many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development,but some important social values are lost as a result. do you think the Advantages are outweight disadvantages ?

In recent years, many nations improve residents’s living quality by economic enhancement, the implication of this point is that some essential social values are deprived. I argue in this essay why I believe that the drawbacks pale in comparison with the benefits it provides.
On the one hand, it could be said that as a result of globalization, it is a growth of international companies come to other countries to build factories, head-offices and offer the high salaries for indigenous employees leading more people are learning the languages of world-leading economies for being received in this corporations. However, it is posited that language is the foundation of culture, young people are using others in routines leads to an obstacle in generation. Using a more specific example, today, children are educated in the international school becomes popular; thus, at home they can not communicate with their grandparents, forming the gap between 2 different generations that leads to the cultural erosions.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that the economic enhancement can avert the poverty and illiteracy drastically in some countries. Going into more detail, if the authorities support to economical measures, which give the employment opportunies for residents, thus, it can mitigate the rate of crimes in society and rise the number of children go to schools. For instance, during President Trump’s time in office, he promulgated many immigration regulations that limit the number of people came to USA for forming the employment opportunies for indigenous residents. Consequently , it has reduced the jobless and encouraged young people coming to the university for studying and working for their nations, it also means that is a way to develop the living quality
In conclusion, while I argue that the economic development can reduce some important social values such as the languages, cultures and increase the gap of generation, it is still nonetheless more useful in improving the living standard, thus the aforementioned trend is a necessary method.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many nations improve residents’s living quality" -> "many nations enhance the living standards of their residents"
Explanation: The phrase "enhance the living standards" is more precise and formal than "improve residents’s living quality," which is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased.
"the implication of this point is that" -> "this implies that"
Explanation: Simplifying "the implication of this point is that" to "this implies that" streamlines the sentence and maintains academic formality without losing meaning.
"I argue in this essay why I believe" -> "I contend that"
Explanation: "I contend that" is a more formal and concise way to express the author’s argumentative stance, avoiding the redundancy of "I argue in this essay why I believe."
"it could be said that" -> "it can be argued that"
Explanation: "It can be argued that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "it could be said that," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"it is a growth of international companies come to other countries" -> "the influx of international companies into other countries"
Explanation: "The influx of international companies into other countries" is a more precise and formal way to describe the movement of companies across borders.
"leading more people are learning the languages of world-leading economies for being received in this corporations" -> "resulting in more people learning the languages of world-leading economies to secure positions in these corporations"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship and uses more precise language, improving the flow and formality of the sentence.
"young people are using others in routines leads to an obstacle in generation" -> "young people’s use of foreign languages in daily routines poses an obstacle to intergenerational communication"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and verb agreement and provides a more precise description of the issue, aligning better with academic standards.
"children are educated in the international school becomes popular" -> "children are increasingly educated in international schools"
Explanation: "Increasingly educated in international schools" is more grammatically correct and clearer than the original phrase, which is awkwardly constructed.
"at home they can not communicate with their grandparents" -> "at home, they cannot communicate with their grandparents"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "at home" improves the sentence structure and clarity, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"the gap between 2 different generations" -> "the gap between two generations"
Explanation: "Two" should be used instead of "2" for formal writing, and "different" is redundant in this context as "generations" inherently implies distinct groups.
"economical measures" -> "economic measures"
Explanation: "Economical" refers to frugal or cost-effective, whereas "economic" refers to the study of the economy, which is the intended meaning here.
"give the employment opportunies" -> "provide employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Provide" is more formal and appropriate than "give" in this context, and "opportunities" should be hyphenated as "employment opportunities" for grammatical correctness.
"it has reduced the jobless" -> "it has reduced unemployment"
Explanation: "Unemployment" is the correct term for the state of being without a job, whereas "jobless" is not a standard term in this context.
"coming to the university for studying and working for their nations" -> "pursuing higher education and employment opportunities in their countries"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the activities and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"it also means that is a way to develop the living quality" -> "this also contributes to improving living standards"
Explanation: "This also contributes to improving living standards" is a clearer and more formal expression than the original, which is awkwardly phrased and grammatically incorrect.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to social values. The author acknowledges the loss of social values, such as language and cultural connections, while also emphasizing the benefits of economic growth, such as reduced poverty and increased educational opportunities. However, the response could be more balanced, as it primarily focuses on the advantages without sufficiently elaborating on the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more detailed examination of the disadvantages, perhaps by including specific examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of lost social values. Additionally, a clearer comparison between the advantages and disadvantages would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the argument could be more compelling if the author explicitly stated the position in the introduction and reiterated it more forcefully in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph ties back to this central argument. Using transitional phrases that reinforce the main argument can also help maintain a clear position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of globalization on language and the benefits of economic development in reducing poverty. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported. For instance, the mention of President Trump’s policies lacks depth and could benefit from additional context or analysis regarding how these policies specifically relate to the topic.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve elaborating on how economic development directly leads to improvements in living standards, or providing more specific examples of social values that are lost. Using data or studies to support claims can also enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between economic development and social values. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, such as the mention of immigration policies without a clear connection to the main argument about living standards and social values.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the main argument will help keep the essay focused.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by stating the main argument. The first body paragraph discusses the negative impacts of economic development on social values, while the second body paragraph outlines the positive effects. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing globalization to the impact on language and culture feels abrupt. The connection between points is sometimes unclear, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Moreover") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Structuring each paragraph to first introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples, will also strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be refined. For example, the first body paragraph mixes different ideas (globalization, language, and generational gaps) without clear delineation, making it harder to follow. The second paragraph, while more focused, could benefit from clearer connections between the points made.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by specific examples and explanations. Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate sentences or even additional paragraphs if necessary. This will help maintain clarity and ensure that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. For instance, there are instances where the essay could benefit from additional linking words or phrases to clarify relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect or comparison.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Consequently," "As a result," or "In addition" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Regular practice with different cohesive devices in writing exercises can help expand this range.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "economic enhancement," "globalization," "cultural erosions," and "illiteracy." However, there are instances where the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive or lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "economic enhancement" appears multiple times, and alternatives could have been employed to enrich the text. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the languages of world-leading economies" could be simplified or varied for clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "economic enhancement," alternatives such as "economic growth," "financial development," or "economic progress" could be used. Reading a wider variety of texts and practicing paraphrasing can also help in expanding vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the drawbacks pale in comparison with the benefits it provides" is somewhat vague; it could be more specific about what "drawbacks" and "benefits" are being referred to. Additionally, the phrase "the gap between 2 different generations" could be more accurately expressed as "the generational gap," which is a more commonly used term.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by ensuring that terms are contextually appropriate and widely recognized. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity, as well as seeking feedback from peers or instructors, can help refine vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "residents’s" (should be "residents’"), "opportunies" (should be "opportunities"), and "erosions" (should be "erosion"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should make use of spell-check tools and proofread their work carefully before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the phrase "if the authorities support to economical measures, which give the employment opportunities for residents" shows an attempt to incorporate a conditional structure. However, many sentences are overly long and convoluted, which can hinder clarity. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the implication of this point is that some essential social values are deprived," which could be more effectively expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences while ensuring clarity. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help. For example, instead of saying, "it is posited that language is the foundation of culture, young people are using others in routines leads to an obstacle in generation," the writer could separate these ideas: "Language is the foundation of culture. However, young people often adopt foreign languages in their daily routines, which can create generational obstacles." This not only improves clarity but also showcases a wider range of structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall effectiveness. For instance, "many nations improve residents’s living quality" should be "many nations improve their residents’ living quality." Additionally, the phrase "it is a growth of international companies come to other countries" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "there is a growth of international companies coming to other countries." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing before "thus," also appear throughout the essay, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessive forms. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should pay attention to the placement of commas, especially in complex sentences, to clarify meaning. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before submission.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Regular practice and revision are key to achieving this.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, many nations aim to improve their residents’ living standards through economic enhancement. This implies that some essential social values are lost as a result. I contend in this essay that the drawbacks pale in comparison to the benefits it provides.

On the one hand, it could be said that as a result of globalization, there is a growth of international companies coming to other countries to build factories and head offices, offering high salaries for indigenous employees. This leads to more people learning the languages of world-leading economies to secure positions in these corporations. However, it is posited that language is the foundation of culture, and young people’s use of foreign languages in their daily routines poses an obstacle to intergenerational communication. Using a more specific example, today, children being educated in international schools has become popular; thus, at home, they cannot communicate with their grandparents, forming a gap between two generations that leads to cultural erosion.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that economic enhancement can drastically avert poverty and illiteracy in some countries. Going into more detail, if the authorities support economic measures that provide employment opportunities for residents, this can mitigate the crime rate in society and increase the number of children attending school. For instance, during President Trump’s time in office, he promulgated many immigration regulations that limited the number of people coming to the USA to create employment opportunities for indigenous residents. Consequently, it has reduced unemployment and encouraged young people to pursue higher education and employment opportunities in their countries, which also contributes to improving living standards.

In conclusion, while I argue that economic development can reduce some important social values such as languages and cultures, and increase the gap between generations, it is still nonetheless more beneficial in improving living standards. Thus, the aforementioned trend is a necessary method.