Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart.

Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

In modern life, technology has transformed the way that we form and maintain relationships. For some, these changes have been overwhelmingly positive but others believe that they have made us more isolated than before. I think that both of these views are valid but that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
Thanks to technology we are now able to communicate instantly with people all over the world. This communication is also possible with a wide range of applications and devices for example, through phone calls, video calls, emails messages and sharing photos. Additionally there are now a number of dating sites and apps that allow us to start new relationships.
These changes are predominantly positive for many people. They argue that they allow us to stay in touch with people all over the world and that our relationships are no longer governed by geographical location. The fact that we can also share information quickly and easily means that we are able to know a lot more about the people that we communicate with.
However, despite these benefits there are also some negative aspects. For example some people spend much less time interacting face to face than they did before. As a result, it can be argued that the relationships that we form are shallower due to the fact that we can create a false, online personality rather than getting to know someone on a deeper, more personal level. It is certainly true that young people today have a tendency to spend their time glued to their screens rather than meeting people in the flesh.
In conclusion, it is clear that modern communication is largely different than it used to do be. I would argue that these impacts are generally positive but that we still need to ensure that we spend time nurturing relationships with people that we know in person

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In modern life" -> "In contemporary society"
   Explanation: "In contemporary society" is a more formal and precise phrase that better fits the academic context, enhancing the sophistication of the introduction.

2. "transformed the way that we form and maintain relationships" -> "transformed the manner in which we form and maintain relationships"
   Explanation: The phrase "the manner in which" is more formal and precise than "the way that," aligning better with academic style.

3. "For some, these changes have been overwhelmingly positive" -> "For some, these changes have been predominantly beneficial"
   Explanation: "Predominantly beneficial" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "overwhelmingly positive," which can sound overly emotional and colloquial.

4. "I think that both of these views are valid" -> "I contend that both perspectives are valid"
   Explanation: "I contend" is a more assertive and formal expression than "I think," which is more suitable for academic writing.

5. "Thanks to technology" -> "Owing to technological advancements"
   Explanation: "Owing to technological advancements" is a more formal and precise way to attribute changes to technology, enhancing the academic tone.

6. "a wide range of applications and devices for example, through phone calls, video calls, emails messages and sharing photos" -> "a diverse array of applications and devices, including phone calls, video calls, email messages, and photo sharing"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the list, using "including" to introduce the examples and "photo sharing" to avoid the redundancy of "sharing photos."

7. "These changes are predominantly positive for many people" -> "These developments are predominantly beneficial for many individuals"
   Explanation: "Developments" is a more formal term than "changes," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing for its specificity.

8. "allow us to stay in touch with people all over the world" -> "enable us to maintain contact with individuals globally"
   Explanation: "Enable" and "maintain contact" are more precise and formal than "allow" and "stay in touch," and "globally" is more specific than "all over the world."

9. "our relationships are no longer governed by geographical location" -> "our relationships are no longer restricted by geographical location"
   Explanation: "Restricted" is a more precise term than "governed," which can imply control rather than limitation, fitting better in this context.

10. "we are able to know a lot more about the people that we communicate with" -> "we are able to gain a deeper understanding of the individuals with whom we communicate"
    Explanation: "Gain a deeper understanding" is a more formal and precise phrase than "know a lot more," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" for formality and specificity.

11. "some people spend much less time interacting face to face" -> "some individuals spend significantly less time engaging in face-to-face interactions"
    Explanation: "Significantly less" is more precise than "much less," and "engaging in face-to-face interactions" is a more formal way to describe the type of interaction.

12. "it can be argued that the relationships that we form are shallower" -> "it can be argued that the relationships we form are less profound"
    Explanation: "Less profound" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "shallower," which is somewhat colloquial.

13. "getting to know someone on a deeper, more personal level" -> "developing a deeper, more personal understanding of someone"
    Explanation: "Developing a deeper, more personal understanding" is a more formal and precise way to describe the process of getting to know someone.

14. "young people today have a tendency to spend their time glued to their screens" -> "young individuals today often spend considerable time engrossed in their screens"
    Explanation: "Often spend considerable time engrossed" is a more formal and precise way to describe the behavior, replacing the colloquial "glued to their screens."

15. "meeting people in the flesh" -> "interacting with individuals in person"
    Explanation: "Interacting with individuals in person" is a more formal and precise phrase than "meeting people in the flesh," which is somewhat informal and colloquial.

16. "it is clear that modern communication is largely different than it used to do be" -> "it is evident that modern communication has significantly changed from what it once was"
    Explanation: "Has significantly changed from what it once was" is a more formal and grammatically correct expression than "is largely different than it used to do be," which contains a grammatical error and is too informal for academic writing.

17. "I would argue that these impacts are generally positive" -> "I contend that these impacts are predominantly positive"
    Explanation: "I contend" is a stronger, more formal assertion than "I would argue," and "predominantly" is preferred over "generally" for its specificity in academic contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both viewpoints regarding the impact of modern technology on relationships. The author presents arguments for both sides, discussing the positive aspects of technology in maintaining connections and the negative implications of reduced face-to-face interactions. However, while the essay mentions both perspectives, it lacks depth in exploring the negative viewpoint, which could have been elaborated further to provide a more balanced discussion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to delve deeper into the negative aspects of technology. This could include more specific examples or statistics that illustrate how technology can lead to isolation or superficial relationships. Additionally, addressing counterarguments more thoroughly would strengthen the overall analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the benefits of technology outweigh its disadvantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the positive and negative aspects could be smoother, as the shift may confuse readers about the author’s ultimate position.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should use transitional phrases that clearly indicate when they are shifting from one viewpoint to another. For instance, using phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help clarify the structure and ensure that the reader understands the author’s perspective more easily.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the ability to communicate instantly and the existence of dating apps. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, while the author mentions that relationships can be shallower due to online interactions, there is no specific example or anecdote provided to illustrate this point.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on extending their ideas with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Incorporating personal experiences or hypothetical scenarios could provide the necessary depth. For example, discussing a specific instance where technology facilitated a meaningful connection or, conversely, led to a misunderstanding could enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the conclusion introduces a new idea about nurturing relationships without clearly linking it back to the main argument about technology’s impact.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every part of the essay ties back to the central question of technology’s impact on relationships. The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and reinforce the author’s opinion without introducing new concepts. This will help keep the essay cohesive and aligned with the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in depth, clarity, and cohesiveness. By elaborating on negative viewpoints, providing more supporting examples, and refining transitions, the author can enhance their overall score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing viewpoints regarding technology’s impact on relationships. Each paragraph addresses specific aspects of the argument, with the first focusing on the positive effects of technology and the second discussing the negative consequences. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. For instance, after discussing the positive aspects, a phrase like "On the other hand" could introduce the negative aspects more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main idea can help reinforce the overall structure.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, contributing to the overall argument. However, the conclusion paragraph could be more developed. It briefly summarizes the main points but lacks a strong closing statement that reinforces the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a clear idea but also connects back to the thesis statement. In the conclusion, consider restating the thesis in a more impactful way and summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This will create a more cohesive end to the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "additionally," and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a noticeable reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "for example" is used multiple times, and there are few alternatives employed to link ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "in contrast" to highlight opposing viewpoints, or "furthermore" to add additional supporting details. Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance cohesion; for example, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex and engaging sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in terms of logical flow, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the positive aspects of technology in communication. Phrases like "communicate instantly," "a wide range of applications," and "dating sites and apps" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, especially in the second paragraph where "communicate" and "relationships" are used multiple times without variation.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "communicate," alternatives like "interact," "connect," or "engage" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "digital platforms" or "virtual connections" could diversify the language used to describe technology.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "overwhelmingly positive" and "geographical location," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the relationships that we form are shallower" where "shallower" could be better expressed with "less meaningful" or "less profound" to convey the depth of relationships more accurately.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on choosing words that more accurately reflect their intended meaning. For example, instead of "false, online personality," the writer could use "curated online persona" to better capture the concept of a constructed identity on social media. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in selecting more precise terms.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "emails messages" which should be "email messages," and "do be," which is a typographical error likely meant to be "to be." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing spelling rules can further improve accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents clear arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling could elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, careful proofreading, and seeking feedback on word choice will contribute to a more polished and effective writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "Thanks to technology we are now able to communicate instantly with people all over the world" effectively conveys a clear idea while maintaining grammatical accuracy. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence beginnings and structures, particularly in the second paragraph, which could benefit from more variety. For instance, phrases like "they argue that" and "the fact that" are repeated, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider using a wider range of introductory phrases and varying the order of clauses within sentences. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "they argue that," try beginning with a contrasting phrase or a dependent clause. Additionally, incorporating more varied punctuation, such as semicolons or dashes, can help break up longer sentences and add complexity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors that affect clarity. For example, in the sentence "This communication is also possible with a wide range of applications and devices for example, through phone calls, video calls, emails messages and sharing photos," there is a missing comma before "for example," which is necessary for clarity. Additionally, the phrase "emails messages" is incorrect and should be revised to "email messages." There are also instances of missing commas in compound sentences, such as in "However, despite these benefits there are also some negative aspects," where a comma is needed before "there."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for punctuation errors and ensure that all phrases are correctly formed. Pay particular attention to the use of commas, especially in complex sentences and before conjunctions in compound sentences. Additionally, practicing the correct formation of phrases, such as ensuring that compound nouns are properly separated (e.g., "email messages"), will enhance overall grammatical precision.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In modern life, technology has transformed the way that we form and maintain relationships. For some, these changes have been overwhelmingly positive, but others believe that they have made us more isolated than before. I think that both of these views are valid, but that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

Thanks to technology, we are now able to communicate instantly with people all over the world. This communication is also possible through a wide range of applications and devices; for example, through phone calls, video calls, email messages, and sharing photos. Additionally, there are now a number of dating sites and apps that allow us to start new relationships.

These changes are predominantly positive for many people. They argue that they allow us to stay in touch with individuals globally and that our relationships are no longer governed by geographical location. The fact that we can also share information quickly and easily means that we are able to know a lot more about the individuals with whom we communicate.

However, despite these benefits, there are also some negative aspects. For example, some people spend much less time interacting face-to-face than they did before. As a result, it can be argued that the relationships that we form are shallower due to the fact that we can create a false online personality rather than getting to know someone on a deeper, more personal level. It is certainly true that young individuals today have a tendency to spend their time glued to their screens rather than interacting with individuals in person.

In conclusion, it is clear that modern communication is largely different from what it used to be. I would argue that these impacts are generally positive, but that we still need to ensure that we spend time nurturing relationships with people that we know in person.