Leaders in organisations are normally older people. Some people think young leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree?
Leaders in organisations are normally older people. Some people think young leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree?
The issue of choosing leader generation in an organization has been the subject of dispute for some time. Many people believe that senior leaders should be the majors. However, some other people hold the view that the younger generation is more deserved. I find the second view much better for the following reasons.
On the one hand, older individuals to be at higher positions in a company is more likely to bring a variety of advantages. With extensive experience along many years, these individuals can handle problems more effectively. In fact, the elderly accumulate much more work compared to young generations in order to gain valuable achievements to the company. In addition, due to the respect from others, which results in having a more powerful voice within the workspace, workers have a tendency to listen and approve to their directions when having to struggle with any significant problems.
On the other hand, younger generations seem to possess numerous characteristics to manage a company at high positions. The creativity and dynamic which young leaders dedicate to corporations is a typical example. For instance, these traits allow them to propose many ideal recommendations to tackle struggles, which contributes to increasing company budgets and enhancing position in the economic market. In addition, young leaders motivate teamwork spirit and create a dynamic environment in organizations. It is obvious that these pieces have good healthy conditions which helps to work nine to five jobs without exhaustion. This is more likely to handle a load of work and have more effective qualities.
In conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it is still a controversial issue. As far as I am concerned, although older individuals have significant important qualities, it will be better if young people hold high positions in organisations.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"choosing leader generation" -> "selecting leadership generations"
Explanation: "Selecting leadership generations" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language by specifying the context of leadership selection and using the plural form "generations" to encompass a broader range of individuals. -
"senior leaders should be the majors" -> "senior leaders should hold the most senior positions"
Explanation: "Hold the most senior positions" is a clearer and more formal expression than "be the majors," which is vague and incorrect in this context. -
"more deserved" -> "more deserving"
Explanation: "More deserving" is the correct comparative form of "deserving," which is necessary to compare the merits of different groups. -
"older individuals to be at higher positions" -> "older individuals occupying higher positions"
Explanation: "Occupying higher positions" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of holding positions of authority. -
"along many years" -> "over many years"
Explanation: "Over many years" is the correct phrase, as "along" is not typically used in this context. -
"accumulate much more work" -> "accumulate significantly more experience"
Explanation: "Accumulate significantly more experience" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the accumulation of knowledge and skills over time. -
"due to the respect from others" -> "owing to the respect accorded to them"
Explanation: "Owing to the respect accorded to them" is more formal and precise, specifying the source of the respect and the recipients. -
"have a tendency to listen and approve to their directions" -> "tend to follow their directions"
Explanation: "Tend to follow their directions" is a more natural and academically appropriate way to express the tendency to comply with instructions. -
"struggles" -> "challenges"
Explanation: "Challenges" is a more formal and precise term than "struggles," which can carry a negative connotation. -
"dynamic which young leaders dedicate to corporations" -> "dynamic dedication of young leaders to corporations"
Explanation: "Dynamic dedication of young leaders to corporations" clarifies the subject and object of the dynamic quality, improving the sentence structure and formality. -
"ideal recommendations" -> "optimal recommendations"
Explanation: "Optimal" is a more precise and formal term than "ideal," which can be seen as overly subjective. -
"enhancing position in the economic market" -> "enhancing the company’s position in the market"
Explanation: "Enhancing the company’s position in the market" specifies the subject and clarifies the context, making the statement more precise and formal. -
"good healthy conditions" -> "healthy working conditions"
Explanation: "Healthy working conditions" is the correct phrase, as "good healthy conditions" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. -
"work nine to five jobs" -> "work regular full-time jobs"
Explanation: "Work regular full-time jobs" is a more formal and precise way to describe the type of employment, avoiding the colloquial "nine to five." -
"have more effective qualities" -> "possess more effective qualities"
Explanation: "Possess" is a more formal verb than "have" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding the age of leaders in organizations. The introduction effectively sets up the debate, and the author clearly states their position in favor of younger leaders. However, while the essay mentions the advantages of both older and younger leaders, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the reasons why older leaders might be preferred, which would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including more specific examples or evidence that support the advantages of older leaders. This would not only demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic but also strengthen the argument for younger leaders by contrasting them more effectively with their older counterparts.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring younger leaders, especially in the conclusion. However, the language used in the introduction ("I find the second view much better") could be more assertive. Additionally, the phrase "the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma" in the conclusion introduces ambiguity, as it suggests uncertainty rather than a firm stance.
- How to improve: The writer should aim for a more decisive tone throughout the essay. Phrasing such as "I firmly believe" or "It is clear that" can help reinforce the author’s position. Additionally, the conclusion should reiterate the main arguments in a way that leaves no doubt about the author’s viewpoint.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the argument for younger leaders, such as creativity and teamwork. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the claim that young leaders "propose many ideal recommendations" could be strengthened by detailing what these recommendations might be or providing a specific instance where a young leader made a significant impact.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with concrete examples or data. For instance, citing studies or real-life examples of successful young leaders could add credibility and depth to the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each point is thoroughly explained will enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both older and younger leaders. However, some sentences, particularly in the second body paragraph, are somewhat vague and could be interpreted as drifting from the main argument. For example, the phrase "good healthy conditions which helps to work nine to five jobs without exhaustion" is unclear and does not directly relate to the effectiveness of young leaders.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on maintaining relevance by ensuring that every sentence contributes directly to the argument. Clarifying vague statements and ensuring that all points are tightly connected to the main thesis will help keep the essay focused. Additionally, the use of topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and reinforce the main argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the depth of analysis, maintaining a decisive tone, and ensuring clarity and relevance will help elevate the score further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the debate regarding leadership age, and each body paragraph addresses one side of the argument. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is followed by "On the other hand," which is appropriate, but the connection between the two ideas could be strengthened to enhance the logical flow. The conclusion summarizes the main points but introduces some ambiguity with phrases like "the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma," which could confuse the reader regarding the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the advantages of older leaders, you could add a sentence that highlights the contrast before moving to the younger leaders’ perspective. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion clearly reiterates the author’s position without introducing new concepts.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of older leaders, while the second highlights the benefits of younger leaders. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first paragraph is slightly longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument presented.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding the second paragraph with additional examples or details that support the argument for younger leaders. Consider breaking down complex ideas into more manageable sentences and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main point.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "in addition," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "In addition" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "in addition," you could use alternatives like "furthermore," "moreover," or "additionally." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms can help create cohesion without relying solely on transitional phrases.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing logical flow, balancing paragraph content, and diversifying cohesive devices will further improve the coherence and cohesion of the writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks variety in word choice. For example, terms like "older individuals," "younger generations," and "high positions" are repeated without much variation. While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, it does not showcase a broad spectrum of lexical resources.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "older individuals," you could use "senior leaders," "experienced professionals," or "seasoned executives." Similarly, instead of "younger generations," try "youthful leaders" or "emerging talent." This will enrich the essay and demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the younger generation is more deserved" is awkward and unclear; "deserved" does not convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "the elderly accumulate much more work" could be misinterpreted, as it suggests a quantity rather than quality of work.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Replace "more deserved" with "more suitable" or "better equipped." Instead of "accumulate much more work," consider "gain extensive experience" or "develop a wealth of knowledge." This will help ensure that your arguments are communicated effectively and accurately.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "leader generation" (should be "leadership generation"), "majors" (should be "leaders"), and "teamwork spirit" (should be "team spirit"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work. Consider using spell-check tools and reading your essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words in English and create a list to review regularly. This will help you develop a more careful approach to spelling in your writing.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” effectively introduce contrasting ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as “older individuals” and “younger generations,” which could be varied further. The use of phrases like “is more likely to bring” and “have a tendency to listen” shows an attempt at complexity, but they could be more effectively integrated into the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory clauses and using a wider range of conjunctions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using “In addition,” try alternatives like “Moreover” or “Furthermore.” Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can enhance the complexity of sentences. For example, instead of “the elderly accumulate much more work,” consider restructuring to “Accumulating much more work, the elderly…”
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, “the younger generation is more deserved” is awkward and should be rephrased to “the younger generation is more deserving.” Additionally, the phrase “the above mentioned facts” should be hyphenated as “above-mentioned facts.” Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before “which results in having a more powerful voice” to separate clauses.
- How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by reviewing common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper adjective use. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and improve flow. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance clarity. For example, revise sentences like “It is obvious that these pieces have good healthy conditions” to “It is obvious that these factors create healthy conditions,” which improves both clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in future assessments.
Bài sửa mẫu
The issue of selecting leadership generations in an organization has been the subject of debate for some time. Many people believe that senior leaders should hold the most senior positions. However, others argue that the younger generation is more deserving. I find the latter view much more compelling for the following reasons.
On the one hand, older individuals occupying higher positions in a company are more likely to bring a variety of advantages. With extensive experience accumulated over many years, these individuals can handle challenges more effectively. In fact, the elderly accumulate significantly more experience compared to younger generations, which allows them to achieve valuable results for the company. In addition, owing to the respect accorded to them, they tend to have a more powerful voice within the workplace, leading workers to follow their directions when faced with significant problems.
On the other hand, younger generations seem to possess numerous qualities that are beneficial for managing a company in high positions. The creativity and dynamic dedication of young leaders to corporations is a prime example. For instance, these traits enable them to propose optimal recommendations to tackle challenges, which contributes to increasing company budgets and enhancing the company’s position in the market. Furthermore, young leaders foster a spirit of teamwork and create a vibrant environment in organizations. It is evident that these factors contribute to healthy working conditions, allowing employees to work regular full-time jobs without exhaustion. This is more likely to enable them to handle a heavy workload and possess more effective qualities.
In conclusion, the facts presented above highlight the dilemma people face when evaluating the impact of this issue, making it a controversial topic. As far as I am concerned, although older individuals have significant qualities, it would be more advantageous for young people to hold high positions in organizations.