Many employers find that their new employees lack sufficient interpersonal skills such as lack of ability to work with colleagues as a team. What are the causes? Can you suggest possible solutions?
In recent days, interpersonal skills play a vital role in sccuess person. However, employers' company find that the majority of employees has difficult about the absence of collaboration. This essay is to shed light on the factors behind this development before listing feasible solutions.
The lack of sufficient work-together causes two major factors. First and foremost, fresh employers recieve excessive sheltered upbringing when it compared predecessor. Safeguarding and permissiveness causes to create inhibited person. Consequently, they are communicate barriers with people especially in working with colleagues as a team. One major reason is that the development of science and technology is prevalent in their routine. The deterioration in interpersonal skills among workers is attributable to excessive use of technological devices and they can learn different things or communicate with onl friends… As a result, they hardly handle the commnucate situation as well as similar to conversing with digital devices.
To address the aforementioned problems, I am convinced that the following solutions should be adopted. Firstly, the schools launch the campaigns to mounting a deepen understanding about the importance of cooperative skills. For example, in my school, it creates lots of activities and it not only improve mental health but also provide children to cherish collaboration. In addition, children should harness technology to create the opportunity for its. Children should make plan using digital devices thirty minutes or every day and then. Besides, they should early exposure to different personality traits to improve interpersonal skills.
In conclusion, there are two reasons which result in the absence of collaboration, including abuse of technology and safeguarding of family. Educating children can be viewed as efficient ways to alleviating this problem
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"interpersonal skills play a vital role in sccuess person" -> "interpersonal skills play a crucial role in an individual’s success"
Explanation: Replacing "vital" with "crucial" and refining the sentence structure enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.
"employers’ company find that the majority of employees has difficult about the absence of collaboration" -> "employers commonly observe that a significant number of employees face challenges regarding collaboration"
Explanation: The suggested changes use more precise language and improve sentence structure for a more formal tone.
"fresh employers recieve excessive sheltered upbringing when it compared predecessor" -> "new employees often receive overly sheltered upbringings compared to their predecessors"
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects grammar and phrasing issues, making it more suitable for an academic context.
"Safeguarding and permissiveness causes to create inhibited person" -> "Excessive safeguarding and permissiveness contribute to the development of inhibited individuals"
Explanation: The improved version maintains formality, corrects grammar, and provides a clearer expression of the idea.
"they are communicate barriers with people especially in working with colleagues as a team" -> "they encounter communication barriers, particularly when working with colleagues as a team"
Explanation: The suggested changes fix grammatical errors and enhance the precision of the statement.
"The lack of sufficient work-together causes two major factors" -> "The insufficient collaboration leads to two primary factors"
Explanation: The revision improves sentence structure and substitutes more precise language, aligning with formal writing standards.
"the development of science and technology is prevalent in their routine" -> "the integration of science and technology is pervasive in their daily activities"
Explanation: The improved version maintains formality and uses more accurate and sophisticated vocabulary.
"they can learn different things or communicate with onl friends" -> "they can learn various things or communicate solely with online friends"
Explanation: The suggested changes enhance clarity and correctness, ensuring a more academically appropriate expression.
"As a result, they hardly handle the commnucate situation as well as similar to conversing with digital devices" -> "Consequently, they struggle to navigate communication situations, resembling their interaction with digital devices"
Explanation: The revision improves sentence structure and replaces informal language with more academic alternatives.
"the schools launch the campaigns to mounting a deepen understanding about the importance of cooperative skills" -> "schools initiate campaigns to foster a deeper understanding of the importance of collaborative skills"
Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality, correct grammar, and improve the overall expression of the idea.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both causes and solutions but lacks clarity and coherence. The reasons provided are somewhat convoluted, and the suggestions are not systematically presented. For instance, the connection between safeguarding and inhibitions is unclear. The essay could benefit from a more organized structure to better address each part of the prompt.
- How to improve: It is crucial to organize ideas logically. Start with a clear introduction that succinctly introduces the causes and solutions. Develop separate paragraphs for each cause and each solution. Provide specific examples and evidence to support each point. Use clear topic sentences and transitions to enhance the essay’s overall coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a consistent stance. While it attempts to address the causes and solutions, the ideas lack clarity and are expressed in a somewhat confusing manner. There is a need for more explicit statements of the author’s position on the causes and the suggested solutions.
- How to improve: Clearly state the author’s perspective in the introduction and maintain this stance throughout the essay. Use topic sentences to signal the focus of each paragraph, ensuring that every point contributes to the overall argument. Avoid ambiguous language and strive for clarity in expressing ideas.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an effort to present ideas but falls short in elaborating and supporting them effectively. For instance, the connection between technology use and communication barriers is vaguely explained. Concrete examples and evidence are needed to strengthen the essay’s argument.
- How to improve: Provide specific examples and illustrations to support each point. Elaborate on the impact of technology on interpersonal skills with clear, detailed explanations. Consider incorporating relevant statistics, studies, or real-life examples to enhance the credibility of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay somewhat deviates from the topic by introducing the concept of safeguarding without a clear link to the lack of interpersonal skills. Additionally, the discussion about technology’s role is somewhat scattered. A more focused approach is needed to address the prompt adequately.
- How to improve: Stick closely to the prompt by avoiding unnecessary tangents. Clearly establish the link between the causes and solutions of the lack of interpersonal skills. Ensure that every paragraph contributes directly to addressing the prompt. Review the essay to identify and eliminate any unrelated or extraneous information.
In conclusion, while the essay addresses the prompt, it could significantly benefit from improved organization, clarity, and elaboration of ideas. Strengthening the connections between causes and solutions and staying focused on the topic will enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at logical organization but faces challenges in maintaining a coherent structure. The introduction lacks clarity, and the body paragraphs seem disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument seamlessly. For instance, the shift from discussing the causes to proposing solutions is abrupt and requires better transitional elements.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing specific points, and a well-defined conclusion. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through different sections, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas.
- Detailed explanation: Paragraphing in the essay needs improvement. While there is an attempt to use paragraphs, their structure is inconsistent, and some ideas are not adequately developed within a single paragraph. This impacts the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Each paragraph should address a specific point related to the main idea of the essay. Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain a cohesive narrative.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in the use of cohesive devices. While there are some attempts, such as the use of transitional words like "firstly" and "in conclusion," the overall cohesion could be significantly improved. Additionally, the connection between sentences and ideas is sometimes weak.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns, to create a more connected and coherent text. Pay attention to the logical progression of ideas within and between sentences, ensuring a smooth and natural flow.
In conclusion, the essay shows potential but requires significant improvements in organizing information logically, using effective paragraphing, and employing a broader range of cohesive devices. Restructuring the essay and paying attention to the details of paragraph structure and coherence will contribute to a more cohesive and well-developed response.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words, some terms are repetitively used, limiting the diversity of vocabulary. For instance, "collaboration" is frequently employed without alternative synonyms. Additionally, there are instances where simpler words could be substituted with more sophisticated ones to enhance lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance your vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms for frequently used words. For example, instead of consistently using "collaboration," use alternatives such as teamwork, cooperation, or joint effort. Explore more advanced vocabulary to express ideas where appropriate, and avoid unnecessary repetition.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise usage of vocabulary in several instances. For example, the phrase "excessive sheltered upbringing" is ambiguous and could be more precisely articulated. Furthermore, there are instances where the meaning of sentences is slightly unclear due to imprecise word choices.
- How to improve: Strive for precision in your vocabulary selection. Clearly express your ideas with words that accurately convey your intended meaning. Instead of using vague terms, opt for specific and well-defined language. Review your essay for instances where clarity may be improved through the selection of more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a notable area for improvement in the essay. Instances of misspelled words, such as "sccuess" (success), "recieve" (receive), and "commnucate" (communicate), are present. These errors impact the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Prioritize proofreading to identify and correct spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processors, and consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers. Developing a habit of thorough proofreading will significantly enhance the accuracy of your spelling.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are crucial for elevating the overall quality of the writing. Focus on enhancing clarity through precise language, expanding your vocabulary repertoire, and diligently proofreading to eliminate spelling errors.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on simple sentence structures, impacting the overall variety. For instance, the repetitive use of straightforward sentence constructions in the first paragraph limits the essay’s expressiveness and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, strive for more complex sentence structures. Incorporate compound and complex sentences to add depth and nuance to your ideas. Utilize a variety of sentence lengths and structures to create a more engaging and varied narrative.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a range of grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "employers’ company," "fresh employers recieve"), missing articles (e.g., "difficult about the absence"), and punctuation errors (e.g., "the schools launch," "it not only improve mental health but also provide children to cherish collaboration"). These errors hinder the clarity and precision of your expression.
- How to improve: Careful proofreading is crucial to identify and rectify grammatical errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, use of articles, and proper punctuation. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to refine your writing. Review grammar rules to reinforce your understanding and application.
In summary, while the essay exhibits an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, it falls short in achieving a truly diverse range. Furthermore, addressing grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage, will significantly improve the overall accuracy and clarity of the essay. Practice incorporating more complex structures and refine your proofreading skills to elevate the quality of your written expression.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, interpersonal skills play a vital role in an individual’s success. However, employers often observe that a significant number of employees face challenges in collaboration. This essay aims to shed light on the factors behind this issue before suggesting possible solutions.
The lack of sufficient collaboration leads to two primary factors. Firstly, new employees often receive overly sheltered upbringings compared to their predecessors. Excessive safeguarding and permissiveness contribute to the development of inhibited individuals. As a result, they encounter communication barriers, particularly when working with colleagues as a team. One major reason is that the integration of science and technology is pervasive in their daily activities. The overuse of technological devices hampers the development of interpersonal skills, as individuals may learn various things or communicate solely with online friends. Consequently, they struggle to navigate communication situations, resembling their interaction with digital devices.
To address the aforementioned problems, I am convinced that the following solutions should be adopted. Firstly, schools should initiate campaigns to foster a deeper understanding of the importance of collaborative skills. For example, in my school, various activities are organized, not only improving mental health but also providing children with opportunities to cherish collaboration. Additionally, children should harness technology to create opportunities for themselves. They can plan to use digital devices for thirty minutes every day, ensuring a balanced approach. Furthermore, early exposure to different personality traits can enhance interpersonal skills.
In conclusion, the absence of collaboration stems from two reasons: the abuse of technology and the safeguarding of family. Educating children can be viewed as an efficient way to alleviate this problem.