It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.
Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In both professional lives and personal lives, taking-risk will help us develop and growth better. Challenging as the risks are, we admit that their advantages outweigh their disadvantages.
On the one hand, the disadvantages we may face when taking risks is enormous.For example, by participating in jobs or projects that are rumored to be successful quickly, we will be at very high risk of suffering great damage to our health, work and even the stability of our lives. Besides, taking risks can also cost us a lot of time, money, and fame. Finally, relationships can also gradually fall apart when we take risks relate to ourselves and people around us.
On the other hand, taking risks can bring significant benefits in both professional lives and personal lives. We will push ourselves out of our comfort zone to develop ourselves in a more positive and thereby create a bright future. In addition, we also develop our life skills when taking risks. That risks will bring us memorable experiences helps us recognize weaknesses to improve them. For instance, when we accept to participate in teamwork, we will improve our communication and team skills.
However, it is also necessary to understand that not all risks are profitable. In my opinion, The benefits we gain from taking risks always outweigh the drawbacks they bring.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"taking-risk" -> "taking risks"
Explanation: The original phrase "taking-risk" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "taking risks," which is the plural form necessary to match the plural context of the sentence.
"develop and growth better" -> "develop and grow better"
Explanation: The correct verb form for "growth" is "grow," which is the correct verb form for the context of personal and professional development.
"Challenging as the risks are, we admit that their advantages outweigh their disadvantages." -> "Despite the challenges posed by these risks, we acknowledge that their advantages outweigh their disadvantages."
Explanation: The phrase "Challenging as the risks are" is somewhat informal and vague. "Despite the challenges posed by these risks" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"the disadvantages we may face when taking risks is enormous" -> "the potential disadvantages we may face when taking risks are considerable"
Explanation: "is enormous" is an absolute and informal expression. "are considerable" is more measured and appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a significant but not necessarily extreme degree of disadvantage.
"by participating in jobs or projects that are rumored to be successful quickly" -> "by engaging in projects or roles that are perceived as potentially lucrative"
Explanation: "rumored to be successful quickly" is informal and imprecise. "perceived as potentially lucrative" is more formal and specific, better fitting the academic style.
"we will be at very high risk of suffering great damage" -> "we will be at significant risk of incurring substantial damage"
Explanation: "very high risk" and "great damage" are somewhat informal and vague. "significant risk" and "substantial damage" are more precise and formal.
"cost us a lot of time, money, and fame" -> "cost us considerable time, resources, and reputation"
Explanation: "a lot of" is informal and vague. "considerable" is more precise, and "resources" and "reputation" are more formal terms than "money" and "fame."
"taking risks relate to ourselves and people around us" -> "taking risks that affect ourselves and those around us"
Explanation: "taking risks relate to" is grammatically incorrect. "taking risks that affect" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"We will push ourselves out of our comfort zone" -> "We will challenge ourselves beyond our comfort zones"
Explanation: "push ourselves out of our comfort zone" is a common idiom, which is less formal. "challenge ourselves beyond our comfort zones" is more formal and precise.
"develop our life skills when taking risks" -> "enhance our life skills through taking risks"
Explanation: "develop our life skills" is a bit vague. "enhance our life skills through taking risks" specifies the process and outcome more clearly.
"That risks will bring us memorable experiences" -> "These risks will provide us with memorable experiences"
Explanation: "That risks" is grammatically incorrect. "These risks" is the correct pronoun to use, and "provide us with" is more formal than "bring us."
"helps us recognize weaknesses to improve them" -> "helps us identify weaknesses to improve them"
Explanation: "helps us recognize" is correct but "identify" is more precise in the context of pinpointing specific weaknesses.
"accept to participate in teamwork" -> "choose to participate in teamwork"
Explanation: "accept to participate" is grammatically incorrect. "choose to participate" is the correct verb form for the context of making a decision to engage in teamwork.
"The benefits we gain from taking risks always outweigh the drawbacks they bring" -> "The benefits we derive from taking risks consistently outweigh the drawbacks they incur"
Explanation: "gain" is less formal than "derive," and "always" is absolute and less precise. "consistently" and "incur" are more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks. However, it does not thoroughly explore the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The introduction states a clear opinion but fails to provide a balanced examination of both sides. For instance, while the disadvantages are mentioned, they are not sufficiently detailed or supported with examples. The conclusion reiterates the opinion but does not summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed in a balanced manner. Each point should be supported with specific examples and explanations. Additionally, a more explicit comparison of the two sides would help clarify the stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages; however, this position is not consistently articulated throughout the essay. The initial statement suggests a clear stance, but the body paragraphs contain a mix of points that could confuse the reader regarding the overall argument. For example, the mention of significant disadvantages without a strong counterbalance of advantages creates ambiguity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should clearly outline their argument in the introduction and ensure that each body paragraph reinforces this position. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reiterating the main argument throughout the essay can help maintain clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of taking risks, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported. For instance, the claim that taking risks can lead to personal growth is made, but it lacks concrete examples or elaboration on how this occurs. The disadvantages are mentioned but not sufficiently explored, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. Providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes can help to substantiate claims. Additionally, each idea should be clearly linked back to the main argument to reinforce its relevance.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing risks in personal and professional contexts. However, some sentences veer off into vague statements that do not directly contribute to the argument. For example, the phrase "we will be at very high risk of suffering great damage to our health" is somewhat unclear and could be more specific regarding the types of risks being discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument being made. Avoiding vague language and instead using precise terms will help clarify the points being discussed. Regularly referring back to the prompt can also help keep the essay aligned with the topic.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive in addressing the prompt, with clearer arguments and better support for ideas. Expanding on points made and ensuring a consistent position will significantly improve the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing disadvantages and advantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion on risks, and the transition between the disadvantages and advantages is logical. However, the organization within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the disadvantages are listed but not clearly prioritized or linked to specific examples, which may confuse readers about the severity of each disadvantage.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, use a more structured approach to listing disadvantages and advantages, perhaps by ranking them in terms of impact or relevance. This will help readers follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for disadvantages and advantages. However, the paragraphs could be better developed. For example, the disadvantages paragraph contains several ideas that could be elaborated upon, but they are presented in a somewhat fragmented manner. The use of linking phrases between sentences is minimal, which can disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the main idea. Use linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will create a smoother reading experience and reinforce the relationship between your points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections. For instance, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages could be more fluid, as the current transition feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, use "Despite these drawbacks," or "Nevertheless," to introduce the advantages after discussing the disadvantages. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence and reduce repetition.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "develop," "comfort zone," and "memorable experiences." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in vocabulary. For example, the phrase "taking risks" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which limits the lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "taking risks," you could use "embracing challenges," "venturing into uncertainty," or "risk-taking." Incorporating more varied expressions can enrich the essay and demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "suffering great damage to our health, work and even the stability of our lives" could be more clearly articulated. The term "damage" is somewhat vague; it could be replaced with "setbacks" or "detriments" for better clarity. Additionally, the phrase "taking risks relate to ourselves and people around us" is awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. When discussing the consequences of risk-taking, use specific terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "damage," consider "negative impacts" or "adverse effects." Ensuring that vocabulary aligns closely with the intended message will improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "taking-risk" (should be "taking risks"), "growth" (should be "grow"), and "that risks will bring us memorable experiences helps us recognize weaknesses" (missing punctuation and awkward structure). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using tools like spell check can help identify and correct errors. Familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms will also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly elevated.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Challenging as the risks are, we admit that their advantages outweigh their disadvantages" showcases a complex structure. However, the overall range is somewhat limited, with many sentences following a similar format, particularly in the second paragraph where multiple sentences begin with "Taking risks can…" or "We will…". This repetition can make the writing feel monotonous and less engaging.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses or different sentence openings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "We will," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "By taking risks, individuals can…" or "While some may argue that risks lead to negative outcomes, others believe…". Additionally, varying the lengths of sentences can create a more dynamic flow in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and overall effectiveness. For example, the phrase "taking-risk will help us develop and growth better" should be "taking risks will help us develop and grow better." The use of "is" instead of "are" in "the disadvantages we may face when taking risks is enormous" is another grammatical mistake. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a space after the period in "enormous.For example," which disrupts the reading flow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct forms of verbs. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch errors such as missing spaces or commas. Using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting these mistakes. Furthermore, reading more academic essays can provide insights into proper punctuation and grammatical structures.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In both professional and personal lives, taking risks will help us develop and grow better. Despite the challenges posed by these risks, we acknowledge that their advantages outweigh their disadvantages.

On the one hand, the potential disadvantages we may face when taking risks are considerable. For example, by participating in jobs or projects that are rumored to be successful quickly, we will be at significant risk of incurring substantial damage to our health, work, and even the stability of our lives. Besides, taking risks can also cost us considerable time, money, and reputation. Finally, relationships can also gradually fall apart when we take risks that affect ourselves and those around us.

On the other hand, taking risks can bring significant benefits in both professional and personal lives. We will challenge ourselves beyond our comfort zones to develop ourselves in a more positive way and thereby create a bright future. In addition, we also enhance our life skills through taking risks. These risks will provide us with memorable experiences that help us identify weaknesses to improve them. For instance, when we choose to participate in teamwork, we will improve our communication and team skills.

However, it is also necessary to understand that not all risks are profitable. In my opinion, the benefits we derive from taking risks consistently outweigh the drawbacks they incur.