It is believed that university students have to spend a lot of time to study, but it is also essential for them to be involved in other activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people are of the opinion that spending a lot of time studying should be prioritized by university students, while the role of engaging in other activities should hold a similarly important position. From my perspective, I do agree with this statement based on some reasons that will be explained in this essay.
There are some reasosn for the need to dedicate time to study in university. It is because in this day and age, the amount of university knowledge is generally dense and complicated, which mentally and physically requires a long time of accumulation among students if they desire to achieve high scores. Moreover, as such knowledge is often highly applicable in many jobs, it would grant students a competitive edge against others, especially when dealing with a professionally demanding task. Thus, students should consider studying and researching for their self-accumulation as an indispensable goal in their lives, which serves as critical tools to help individuals improve their further professional performances.
Additionally, the role of participating in other activities out of the academic environment cannot be ignored as it effectively gives students numerous values. The rationale is that the ability to get success in professional careers depends not only on theoretical knowledge, but also on soft skills like presenting in front of audience or convincing others. Unfortunately, most of the lessons in university pedagogy solely put their emphasis on theoretical knowledge and value industrious students while accidentally lacking practice, which potentially misleads students into thinking that only studying is enough for a successful career. Hence, active engagement in activities, including extra-curricular charitable projects plays a vital role, providing students with real-life experiences and helping them gain essential social skills.
In conclusion, students may gain important professional knowledge through studying hard, while non-academic activities offer them equally crucial social skills and perspectives. Therefore, I wholeheartedly agree with the need to balance these two factors, as it would transform students to well-rounded and excellent individuals in their professional fields.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Some individuals hold the view" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an opinion in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the statement.
"spending a lot of time studying" -> "devoting considerable time to studying"
Explanation: "Devoting considerable time to studying" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquialism "a lot of time" which is too informal for academic writing.
"should hold a similarly important position" -> "should be accorded equal importance"
Explanation: "Should be accorded equal importance" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the equal value of both activities in a more academic tone.
"I do agree with this statement" -> "I concur with this assertion"
Explanation: "I concur with this assertion" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "I do agree with this statement".
"some reasosn" -> "several reasons"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "reasosn" to "reasons" and uses "several" instead of "some" for a more precise quantification.
"mentally and physically requires" -> "requires mentally and physically"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "requires mentally and physically" corrects the grammatical structure, making it more natural and formal.
"a long time of accumulation" -> "a prolonged period of accumulation"
Explanation: "A prolonged period of accumulation" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"it would grant students a competitive edge" -> "it would provide students with a competitive advantage"
Explanation: "Provide students with a competitive advantage" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea, aligning better with academic style.
"as an indispensable goal in their lives" -> "as an essential objective in their lives"
Explanation: "As an essential objective in their lives" uses more formal vocabulary ("essential" instead of "indispensable") and aligns better with academic language.
"The rationale is that" -> "The rationale is that"
Explanation: This is a grammatical correction to ensure the sentence structure is correct and formal.
"get success" -> "achieve success"
Explanation: "Achieve success" is the correct grammatical form, replacing the informal "get success".
"presenting in front of audience" -> "presenting to an audience"
Explanation: "Presenting to an audience" corrects the preposition error and is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"pedagogy solely put their emphasis" -> "pedagogy primarily emphasizes"
Explanation: "Pedagogy primarily emphasizes" corrects the verb tense and form, making it more grammatically correct and formal.
"accidentally lacking practice" -> "neglecting practical training"
Explanation: "Neglecting practical training" is a more precise and formal way to describe the omission of practical aspects in education.
"plays a vital role" -> "plays a crucial role"
Explanation: "Plays a crucial role" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "vital", enhancing the formality of the statement.
"well-rounded and excellent individuals" -> "well-rounded and highly skilled professionals"
Explanation: "Well-rounded and highly skilled professionals" is a more specific and formal description, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more general "excellent individuals".

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the importance of studying and engaging in other activities. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, which is that both aspects are essential. The body paragraphs provide reasons for the necessity of studying, emphasizing the complexity of university knowledge and its applicability in the job market. Additionally, the essay discusses the importance of extracurricular activities in developing soft skills, thus covering the prompt comprehensively.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or case studies to illustrate how students have benefited from balancing study and extracurricular activities. This would provide a more robust argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently supporting the idea that both studying and other activities are important. The use of phrases like "I do agree with this statement" and "I wholeheartedly agree" reinforces the author’s stance. However, the transition between discussing the importance of studying and engaging in other activities could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two ideas, such as "While studying is essential, it is equally important to…" This would help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the necessity of studying and the benefits of extracurricular activities. The points made about the complexity of university knowledge and the need for soft skills are relevant and well-articulated. However, some ideas could be further extended with more detailed explanations or examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples or statistics. For instance, citing studies that show the correlation between extracurricular involvement and job readiness could provide stronger support for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the balance between studying and engaging in other activities without deviating from the prompt. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of both aspects.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates back to the thesis statement can further enhance focus. The writer could explicitly link back to the thesis in the concluding sentences of each body paragraph to reinforce the connection to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more specific examples, improving transitions, and ensuring each point ties back to the main argument, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance and previews the main points to be discussed. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument: the importance of studying and the value of extracurricular activities. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the necessity of studying due to the complexity of university knowledge, while the second emphasizes the importance of soft skills gained through other activities. This separation of ideas aids in the reader’s understanding and maintains a logical flow throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could include clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea of that paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases could be used more effectively between paragraphs to reinforce the connections between ideas. For instance, using phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could help to signal a shift in focus between the importance of studying and engaging in extracurricular activities.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with each paragraph serving a specific purpose. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, while the body paragraphs delve into the two main points. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument and reiterates the writer’s position. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal structure, as it combines multiple ideas without distinct separation, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the importance of soft skills and the other on the limitations of university pedagogy. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and enhance clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and supporting details will strengthen the overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "Additionally," and "Hence," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the writing. For example, the phrase "it is because" is used in the first body paragraph, which could be replaced with alternatives like "This is due to" or "This stems from" to diversify the language.
- How to improve: To improve the range of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate more linking words and phrases that indicate contrast, addition, and cause-effect relationships. For instance, using "In contrast" to introduce the second body paragraph would clarify the shift in focus. Additionally, employing synonyms or rephrasing common phrases can help to maintain reader engagement and avoid redundancy.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, demonstrating a strong command of coherence and cohesion. By refining paragraph structure and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "indispensable," "competitive edge," and "soft skills" being effectively utilized. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "spending a lot of time studying" could be replaced with alternatives like "dedicating extensive hours to academic pursuits" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "students" frequently, alternatives like "learners," "scholars," or "undergraduates" could be used. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary around the themes of education and personal development would elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the amount of university knowledge is generally dense and complicated" could be more clearly articulated as "the curriculum at universities is often dense and complex." The term "self-accumulation" is also somewhat vague and could be replaced with "self-development" or "personal growth" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This involves revising sentences to ensure that the vocabulary aligns closely with the context. A good practice would be to read sentences aloud to identify any awkward or unclear phrases and refine them for better clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a spelling error: "reasosn" instead of "reasons." This type of mistake can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. However, the majority of the vocabulary is spelled correctly, indicating a reasonable level of spelling proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay multiple times, using spell-check tools, or even asking a peer to review the work. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reduce errors in future writing tasks.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score, focusing on expanding lexical range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "the amount of university knowledge is generally dense and complicated, which mentally and physically requires a long time of accumulation among students" showcases an ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures ("if they desire to achieve high scores") and relative clauses ("which serves as critical tools to help individuals improve their further professional performances"), which enhance the depth of the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more varied sentence lengths, which could make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "students" or "the role of," try using introductory phrases or clauses. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the sophistication of the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in achieving this diversity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "reasosn" is a typographical error that detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. Additionally, the phrase "the ability to get success in professional careers" could be more accurately expressed as "the ability to succeed in professional careers." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are places where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which potentially misleads students" to separate the clause more distinctly from the main sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and awkward phrasing. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing the rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, can help clarify meaning and improve readability. Practicing writing with a focus on punctuation can also aid in developing a more intuitive understanding of its use.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, further solidifying its effectiveness in conveying the argument.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the view that devoting considerable time to studying should be prioritized by university students, while the role of engaging in other activities should be accorded equal importance. From my perspective, I concur with this assertion based on several reasons that will be explained in this essay.

There are several reasons for the need to dedicate time to study in university. In this day and age, the amount of university knowledge is generally dense and complicated, which requires both mentally and physically a prolonged period of accumulation among students if they desire to achieve high scores. Moreover, as such knowledge is often highly applicable in many jobs, it would provide students with a competitive advantage against others, especially when dealing with professionally demanding tasks. Thus, students should consider studying and researching for their self-accumulation as an essential objective in their lives, as it serves as critical tools to help individuals achieve success in their future professional performances.

Additionally, the role of participating in other activities outside of the academic environment cannot be ignored, as it effectively provides students with numerous values. The rationale is that the ability to succeed in professional careers depends not only on theoretical knowledge but also on soft skills like presenting to an audience or convincing others. Unfortunately, most lessons in university pedagogy primarily emphasize theoretical knowledge and value industrious students while neglecting practical training, which potentially misleads students into thinking that only studying is sufficient for a successful career. Hence, active engagement in activities, including extra-curricular charitable projects, plays a crucial role in providing students with real-life experiences and helping them gain essential social skills.

In conclusion, students may gain important professional knowledge through studying hard, while non-academic activities offer them equally crucial social skills and perspectives. Therefore, I wholeheartedly agree with the need to balance these two factors, as it would transform students into well-rounded and highly skilled professionals in their respective fields.