It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, many people believe that saving money for the future is essential, especially for the youngsters. From my point of view, I totally agree with this statement because prioritizing money savings not only ensures financial security but also opens up future investment opportunities.
To begin with, building a financial foundation is crucial for achieving long-term financial security. By setting aside a portion of their income, the young can create a robust emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses and emergencies that may arise at any time. For example, many teenagers who start saving money from a young age are better prepared to deal with unforeseen circumstances such as utility bills or joblessness, thus reducing financial difficulties and avoiding dependence on others. Furthermore, these savings can serve as a vital budget for higher education, alleviating the financial burden that often accompanies academic pursuits like participating in extracurricular activities, engaging in soft skill classes, and studying master’s programs.
Secondly, it is indeed crucial for young people to prioritize saving money early. To be more specific, many teenagers will have greater investment opportunities for their future if they put money aside at a young age. Individuals can seize a wide range of opportunities that may arise, from education and career advancement to homeownership and retirement planning. These actions can enhance their quality of life and bring significant profits. For instance, a young person who has established a savings habit may be able to accumulate a substantial retirement nest egg, allowing them to enjoy a comfortable and prosperous lifestyle in their later years.
All in all, it is crucial for adolescents to build a financial foundation in their youth as it can lead to financial stability and create opportunities for investment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"many people believe" -> "it is widely believed"
Explanation: "It is widely believed" is a more formal and impersonal expression, which is preferred in academic writing to avoid the personal pronoun "many people."
"especially for the youngsters" -> "particularly among young individuals"
Explanation: "Particularly among young individuals" is more formal and avoids the colloquial term "youngsters."
"I totally agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "I totally agree."
"prioritizing money savings" -> "prioritizing savings"
Explanation: "Prioritizing savings" is more concise and avoids the redundancy of "money savings."
"opens up future investment opportunities" -> "facilitates future investment opportunities"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more precise verb that conveys the enabling or enhancing effect on investment opportunities, improving the academic tone.
"building a financial foundation" -> "establishing a financial foundation"
Explanation: "Establishing" is a more formal synonym for "building," aligning better with academic style.
"a robust emergency fund" -> "a substantial emergency fund"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more precise adjective than "robust" in this context, emphasizing the size and quality of the fund.
"many teenagers" -> "numerous teenagers"
Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal and precise term than "many," enhancing the academic tone.
"unforeseen circumstances" -> "unforeseen events"
Explanation: "Events" is a more specific term than "circumstances," which is too vague and general for this context.
"thus reducing financial difficulties" -> "thus mitigating financial difficulties"
Explanation: "Mitigating" is a more precise term than "reducing," which is commonly used in academic writing to describe the lessening of difficulties.
"soft skill classes" -> "soft skills training"
Explanation: "Soft skills training" is a more formal and specific term than "soft skill classes."
"indeed crucial" -> "indeed essential"
Explanation: "Essential" is a stronger, more formal synonym for "crucial," fitting better in academic discourse.
"put money aside" -> "set aside funds"
Explanation: "Set aside funds" is a more formal expression than "put money aside," aligning with the academic style.
"seize a wide range of opportunities" -> "capitalize on a broad range of opportunities"
Explanation: "Capitalize on" is a more precise and formal expression than "seize," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"bring significant profits" -> "yield substantial returns"
Explanation: "Yield substantial returns" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing, compared to the colloquial "bring significant profits."
"a comfortable and prosperous lifestyle" -> "a comfortable and affluent lifestyle"
Explanation: "Affluent" is a more precise and formal term than "prosperous," which is somewhat less specific and less formal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly agreeing with the statement that saving money for the future is important for everyone, including young people. The introduction explicitly states the author’s position, and the body paragraphs provide relevant arguments supporting this stance. The essay discusses both financial security and investment opportunities, which are key aspects of the prompt.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the author could consider briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint. For instance, discussing scenarios where saving might not be prioritized (e.g., immediate needs or experiences) could provide a more balanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that saving is essential for young people. The use of phrases like "I totally agree" and the structured arguments reinforce this stance. Each paragraph logically follows the previous one, contributing to a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author might consider reiterating their main argument in the conclusion more emphatically. A stronger concluding statement that encapsulates the importance of saving could leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, using specific examples such as the importance of an emergency fund and the benefits of early investment. The arguments are extended logically, with clear explanations of how saving can lead to financial stability and opportunities.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the author could include more varied examples or statistics to support their claims. For instance, citing studies or data on the financial outcomes of young savers versus non-savers could provide a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of saving money for the future, with all points directly related to the benefits for young people. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the arguments consistently tie back to the central thesis.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the author could ensure that each point is explicitly linked back to the main argument. Adding transitional phrases that connect each idea back to the importance of saving could enhance coherence and reinforce focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates the importance of saving money for young people. With minor adjustments to acknowledge counterarguments, strengthen conclusions, and diversify examples, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, presenting a clear argument in favor of saving money for the future. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and each body paragraph logically follows from the previous one. The first paragraph discusses the importance of financial security, while the second expands on investment opportunities. This logical progression helps the reader understand the argument clearly. However, the transition between the two main points could be more explicit to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, phrases like "In addition to financial security,…" or "Moreover, saving money also allows for…" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively communicated if broken into smaller sections.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs—one focusing on investment opportunities and the other on the benefits of savings for specific goals like education and retirement. This will allow for a more focused discussion and make it easier for the reader to follow your points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "to begin with," and "all in all," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "for example," you might use "for instance," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using contrasting cohesive devices like "on the other hand" or "however" can help in presenting counterarguments or alternative perspectives, which can enrich the discussion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the argument while maintaining a logical structure. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Terms such as "financial security," "emergency fund," "investment opportunities," and "financial stability" are effectively employed. The use of phrases like "robust emergency fund" and "substantial retirement nest egg" showcases an ability to convey complex ideas succinctly. However, while the vocabulary is varied, some phrases could be more sophisticated or nuanced to elevate the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more advanced synonyms or idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of "put money aside," you might use "allocate funds" or "set aside capital." Additionally, integrating more academic or formal language could further strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a good degree of precision. For example, the phrase "financial difficulties" accurately describes the challenges faced by individuals without savings. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the term "soft skill classes" might be better articulated as "professional development courses" to clarify the type of education being referenced.
- How to improve: To improve precision, review the context in which specific terms are used. Ensure that the vocabulary aligns closely with the intended meaning. For example, instead of "participating in extracurricular activities," consider specifying which activities might lead to better financial outcomes, such as "engaging in internships or volunteer work that enhances employability."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "emergency," "financial," and "investment" are spelled correctly throughout, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, continue to proofread essays carefully before submission. Additionally, consider keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly. Engaging in spelling exercises or using spelling apps can also be beneficial for reinforcing correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve even higher scores in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "By setting aside a portion of their income, the young can create a robust emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses and emergencies that may arise at any time" effectively convey detailed ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "Individuals can seize a wide range of opportunities that may arise," adds depth to the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence beginnings, which can lead to a monotonous rhythm in some paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "It is crucial," try beginning with phrases like "Given the importance of financial planning," or "In light of the potential benefits." This will create a more engaging flow and keep the reader’s interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the young" is somewhat informal and could be more effectively expressed as "young people" for clarity. Additionally, the use of commas is generally appropriate, although there are a few instances where they could enhance clarity, such as before "thus reducing financial difficulties" to separate the clauses more clearly.
- How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, focus on refining word choice and ensuring that all expressions are formal and precise. For example, replacing "the young" with "young individuals" can enhance formality. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules regarding clauses can help ensure that complex sentences are punctuated correctly, thereby improving readability. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading high-quality writing can also aid in solidifying these skills.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with effective use of grammatical structures. By focusing on diversifying sentence openings and refining grammatical choices, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, many people believe that saving money for the future is essential, particularly among young individuals. From my perspective, I strongly concur with this statement because prioritizing savings not only ensures financial security but also facilitates future investment opportunities.

To begin with, establishing a financial foundation is crucial for achieving long-term financial security. By setting aside a portion of their income, young people can create a substantial emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses and unforeseen events that may arise at any time. For example, numerous teenagers who start saving money from a young age are better prepared to deal with circumstances such as utility bills or joblessness, thus mitigating financial difficulties and avoiding dependence on others. Furthermore, these savings can serve as a vital budget for higher education, alleviating the financial burden that often accompanies academic pursuits, including participation in extracurricular activities, engaging in soft skills training, and pursuing master’s programs.

Secondly, it is indeed essential for young people to prioritize saving money early. To be more specific, many teenagers will have greater investment opportunities for their future if they set aside funds at a young age. Individuals can capitalize on a broad range of opportunities that may arise, from education and career advancement to homeownership and retirement planning. These actions can enhance their quality of life and yield substantial returns. For instance, a young person who has established a savings habit may be able to accumulate a substantial retirement nest egg, allowing them to enjoy a comfortable and affluent lifestyle in their later years.

All in all, it is crucial for adolescents to build a financial foundation in their youth, as it can lead to financial stability and create opportunities for investment.