:It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals.Anvantage or disavantage

Children’s development has been of great concern in recent years. It is argued that children should be taught about how to grow vegetables and keep animals.. This paper will focus on discussing the reasons why this activity is extremely beneficial for children.
On the one hand, what draws much of my attention is life happiness. It cannot be denied that growing vegetables and keeping animals is synonymous with having real experience. Thanks to this, children are likely to impart practical life skills. By and large, this leads to the fact that they are able to become more proactive in daily tasks. Moreover, it creates a chance for children to develop a sense of responsibility. With this in mind, they are capable of practicing diligence. Eventually, this probably gives rise to progressive learning. For the most part, children who are taught how to grow vegetables and keep animals have life happiness.
Furthermore, community development is also worth considering. The fact is that teaching children how to grow vegetables and feed animals is equal to developing a deeper connection to the environment. Therefore, the learners will be aware of environmental protection. Indeed, this makes it possible for them to achieve the tendency to propagate to everyone about the importance of the environment. Moreover, by growing vegetables and keeping animals, children can provide essential food by themselves. As a matter of fact, that will be the premise for children to come up with many new plant and animal species in the future. Indeed, the fact that these factors contribute to community development means that people should teach children how to grow vegetables and keep animals.
In conclusion, I strongly believe the advantages of the idea that children should learn how to grow plants and keep animals outweigh its drawbacks. Thanks to these benefits which phenomenon brings for the children, they can have a development in skills and mental life

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Errors and Improvements:

"Children’s development has been of great concern" -> "The development of children has garnered significant attention"
Explanation: The revised phrase employs a more formal structure and vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"It is argued that" -> "It is contended that"
Explanation: "Contended" is a more formal synonym for "argued," which aligns better with academic writing standards.
"how to grow vegetables and keep animals" -> "the cultivation of vegetables and the rearing of animals"
Explanation: The suggested phrase uses more precise and formal language appropriate for an academic essay.
"extremely beneficial" -> "immensely beneficial"
Explanation: "Immensely" is a more academically suitable adverb than "extremely," which can sound too emphatic for formal writing.
"what draws much of my attention" -> "a primary focus of interest"
Explanation: The original phrase is overly personal for academic writing. The suggested revision maintains an objective tone.
"life happiness" -> "well-being"
Explanation: "Well-being" is a more formal and encompassing term than "life happiness," which sounds informal and less precise.
"having real experience" -> "gaining practical experience"
Explanation: "Gaining practical experience" is a more specific and academically appropriate phrase than "having real experience."
"By and large" -> "Overall,"
Explanation: "Overall," is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, whereas "By and large" is somewhat colloquial.
"this probably gives rise to" -> "this potentially fosters"
Explanation: "Potentially fosters" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone of the statement.
"community development" -> "the development of the community"
Explanation: The revised phrase employs a more formal structure, enhancing the academic tone.
"equal to developing" -> "tantamount to fostering"
Explanation: "Tantamount to fostering" uses more formal vocabulary and provides a clearer, more precise comparison.
"the learners" -> "these learners"
Explanation: Adding "these" before "learners" specifies the subject more clearly, improving clarity and formality.
"the tendency to propagate to everyone" -> "the inclination to disseminate to a broader audience"
Explanation: "The inclination to disseminate to a broader audience" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.
"As a matter of fact," -> "Consequently,"
Explanation: "Consequently," is a more formal transitional phrase that better indicates a cause-and-effect relationship.
"that will be the premise for children to come up with many new plant and animal species" -> "this could serve as a foundation for children to contribute to the discovery of new plant and animal species"
Explanation: The suggested revision is more formal and specifies the potential outcome in a more academic manner.
"Thanks to these benefits which phenomenon brings for the children" -> "Owing to these advantages that this approach offers to children"
Explanation: "Owing to these advantages that this approach offers to children" is more formal and clearly articulates the relationship between the benefits and the approach discussed.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of teaching children to grow vegetables and keep animals. It highlights the benefits such as practical life skills, sense of responsibility, environmental awareness, and community development.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, ensure that both sides of the argument are explored with equal depth. Dedicate a portion of the essay to specifically address any potential drawbacks or counterarguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in favor of teaching children to grow vegetables and keep animals. The position is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion.
- How to improve: While a clear position is important, acknowledging potential counterarguments or nuances can strengthen the argument by demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic. Consider incorporating a brief acknowledgment of potential drawbacks before reaffirming the main position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with examples provided to support each point. For instance, it discusses practical life skills, responsibility, environmental awareness, and community development, with relevant illustrations.
- How to improve: To enhance idea extension, delve deeper into each point by providing more specific examples or elaborating on how these skills and developments specifically benefit children’s overall development and society as a whole.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the advantages of teaching children to grow vegetables and keep animals. However, it could slightly deviate when discussing community development, as the focus shifts to environmental awareness.
- How to improve: Ensure that each point directly relates back to the central theme of the prompt. While discussing community development, emphasize how teaching children these skills directly contributes to their personal and societal development, thus staying closely aligned with the topic.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear argument in favor of teaching children to grow vegetables and keep animals. To further improve, consider exploring potential drawbacks, deepening the analysis of presented ideas, and maintaining a tight focus on the central theme throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and purpose of the essay. The body paragraphs effectively present arguments supporting the idea that teaching children to grow vegetables and keep animals is beneficial, with each point logically leading to the next. The essay concludes by summarizing the main arguments presented. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother, such as the transition between discussing individual benefits and community development.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider strengthening the transitions between paragraphs to create a more seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its topic and supports the overall argument cohesively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are areas where paragraphing could be improved for better structure and effectiveness. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better separated for clarity, while others lack sufficient development of the main idea.
- How to improve: Review each paragraph to ensure that it focuses on a single main idea or argument. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence. Additionally, provide sufficient supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. These include transitional phrases like "On the one hand," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion," which help to signal shifts between different points. Additionally, pronouns and conjunctions are used effectively to establish relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-utilized, consider incorporating a wider range of transitions and connectors to further improve coherence. This could involve using more diverse vocabulary for transitions and ensuring consistency in their usage throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure that they effectively guide the reader through the essay’s argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating varied terms such as "proactive," "diligence," "propagate," and "premise." However, there’s room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary usage. For instance, synonyms or more nuanced terms could be employed to avoid repetition and elevate the lexical richness further.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to agriculture, child development, and environmentalism. Additionally, utilize a thesaurus to explore alternative words and phrases, ensuring a broader lexical spectrum. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "development," alternatives like "progression," "advancement," or "evolution" could be employed where appropriate.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with moderate precision. Certain terms are used accurately, such as "proactive" and "environmental protection." However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "that will be the premise for children to come up with many new plant and animal species in the future" may benefit from a clearer expression to convey the intended meaning more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. Pay close attention to context and ensure that chosen vocabulary aligns accurately with the intended message. Additionally, consider refining complex ideas to ensure clarity and avoid potential misinterpretations. In the cited example, revising the phrase for clarity could improve precision, such as "laying the groundwork for future innovation in plant and animal cultivation."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy. Most words are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability of the text. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors occur, such as "Anvantage" instead of "Advantage." While these errors do not significantly detract from comprehension, attention to detail in spelling could enhance overall professionalism.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools to identify and correct minor errors. Additionally, practicing proofreading techniques can help catch spelling mistakes before finalizing the writing. Developing a habit of reviewing written work attentively can contribute to consistently accurate spelling. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and patterns can aid in avoiding frequent errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to vary sentence structures, incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are instances of complex structures such as "On the one hand, what draws much of my attention is life happiness" and "Furthermore, community development is also worth considering." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of structures used. While the essay does employ some complex sentences, they could be more frequent and diverse, enhancing the overall coherence and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s coherence and sophistication, consider incorporating a wider array of complex sentence structures, such as the use of relative clauses, participial phrases, and conditional sentences. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can add rhythm and emphasis to your writing. Practicing writing exercises focused on different sentence structures and analyzing well-written texts can aid in developing a more diverse range of sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as "This paper will focus on discussing" where a clearer phrasing could be achieved by removing "discussing" or rephrasing the sentence for better clarity. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas after introductory phrases, as seen in "On the one hand, what draws much of my attention is life happiness." Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to pay close attention to sentence structure and punctuation rules. Reviewing grammar resources and engaging in targeted practice exercises can help reinforce these skills. Additionally, proofreading your work carefully before submission can help catch and correct any remaining errors. Focusing on clarity and precision in expression will also aid in improving overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Children’s development has garnered significant attention in recent years. It is contended that teaching children how to cultivate vegetables and rear animals is immensely beneficial. This essay will discuss why this activity can greatly benefit children.

On one hand, what stands out is the aspect of life happiness. It is undeniable that engaging in activities like growing vegetables and keeping animals provides invaluable real-life experience. Consequently, children gain practical life skills, enabling them to become more proactive in their daily tasks. Additionally, this fosters a sense of responsibility, encouraging diligence and progressive learning. Overall, children who learn these skills tend to experience greater life satisfaction.

Furthermore, community development is a primary focus of interest. Teaching children how to grow vegetables and care for animals fosters a deeper connection to the environment. Consequently, learners become more aware of the importance of environmental protection, with an inclination to disseminate this knowledge to a broader audience. Moreover, by participating in these activities, children can contribute to essential food production, potentially fostering the development of the community. Consequently, this could serve as a foundation for children to contribute to the discovery of new plant and animal species in the future.

Overall, the advantages of teaching children how to grow vegetables and keep animals outweigh any potential drawbacks. The practical skills and deeper understanding of the environment gained through this experience are immensely beneficial for their well-being and development.