It is observed that some ex-prisoners commit crimes after being released from the prison. What do you think is the cause? How can it be solved?

It is true that many criminals are involved in illegal activities after their early release from jail. This essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind this negative tendency before outlining several viable solutions that could be adopted to tackle this worrying problem.
There are two primary reasons why ex-convicts have a higher chance of imprisonment after being discharged from the lockup. The main culprit behind this trend is their potential unemployment rate. This is because during the time in jail, prisoners are not provided essential skills related to stable jobs that they could have when being given a chance to reintegrate with society, consequently, they would become jobless and need to commit crimes again to earn a living. Another reason is that social stigma with individuals who have a criminal record. In fact, offenders are treated with contemptuous and unfair looks by the public community, such as alienation, isolation, and calumniation, which could put them on strain of breaking the laws again.
To combat this serious concern, the following steps should be taken. First and foremost, governmental bodies should allocate government coffers to implement rehabilitation programs. Specifically, they could invest funding in running vocational training courses that provide convicts with job opportunities in years to come after finishing their prison sentences, thereby making them more positive and appealing to legal occupation, limiting the chance of recidivism. Secondly, there should be educational campaigns for the public to change their attitude and perception about collegians. To be more specific, these which could reduce public stigma and enhance reintegration support, for instance there are strategies or initiatives to employ ex-prisoners in building sites and industrial estates so that they feel more secure and protected after being released from jail, which prevent them from engaging illegitimate activities.
In conclusion, are underlying motives behind the number of reoffenders, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures, namely increased budget for effective rehabilitation programs with vocational training and campaigns for public awareness, be implemented to decrease the crimes among criminals.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a statement in academic writing, enhancing the tone of certainty and authority.
"shed light on" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Explore" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "shed light on," which can sound somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"worrying problem" -> "concerning issue"
Explanation: "Concerning issue" is more formal and precise than "worrying problem," which can carry an emotional connotation that is less suitable for academic writing.
"the main culprit behind this trend" -> "the primary cause of this trend"
Explanation: "Primary cause" is a more precise and formal term than "main culprit," which can imply blame or accusation, which is not appropriate in an objective academic analysis.
"potential unemployment rate" -> "risk of unemployment"
Explanation: "Risk of unemployment" is a more accurate and formal expression than "potential unemployment rate," which is not a standard term in this context.
"not provided essential skills related to stable jobs" -> "not equipped with essential skills for stable employment"
Explanation: "Equipped with essential skills for stable employment" is more specific and formal, improving clarity and precision in describing the skills provided in prison.
"when being given a chance to reintegrate with society" -> "upon reintegrating into society"
Explanation: "Upon reintegrating into society" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "when being given a chance to reintegrate with society."
"social stigma with individuals" -> "social stigma affecting individuals"
Explanation: "Affecting" is the correct preposition to use with "stigma," as it indicates the impact on individuals, whereas "with" is incorrect in this context.
"put them on strain of breaking the laws again" -> "place them under pressure to reoffend"
Explanation: "Place them under pressure to reoffend" is a clearer and more formal way to express the impact of social stigma on individuals, avoiding the awkward and incorrect phrase "put them on strain of breaking the laws again."
"governmental bodies should allocate government coffers" -> "government agencies should allocate funds"
Explanation: "Government agencies" is a more precise term than "governmental bodies," and "funds" is a more formal term than "government coffers," which can sound archaic and less specific.
"collegians" -> "ex-convicts"
Explanation: "Collegians" is incorrect and likely a typographical error; "ex-convicts" is the correct term to refer to individuals who have been convicted of a crime.
"reintegration support" -> "reintegration support services"
Explanation: Adding "services" specifies the type of support being referred to, enhancing clarity and formality.
"feel more secure and protected" -> "feel more secure and supported"
Explanation: "Supported" is a more precise term than "protected" in this context, as it directly relates to the provision of assistance and care.

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of recidivism (unemployment and social stigma) and proposing solutions (rehabilitation programs and public awareness campaigns). The introduction clearly outlines the intention to discuss these aspects, and the body paragraphs provide relevant details. However, while the causes are well-explained, the solutions could be elaborated further to ensure a comprehensive response to the second part of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples of successful rehabilitation programs or public campaigns from various countries. This would not only strengthen the argument but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the issue of recidivism and the need for solutions. The writer consistently emphasizes the importance of addressing the causes and implementing effective measures. However, the conclusion contains a grammatical error ("are underlying motives") that slightly detracts from the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To ensure clarity, the writer should proofread the conclusion for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, reiterating the main arguments in the conclusion can reinforce the position and provide a stronger closing statement.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant and supported by logical reasoning. The writer discusses the unemployment issue and social stigma with sufficient detail, explaining how these factors contribute to recidivism. However, some points, such as the impact of rehabilitation programs, could benefit from further elaboration and examples.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or statistics to support the claims made about the effectiveness of proposed solutions. For instance, citing specific studies that show the success rates of vocational training programs could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of recidivism and the factors contributing to it. The writer does not deviate from the main subject, which is commendable. However, there are minor instances of vague phrasing, such as "these which could reduce public stigma," which could confuse readers.
- How to improve: The writer should strive for clarity in phrasing and ensure that all statements are directly related to the topic. Avoiding ambiguous terms and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help maintain focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the causes and solutions related to recidivism. With some enhancements in detail, clarity, and support for ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the main points, followed by two body paragraphs that discuss the causes of recidivism and potential solutions. The logical flow is generally maintained, as the author transitions from identifying causes to proposing solutions. However, the connection between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the transition from discussing unemployment to social stigma could be more explicit to enhance the logical progression of thought.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect each paragraph to the overall thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help clarify the relationship between points. For instance, when moving from unemployment to social stigma, a sentence like "In addition to unemployment, social stigma also plays a significant role in the challenges faced by ex-prisoners" would create a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs clearly delineate causes and solutions. However, the second body paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from further division to enhance readability and focus.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer could split the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on rehabilitation programs and the other on public awareness campaigns. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution and provide clearer focus for the reader. Each paragraph should ideally begin with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "specifically," and "in conclusion." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall fluency of the writing. For instance, the phrase "to combat this serious concern" could be varied with alternatives like "to address this pressing issue" or "to tackle this challenge."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This includes using synonyms or alternative expressions for common transitions, as well as employing more complex structures, such as "not only… but also" or "on the one hand… on the other hand." Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately in context will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, attention to the logical flow of ideas, effective paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "rehabilitation programs," "vocational training," "recidivism," and "social stigma." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "commit crimes" and "ex-prisoners," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s richness. The use of phrases like "consequently" and "first and foremost" shows an attempt to use linking words effectively, but the overall vocabulary could be more diverse.
- How to improve: To improve lexical resource, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "commit crimes," alternatives like "engage in criminal activities" or "reoffend" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more complex vocabulary related to the topic, such as "recidivism" or "reintegration," can enhance the sophistication of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the main culprit behind this trend is their potential unemployment rate." This phrase could be misleading as it suggests that the unemployment rate itself is the culprit rather than the lack of job opportunities for ex-prisoners. Additionally, the phrase "contemptuous and unfair looks" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "contemptuous treatment" or "discriminatory attitudes."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the clarity of their vocabulary choices. For example, instead of saying "social stigma with individuals who have a criminal record," it could be more accurately phrased as "social stigma faced by individuals with a criminal record." Practicing the use of contextually appropriate phrases and ensuring that the intended meaning is clear will help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors such as "calumniation," which is an uncommon term and may not be the best choice in this context. Additionally, "these which could reduce public stigma" is grammatically incorrect and could lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully to catch any typographical errors or awkward phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with commonly used terms in the context of criminal justice and rehabilitation can aid in avoiding errors in spelling and usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "This is because during the time in jail, prisoners are not provided essential skills related to stable jobs that they could have when being given a chance to reintegrate with society." However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. The essay tends to rely on similar sentence beginnings and structures, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "There are" or "The main culprit," the writer could use introductory clauses or phrases. Additionally, using more passive constructions or conditional sentences could enhance the complexity of the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises could also help in achieving greater variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy overall, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "social stigma with individuals who have a criminal record" could be more clearly expressed as "social stigma against individuals with a criminal record." Additionally, the sentence "these which could reduce public stigma and enhance reintegration support" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "which prevent them from engaging illegitimate activities."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence clarity and coherence. Revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that subjects and verbs agree can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses will improve overall readability. Engaging in grammar exercises that focus on common errors and practicing writing with a focus on clarity can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that many criminals are involved in illegal activities after their early release from jail. This essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind this concerning issue before outlining several viable solutions that could be adopted to tackle this worrying problem.

There are two primary reasons why ex-convicts have a higher chance of reoffending after being discharged from prison. The primary cause of this trend is their potential unemployment rate. This is because during their time in jail, prisoners are not equipped with essential skills for stable employment that they could use when given a chance to reintegrate into society. Consequently, they may become jobless and feel compelled to commit crimes again to earn a living. Another reason is the social stigma associated with individuals who have a criminal record. In fact, offenders are often treated with contempt and unfair looks by the public, leading to alienation, isolation, and calumniation, which could place them under pressure to reoffend.

To combat this serious concern, the following steps should be taken. First and foremost, governmental bodies should allocate funds to implement rehabilitation programs. Specifically, they could invest in running vocational training courses that provide convicts with job opportunities in the years to come after finishing their prison sentences, thereby making them more positive and appealing to legal occupations, which would limit the chance of recidivism. Secondly, there should be educational campaigns for the public to change their attitude and perception about ex-prisoners. To be more specific, these campaigns could reduce public stigma and enhance reintegration support. For instance, there could be strategies or initiatives to employ ex-prisoners in building sites and industrial estates so that they feel more secure and protected after being released from jail, which would prevent them from engaging in illegitimate activities.

In conclusion, there are underlying motives behind the number of reoffenders, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures, namely increased budget for effective rehabilitation programs with vocational training and campaigns for public awareness, be implemented to decrease the crimes among ex-prisoners.