look at the what Japanese government have done for their housewives? discuss about the advantages

To preface this, I always want to be an independent woman when I get marriage. Going to work and pursuing my dream job. Do not have to rely on my husband’s finance.
However, after watching the video about housewife in Japan, I am not going to lie. i am truly swayed because how good beneficial policies of their government. There is some interesting information that I found out.
Well first off, being a housewife in Japan comes with societal recognition and legal protection. That is a very important aspect in society because housewives in Vietnam specifically, they do not receive adequate credit. They are underrecognized, their husbands often take it for granted and of course breadwinners show no respect for their wives. Thus, if the legal protection is not good enough, it is very easy for the weaker sex can be violent.
Additionally, as long as a husband contributes to the company’s pension plan, the wife gets to enjoy free access to the same healthcare and retirement benefits. Even in the event of divorce, still claim half of husband’s pension contribution during a marriage. And if the husband passes away, a full-time housewife can continue to receive his pension once she reaches retirement age.
We can see a fascinating welfare here when the husband pays in pension plan, the wife benefit correspondingly about healthcare and retirement, in unfortunate circumstances, if the husband passes away, a full-time housewife can receive her husband pension to raise descendant and ensure their stable life in some way.
Secondly, the husband can benefit from equivalent tax deduction if the woman opt for full-time housewife. I acknowledge that they charge a very high tax for goods in Japan. Thanks to the support, man can save money then buy more necessary stuffs for his wife and children.
Simultaneously, raising children is known to be a two-people job because it needs both spouses’ responsibility. However, regrettably, majority of contemporaries tend to leave their kids for nannies or baby-sitters to go working. It can pose many challenges such as the kids cannot acquire enough their parents’ loving and caring, or even worse they are easier to commit to illegal crimes and so on. So that, the sacrifice of one of the folks to stay at home and look after their children is amazing smart move. Plenty of women who are caring, patient and hardworking and would like to do a full-time motherhood is reasonable.
Lastly, while Japanese housewives maybe financially dependent on their husband and Japanese households, the husband’s entire salary typically goes to the wife who then allocates money to husband. This regulation helps ensuring between husband and wife’s commitment. Because if the husband gets all pension then abandons his wife, she becomes unsustainable, it can lead to more older homeless. Summary, it is a very profound perspective of government policies for women’s right.
In conclusion, Japan is an aging population country according to statistics. It is understandable when women go to work, they put up with so much pressure so that they do not want to get marriage because of becoming a wife or a mon is up to her ears and overwhelming. Therefore, the Japanese government has implemented attractive policies and accounting for those benefits I have mentioned before, no wonder why many female want to return to homes after marriage.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"I always want to be an independent woman when I get marriage." -> "I aspire to be an independent woman upon marriage."
Explanation: The phrase "I always want" is informal and vague. "I aspire to" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic tone better.
"Going to work and pursuing my dream job." -> "Securing employment and pursuing my desired career."
Explanation: "Going to work" is informal and imprecise. "Securing employment" and "pursuing my desired career" are more formal and specific.
"Do not have to rely on my husband’s finance." -> "I do not need to rely on my husband’s financial support."
Explanation: "finance" is incorrect in this context; "financial support" is the correct term. Also, the original sentence structure is awkward; rephrasing improves clarity and formality.
"i am truly swayed because how good beneficial policies of their government." -> "I am genuinely influenced by the excellent policies of their government."
Explanation: "i am truly swayed" is informal and lacks clarity. "I am genuinely influenced" is more formal and precise. "how good beneficial" is grammatically incorrect; "excellent" is the correct adverbial form.
"Well first off," -> "Firstly,"
Explanation: "Well first off" is informal and conversational. "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.
"housewives in Vietnam specifically, they do not receive adequate credit." -> "housewives in Vietnam, who do not receive adequate recognition."
Explanation: "specifically" is redundant and informal in this context. Removing it improves the sentence’s formality and clarity.
"the weaker sex can be violent." -> "the weaker sex may be subjected to violence."
Explanation: "can be violent" is vague and informal. "may be subjected to violence" is more precise and formal.
"as long as a husband contributes to the company’s pension plan, the wife gets to enjoy free access to the same healthcare and retirement benefits." -> "if a husband contributes to the company’s pension plan, the wife enjoys free access to the same healthcare and retirement benefits."
Explanation: "as long as" is informal and less precise; "if" is more appropriate for conditional statements in formal writing.
"still claim half of husband’s pension contribution during a marriage." -> "still claim half of the husband’s pension contributions during the marriage."
Explanation: "husband’s" should be "the husband’s" for possessive form, and "during a marriage" should be "during the marriage" for grammatical correctness.
"We can see a fascinating welfare here" -> "This illustrates a fascinating welfare system."
Explanation: "We can see a fascinating welfare here" is informal and unclear. "This illustrates a fascinating welfare system" is more formal and precise.
"the husband pays in pension plan, the wife benefit correspondingly about healthcare and retirement" -> "the husband contributes to the pension plan, the wife correspondingly benefits in healthcare and retirement"
Explanation: "pays in pension plan" is incorrect; "contributes to the pension plan" is the correct phrase. "benefit correspondingly about" is grammatically incorrect; "benefits in" is the correct preposition.
"if the husband passes away, a full-time housewife can receive her husband pension to raise descendant and ensure their stable life" -> "if the husband passes away, a full-time housewife can receive her husband’s pension to support the upbringing of their children and ensure their financial stability."
Explanation: "receive her husband pension" is grammatically incorrect; "receive her husband’s pension" corrects this. "raise descendant" is incorrect; "support the upbringing of their children" is more precise and formal. "ensure their stable life" is vague; "ensure their financial stability" is more specific.
"Thanks to the support, man can save money then buy more necessary stuffs for his wife and children." -> "Thanks to this support, men can save money and purchase essential items for their wives and children."
Explanation: "Thanks to the support, man" is informal and incorrect; "Thanks to this support, men" corrects the gender and formality. "buy more necessary stuffs" is informal and incorrect; "purchase essential items" is more formal and precise.
"raising children is known to be a two-people job" -> "raising children is considered a two-person task"
Explanation: "two-people job" is informal and incorrect; "two-person task" is the correct term.
"majority of contemporaries tend to leave their kids for nannies or baby-sitters to go working." -> "many contemporaries tend to leave their children with n

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages of the Japanese government’s support for housewives. It highlights several benefits, such as legal protection, healthcare access, pension rights, and tax deductions. However, it could be argued that the essay does not fully explore the implications of these advantages or how they compare to the challenges faced by housewives in other cultures, particularly in Vietnam, which is mentioned but not elaborated upon in relation to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly examined. This could involve providing a more balanced view by discussing potential drawbacks or limitations of the policies, as well as comparing them with the situation of housewives in other countries, thus enriching the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding the advantages of being a housewife in Japan, particularly in relation to the government’s policies. However, the initial personal anecdote about wanting to be an independent woman may create some confusion about the writer’s overall stance. The transition from personal opinion to discussing the advantages of housewifery could be smoother.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should either integrate personal views more cohesively into the argument or omit them entirely to focus solely on the topic at hand. Using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages of the policies for housewives, such as pension rights and tax deductions. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion about tax deductions is brief and could be expanded to explain how this impacts the household economy.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or statistics where possible. This could involve discussing how these policies have affected the lives of actual housewives or providing data on the economic impact of these policies on families.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays relatively focused on the topic of Japanese housewives and the advantages provided by government policies. However, there are moments where the discussion veers off, particularly when the writer compares the situation in Japan to that in Vietnam. While this comparison is relevant, it can distract from the main focus if not directly tied back to the advantages being discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that any comparisons made are directly relevant to the advantages of the policies in Japan. It would be beneficial to clearly link any discussion of Vietnam back to the main argument, reinforcing how the Japanese policies stand out in contrast to those in other cultures.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from deeper analysis, clearer structure, and more focused comparisons. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical sequence, starting with personal reflections and then moving into the advantages of being a housewife in Japan. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing societal recognition to legal protections could benefit from clearer linking phrases that guide the reader through the argument. The use of headings or clearer topic sentences for each paragraph would enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider outlining the essay before writing. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting details. Use transitional phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but some are overly long and contain multiple ideas, which can confuse the reader. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of pensions mixes several points about healthcare, retirement, and divorce without clear separation. This can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Break longer paragraphs into smaller, focused ones. Each paragraph should ideally cover one main idea. For instance, separate the discussion of pensions from the healthcare benefits into distinct paragraphs. This will help maintain clarity and allow the reader to digest each point more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "additionally" and "however," but the range is limited. There are instances where the essay could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to enhance the connections between sentences and ideas. For example, the phrase "we can see a fascinating welfare here" lacks a clear transition from the previous point, making it feel abrupt.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Use synonyms for common devices (e.g., "Moreover," "Consequently," "In contrast") and consider using pronouns or demonstrative adjectives to refer back to previously mentioned ideas. This will create a smoother reading experience and strengthen the connections between points.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant information, improving the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "societal recognition," "legal protection," and "pension contribution." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is repetitive or lacks variation, such as the repeated use of "husband" and "housewife." Additionally, phrases like "very important aspect" and "interesting information" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more sophisticated synonyms.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "husband," alternatives like "spouse" or "partner" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives, such as "crucial" instead of "very important," would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are moments of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the weaker sex can be violent," which lacks clarity and could be misinterpreted. The phrase "the husband can benefit from equivalent tax deduction" could be more clearly articulated as "the husband may receive equivalent tax deductions." Furthermore, "amazing smart move" is awkwardly phrased and could be better expressed as "a wise decision."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in word choice. To improve, consider revising sentences for clearer meaning. For example, instead of "the weaker sex can be violent," a more precise statement could be "women may face violence if legal protections are inadequate." This would convey the intended message more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "marriage" (written as "marriage") and "stuffs" (which should be "stuff"). Additionally, "descendant" is used incorrectly; the correct term in this context would be "descendants." These errors detract from the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and their correct forms can build confidence in spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the phrase "As long as a husband contributes to the company’s pension plan, the wife gets to enjoy free access to the same healthcare and retirement benefits" showcases a complex structure. However, many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "I always want to be an independent woman when I get marriage." This limits the overall range and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the husband" or "the wife," the writer could use introductory clauses or phrases. Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition words can help create smoother connections between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "I am not going to lie. i am truly swayed because how good beneficial policies of their government" has a lowercase "i" and awkward phrasing. The phrase "the weaker sex can be violent" is also problematic, as it lacks clarity and may be seen as insensitive. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of apostrophes (e.g., "husband’s finance" should be "husband’s finances"), detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission can significantly enhance the clarity of the writing. Using grammar-checking tools may also help identify and correct errors.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, addressing the issues in grammatical range and accuracy will be crucial for achieving a higher band score. Regular practice, feedback, and revision will aid in developing stronger writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

To preface this, I aspire to be an independent woman upon marriage, securing employment and pursuing my desired career. I do not want to rely on my husband’s financial support. However, after watching a video about housewives in Japan, I must admit I am genuinely influenced by the excellent policies of their government. There is some interesting information that I discovered.

Firstly, being a housewife in Japan comes with societal recognition and legal protection. This is a very important aspect of society because housewives in Vietnam, specifically, do not receive adequate recognition. They are often underappreciated, and their husbands frequently take them for granted. Consequently, if legal protection is insufficient, it is very easy for the weaker sex to be subjected to violence.

Additionally, as long as a husband contributes to the company’s pension plan, the wife enjoys free access to the same healthcare and retirement benefits. Even in the event of divorce, she can still claim half of the husband’s pension contributions during the marriage. If the husband passes away, a full-time housewife can continue to receive his pension once she reaches retirement age. This illustrates a fascinating welfare system: when the husband contributes to the pension plan, the wife correspondingly benefits in terms of healthcare and retirement. In unfortunate circumstances, if the husband passes away, a full-time housewife can receive her husband’s pension to support the upbringing of their children and ensure their financial stability.

Secondly, the husband can benefit from equivalent tax deductions if the woman opts to be a full-time housewife. I acknowledge that Japan imposes a very high tax on goods. Thanks to this support, men can save money and purchase essential items for their wives and children.

Simultaneously, raising children is considered a two-person task because it requires both spouses’ responsibility. However, regrettably, many contemporary families tend to leave their kids with nannies or babysitters to go to work. This can pose numerous challenges, such as children not receiving enough love and care from their parents, or even worse, becoming more susceptible to engaging in illegal activities. Therefore, the sacrifice of one parent to stay at home and look after their children is an astute decision. Many women who are caring, patient, and hardworking would like to embrace full-time motherhood, which is entirely reasonable.

Lastly, while Japanese housewives may be financially dependent on their husbands, the husband’s entire salary typically goes to the wife, who then allocates money to him. This regulation helps ensure commitment between husband and wife. If the husband receives all the pension and then abandons his wife, she may become unsustainable, potentially leading to an increase in homelessness among the elderly. In summary, this presents a profound perspective on government policies regarding women’s rights.

In conclusion, Japan is an aging population according to statistics. It is understandable that when women enter the workforce, they face immense pressure, leading many to hesitate about marriage due to the overwhelming responsibilities of being a wife or mother. Therefore, the Japanese government has implemented attractive policies, and considering the benefits I have mentioned, it is no wonder that many women wish to return home after marriage.