoids irrelevant tangents, maintaining relevance to the prompt. However, some sentences are convoluted and could lead to confusion about the main argument, particularly in the first body paragraph.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for clearer and more concise sentences. Simplifying complex ideas and avoiding overly intricate sentence structures can help ensure that the main points remain clear and accessible to the reader. Additionally, reviewing each paragraph to ensure that all sentences contribute directly to the main argument can enhance overall coherence.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-reasoned argument. By clarifying the extent of agreement, improving transitions, providing more specific examples, and simplifying complex sentences, the writer can further enhance the effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that humans should not intervene in the extinction of species. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are structured to present contrasting viewpoints. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing natural extinction to human-induced extinction could be more explicit. The second body paragraph introduces a new idea about poaching but does not clearly connect it back to the main argument about the necessity of intervention.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking phrases that explicitly relate the ideas. For example, after discussing natural extinction, a sentence like "However, not all extinction is a natural process; human actions significantly contribute to the decline of certain species" would create a clearer connection.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, and the body paragraphs are relatively balanced in length. However, the second body paragraph could be more focused, as it introduces multiple ideas about poaching and its consequences without a clear structure.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, focus on one main idea per paragraph and ensure that all sentences within that paragraph support that idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the issue of poaching and its impact on species, and another discussing the broader implications for ecosystems and humanity. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand," "granted," and "as a result," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "obviously" is repeated, which can detract from the sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "obviously," you could use alternatives like "clearly," "evidently," or "it is apparent that." Additionally, using more complex structures, such as "in contrast," "conversely," or "furthermore," can enhance the essay’s cohesion and make the argument more compelling.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of extinction and conservation. Terms such as "biodiversity," "ecosystem," "unrestricted poaching," and "financial resources" reflect an ability to use subject-specific language effectively. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "certain species play a crucial role" is somewhat repetitive in the context of discussing the importance of species, as similar phrases appear multiple times throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "species," you could incorporate terms like "organisms," "fauna," or "wildlife." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary to express complex ideas could elevate the essay further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments of imprecision that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the disappearance of some species is relative to the evolution process" could be misinterpreted; it would be clearer to say "the disappearance of some species is a natural part of the evolutionary process." Additionally, the phrase "in case it is possible" is vague and could be more clearly articulated.
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. When discussing complex ideas, ensure that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, replace vague phrases with more specific language, such as "if it were possible" instead of "in case it is possible." This will help to enhance the clarity of your arguments.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no major errors that detract from the overall readability. However, there are minor issues, such as "detrimentally" which could be misread as "detrimently" if not careful, and "acute consciousness" which may confuse readers as "acute" typically refers to sharpness or severity rather than awareness.
  • How to improve: To ensure spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools can help catch minor errors, but also consider reading the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or potential spelling mistakes. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly confused words and practice spelling them correctly.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "this has led some to argue that it is not advisable to invest resources and efforts to halt this process" effectively showcase the use of subordinate clauses. However, some sentences are overly complex or convoluted, such as "to adapt to the increasing harshness of the atmosphere and environment, which certainly affects the habitats of a species, it is necessary for some creatures to modify," which may hinder clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should aim for a balance between complex and simpler sentences. Breaking down overly long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can improve readability. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or using inversion) can add further diversity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, with few errors. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies, such as "which is inadvisable to be intervened by humans," which should be rephrased for clarity and correctness. The use of commas is sometimes inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion about the sentence structure.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that verb forms are used correctly. For example, the phrase "which is inadvisable to be intervened by humans" could be revised to "which humans should not intervene in." Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help clarify meaning and improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on simplifying complex structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that numerous plant and animal species have become extinct for several reasons, and similar circumstances may occur in the future. This has led some to argue that it is not advisable to invest resources and efforts to halt this process because it is impractical. However, I do not fully agree with this school of thought because certain species play a crucial role in maintaining a balanced ecosystem and biodiversity, which means protecting them from extinction is necessary.

Granted, the disappearance of some species is relative to the evolutionary process, which should not be intervened in by humans. This is because, to adapt to the increasing harshness of the atmosphere and environment, which certainly affects the habitats of a species, it is necessary for some creatures to modify, for example, in terms of new body parts and behaviors, rendering their previous appearance and functionality obsolete, or leading to the former individual becoming extinct. Therefore, any human investment and effort is unlikely to halt these creatures from such significant modifications, and if it is possible, it might not be sustainable, given the enormous financial requirements for creating artificial habitats for them, which could also divert financial resources from other fundamental sectors, such as the economy.

On the other hand, while some species may naturally become extinct due to environmental factors, there are clearly species whose populations have declined as a result of unrestricted poaching and hunting, which can be effectively and rationally addressed by certain practices and policies of people, especially the government and those in power. There is a proliferation of wildlife animal capture and killing as people value their body parts, such as rhino horns or tiger skins, without a full awareness of the consequences, which include unbalanced ecosystems and the loss of biodiversity. As a result, not only are wildlife plants and animals detrimentally affected, but humans also have to bear the impact; therefore, it is necessary and reasonable to enact and implement preventive regulations and legislation.

In conclusion, I disagree with the idea that people should not consider the extinction of creatures, because while such disappearances can be ascribed to the evolutionary process, numerous species are threatened by human actions, and they also play a vital role in the ecosystem.