It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people are of the opinion that the ability to take risks plays a vital role either in their work environment or personal lives. From my point of view, I strongly believe that the benefits do outstrip the drawbacks that a person may encounter.

On the one hand, stepping out of one’s comfort zone can spur higher career opportunities. To put it simply, there is a need for individuals to take risks due to the competitive market labor and the demand for potential candidates nowadays. For instance, those who are willing to job hop may have better occupations with big salaries by dropping out of their current companies and applying for another. If such attempts do not work out, they may encounter difficulties but at least gain supplemental experiences from searching for a suitable job and have a better understanding of the economic status. Such reasons consolidate my endorsement towards the advantages.

In addition, trying to do something out of the ordinary approach can fuel self-growth in various perspectives. As today’s world has high demand for adaptability, not trying new things can lead to a lack of essential social skills, hands-on experience and understanding of one’s inner self. Smartening in these aspects by taking risks may alleviate the ongoing pressure on each individual, creating a more satisfied living environment.

In conclusion, taking risks reaps a significant numbers of benefits in life, including the working conditions and everyday life. From my standpoint, I think this vital factor should be perceived as important and be embraced for a better life satisfaction.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and precise expression than "are of the opinion," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in an academic context.
"From my point of view" -> "In my perspective"
Explanation: "In my perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "From my point of view," which can sound somewhat informal.
"the benefits do outstrip the drawbacks" -> "the benefits outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Outweigh" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in academic writing than "outstrip," which can be less familiar and slightly awkward in this context.
"stepping out of one’s comfort zone" -> "venturing beyond one’s comfort zone"
Explanation: "Venturing beyond" is a more formal and precise way to describe taking risks, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"there is a need for individuals to take risks" -> "individuals must take risks"
Explanation: "Must" is more direct and assertive than "there is a need for," which is somewhat passive and less forceful in academic writing.
"job hop" -> "job change"
Explanation: "Job hop" is an informal term; "job change" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"big salaries" -> "higher salaries"
Explanation: "Higher" is a more precise and formal adjective than "big," which is vague and informal.
"If such attempts do not work out" -> "If such attempts fail"
Explanation: "Fail" is a more concise and formal term than "do not work out," which is somewhat colloquial.
"supplemental experiences" -> "additional experiences"
Explanation: "Additional" is more commonly used in formal writing to describe extra experiences, whereas "supplemental" can be less familiar and slightly awkward in this context.
"trying to do something out of the ordinary approach" -> "pursuing unconventional approaches"
Explanation: "Pursuing unconventional approaches" is more formal and precise than "trying to do something out of the ordinary," which is vague and informal.
"Smartening in these aspects" -> "Enhancing these aspects"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "Smartening," which is not standard English.
"alleviate the ongoing pressure" -> "mitigate ongoing pressures"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more precise and formal term than "alleviate," and "pressures" is plural to match the context of multiple aspects of life.
"a significant numbers of benefits" -> "numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "a significant numbers," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.
"be perceived as important and be embraced" -> "be recognized as crucial and accepted"
Explanation: "Recognized as crucial and accepted" is more formal and precise than "perceived as important and be embraced," which is somewhat informal and less direct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks, although it primarily focuses on the advantages. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The first body paragraph discusses career opportunities, while the second focuses on personal growth, aligning well with the prompt’s request for a balanced view. However, the essay could have briefly acknowledged the disadvantages of risk-taking to provide a more rounded argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a brief mention of potential disadvantages, such as the stress or failure that can accompany risk-taking. This acknowledgment would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently arguing that the advantages of taking risks surpass the disadvantages. Phrases like "I strongly believe" and "my endorsement towards the advantages" reinforce this stance. The conclusion succinctly reiterates this viewpoint, ensuring clarity for the reader.
- How to improve: To further solidify the position, the writer could use transitional phrases to connect ideas more explicitly and remind the reader of the central argument at the beginning of each paragraph. This would enhance coherence and reinforce the overall position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as career advancement and personal growth, and supports them with examples. The example of job hopping effectively illustrates the potential benefits of taking risks in a professional context. However, the development of ideas could be more robust; for instance, the discussion on personal growth could benefit from a specific example or anecdote to illustrate the point more vividly.
- How to improve: To improve the support of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of risk-taking. This could involve referencing well-known figures who have succeeded through risk-taking or providing hypothetical scenarios that demonstrate the positive outcomes of taking risks.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of risk-taking, discussing its implications in both professional and personal contexts. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the phrase "creating a more satisfied living environment" could be better tied back to the concept of risk-taking to ensure it directly relates to the advantages discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages of risk-taking outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each idea back to the prompt, perhaps by restating the question or using it as a framework for each paragraph.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to address the disadvantages of risk-taking, enhance examples, and tighten the focus, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs logically follow, with the first focusing on career opportunities and the second on personal growth. Each paragraph effectively develops its main idea, supported by relevant examples. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs that summarize the previous point while introducing the next. For example, a sentence like "While career risks can lead to significant professional benefits, personal growth is equally crucial" could bridge the two ideas more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the context, while the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen each paragraph by starting with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could begin with "Taking risks in the workplace is essential for career advancement," which would immediately clarify the focus for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices such as "on the one hand," "in addition," and "for instance." These phrases help guide the reader through the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a greater variety of cohesive devices to enhance the connection between ideas and improve overall cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a mix of conjunctions, referencing, and substitution. For example, instead of repeatedly using "in addition," consider alternatives like "furthermore" or "moreover." Additionally, using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can create smoother transitions. For instance, instead of repeating "individuals," you could use "they" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "stepping out of one’s comfort zone," "spur higher career opportunities," and "fuel self-growth." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For example, the term "risks" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the essay’s lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate a broader range of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "risks," alternatives like "challenges," "uncertainties," or "ventures" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "entrepreneurial spirit" or "risk-taking behavior," would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the economic status" could be more accurately expressed as "the job market" or "economic conditions," which would clarify the context. Additionally, the phrase "supplemental experiences" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with "valuable experiences" or "additional insights."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. Engaging in exercises that involve paraphrasing or using vocabulary in different contexts can help develop this skill. Furthermore, consulting a thesaurus can provide alternative words that may fit better in specific contexts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "significant numbers of benefits" should be corrected to "significant number of benefits," as "number" should be singular when referring to "benefits" in this context. Additionally, "Smartening" is an unusual choice and may not be the best fit; "Improving" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch any errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular reading can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with proper word forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute significantly to improving the Lexical Resource score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the opening sentence employs a complex structure ("Some people are of the opinion that the ability to take risks plays a vital role either in their work environment or personal lives"), which effectively introduces the topic. Additionally, the use of phrases like "stepping out of one’s comfort zone" and "trying to do something out of the ordinary approach" showcases an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated language. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and transitions to enhance flow and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting several sentences with "In addition" or "On the one hand," try using alternatives like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "Additionally." Incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas can also enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the competitive market labor" could be more accurately phrased as "the competitive labor market." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "Smartening in these aspects," which could be clearer if rephrased to "Improving in these areas." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and" in lists or before "but" in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on revising awkward phrases for clarity and ensuring that noun phrases are correctly structured. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences and lists. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help in achieving greater grammatical precision.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the view that the ability to take risks plays a vital role in both their professional and personal lives. In my perspective, I strongly believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks that a person may encounter.

On the one hand, venturing beyond one’s comfort zone can spur higher career opportunities. To put it simply, there is a need for individuals to take risks due to the competitive labor market and the demand for potential candidates today. For instance, those who are willing to change jobs may secure better positions with higher salaries by leaving their current companies and applying elsewhere. If such attempts fail, they may face challenges, but at least they gain additional experiences from searching for a suitable job and develop a better understanding of the economic landscape. Such reasons reinforce my endorsement of the advantages.

In addition, pursuing unconventional approaches can fuel self-growth from various perspectives. As today’s world demands high adaptability, not trying new things can lead to a lack of essential social skills, hands-on experience, and understanding of one’s inner self. Enhancing these aspects by taking risks may mitigate ongoing pressures on individuals, creating a more satisfying living environment.

In conclusion, taking risks yields numerous benefits in life, including improved working conditions and enhanced everyday experiences. From my standpoint, I think this crucial factor should be recognized as important and embraced for greater life satisfaction.