it is responsibility of the school to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals are oponion that school should be responsible for behaviours of students in addition to the provision of formal education. I totally agree with this suggestion based on some reasons that are explained further in this essay.

There is some major reasons that schools serve a crucial function in behavioral education for students, besides giving them access to formal education. First, as almost time spent of students is on schools, student’s behaviours are more likely affected by their constant exposure and their surrounded environment. Thus, schools may provide incentives and opportunities for students to interact constantly with their peers and teachers, potentially navigating the behaviour and thoughts of students. This provision may be demonstrated by the instance that teachers can integrate the moral values in their lessons and show appreciation for students attention by saying “ thank you “ at the end of lesson or teach them to express their gratitude to others. Therefore, schools play an essential role in the provision of valuable attributes and practical skills, leading students to inclusivity and resourcefulness.

Furthermore, the absence of education on behaviours may take heavy toll on students, leading to unexpected and impulsive behaviours and thoughts. For example, students may use inappopriate words and disrepectful behaviours towards their friends and teachers, escalating conflict between teachers and students. This phenomenon is inevitably caused by the absence of supervision and adequate education of school. Therefore, this neglect and uncare of school may inadvertently stifle students’s development and acquisition of moral behaviours, potentially exacerbating their students’s academic performances and aptitudes of problems –solving. Hence, it is subtantial for schools to provide adequate both academic knowledge and valuable attributes for students.

In conclusion, I wholeheartedly advocate for the opinion that schools should take responsibility for both formal education and behavioral education based on major reasons that are explained thoroughly in this essay.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"oponion" -> "opinion"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "opinion" maintains formal language and clarity, adhering to academic writing standards.
"based on some reasons that are explained further in this essay" -> "for several reasons elaborated upon in this essay"
Explanation: Replacing "based on some reasons that are explained further in this essay" with "for several reasons elaborated upon in this essay" enhances clarity and formality. It avoids the informal phrase "based on" and provides a smoother transition to the following arguments.
"There is some major reasons" -> "There are several major reasons"
Explanation: "There is some major reasons" should be corrected to "There are several major reasons" for grammatical accuracy (subject-verb agreement) and formality.
"almost time spent of students is on schools" -> "students spend the majority of their time at school"
Explanation: "almost time spent of students is on schools" is awkward and not academically precise. "Students spend the majority of their time at school" is clearer and more direct.
"their surrounded environment" -> "their surrounding environment"
Explanation: "surrounded environment" should be corrected to "surrounding environment" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"Thus, schools may provide incentives and opportunities" -> "Therefore, schools can provide incentives and opportunities"
Explanation: "Thus" is slightly informal for academic writing; "Therefore" is more appropriate. Also, "can" is more direct than "may."
"navigating the behaviour and thoughts of students" -> "influencing the behavior and thoughts of students"
Explanation: "Navigating" is not the most precise word choice here. "Influencing" is clearer and fits better in an academic context.
"This provision may be demonstrated by the instance that teachers can integrate the moral values in their lessons" -> "This is exemplified by teachers integrating moral values into their lessons"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the sentence structure improves readability. "Exemplified" is a more formal and precise term.
"show appreciation for students attention by saying ‘thank you’ at the end of lesson" -> "show appreciation for students’ attention by expressing gratitude at the end of lessons"
Explanation: Correcting possessive form ("students’ attention") and making the sentence more formal and precise.
"disrepectful behaviours" -> "disrespectful behaviors"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error to "behaviors" adheres to standard academic English.
"phenomenon is inevitably caused by the absence of supervision and adequate education of school" -> "phenomenon is inevitably caused by the lack of supervision and adequate education in schools"
Explanation: Adjusting the sentence for grammatical correctness and clarity. "Education of school" should be "education in schools."
"Therefore, this neglect and uncare of school may inadvertently stifle students’s development" -> "Thus, this neglect and lack of attention by schools may inadvertently hinder students’ development"
Explanation: Improving clarity and formality by using "Thus" instead of "Therefore," and rephrasing for smoother flow.
"potentially exacerbating their students’s academic performances and aptitudes of problems –solving" -> "potentially exacerbating their academic performance and problem-solving abilities"
Explanation: Simplifying and correcting grammar ("students’s" to "academic") for clarity and formality.
"Hence, it is subtantial for schools" -> "Hence, it is essential for schools"
Explanation: "Substantial" is replaced with "essential" for a stronger, more formal statement.
"I wholeheartedly advocate for the opinion that schools should take responsibility for both formal education and behavioral education based on major reasons that are explained thoroughly in this essay." -> "I strongly support the idea that schools should be responsible for both formal education and behavioral development, as detailed in this essay."
Explanation: Simplifying and refining the conclusion for clarity and formality, avoiding repetition and strengthening the statement.

These improvements enhance the essay’s clarity, precision, and adherence to formal academic language standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay broadly addresses the prompt by stating agreement with the idea that schools should teach good behavior alongside formal education. It discusses the role of schools in shaping behavior and the consequences of neglecting this aspect.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Explicitly analyze why schools should teach behavior, providing examples and perhaps contrasting views to show depth of understanding.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance that schools should be responsible for teaching behavior in addition to formal education. This is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. Avoid vague expressions like "some major reasons" and directly state key arguments.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the influence of schools on behavior and consequences of neglecting this responsibility. It supports these points with examples, such as teachers integrating moral values into lessons.
- How to improve: Extend ideas further by providing more diverse examples and elaborating on how exactly schools can integrate behavior education effectively. Connect each example explicitly to the main argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the role of schools in teaching behavior alongside formal education. However, there are instances of language issues and minor deviations.
- How to improve: To stay completely on topic, avoid language errors and ensure every point directly relates to the prompt. Maintain focus on the dual responsibility of schools without digressing into unrelated topics.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively argues for schools taking responsibility for teaching behavior alongside formal education, improvements can be made in clarity, depth of analysis, and language accuracy to elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization. It begins with an introduction stating the author’s agreement with the prompt, followed by two body paragraphs that present distinct reasons supporting this viewpoint. Each paragraph attempts to support its main idea, albeit with some language issues that occasionally disrupt clarity (e.g., "as almost time spent of students is on schools"). The conclusion succinctly restates the thesis without introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to guide the reader through the main points. Additionally, focusing on developing each reason with more specific examples and ensuring coherence within and between paragraphs would strengthen the overall structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their effectiveness is hindered by uneven structure and coherence issues. For instance, the second paragraph attempts to illustrate a point about inappropriate behavior but lacks clear development and transitions. Each paragraph generally addresses a different aspect of the topic but could be better structured to improve clarity and cohesion.
- How to improve: Advising the writer to use topic sentences that clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph would help. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph develops a single coherent point with supporting details and examples would enhance readability and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes some use of cohesive devices such as transition words ("Thus," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this suggestion," "this provision"). However, the use is limited and sometimes awkward, impacting the essay’s overall coherence.
- How to improve: Encourage the integration of a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, linking adverbs) more effectively throughout the essay. Providing specific examples of where more precise or varied cohesive devices could be used would aid in improving coherence and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay maintains a basic level of coherence and cohesion with identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Developing clearer topic sentences, ensuring paragraph unity, and diversifying cohesive devices would significantly enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. There is a variety of words and phrases used effectively, such as "crucial function," "incentives," "escalating conflict," "stifle," and "wholeheartedly advocate." These terms enhance the richness and clarity of the writer’s argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms or alternative expressions in certain instances. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," try alternatives like "pupils," "learners," or "youngsters" where appropriate. This can add further sophistication and variety to your vocabulary use.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the vocabulary is used with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For instance, phrases like "absence of supervision," "inappropriate words," and "acquisition of moral behaviors" are clear and contextually fitting.
- How to improve: To ensure even greater precision, pay attention to the specificity of words in relation to their context. For example, instead of "substantial for schools," consider "imperative for schools" or "essential for schools" depending on the exact emphasis needed in the sentence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some errors such as "oponion" (opinion), "inappopriate" (inappropriate), and "uncare" (uncaring). These errors do not significantly detract from understanding but could be improved.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading more diligently or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Reviewing common spelling patterns and practicing writing with attention to detail can also help in identifying and correcting errors.

Overall, the essay showcases a strong command of vocabulary, with precise and contextually appropriate language use. Attention to minor spelling errors and further diversification of vocabulary could elevate the essay to an even higher level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There are instances of complex sentences, albeit inconsistently utilized. For example, "Thus, schools may provide incentives and opportunities for students to interact constantly with their peers and teachers, potentially navigating the behaviour and thoughts of students." This sentence combines a complex structure with dependent and independent clauses, showcasing a higher level of syntactic complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Introduce constructions like conditional sentences (e.g., "If schools implement behavioral education programs, students might benefit…"), passive voice (e.g., "Behavioral education should be implemented by schools…"), and more varied transitions to connect ideas fluently.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows proficiency in basic grammar and punctuation but contains notable errors affecting clarity and precision. For instance, "There is some major reasons" should be corrected to "There are several major reasons." Errors such as "students’s" instead of "students’" and "inappopriate" instead of "inappropriate" also occur throughout.
- How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement (e.g., "reasons are" instead of "reasons is"), possessive forms (e.g., "students’" instead of "students’s"), and punctuation marks (e.g., use commas for clarity in complex sentences). Review each sentence for correctness, paying attention to pluralization, verb tense consistency, and the proper use of articles (e.g., "the provision of valuable attributes").

Overall, while the essay effectively conveys the argument and meets the criteria for Band 5 in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, consistent application of more complex sentence structures and enhanced grammatical accuracy would further elevate the quality of expression and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that schools should not only provide formal education but also teach good behavior to students. I completely agree with this viewpoint, for several reasons elaborated upon in this essay.

There are several major reasons why schools play a crucial role in shaping students’ behavior in addition to imparting formal education. Firstly, since students spend the majority of their time at school, their behavior is significantly influenced by their surroundings and interactions. Therefore, schools can provide incentives and opportunities for students to constantly engage with their peers and teachers, thereby influencing their behavior and thoughts. This is exemplified by teachers integrating moral values into their lessons and showing appreciation for students’ attention by expressing gratitude at the end of lessons. Such practices foster inclusivity and teach practical skills that are crucial for students’ development.

Moreover, the absence of education on behavior can lead to unforeseen and impulsive actions among students. For instance, students may use inappropriate language and display disrespectful behaviors towards their peers and teachers, resulting in conflicts within the school community. This phenomenon is inevitably caused by the lack of supervision and adequate education in schools. Thus, this neglect and lack of attention by schools may inadvertently hinder students’ development and potentially exacerbate their academic performance and problem-solving abilities. Hence, it is essential for schools to not only focus on academic knowledge but also instill valuable attributes and practical skills in students.

In conclusion, I strongly support the idea that schools should be responsible for both formal education and behavioral development, as detailed in this essay. By providing a conducive environment and imparting moral values, schools can significantly contribute to the holistic development of students.