It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advanges of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
Do you think the advanges of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Recently, many scholars have intricate the importance of taking risks in lives. However, I firmly believe their assertion is inaccurate due to the remarkable disadvantages of that risky and unsafe action.
Firstly, taking risks plays an indispensable role in human lives because it encourages us to commit crucial action. For example, a firefighter has responsibility to be brave to confront the flame and rescue people despite the heat from detrimental fire, which could burn their skin, the reckless takes a significant risk for their health. Additionally, we always have a small possibility of being endangered by environtment factors like a car accident. It illustrates that risks are ubiquitous in a typical life.
Although taking risks is undenably dependable in certain circumstances , I assertively attribute harmful habits to taking risks usually. A risky alternative apparently poses numerous problems that are dangerous . For example, a individual chooses skydiving for holidays instead of playing basketball would drag themselve to risky situation, neglecting his life for joy. Of course, his choice is unbelievable and he would advocate the prevalence in taking risk but he omited the fact that his action's possibility is significantly lower than other actions like being hit by a truck in transportation.
individuals must aware about dangerous of taking risk. It is the action only be neccesary when the circumstances is inevitable like the police chasing a thief. Because taking risks is dependable, therefore careful consideration before take a action is crucial to protect our priceless lives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"intricate the importance" -> "emphasize the importance"
Explanation: "Intricate" is not the correct verb form in this context. "Emphasize" is the appropriate verb to use when highlighting the significance of something, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"taking risks in lives" -> "taking risks in life"
Explanation: The phrase "in lives" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "In life" is the correct prepositional phrase to use when discussing actions or activities within the context of human existence.
"remarkable disadvantages" -> "significant disadvantages"
Explanation: "Remarkable" typically implies something remarkable or noteworthy in a positive sense. "Significant" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the importance of disadvantages in an academic context.
"risky and unsafe action" -> "risky and unsafe actions"
Explanation: The plural form "actions" is necessary to match the plural subject "disadvantages" mentioned earlier in the sentence, ensuring grammatical consistency.
"indispensable role" -> "essential role"
Explanation: "Indispensable" can imply something that is absolutely necessary, which might be too strong in this context. "Essential" is a more precise and academically appropriate term for describing the importance of taking risks in human lives.
"reckless takes a significant risk" -> "the reckless individual takes a significant risk"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically awkward. Adding "the individual" clarifies the subject and improves readability.
"environtment factors" -> "environmental factors"
Explanation: "Environtment" is a typographical error. The correct term is "environmental," which refers to factors related to the environment.
"undenably dependable" -> "undeniably dependent"
Explanation: "Dependable" means reliable or trustworthy, which is not the intended meaning here. "Dependent" correctly conveys the idea of being influenced or affected by something, which is the intended meaning in this context.
"risky alternative" -> "risky alternatives"
Explanation: Consistency in plural form is necessary to match the plural subject "habits" mentioned earlier in the sentence.
"drag themselve" -> "drag themselves"
Explanation: "Themselves" is the correct form of the reflexive pronoun when referring to a singular noun in the third person, correcting the grammatical error.
"advocate the prevalence in taking risk" -> "advocate the prevalence of taking risks"
Explanation: "In" is incorrectly used before "taking risk." The correct preposition is "of," and the verb should be plural to match the subject "risks."
"omited the fact" -> "omit the fact"
Explanation: "Omit" is a verb and should not be used as a past participle. The correct form is "omit," which is the base form of the verb.
"dangerous of taking risk" -> "dangers of taking risks"
Explanation: "Dangerous of" is grammatically incorrect. "Dangers" is the correct plural noun form, and "taking risks" should be plural to match the subject.
"action only be neccesary" -> "action is only necessary"
Explanation: "Be neccesary" is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect. "Is only necessary" corrects these issues and improves the sentence structure.
"before take a action" -> "before taking action"
Explanation: "Take a action" is grammatically incorrect. "Taking action" is the correct form, aligning with the present continuous tense used in the sentence.
"priceless lives" -> "precious lives"
Explanation: "Priceless" is an overstatement and can be seen as hyperbolic. "Precious" is a more appropriate adjective to describe the value of human lives in a formal academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages. However, it primarily focuses on the disadvantages without sufficiently exploring the advantages. For instance, while the author mentions the role of risks in human lives, the examples provided (firefighters and skydiving) lean heavily towards the negative consequences of risk-taking rather than discussing any potential benefits. The lack of a balanced view makes it difficult to assess whether the advantages truly outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a clear discussion of the advantages of taking risks, such as personal growth, innovation, and opportunities for success. The author could structure the essay to present both sides more evenly, perhaps dedicating separate paragraphs to the advantages and disadvantages before concluding with a personal stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against taking risks, stating that the disadvantages are significant. However, this position is not consistently supported throughout the essay. For example, the introduction asserts that taking risks is inaccurate, but the body contains statements that suggest risks are sometimes necessary (e.g., police chasing a thief). This inconsistency can confuse readers about the author’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should ensure that all arguments align with the central thesis. If the position is against risk-taking, all examples and discussions should reinforce this viewpoint. Alternatively, if the author wishes to present a more nuanced view, they should clarify that while risks can be beneficial in certain contexts, they must be approached with caution.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the disadvantages of taking risks but lacks depth and development. For instance, the example of a firefighter is introduced but not fully explored in terms of how risk-taking can lead to positive outcomes in certain professions. Additionally, the argument regarding skydiving is not well-supported with evidence or elaboration, making it less persuasive.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to present more well-rounded arguments with clear examples and explanations. Each point made should be followed by a thorough exploration of its implications. For instance, discussing how taking risks can lead to personal or professional advancement could provide a more balanced perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic of weighing the advantages against the disadvantages of taking risks. For example, the mention of environmental dangers and car accidents, while related to risk, does not directly contribute to the central argument of the essay. This can distract from the main focus and weaken the overall coherence of the response.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the author should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the question. Keeping the focus on the advantages and disadvantages of risk-taking will help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the author should aim for a more balanced exploration of both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, maintain a consistent position, support ideas with thorough explanations and examples, and stay focused on the prompt throughout the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general argument against taking risks, but the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the introduction states a belief against the importance of taking risks but does not clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. The transition between points is often abrupt, such as moving from the role of firefighters to the dangers of car accidents without a clear connection. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the need for caution but does not effectively summarize the arguments made throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details that logically connect to the thesis. Using transitional phrases between paragraphs and within them can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph mixes multiple ideas about the importance of taking risks without clearly separating them into distinct points. The second paragraph introduces a new idea about the dangers of risky behavior but does so without a clear transition from the previous paragraph.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer could benefit from clearly defining the structure: an introduction, body paragraphs (each with a distinct point), and a conclusion. For instance, the first body paragraph could focus solely on the positive aspects of taking risks, while the second could address the negative consequences, followed by a conclusion that summarizes these points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow of ideas. Words like "firstly," "additionally," and "although" are used, but they are often misapplied or do not effectively connect ideas. For example, "although" is used to introduce a point that does not logically contrast with the preceding statement. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "in addition," "on the other hand," "for instance," and "therefore." It is also important to ensure that these devices are used correctly to clarify relationships between ideas. Practicing the use of these devices in context can help the writer become more adept at creating a seamless flow of information.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, it requires significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of risk-taking, such as "indispensable," "detrimental," and "ubiquitous." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the argument. For example, phrases like "taking risks" are repeated multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms, such as "hazardous behavior," "ventures," or "calculated risks." Additionally, exploring phrases that convey similar meanings can help diversify the vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "taking risks," the writer could use "embracing challenges" or "pursuing uncertain opportunities."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "the reckless takes a significant risk for their health" is vague and could be misinterpreted. The use of "intricate" in the opening sentence is also incorrect, as it does not fit the context of discussing the importance of risk-taking.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "the reckless takes a significant risk for their health," a more precise phrasing could be "individuals who engage in reckless behavior jeopardize their health." Furthermore, reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that words align with their definitions will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors that affect readability and professionalism. Words such as "environtment" (environment), "undenably" (undeniably), "neccesary" (necessary), and "the individual" (a individual) are misspelled. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and flashcards for commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences that could enhance the depth of argumentation. For example, phrases like "taking risks plays an indispensable role in human lives" and "a individual chooses skydiving for holidays instead of playing basketball" show basic sentence construction but lack variety. The use of subordinating clauses is minimal, which restricts the complexity and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "a individual chooses skydiving," the writer could say, "Although some individuals choose skydiving for holidays, they often overlook the potential dangers involved." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "many scholars have intricate the importance" should be "many scholars have emphasized the importance." Additionally, there are errors in subject-verb agreement, such as "a individual" instead of "an individual," and incorrect use of articles, as seen in "the reckless takes a significant risk" which should be "the reckless person takes a significant risk." Punctuation errors include missing commas that could clarify meaning, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors and reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses or breaks are needed, ensuring that the writing is clear and coherent. It may also be beneficial to familiarize oneself with common grammatical structures and rules to avoid such mistakes in the future.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of writing and potentially raise the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, many scholars have emphasized the importance of taking risks in life. However, I firmly believe their assertion is inaccurate due to the significant disadvantages of such risky and unsafe actions.

Firstly, taking risks plays an essential role in human lives because it encourages us to commit crucial actions. For example, a firefighter has the responsibility to be brave and confront the flames to rescue people despite the heat from the detrimental fire, which could burn their skin. The reckless individual takes a significant risk for their health. Additionally, we always have a small possibility of being endangered by environmental factors, like a car accident. This illustrates that risks are ubiquitous in a typical life.

Although taking risks is undeniably dependent on certain circumstances, I assertively attribute harmful habits to taking risks usually. A risky alternative apparently poses numerous dangerous problems. For example, an individual who chooses skydiving for a holiday instead of playing basketball would drag themselves into a risky situation, neglecting their life for joy. Of course, their choice may seem unbelievable, and they might advocate the prevalence of taking risks, but they omit the fact that the possibility of their action leading to harm is significantly higher than other actions, like being hit by a truck in transportation.

Individuals must be aware of the dangers of taking risks. Action is only necessary when the circumstances are inevitable, such as when the police are chasing a thief. Because taking risks is dependent on careful consideration, it is crucial to think before taking action to protect our precious lives.