It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing. Omg to study science subjects, What a 10gm are the causes? And what will be the effects on society

In the present days, diserve nations suffer from the dearth of students learning science-based subjects. This tendency occuring pernamently can lead to the hazardous threats for these communities in my personal points.

Obviously, there are three genesis that form and endure this issue. In fact, STEM fields including science technology, ecology and math are seen as difficulties for learners due to the great quantity of Knowledge. Morover, the instructors are as the same as their aprentices who are unable to completely get all these understandings, Stimutangeusly, they have a limitation of time and capability to offer a fulfilling lecture. Finally, these kinds of subjects has excessively less praticality in regular. It is undeniable knowing that tutees almost get no pratical lesson about the subjects in some countries as a result of badly equiped wares.

In the case the phenomenon continues overtime, the civilizations certainly do encounter pessimistic consequences following. The unsufficence of scientists can arise the halt of technology along with gradual exploration of innovation. Those communities are in this situations will unglengo plunges in several fields, mainly relating to the science OR Recession at worst. As a Result, the standard of people's lives, exaggrate in the negative ways. For instance, the nations which have a incompetition equipment, force to import more advanced ones owned by other and slowly depend on them. In exchange,the rest of money money wasted on these applications for leasen will not enough to use for improving citizens lives.
Generally, STEM subjects play a crucial role in developement of one nation. lack of students studying STEM is the sign of deteriorating of the nations

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the present days" -> "In recent times"
Explanation: "In the present days" is somewhat informal and vague. "In recent times" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing to refer to the current era.
"diserve nations" -> "developing nations"
Explanation: "Diserve" is not a standard word and is likely a typographical error. "Developing nations" is the correct term used to describe countries with less developed economies.
"This tendency occuring pernamently" -> "This trend persistently"
Explanation: "Occuring pernamently" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Persistently" is the correct adverb to describe something that continues to happen over time.
"hazardous threats" -> "serious threats"
Explanation: "Hazardous threats" is redundant as "hazardous" implies danger, making "serious threats" a more precise and less redundant choice.
"genesis" -> "causes"
Explanation: "Genesis" typically refers to the origin or creation of something, whereas "causes" is the correct term for the factors leading to a situation.
"Morover" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Morover" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "Moreover," which is the correct adverbial form.
"aprentices" -> "apprentices"
Explanation: "Aprentices" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "apprentices."
"Stimutangeusly" -> "Stimultaneously"
Explanation: "Stimutangeusly" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "Simultaneously," which is the correct adverb meaning at the same time.
"practicality" -> "practicality"
Explanation: "Practicality" is not a word; the correct term is "practicality," referring to the quality of being practical or useful.
"tutees" -> "students"
Explanation: "Tutees" is not a standard term in English; "students" is the correct noun for individuals receiving education.
"badly equiped wares" -> "poorly equipped equipment"
Explanation: "Badly equiped wares" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Poorly equipped equipment" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"unsufficence" -> "insufficiency"
Explanation: "Unsufficence" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "insufficiency," which is the correct term for a lack or deficiency.
"arise the halt of technology" -> "halt technological progress"
Explanation: "Arise the halt of technology" is awkward and unclear. "Halt technological progress" is a clearer and more direct expression.
"unglengo plunges" -> "unprecedented declines"
Explanation: "Unglengo plunges" is not a standard phrase and is likely a typographical error. "Unprecedented declines" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.
"incompetition equipment" -> "inadequate equipment"
Explanation: "Incompetition equipment" is a typographical error and unclear. "Inadequate equipment" correctly describes equipment that is insufficient or unsuitable.
"force to import more advanced ones owned by other" -> "are forced to import more advanced equipment from other countries"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically awkward. The revised version clarifies the meaning and improves grammatical structure.
"rest of money money wasted" -> "remainder of the funds wasted"
Explanation: "Rest of money money" is redundant and grammatically incorrect. "Remainder of the funds wasted" is clearer and more formal.
"lack of students studying STEM is the sign of deteriorating of the nations" -> "a lack of students studying STEM is a sign of the deterioration of nations"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects these issues and improves readability.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the causes of the decline in students choosing science subjects and the potential effects on society. The author identifies three main causes: the perceived difficulty of STEM subjects, the limitations of instructors, and the lack of practical application in these fields. However, while the causes are mentioned, the effects are somewhat less developed. The mention of technology stagnation and reliance on imports provides a basis for the societal impact, but the explanation lacks depth and specific examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both causes and effects are equally elaborated. For instance, they could provide specific examples of how the lack of scientists has historically impacted a particular country or field. Additionally, expanding on the societal effects with more concrete consequences would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding the importance of STEM education and the negative consequences of its decline. The author consistently emphasizes the detrimental effects on society, which helps maintain a coherent argument. However, the phrasing and some grammatical errors can obscure the clarity of the position, making it harder for readers to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should focus on refining their sentence structure and grammar. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring proper punctuation will enhance readability. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the causes of the decline in STEM education, such as the difficulty of subjects and the inadequacy of teaching. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For example, while the author mentions that students find STEM subjects difficult, they do not explore why this perception exists or how it could be addressed. The supporting examples are also limited, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To better support ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. This could include discussing specific initiatives that have successfully increased interest in STEM subjects or citing statistics that illustrate the decline in student enrollment. Additionally, integrating counterarguments or alternative perspectives could enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and effects of the decline in students choosing science subjects. However, there are moments where the language becomes convoluted, which can distract from the main argument. For instance, phrases like "the civilizations certainly do encounter pessimistic consequences following" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument. Using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph can help guide the reader and keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help maintain topic coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is disrupted by unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the causes of students not choosing science subjects to the effects on society lacks clarity. The introduction mentions "hazardous threats," but the subsequent paragraphs do not clearly link these threats to the causes outlined. The ideas presented often feel disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the main points in the introduction and ensure that each body paragraph directly relates to these points. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "In conclusion") can improve the flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is not effectively executed. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas about causes without clear separation, and the second paragraph discusses effects but lacks a clear topic sentence. This can confuse readers about the main focus of each section.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, the first paragraph could begin with "There are several reasons why students are reluctant to study science subjects," followed by a separate paragraph for each reason. This will create a clearer structure and make the argument more coherent.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "obviously" and "finally," but their use is limited and sometimes inappropriate. For instance, phrases like "In the case the phenomenon continues overtime" are awkward and do not effectively connect ideas. Additionally, there are instances of repetition and unclear references (e.g., "these kinds of subjects has excessively less praticality"), which detract from the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Consequently"). It is also essential to ensure that references are clear and specific to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "these kinds of subjects," the writer could specify "science and technology subjects" to maintain clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "dearth," "hazardous threats," and "STEM fields." However, the range is limited, and many words are used inaccurately or inappropriately. For example, "genesis" is used in a context that does not fit its meaning, and "pessimistic consequences" could be expressed more clearly with terms like "negative impacts." The overall vocabulary choice feels repetitive and lacks sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms for key concepts. For instance, instead of repeating "students" and "science," consider using "learners," "pupils," "scientific disciplines," or "STEM education." Reading academic articles or essays on similar topics can help identify varied vocabulary that can be incorporated into writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "instructors are as the same as their aprentices" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The term "praticality" is incorrectly used; the writer likely meant "practical application." Additionally, "exaggrate in the negative ways" is vague and does not convey a clear meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by consulting a thesaurus for synonyms that fit the context better and by practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary to ensure proper usage. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help identify vague or awkward phrases.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, such as "deserve" (should be "deserved"), "occurring" (misspelled as "occurring"), "permanently" (misspelled as "permanently"), "morover" (should be "moreover"), "praticality" (should be "practicality"), "unsufficence" (should be "insufficiency"), and "incompetition" (should be "inadequate"). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more can also improve spelling, as it reinforces correct word forms and spellings in the writer’s mind.

Overall, while the essay shows some understanding of the topic, significant improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "In the present days" and "This tendency occurring permanently can lead to…" show an attempt at complexity, but the overall structure remains basic. There are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the civilizations certainly do encounter pessimistic consequences following," which could be more effectively expressed. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases is limited, which affects the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "this tendency occurring permanently can lead to," the writer could say, "If this tendency continues, it could lead to…" This not only adds variety but also clarifies the relationship between ideas. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences could also help in diversifying sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "diserve nations" should be "diverse nations," and "occurring permanently" is misspelled as "occurring." The misuse of punctuation is evident in phrases like "the instructors are as the same as their aprentices who are unable to completely get all these understandings," where a comma before "who" would improve readability. Additionally, the phrase "those communities are in this situations" should be corrected to "those communities are in this situation."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Keeping a checklist of frequently misused words and grammatical structures can be beneficial. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Engaging in grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also lead to gradual improvement in this area.

Overall, while the essay conveys some relevant ideas, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, developing nations suffer from the dearth of students learning science-based subjects. This trend persistently occurring can lead to serious threats for these communities, in my opinion.

Obviously, there are three causes that form and endure this issue. In fact, STEM fields, including science, technology, ecology, and math, are seen as difficult for learners due to the great quantity of knowledge required. Moreover, the instructors are similar to their apprentices, as they are unable to fully grasp all these understandings. Simultaneously, they have limitations in time and capability to offer a fulfilling lecture. Finally, these kinds of subjects have excessively little practicality in everyday life. It is undeniable that students almost get no practical lessons about the subjects in some countries as a result of poorly equipped equipment.

If this phenomenon continues over time, societies will certainly encounter negative consequences. The insufficiency of scientists can lead to a halt in technology along with a gradual decline in innovation. Those communities in this situation will experience unprecedented declines in several fields, mainly relating to science or, at worst, recession. As a result, the standard of people’s lives will deteriorate in negative ways. For instance, nations with inadequate equipment are forced to import more advanced ones from other countries and slowly become dependent on them. In exchange, the remainder of the funds wasted on these imports will not be enough to improve citizens’ lives.

Generally, STEM subjects play a crucial role in the development of a nation. A lack of students studying STEM is a sign of the deterioration of nations.