It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films, and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

The era of globalisation has transformed people’s approach to learning and understanding foreign cultures. With the transparency of cultural identities made possible by books, movies and the internet, some people believe one no longer needs to be present in any country to learn about its culture. From my perspective, I largely disagree with this notion. Although the media has been proven to provide instant and cost-effective access to foreign cultures, it can not replace in-person contacts for reasons pertaining to authenticity and accuracy.

On one hand, I believe that the interpretation of cultural assets in books, films and the internet has rendered first-hand experience unnecessary to some extent. This is because many documentaries in these means of mass media already include anecdotes, footages and personal commentaries that help readers and viewers to envision the cultural norms at corresponding places. Interestingly, this form of living vicariously is considerably more cost-effective and convenient for people with time and financial constraints, as they can digest cultural knowledge that others have summarised after years of hands-on experience. Moreover, with the internet joining the scene, many communities have successfully harnessed its prowess to introduce their culture to a broader audience, via platforms and methods that have been previously unimaginable. The Lourve or the British museum can be taken as prime examples for this, as they have managed to integrate technological advancements into their website, providing interactive museum tours and updated elaborations on cultural artefacts. Therefore, it can be said that these second-hand cultural clashes are gradually overshadowing their first-hand counterparts; some even claim that they provide just as immersive experiences.

On the other hand, I would argue that the subtleties of culture can not be conveyed adequately via books, movies and the internet, necessitating in-person visits to cultural destinations. The reason for this is that most forms of documentation can not capture the richness and complexity of one culture. Cultural assets, in their finest forms, are unspoken cues, spontaneous nuanced interactions, local customs and traditional cuisines, all of which would need more than mere texts and videos to manifest themselves. In light of this, being present in a place allows for more authentic emotions and stark observations of its culture, both of which significantly transcend what is portrayed or replicated through the media. For example, cruising through the street market, hearing languages used in their natural context, savouring local delicacies and engaging in social interactions can help tourists to establish an emotional and personal connection with the place, leaving a more memorable and impactful impression than learning through a screen or page.

Moreover, I would contend that travelling allows people to experience the culture from their own spectacles, eliminating the risks of potential misinformation. In fact, people who rely on the media to learn about other countries and communities may base their beliefs and understandings on potentially incorrect or misleading information. Many articles or videos published long ago are believed to be reporting on outdated information, given the fact that culture and languages are constantly evolving in the context of globalisation. Moreover, misinterpretations of reporters can also contribute to the dissemination of false information. For instance, in personal travel blogs and vlogs, bloggers from countries where handshakes are prominent, have sometimes commented on the perceived “rudeness” in countries like Japan, where personal space and lack of physical touch are culturally normative. For reasons above, I believe direct experience can be the direct avenue through which cultural understanding and awareness can be established, without lapses caused by outdated sources or subjective perspectives from others.

In conclusion, although the media can provide valuable insights into cultural identities, I largely disagree that it can dismiss the significance of first-hand experience. It is because of travelling that people can gain authentic and accurate comprehension of certain culture.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The era of globalisation" -> "The era of globalization"
Explanation: The correct term is "globalization," which is the preferred spelling in academic and formal contexts.
"transformed people’s approach" -> "transformed people’s approach"
Explanation: The possessive form "people’s" is grammatically correct in this context, indicating that the approach belongs to people.
"transparency of cultural identities" -> "transparency in cultural identities"
Explanation: "In" is more appropriate than "of" when referring to the manner in which cultural identities are presented.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard form of the contraction for "can not" in formal writing.
"first-hand experience" -> "firsthand experience"
Explanation: "Firsthand" is the adjectival form, which is preferred in formal writing.
"living vicariously" -> "experiencing vicariously"
Explanation: "Experiencing" is more precise and academically appropriate than "living" in this context, as it directly relates to the act of experiencing something through media.
"digest cultural knowledge" -> "absorb cultural knowledge"
Explanation: "Absorb" is a more precise verb in this context, suggesting the process of taking in and understanding information.
"The Lourve" -> "The Louvre"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of the museum’s name.
"cultural clashes" -> "cultural experiences"
Explanation: "Experiences" is more accurate and neutral than "clashes," which can imply conflict, which is not the intended meaning here.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: Again, "cannot" is the standard form of the contraction for "can not" in formal writing.
"unspoken cues" -> "unspoken cues"
Explanation: This is a correct use of the term, referring to subtle, implicit aspects of culture.
"savouring local delicacies" -> "savoring local delicacies"
Explanation: "Savoring" is the correct spelling in American English, which is commonly used in academic texts.
"from their own spectacles" -> "from their own perspectives"
Explanation: "Perspectives" is more appropriate than "spectacles," which refers to eyeglasses and is not the intended meaning here.
"misinformation" -> "misinformation"
Explanation: This is a correct use of the term, referring to false or inaccurate information.
"misinterpretations of reporters" -> "misinterpretations by reporters"
Explanation: "By" is more accurate than "of" in this context, indicating the action performed by reporters.
"personal travel blogs and vlogs" -> "personal travel blogs and vlogs"
Explanation: This is a correct use of the terms, referring to video blogs.
"perceived “rudeness”" -> "perceived rudeness"
Explanation: Removing the quotation marks around "rudeness" corrects the formatting and maintains the formal tone.
"lapses caused by outdated sources or subjective perspectives from others" -> "inaccuracies caused by outdated sources or subjective perspectives from others"
Explanation: "Inaccuracies" is a more precise term than "lapsing," which is vague and not commonly used in this context.

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument that leans towards disagreeing with the statement. The author acknowledges the value of media in learning about cultures but emphasizes the importance of first-hand experiences. The essay discusses both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced response. However, while the author mentions the advantages of media, the discussion could be more nuanced by exploring specific limitations of these media sources in greater depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could include more specific examples of how media can misrepresent cultures or fail to capture their complexities. Additionally, addressing counterarguments more thoroughly would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the notion that media can replace first-hand cultural experiences. The use of phrases like "I largely disagree" and "I would argue" reinforces the author’s stance. However, there are moments where the transition between acknowledging the benefits of media and emphasizing the need for personal experience could be smoother, which may lead to slight confusion about the overall position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use more explicit transition phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, stating "Despite these advantages, I believe…" could help delineate the shift from acknowledging media’s benefits to emphasizing the importance of travel.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas supported by relevant examples, such as the discussion of cultural subtleties that cannot be captured through media. The author effectively uses examples like the Louvre and personal travel experiences to illustrate points. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the author could include more varied examples or case studies that illustrate the limitations of media in cultural understanding. Additionally, integrating statistical data or quotes from experts could add depth to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding tangential discussions. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument regarding the necessity of first-hand experiences in understanding culture. However, there are instances where the discussion of media could be more tightly linked to the central argument, as some points about the advantages of media feel somewhat disconnected from the main thesis.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the thesis statement in each paragraph and ensuring that examples and discussions of media are clearly tied to the argument for the importance of personal experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s perspective, meriting a band score of 8. With some refinements in structure and depth of argumentation, it could potentially reach a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the main argument and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph follows a coherent structure, with the first paragraph discussing the benefits of learning about culture through media, while the second paragraph counters this by emphasizing the importance of firsthand experience. The use of transition phrases such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand" helps to delineate contrasting viewpoints, contributing to the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could consider incorporating more explicit linking sentences at the end of each paragraph to summarize the key points and transition smoothly into the next idea. For example, after discussing the advantages of media, a sentence could be added to highlight the shift to the disadvantages, reinforcing the contrast between the two perspectives.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly defined, which aids readability. Each body paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This structure allows the reader to follow the writer’s argument easily.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is effective, the writer could enhance the clarity of the conclusion by briefly summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs before stating their final opinion. This would reinforce the argument and provide a more comprehensive closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("although," "because"), referencing ("this," "these"), and lexical cohesion (repetition of key terms like "culture" and "experience"). These devices help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. The use of examples, such as references to the Louvre and personal travel experiences, also aids in creating cohesion within the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking phrases and connectors. For instance, using phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" could enhance the transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not excessively will help maintain the essay’s readability and prevent it from feeling formulaic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices to enhance clarity. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "globalisation," "cultural assets," "vicariously," and "authentic emotions." This variety enhances the clarity and depth of the argument. The use of phrases like "cost-effective," "interactive museum tours," and "cultural clashes" showcases the writer’s ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "culture" could be substituted with synonyms like "heritage," "tradition," or "societal norms" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and related terms. For instance, when discussing aspects of culture, consider using terms like "cultural heritage" or "socio-cultural practices" to diversify the language and maintain reader engagement.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. Phrases such as "first-hand experience" and "second-hand cultural clashes" are well-chosen and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as "the interpretation of cultural assets," which could be more clearly articulated as "the representation of cultural elements." Additionally, the phrase "living vicariously" might be better replaced with "experiencing indirectly" to avoid potential confusion.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review their word choices to ensure they convey the exact intended meaning. Engaging in exercises that focus on synonyms and antonyms can help refine vocabulary usage. Furthermore, utilizing context-specific vocabulary can enhance clarity; for example, instead of "cultural assets," consider using "cultural expressions" or "cultural artifacts."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "globalisation," "documentaries," and "authenticity" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay and aids in maintaining the reader’s focus on the content rather than on errors.
- How to improve: While the spelling is accurate, the writer can further solidify their skills by regularly practicing spelling exercises and proofreading their work. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can also help catch any potential errors before submission. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 8. To reach an even higher score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining the high standard of spelling accuracy already evident in their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. The writer effectively employs complex sentences, such as "Although the media has been proven to provide instant and cost-effective access to foreign cultures, it can not replace in-person contacts for reasons pertaining to authenticity and accuracy." This showcases the ability to combine clauses and convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of varied sentence openings (e.g., "On one hand," "On the other hand," "Moreover") contributes to a coherent flow and helps delineate different arguments. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence patterns, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "can not" and "it can be said that" are used multiple times, which slightly detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," alternatives like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Additionally" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more compound sentences and varying the placement of clauses could further enrich the essay’s complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the phrase "the subtleties of culture can not be conveyed adequately" is grammatically correct, but the use of "can not" is less common in formal writing; "cannot" is preferred. Punctuation is also mostly accurate, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in lists. However, there are minor issues, such as the missing article in "the Lourve or the British museum" (should be "the Louvre or the British Museum") and inconsistent capitalization of "Museum."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should be mindful of common conventions, such as using "cannot" instead of "can not." Additionally, reviewing the essay for consistent capitalization and article usage would enhance overall clarity. A thorough proofreading session focusing on these aspects could help catch any overlooked errors. Engaging in exercises that emphasize common grammatical structures and punctuation rules could also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. By addressing the noted areas for improvement, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The era of globalization has transformed people’s approach to learning and understanding foreign cultures. With the transparency in cultural identities made possible by books, films, and the Internet, some people believe that one no longer needs to be present in any country to learn about its culture. From my perspective, I largely disagree with this notion. Although the media has been proven to provide instant and cost-effective access to foreign cultures, it cannot replace in-person contact for reasons pertaining to authenticity and accuracy.

On one hand, I believe that the interpretation of cultural assets in books, films, and the Internet has rendered firsthand experience unnecessary to some extent. This is because many documentaries in these forms of mass media already include anecdotes, footage, and personal commentaries that help readers and viewers envision the cultural norms of corresponding places. Interestingly, this form of experiencing vicariously is considerably more cost-effective and convenient for people with time and financial constraints, as they can absorb cultural knowledge that others have summarized after years of firsthand experience. Moreover, with the Internet joining the scene, many communities have successfully harnessed its prowess to introduce their culture to a broader audience through platforms and methods that were previously unimaginable. The Louvre or the British Museum can be taken as prime examples of this, as they have managed to integrate technological advancements into their websites, providing interactive museum tours and updated elaborations on cultural artifacts. Therefore, it can be said that these second-hand cultural experiences are gradually overshadowing their firsthand counterparts; some even claim that they provide just as immersive experiences.

On the other hand, I would argue that the subtleties of culture cannot be conveyed adequately through books, movies, and the Internet, necessitating in-person visits to cultural destinations. The reason for this is that most forms of documentation cannot capture the richness and complexity of a culture. Cultural assets, in their finest forms, are unspoken cues, spontaneous nuanced interactions, local customs, and traditional cuisines, all of which require more than mere texts and videos to manifest themselves. In light of this, being present in a place allows for more authentic emotions and stark observations of its culture, both of which significantly transcend what is portrayed or replicated through the media. For example, cruising through the street market, hearing languages used in their natural context, savoring local delicacies, and engaging in social interactions can help tourists establish an emotional and personal connection with the place, leaving a more memorable and impactful impression than learning through a screen or page.

Moreover, I would contend that traveling allows people to experience the culture from their own perspectives, eliminating the risks of potential misinformation. In fact, people who rely on the media to learn about other countries and communities may base their beliefs and understandings on potentially incorrect or misleading information. Many articles or videos published long ago are believed to report on outdated information, given that culture and languages are constantly evolving in the context of globalization. Moreover, misinterpretations by reporters can also contribute to the dissemination of false information. For instance, in personal travel blogs and vlogs, bloggers from countries where handshakes are prominent have sometimes commented on the perceived “rudeness” in countries like Japan, where personal space and a lack of physical touch are culturally normative. For these reasons, I believe direct experience can be the most effective avenue through which cultural understanding and awareness can be established, without lapses caused by outdated sources or subjective perspectives from others.

In conclusion, although the media can provide valuable insights into cultural identities, I largely disagree that it can dismiss the significance of firsthand experience. It is through traveling that people can gain authentic and accurate comprehension of a particular culture.