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Major cities worldwide are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in those cities are facing? Suggest some solutions

Major cities worldwide are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in those cities are facing? Suggest some solutions

Globally, major cities and their issues are expanding at a rapid pace, which causes some issues for the young. In this essay, I will discuss the factors and recommend some solutions.
There are several issues for the young. Initially, the young have little opportunity to own a house. Because the city is growing fast, the local authority does not predict that many people will come to this place. Consequently, house prices have dramatically increased. For example, in Ho Chi Minh City, many young people are struggling to own a house as the price to the center is around 6 billion VND, which is too high for most laborers to afford. Moreover, pollution can affect the young directly. To be more specific, the city is growing fast so the factory does not have enough space to build the waste treatment plant to clean and refresh the air, which leads to serious pollution affecting the young people’s health. For example, in some growing cities in southern Asia as Manila, and Jakarta, the quality of air is frequently bad to very bad for young people.
To solve this problem, I recommend some potential solutions. Firstly, the local authority need encourage to the building of apartment in the city and improve the quality of infrastructure. By doing this, the housing crisis will be reduced and young people have more chances to get sustainable, convenient, and good-quality buildings. Secondly, the government should encourage young adults to live in the surrounding area. for people to live By doing this, people will move to the suburbs with the lower prices and large scale size Finally, the government should fine the government should require the factory to be built in the suburbs and avoid residential areas. Therefore the air will be cleaned and fresh for people to breathe.
To conclude, there are several issues for the young as the housing crises and pollution, and some potential solutions like building more apartment, moving the factory out of the places where people live


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "issues for the young" -> "challenges faced by the youth"
    Explanation: The term "issues" is rather broad and lacks specificity in an academic context. "Challenges faced by the youth" conveys a more formal and precise meaning.

  2. "little opportunity to own a house" -> "limited access to homeownership"
    Explanation: "Little opportunity" sounds informal; "limited access to homeownership" is a more formal and precise phrase suitable for academic writing.

  3. "does not predict that many people will come to this place" -> "does not anticipate the influx of residents"
    Explanation: "Predict" is slightly informal in this context. "Anticipate the influx of residents" maintains formality while expressing the same idea more academically.

  4. "dramatically increased" -> "markedly risen"
    Explanation: "Dramatically increased" is less formal; "markedly risen" offers a more sophisticated alternative fitting for academic style.

  5. "struggling to own a house" -> "struggling to acquire property"
    Explanation: Replacing "own a house" with "acquire property" adds a more general sense and aligns better with formal language.

  6. "which is too high for most laborers to afford" -> "exceeding the affordability of the majority of laborers"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and avoids the use of "too high" in favor of a more academic construction.

  7. "can affect the young directly" -> "can directly impact the younger population"
    Explanation: "Affect the young directly" is informal; "directly impact the younger population" maintains formality and clarity.

  8. "to be more specific" -> "specifically"
    Explanation: "To be more specific" is a conversational phrase; "specifically" is more concise and appropriate for academic writing.

  9. "the factory does not have enough space to build the waste treatment plant" -> "the factory lacks sufficient space for constructing a waste treatment facility"
    Explanation: The revised version is more detailed and formal, avoiding the phrase "does not have enough space."

  10. "the quality of air is frequently bad to very bad" -> "air quality is often poor to very poor"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses a more academic language to describe varying levels of air pollution.

  11. "recommend some potential solutions" -> "propose viable solutions"
    Explanation: "Recommend some potential solutions" can be refined to "propose viable solutions" to enhance academic tone and clarity.

  12. "the local authority need encourage" -> "local authorities need to encourage"
    Explanation: Adjusting "need encourage" to "need to encourage" provides a grammatically correct structure.

  13. "improve the quality of infrastructure" -> "enhance the infrastructure quality"
    Explanation: This alternative maintains formality while rephrasing the sentence for clarity.

  14. "the housing crisis will be reduced" -> "the housing crisis would diminish"
    Explanation: Using "would diminish" instead of "will be reduced" offers a more tentative and academic tone.

  15. "young people have more chances to get sustainable" -> "young individuals have increased access to sustainable"
    Explanation: Replacing "more chances to get sustainable" with "increased access to sustainable" provides a clearer and more formal expression.

  16. "the government should encourage young adults to live in the surrounding area" -> "the government should incentivize young adults to reside in the outskirts"
    Explanation: "Encourage young adults to live" is informal; "incentivize young adults to reside" is more academic and precise.

  17. "people will move to the suburbs with the lower prices and large scale size" -> "residents would relocate to the suburbs with more affordable and spacious housing options"
    Explanation: The revised version is clearer and uses more formal language to describe the reasons for moving to the suburbs.

  18. "the government should fine the government should require the factory" -> "the government should impose regulations mandating factories"
    Explanation: The revised version eliminates repetition and clarifies the intended action in a more formal manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Globally, major cities and their issues are expanding at a rapid pace, which causes some issues for the young. In this essay, I will discuss the factors and recommend some solutions."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively presents the topic but lacks a clear stance on the issues faced by young people in growing cities. A stronger position statement would provide a more focused direction for the essay.
    • Improved example: "Globally, major cities and their rapid expansion pose significant challenges for young residents. In this essay, I will examine the key problems faced by the youth in burgeoning urban areas and propose viable solutions."
  2. Quoted text: "Initially, the young have little opportunity to own a house. Because the city is growing fast, the local authority does not predict that many people will come to this place. Consequently, house prices have dramatically increased. For example, in Ho Chi Minh City, many young people are struggling to own a house as the price to the center is around 6 billion VND, which is too high for most laborers to afford."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph identifies the issue of housing affordability but lacks depth in explaining the reasons behind the problem. To enhance Task Response, provide more elaborate reasons and examples based on personal knowledge or experience.
    • Improved example: "Primarily, young individuals face formidable challenges in owning homes due to the soaring demand caused by the rapid urbanization. For instance, in Ho Chi Minh City, the influx of residents, coupled with inadequate urban planning, has led to an astronomical increase in house prices, rendering them unaffordable for the majority of the workforce."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, pollution can affect the young directly. To be more specific, the city is growing fast so the factory does not have enough space to build the waste treatment plant to clean and refresh the air, which leads to serious pollution affecting the young people’s health. For example, in some growing cities in southern Asia as Manila, and Jakarta, the quality of air is frequently bad to very bad for young people."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the paragraph addresses the impact of pollution on young people, it lacks specific examples and reasons. Strengthen your argument by providing more detailed instances and personal insights into how pollution directly affects the youth in rapidly growing cities.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the escalating pollution poses a direct threat to the well-being of young residents. For instance, the accelerated urban growth often hinders the establishment of adequate waste treatment facilities, resulting in poor air quality. In cities like Manila and Jakarta, this compromised air quality frequently reaches hazardous levels, significantly jeopardizing the health of the younger population."
  4. Quoted text: "To solve this problem, I recommend some potential solutions. Firstly, the local authority need encourage to the building of apartment in the city and improve the quality of infrastructure. By doing this, the housing crisis will be reduced and young people have more chances to get sustainable, convenient, and good-quality buildings. Secondly, the government should encourage young adults to live in the surrounding area. for people to live By doing this, people will move to the suburbs with the lower prices and large scale size Finally, the government should fine the government should require the factory to be built in the suburbs and avoid residential areas. Therefore the air will be cleaned and fresh for people to breathe."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The recommendations are somewhat clear, but the organization and articulation can be improved for better coherence. Additionally, specific details and examples could be included to strengthen the proposed solutions.
    • Improved example: "To address these challenges, I propose a multifaceted approach. Firstly, local authorities should actively promote the construction of affordable apartment complexes within the city limits while simultaneously enhancing overall infrastructure. This will mitigate the housing crisis, providing young people with sustainable and convenient living spaces. Secondly, the government can incentivize young adults to settle in the outskirts by offering affordable housing options. This would alleviate the burden on city centers and promote a more balanced urban development. Finally, strict regulations should be imposed, requiring factories to be established in suburban areas away from residential zones. This strategic placement will ensure cleaner air, safeguarding the health of the younger population."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. It is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The writer attempts to logically present information, addressing both the problems faced by young people in growing cities and suggesting solutions. Paragraphs generally have a clear central topic, contributing to overall coherence. Cohesion is maintained through the use of linking words and phrases.

However, there are areas for improvement. While the essay attempts to present ideas logically, there are instances where the progression is not entirely smooth. For example, the transition between discussing the housing crisis and air pollution could be more seamless. Additionally, there are some sentence-level cohesion issues, such as the repetition of phrases like "to own a house" and "encourage to the building." These instances, while not severely impacting overall coherence, suggest a need for more variety in expression.

Paragraphing is generally adequate, but there is a minor issue in the last paragraph where a sentence is cut off, affecting the logical flow. The concluding paragraph could be more robust, summarizing the key points more effectively.

How to improve:

  1. Work on improving the transition between ideas, ensuring a smoother progression from one point to the next.
  2. Vary sentence structures and expressions to avoid repetitive language and enhance cohesion.
  3. Review and revise paragraph structure, ensuring complete and well-constructed sentences.
  4. Strengthen the concluding paragraph to provide a concise summary of the main points discussed in the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There’s an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary (e.g., "local authority," "laborers," "housing crisis," "infrastructure") but with occasional inaccuracies and a need for greater variety and precision in vocabulary usage. While there’s an effort to convey ideas, the vocabulary and expressions used are somewhat repetitive, limiting the essay’s lexical richness. Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "encourage to the building," "for people to live," "fine the government should require").

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource and achieve a higher band score, diversify the vocabulary by using a broader range of more sophisticated and precise terms. Aim for greater variety in vocabulary, avoiding repetition where possible. Work on refining word choice and collocation, ensuring that sentences are structured accurately to enhance clarity and coherence. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will also enhance the overall lexical quality. Additionally, strive for more complex sentence structures to showcase a deeper command of language.

Note: While the essay presents ideas and addresses the prompt adequately, enhancing the lexical resource by employing a more varied and precise vocabulary would significantly improve the overall quality and raise the band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It attempts to use a variety of structures, but there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the text. While there is some control of grammar and punctuation, the errors occur frequently and occasionally distort the meaning of the sentences. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the local authority does not predict") and punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary repetition of "the government should" in the final paragraph.

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Careful proofreading is essential to identify and correct grammatical errors. Focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure the appropriate use of punctuation marks.

  2. Sentence Structure: Aim for a more consistent and varied use of sentence structures. Introduce a range of sentence types, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance the overall quality of the writing.

  3. Clarity and Cohesion: Clarify the expression of ideas to avoid any ambiguity. Make sure each sentence contributes clearly to the overall message of the paragraph. Consider restructuring sentences for better flow and coherence.

  4. Vocabulary: While the essay uses appropriate vocabulary, enhancing the variety of expressions could further improve the lexical range. Explore synonyms and varied word choices to make the writing more engaging.

By addressing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score by exhibiting greater grammatical accuracy and a more refined use of language structures.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, major cities are rapidly expanding, bringing forth a myriad of challenges for the younger generation. This essay will delve into these issues and propose viable solutions.

One pressing matter is the limited opportunities for young people to own homes. The swift urban growth catches local authorities off guard, leading to soaring house prices. For instance, in Ho Chi Minh City, the central area demands exorbitant prices, reaching approximately 6 billion VND, making homeownership unattainable for many working individuals. Furthermore, rapid urbanization contributes to pollution, directly impacting the youth. The accelerated city growth leaves insufficient space for waste treatment plants, resulting in compromised air quality. Cities like Manila and Jakarta in southern Asia frequently witness poor to extremely poor air quality, affecting the health of the younger population.

To address these challenges, I propose pragmatic solutions. Firstly, local authorities should actively promote the construction of affordable apartments within the city, coupled with enhancements to infrastructure. This approach would alleviate the housing crisis, providing young people with sustainable, convenient, and high-quality living spaces. Secondly, governments ought to encourage young adults to reside in the outskirts, where housing is more affordable and the scale of living spaces is larger. Lastly, strict regulations should be imposed, compelling factories to relocate to suburban areas away from residential zones. This measure ensures cleaner and fresher air for the inhabitants.

In conclusion, the challenges faced by the younger generation in burgeoning cities, such as housing crises and pollution, necessitate strategic solutions. By fostering apartment construction, promoting suburban living, and regulating factory placement, we can create more favorable living conditions for the youth.

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