(July 25th, 2020) The plans below show a student room for two people and a student room for one person at an Australian university.

The plans showed a student room for two people and a student room for one person at an Australian college.

Overall, there were a number of distinctions between the two student rooms. The most notable difference was that the room for two people was more expensive and wider than the single room. Additionally, the room for two people included more pieces of furniture compared to the room for one person.

In the single room, students had to pay $200 per week to live in a space measuring 6 meters long and 2.5 meters wide. There was a bed next to the window in the right corner of the room. The bathroom was in the left corner opposite the kitchen appliances. Additionally, there was a television positioned parallel to a study desk, which was placed between the bathroom and the bed.

In contrast, the shared room cost $350 per week for two students and measured 6 meters in length and 4 meters in width. The width of the shared room was nearly double that of the single room. In the left corner, there was a bathroom next to the bookshelf. The kitchen appliances, including the sink, stove, and microwave, were in the bottom left corner opposite the tables and chairs. A cupboard separated the room into two sleeping areas, each containing a bed next to a study desk. One bed was situated in the top right corner of the room, while the other was in the bottom right corner.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"plans showed" -> "plans depicted"
Explanation: "Depicted" is a more precise and formal term than "showed" in the context of describing architectural or design plans, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"a student room for two people and a student room for one person" -> "dual occupancy and single occupancy student rooms"
Explanation: Using "dual occupancy and single occupancy student rooms" provides a more formal and concise description of the types of rooms, aligning better with academic language.
"more expensive and wider" -> "more costly and spacious"
Explanation: "Costly" and "spacious" are more precise and formal terms than "expensive" and "wide," which are somewhat vague and informal.
"included more pieces of furniture" -> "featured additional furniture"
Explanation: "Featured" is a more formal and precise verb than "included," and "additional" is more specific than "more," which is vague.
"had to pay" -> "were required to pay"
Explanation: "Were required to pay" is a more formal expression than "had to pay," which is somewhat colloquial.
"measuring 6 meters long and 2.5 meters wide" -> "measuring 6 meters in length and 2.5 meters in width"
Explanation: Adding "in length" and "in width" clarifies the dimensions, making the description more precise and formal.
"There was a bed next to the window in the right corner" -> "A bed was positioned adjacent to the window in the right corner"
Explanation: "Positioned adjacent to" is more formal and specific than "was next to," and "adjacent" is a more precise spatial term.
"parallel to a study desk" -> "adjacent to a study desk"
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is more precise than "parallel to," which can be misleading in this context, as the objects are not necessarily parallel.
"was placed between the bathroom and the bed" -> "was situated between the bathroom and the bed"
Explanation: "Situated" is a more formal synonym for "placed," enhancing the academic tone.
"nearly double that of the single room" -> "approximately twice the size of the single room"
Explanation: "Approximately twice the size" is a more precise and formal way to describe the comparative size, replacing the colloquial "nearly double."
"In the left corner, there was a bathroom next to the bookshelf" -> "In the left corner, the bathroom adjoined the bookshelf"
Explanation: "Adjoined" is a more precise term than "next to," and it implies a closer connection between the bathroom and bookshelf.
"The kitchen appliances, including the sink, stove, and microwave, were in the bottom left corner" -> "The kitchen appliances, comprising a sink, stove, and microwave, were situated in the bottom left corner"
Explanation: "Comprising" is more formal than "including," and "situated" is more precise than "were in," which is somewhat vague.
"A cupboard separated the room into two sleeping areas" -> "A partition separated the room into two sleeping areas"
Explanation: "Partition" is a more specific and formal term than "cupboard," which is not typically used to describe room separation.
"each containing a bed next to a study desk" -> "each featuring a bed adjacent to a study desk"
Explanation: "Featuring" and "adjacent to" are more formal and precise than "containing" and "next to," enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the two student rooms, highlighting the key differences in price, size, and furniture. It also presents some details about the layout of each room. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and bullet points. For example, it mentions that the shared room has a cupboard that separates the room into two sleeping areas, but it does not provide any further details about the cupboard or the sleeping areas.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed descriptions of the key features and bullet points. For example, the essay could describe the size and layout of the sleeping areas in the shared room, or it could provide more information about the furniture in each room. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the differences between the two rooms. For example, instead of saying that the shared room is "nearly double" the width of the single room, the essay could say that the shared room is "1.6 times wider" than the single room.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the detailed descriptions of each room. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion could be improved, particularly in transitions between points. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity. For example, the descriptions of the single and shared rooms could be better delineated to avoid confusion.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between ideas by using more varied cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. Additionally, improving the organization of information by grouping related details together and ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated would strengthen coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common terms related to the topic. However, the vocabulary is somewhat basic and lacks the sophistication and precision expected at higher band levels. There are minor inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the bathroom was in the left corner opposite the kitchen appliances," which could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, there are some spelling and word formation errors, such as "college" instead of "university," which could cause slight confusion for the reader. Overall, while the communication is clear, the lexical resource does not extend beyond an adequate level.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. This can be achieved by practicing synonyms and varying expressions to describe similar concepts. Additionally, paying attention to collocation and ensuring that word choices are contextually appropriate will help improve clarity and precision. Finally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a more polished and professional essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and maintains a good level of grammatical control. Most sentences are error-free, and the writer effectively communicates the distinctions between the two student rooms. However, there are occasional errors and some awkward phrasing that prevent it from achieving a higher score. For example, phrases like "the bathroom was in the left corner opposite the kitchen appliances" could be clearer, and there are minor issues with punctuation and sentence flow.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety in Sentence Structure: Incorporate more complex sentence forms and varied structures to demonstrate flexibility.
Error Reduction: Proofread the essay to catch minor errors and awkward phrasing that may distract from clarity.
Punctuation: Ensure correct punctuation usage throughout the essay to improve readability and coherence.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer descriptions and connections between ideas to enhance overall communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The plans illustrate a student room designed for two people and a student room intended for one person at an Australian university.

Overall, there are several distinctions between the two student rooms. The most notable difference is that the room for two people is more expensive and larger than the single room. Additionally, the room for two people contains more pieces of furniture compared to the room for one person.

In the single room, students are required to pay $200 per week to reside in a space measuring 6 meters in length and 2.5 meters in width. There is a bed positioned next to the window in the right corner of the room. The bathroom is located in the left corner, opposite the kitchen appliances. Furthermore, a television is placed parallel to a study desk, which is situated between the bathroom and the bed.

In contrast, the shared room costs $350 per week for two students and measures 6 meters in length and 4 meters in width. The width of the shared room is nearly double that of the single room. In the left corner, there is a bathroom adjacent to the bookshelf. The kitchen appliances, including the sink, stove, and microwave, are located in the bottom left corner, opposite the tables and chairs. A cupboard divides the room into two sleeping areas, each containing a bed next to a study desk. One bed is located in the top right corner of the room, while the other is in the bottom right corner.