Look at the two maps of Sunnyhills University campus in 1995 and today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words

Look at the two maps of Sunnyhills University campus in 1995 and today.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words

The map show the change to Sunhills university campus between 1995 to now.

We can see that the university made many changes during this period , including new building ad recreation facilities.

In 1995 , there had been built two large car park . And the main deception next to the watson building ,the founder’s building is between cafe and watson building. In the bottom right hand corner of the campus had large sports area .

And now , the car park 1 have been replace the main deception and have one car park in the corner of campus . The old car park 2 have been build the scott library and table tennis tables . The old sports area is demolishes , however , in their place the university created a new recreation area with a pond , trees and seating areas. And everything has expands.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The map show" -> "The map shows"
Explanation: The verb "shows" is the correct form to use in this context, as it is the third person singular form necessary for the subject "the map."
"between 1995 to now" -> "between 1995 and now"
Explanation: The correct preposition to use in this context is "and," not "to," which is more appropriate for indicating a range of time.
"the university made many changes" -> "the university underwent numerous changes"
Explanation: "Underwent numerous changes" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than the simpler "made many changes."
"including new building ad recreation facilities" -> "including new buildings and recreational facilities"
Explanation: "Buildings" should be plural to match the context, and "recreational facilities" is the correct term for the facilities mentioned, replacing the informal "recreation facilities."
"there had been built" -> "there were built"
Explanation: "There were built" is grammatically correct and more concise, improving the formal tone of the sentence.
"the main deception next to the watson building" -> "the main structure adjacent to the Watson Building"
Explanation: "Structure" is a more precise term than "deception," which is incorrect in this context. Also, "Watson Building" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"the founder’s building" -> "the Founder’s Building"
Explanation: "Founder’s Building" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific building, and "Founder" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"the bottom right hand corner" -> "the bottom-right corner"
Explanation: "Bottom-right corner" is a more concise and formal way to express this spatial relationship.
"the car park 1 have been replace" -> "Car Park 1 has been replaced"
Explanation: "Car Park 1" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun, and "has been replaced" corrects the verb tense and agreement.
"the old car park 2 have been build" -> "the old Car Park 2 has been built"
Explanation: "Car Park 2" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun, and "has been built" corrects the verb tense and agreement.
"the scott library" -> "the Scott Library"
Explanation: "Scott Library" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"table tennis tables" -> "table tennis tables"
Explanation: No change needed, as "table tennis tables" is correct and formal.
"the old sports area is demolishes" -> "the old sports area was demolished"
Explanation: "Was demolished" corrects the verb tense and form to fit the past narrative.
"however, in their place the university created" -> "however, the university created"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "however" corrects the punctuation, and removing "in their place" simplifies the sentence structure for clarity and formality.
"And everything has expands" -> "Everything has expanded"
Explanation: "Expanded" is the correct past participle form needed for the verb "expand," and "Everything" should not be preceded by "And" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes to the campus, and instead recounts details mechanically. The essay also does not adequately cover all of the key features of the maps, and there is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes to the campus. The essay should also focus on the key features of the maps, and avoid focusing on irrelevant details. The essay should also be more concise and to the point. For example, instead of saying "The map show the change to Sunhills university campus between 1995 to now," the essay could say "The maps show the changes to Sunnyhills University campus between 1995 and the present day." The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "The old sports area is demolishes," the essay could say "The old sports area has been demolished."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. The paragraphing is inadequate, with sentences running together without clear separation of thoughts. There is also a lack of referencing and substitution, which contributes to a repetitive nature in the writing.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the main topic of each paragraph and separating distinct ideas will contribute to a more coherent response. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity will improve overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe changes on the university campus, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with several inaccuracies in word choice and spelling (e.g., "ad" instead of "and," "deception" instead of "reception," "demolishes" instead of "demolished"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. Additionally, the essay lacks the use of less common lexical items and does not exhibit sufficient flexibility or precision in conveying meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common terms relevant to the topic. Improving accuracy in word choice and spelling is crucial; careful proofreading can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, using synonyms and varying sentence structures can add sophistication and clarity to the writing, making it more engaging and precise.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with occasional attempts at more complex forms. There are numerous grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("had been built," "have been replace," "is demolishes"), and issues with punctuation and sentence structure that impede clarity. While some ideas are conveyed, the frequent errors significantly detract from overall communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses.
Verb Tenses: Ensure correct verb forms and tenses are used consistently throughout the essay.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to improve clarity and readability.
Proofreading: Review the essay for errors before submission to catch and correct mistakes that could confuse the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

The map shows the changes to Sunnyhills University campus between 1995 and today.

We can see that the university has made many changes during this period, including the addition of new buildings and recreational facilities.

In 1995, there were two large car parks. The main reception was located next to the Watson building, while the Founder’s building was situated between the café and the Watson building. In the bottom right-hand corner of the campus, there was a large sports area.

Currently, Car Park 1 has replaced the main reception, and there is now one car park in the corner of the campus. The old Car Park 2 has been transformed into the Scott Library and table tennis tables. The former sports area has been demolished; however, in its place, the university has created a new recreation area with a pond, trees, and seating areas. Overall, the campus has expanded significantly.