It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of
young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that providing university educations for a major youngster class is impossible and usefulless. While I accept that higher education brings a manifold of beneficial effects to students, I also believed that university is not possible to a primary pipuls.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that university places can offer numerous advantages for students. Firstly, Students can approach to the higher education to broaden their horizons. Specifically, the environment in college is an amazing place for the young the accumulate the knowledge of all kinds of field. Moreover, the syllabus of university includes both theoretical knowledge and practical lessons which help student to gain more skills. As a result, youngsters have a higher career prospects and job opportunities, so that the unemployment rate would be reduced. For example, a student who graduated from a prestigious university with a formal degree can have a high chance to have a high-salary job. Furthermore, studying at the university is a engrossing opportunities for students to enlarge their social circle. The young seems to have more relationship that can probably help them in the foreseeable future.

On the other hand, it is seemed to be impossible to providing university places for the high proportion of young people. First of all, there are accepted that not all youngsters can access to the tertiary education. To be more specific, a minimum number of students can not reach or can not follow the enormous knowledge from the university education. For example, students not only have to learn the theoretical knowledge, but also have to improve their cognitive ability and savvy skills. Furthermore, some young people can not shoulder the financial burden from the tuition of tertiary education. There are numerous of cost and fee that students need to pay for studying in the university, so that, not all of the young can have a opportunities to study in college due to their situation.

In conclude, university places is always believed to be a good place for the young to broaden their horizons and develop the needed skills. Besides their beneficial impacts that higher education brings to students, it is impossible to providing this education to the large number of young people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"usefulless" -> "futile"
Explanation: "Usefulless" is not a standard word. "Futile" is a more formal and appropriate term here, conveying the idea of something being without purpose or effectiveness.
"major youngster class" -> "significant portion of young individuals"
Explanation: "Major youngster class" is awkward and not precise. "Significant portion of young individuals" provides a clearer and more formal description of the demographic being discussed.
"primary pipuls" -> "general population"
Explanation: "Primary pipuls" is unclear and non-standard. "General population" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is more suitable for contrasting arguments, whereas "Firstly" introduces a new point more directly and clearly.
"amazing" -> "excellent"
Explanation: "Amazing" is too informal for academic writing. "Excellent" maintains a positive tone while being more suitable for a formal context.
"accumulate" -> "acquire"
Explanation: "Accumulate" suggests a gradual buildup, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Acquire" is a more appropriate term for gaining knowledge or skills in an educational context.
"the young" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: "The young" is slightly awkward and less formal. "Young individuals" is a clearer and more standard phrase in academic writing.
"have a higher career prospects" -> "enhance their career prospects"
Explanation: "Have a higher career prospects" lacks precision and uses incorrect grammar. "Enhance their career prospects" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"a engrossing opportunities" -> "an engaging opportunity"
Explanation: "A engrossing opportunities" is grammatically incorrect. "An engaging opportunity" is more precise and formal.
"the young seems to have more relationship" -> "young individuals tend to establish more relationships"
Explanation: "The young seems to have more relationship" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Young individuals tend to establish more relationships" is clearer and more formal.
"it is seemed to be impossible" -> "it seems impossible"
Explanation: "It is seemed to be impossible" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "It seems impossible" is a more concise and appropriate expression.
"accepted that not all youngsters can access to the tertiary education" -> "acknowledged that not all young individuals have access to tertiary education"
Explanation: "Accepted that not all youngsters can access to the tertiary education" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Acknowledged that not all young individuals have access to tertiary education" is clearer and more formal.
"enormous knowledge" -> "vast body of knowledge"
Explanation: "Enormous knowledge" is imprecise. "Vast body of knowledge" is a more formal and accurate description.
"cognitive ability and savvy skills" -> "cognitive abilities and practical skills"
Explanation: "Cognitive ability and savvy skills" is informal and redundant. "Cognitive abilities and practical skills" is more precise and formal.
"shoulder the financial burden" -> "bear the financial burden"
Explanation: "Shoulder the financial burden" is slightly informal. "Bear the financial burden" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing.
"numerous of cost and fee" -> "numerous costs and fees"
Explanation: "Numerous of cost and fee" is grammatically incorrect. "Numerous costs and fees" is the correct plural form.
"have a opportunities" -> "have opportunities"
Explanation: "Have a opportunities" is grammatically incorrect. "Have opportunities" is the correct form.
"In conclude" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclude" is grammatically incorrect. "In conclusion" is the correct transition to signal the end of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, acknowledging the benefits of university education while also recognizing the limitations in providing it to a large proportion of young people. However, the discussion lacks depth and specificity in addressing the extent to which the prompt is answered comprehensively. While the essay briefly touches upon the challenges of providing university education to all, it could provide a more nuanced analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the complexities of the prompt by exploring various perspectives and providing more specific examples or evidence to support the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, expressing agreement with the idea that it is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. The position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing consistency in the argumentation.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could strengthen its thesis statement by clearly stating the position in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout the essay with stronger and more explicit language.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the benefits of university education and the challenges in providing it to all young people. However, the development of these ideas lacks depth and coherence. The examples provided are somewhat generic and lack specificity, diminishing the overall impact of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should focus on extending and supporting ideas with more specific and detailed examples, statistics, or anecdotes. Additionally, connecting these ideas coherently throughout the essay will strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the feasibility and usefulness of providing university places for a high proportion of young people. However, there are instances where the discussion veers off track, such as when discussing the benefits of university education without directly addressing the feasibility aspect.
- How to improve: To stay more closely on topic, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt and contributes to the overall argument about the feasibility and usefulness of providing university places for young people.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear position and attempts to address the prompt comprehensively, there is room for improvement in providing deeper analysis, more specific examples, and maintaining focus on the topic throughout the essay. Strengthening these aspects will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It starts with an introduction that presents the writer’s viewpoint but lacks a clear thesis statement. Each paragraph focuses on either the advantages or challenges of providing university places, which aids in clarity. However, within paragraphs, there is some lack of coherence, with ideas occasionally jumping between topics without clear transitions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction outlining the writer’s stance. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, aiding in coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with clear separation of ideas between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph attempts to address a specific aspect related to the argument, such as advantages or challenges of providing university places.
- How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally sound, focus on improving coherence within paragraphs by ensuring each sentence directly relates to the topic sentence. Additionally, consider varying sentence structure to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited use of cohesive devices. There is some attempt to use cohesive devices such as transition words ("Firstly," "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In conclude"), but they are overused and sometimes misapplied, leading to repetition and awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, including pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("however," "on the other hand"), and synonyms to avoid repetitive language. Ensure cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas logically and smoothly throughout the essay. Additionally, focus on using them sparingly to maintain clarity and avoid overwhelming the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, albeit with occasional inaccuracies and limited variety. For instance, phrases like "it is widely believed" and "a manifold of beneficial effects" exhibit some attempt at varied expression. However, there are instances where vocabulary repetition occurs ("youngsters", "university", "education"), indicating a need for more diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for greater diversity in word choice. Synonyms or alternative expressions could be used to replace repetitive terms. Additionally, incorporating more precise and nuanced vocabulary related to the topic would enrich the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary with imprecise usage or errors, detracting from clarity and precision. For example, "engrossing opportunities" may not accurately convey the intended meaning, and "primary pipuls" contains a spelling error. On the positive side, there are instances of relatively precise vocabulary, such as "formal degree" and "cognitive ability".
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary accurately to convey intended meanings effectively. Ensure that each term is used in its appropriate context. Proofreading for spelling errors like "usefulless" and "primary pipuls" is crucial to maintain precision. Utilize a variety of vocabulary that aligns closely with the topic to enhance clarity and depth of expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "usefulless" (should be "useless"), "pipuls" (should be "people"), and "engrossing" (misused). These errors detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers or seek feedback from peers to identify and correct errors. Additionally, reviewing vocabulary lists and commonly misspelled words can aid in enhancing spelling proficiency. Taking the time to proofread carefully before submission can help mitigate spelling errors and improve the overall quality of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures, incorporating simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and structure, although some structures are repeated, such as subject-verb-object patterns. The use of transitional phrases and clauses to connect ideas is evident but could be more diverse. Additionally, while there are instances of complex sentences, they are not consistently used throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, strive for greater consistency in incorporating complex sentences. This can be achieved by utilizing subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases to add depth and complexity to your sentences. Additionally, experiment with different sentence beginnings and structures to create a more engaging flow of ideas. Integrate a wider range of transitional phrases and clauses to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation, with some notable errors. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("it is seemed to be impossible"), verb tense inconsistencies ("there are accepted that not all youngsters can access"), and article misuse ("an amazing place for the young the accumulate the knowledge"). Punctuation errors include missing commas after introductory phrases ("On the one hand"), inconsistent capitalization ("Firstly, Students"), and occasional issues with sentence structure that affect clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Review each sentence carefully to ensure coherence and clarity. Consider using a variety of sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively. Additionally, practice employing punctuation marks, such as commas and apostrophes, correctly to enhance the readability of your writing. Engaging with grammar resources and seeking feedback on your writing can aid in identifying and rectifying recurring errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence constructions and diligently attending to grammatical details, you can enhance the clarity, coherence, and sophistication of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly argued that offering university education to a large portion of young individuals is both unfeasible and pointless. While I acknowledge the manifold benefits higher education brings to students, I also contend that providing university access to the majority of young people is not feasible.

On one hand, it is undeniable that university places can offer numerous advantages for students. Firstly, students can access a vast body of knowledge across various fields, enhancing their cognitive abilities and practical skills. Additionally, universities provide an excellent platform for students to expand their social networks, which can significantly enhance their career prospects. For instance, graduates from reputable universities often have better job opportunities and higher earning potential. Furthermore, the diverse curriculum of universities, encompassing both theoretical learning and practical applications, equips students with the necessary skills for their future endeavors.

On the other hand, it seems impractical to provide university places for a significant portion of young individuals. Firstly, it is acknowledged that not all young people have access to tertiary education. Some may struggle to keep up with the demanding coursework, while others may face financial constraints that prevent them from pursuing higher education. The costs and fees associated with university education can be prohibitive for many, limiting their opportunities for enrollment.

In conclusion, while university education offers invaluable benefits in terms of knowledge acquisition and skill development, it is not feasible to provide this opportunity to a large proportion of young people. Despite its merits, the accessibility and affordability of higher education remain significant challenges that need to be addressed.