Many graduates nowadays are finding it difficult to get a job. Why do you think this is? How can this problem be solved?

Many graduates nowadays are finding it difficult to get a job. Why do you think this is? How can this problem be solved?

Many student had degree are hard to find a job. There are several problems to this phenomenon but there are also solutions.

The main reason why finding the job is difficult is due to capacity of candidate because of the lack of experience and skills about the field of job. For example they were taught a lot of theories at university lead to they have not enough of practical knowledges about the field of study.
Another main issue is employer have high demand. We can easy to catch up an information on the recruitment page which require candidate have many years experience or high level foreign languages or beautiful appearance…That is difficult to achieve for a new graduate who only knows how to study and complete assignments.

However, there are solutions to this problem. One of the way is the important of innovated the teaching at universities. The educator should redistribute the study time for the student, increasing the time of practical instead of too many theorie. They can encourage students to working while studying by do not assign much homework. Another solution could be that the large companies should create more jobs for candidate, they can approve the intern to work real at companies and give them the chance to get experience. Furthermore, the government encourage the small enterprises to attract workers.

Inconclusion,

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "Many student had degree are hard to find a job." -> "Many students with degrees find it challenging to secure employment."
   Explanation: "Many student had degree" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Revising to "Many students with degrees" maintains the intended meaning while improving grammatical accuracy and formality.

2. "there are several problems to this phenomenon but there are also solutions." -> "There are several issues contributing to this phenomenon, but viable solutions exist."
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and coherence. "Problems to this phenomenon" is awkward; replacing it with "issues contributing to this phenomenon" provides clarity. Additionally, "there are also solutions" is overly simplistic; "viable solutions exist" offers a more formal and assertive tone.

3. "capacity of candidate because of the lack of experience and skills about the field of job." -> "The challenge lies in the candidates’ lack of experience and skills relevant to the job field."
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and uses informal language. "Capacity of candidate" is vague; replacing it with "The challenge lies in the candidates’ lack of experience and skills" enhances clarity. Additionally, "field of job" is awkward; replacing it with "job field" is more concise and formal.

4. "they were taught a lot of theories at university lead to they have not enough of practical knowledges about the field of study." -> "Their education primarily focused on theoretical concepts, resulting in insufficient practical knowledge relevant to their field of study."
   Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and lacks precision. "A lot of theories at university lead to they have not enough of practical knowledges" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Replacing it with "Their education primarily focused on theoretical concepts, resulting in insufficient practical knowledge" improves clarity and formality.

5. "employer have high demand." -> "Employers have high demands."
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks proper subject-verb agreement. "Employer have high demand" should be corrected to "Employers have high demands" for grammatical accuracy and formality.

6. "We can easy to catch up an information on the recruitment page which require candidate have many years experience or high level foreign languages or beautiful appearance…" -> "Information on recruitment pages often requires candidates to possess extensive experience, advanced foreign language skills, or a pleasing appearance."
   Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and lacks clarity. "We can easy to catch up an information" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Replacing it with "Information on recruitment pages often requires" improves clarity. Additionally, "candidate have many years experience" should be revised to "candidates to possess extensive experience" for better grammar and formality.

7. "That is difficult to achieve for a new graduate who only knows how to study and complete assignments." -> "This presents a challenge for new graduates who are solely focused on academic studies and completing assignments."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and uses informal language. "That is difficult to achieve" is vague; replacing it with "This presents a challenge" enhances clarity. Additionally, "who only knows how to study and complete assignments" should be revised to "who are solely focused on academic studies and completing assignments" for better formality and specificity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both aspects of the prompt: reasons for graduates’ difficulty in finding jobs and potential solutions. It mentions lack of experience and skills among graduates as a reason and suggests innovative teaching methods and creating more job opportunities as solutions.
  • How to improve: To improve, ensure a more comprehensive exploration of the reasons behind the difficulty in finding jobs, considering factors like market dynamics, economic conditions, and technological changes. Also, provide more specific and feasible solutions rather than general suggestions.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat clear in identifying lack of experience and skills as the main reason for the job scarcity and suggesting changes in education and job creation as solutions. However, the stance could be strengthened with more explicit language and consistent reinforcement throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Clearly state the viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay with supporting arguments and evidence. Avoid ambiguity or contradictory statements that might weaken the clarity of the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks depth and coherence in extending and supporting them. For instance, it briefly mentions innovative teaching methods and job creation but fails to elaborate on how these ideas can be implemented effectively.
  • How to improve: Extend and support ideas with specific examples, evidence, and logical reasoning. Provide detailed explanations of how proposed solutions can address the identified problems. Consider counterarguments and refute them to strengthen the argument further.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing reasons for job scarcity among graduates and suggesting solutions. However, there are instances of vague or tangential statements that slightly deviate from the main topic.
  • How to improve: Ensure all points directly relate to the prompt. Avoid introducing irrelevant information or ideas that do not contribute to addressing the main issue. Stay focused on discussing reasons and solutions related to graduates’ job difficulties.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and offers some relevant insights, there is room for improvement in coherence, depth of analysis, and clarity of expression. Strengthening the argumentation with specific examples, providing more nuanced solutions, and maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay can enhance its effectiveness. Additionally, revising for clarity, coherence, and conciseness can further improve the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the reasons behind the difficulty graduates face in finding employment, followed by potential solutions. However, the organization lacks clarity and coherence. The introduction briefly introduces the issue, but the body paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas. For instance, the reasons behind the job scarcity are mentioned sporadically throughout the essay without a clear structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. Similarly, the solutions are presented without a logical sequence or development, diminishing the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more clearly. Start with a strong thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main reasons for the job scarcity, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a specific reason supported by examples and analysis. Likewise, the solutions should be presented in a structured manner, with each solution discussed in a separate paragraph and supported by relevant details.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. Paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and unity of ideas, resulting in disjointed and confusing transitions between thoughts. For example, the paragraph discussing the lack of practical knowledge and skills could be better structured to separate the discussion of theories taught in universities from the discussion of employer demands. Additionally, the concluding paragraph abruptly ends without summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop each paragraph with relevant supporting details and examples. Use transition words and phrases to create smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Consider revising the conclusion to provide a concise summary of the essay’s main points and a closing statement that reinforces the thesis.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, but they are limited in variety and effectiveness. Transition words and phrases such as "however" and "another" are used occasionally to connect ideas, but there is a lack of cohesion within and between paragraphs. Additionally, the repetition of certain phrases, such as "main reason" and "another main issue," hinders the flow of the essay and diminishes its overall cohesion.
  • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion. Utilize a variety of transition words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "on the other hand," to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, vary sentence structures and avoid repetitive language to maintain reader engagement and improve overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, employing a variety of terms to convey ideas effectively. For instance, phrases like "lack of experience and skills," "practical knowledges," "redistribute the study time," and "encourage the small enterprises" exhibit lexical diversity. This richness enhances the overall quality of the essay and showcases the writer’s ability to express nuanced concepts.
  • How to improve: While the essay showcases a wide range of vocabulary, incorporating more precise and contextually fitting terms could elevate the lexical resource further. Encourage the writer to explore synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the language. Additionally, encourage the use of domain-specific terminology where appropriate to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas. For example, phrases like "the lack of experience and skills," "practical knowledges," and "redistribute the study time" exhibit precise vocabulary usage. However, there are instances where more precise vocabulary choices could enhance clarity and specificity. For instance, replacing "the lack of experience and skills" with "deficiency in practical skills" could provide a clearer depiction of the issue.
  • How to improve: Encourage the writer to carefully consider the nuances of each word choice to ensure that it accurately reflects the intended meaning. Suggest the use of a thesaurus to explore synonyms and identify the most precise terms for conveying ideas. Additionally, advise them to pay close attention to context to ensure that chosen vocabulary aligns seamlessly with the overall tone and message of the essay.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with few notable errors. Examples such as "inconclusion" instead of "in conclusion" and "theorie" instead of "theory" indicate minor lapses in spelling accuracy. Overall, the spelling is proficient and does not significantly detract from the readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Recommend proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-checking software to identify and correct spelling errors. Encourage the writer to pay careful attention to commonly misspelled words and to practice incorporating correct spellings into their writing routine. Additionally, suggest seeking feedback from peers or educators to catch any overlooked errors and further refine spelling skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of sentence structures. For instance, there is a tendency to rely on simple sentence structures, which can make the writing appear repetitive and less engaging. Incorporating more complex structures such as subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and varied sentence lengths can enhance the overall quality of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of structures, the writer should consciously vary their sentence structures. This can be achieved by practicing writing with different sentence types and lengths. Additionally, studying examples of well-crafted sentences from literature or academic texts can provide inspiration for diversifying sentence structures. Experimenting with techniques such as parallelism, inversion, and rhetorical devices can also add depth and sophistication to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates its ideas, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the text. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Many student had degree are hard to find a job"), incorrect article usage ("the lack of experience and skills about the field of job"), and awkward phrasing ("they were taught a lot of theories at university lead to they have not enough of practical knowledges about the field of study"). Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization, detract from the clarity and coherence of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing and practicing grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Utilizing grammar resources such as grammar textbooks, online grammar exercises, and grammar checkers can help reinforce proper usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully for punctuation errors and seeking feedback from peers or teachers can aid in identifying and correcting mistakes. Developing a habit of revising and editing written work thoroughly before submission is crucial for improving grammatical accuracy and overall writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many graduates nowadays face challenges in securing employment. There are several reasons for this, but there are also potential solutions.

The primary issue contributing to the difficulty in finding a job is the lack of practical experience and field-specific skills among candidates. For instance, many university programs focus heavily on theoretical knowledge, leaving graduates with insufficient practical understanding related to their area of study.

Another significant challenge is the high expectations set by employers. Job postings often specify requirements such as extensive work experience, advanced language proficiency, or particular physical attributes, making it daunting for new graduates who have primarily focused on academic pursuits and completing assignments.

Nevertheless, there are feasible solutions to address this problem. One approach involves reforming university education to prioritize practical learning alongside theoretical concepts. By allocating more time to hands-on experience and minimizing excessive theoretical study, educators can better prepare students for the demands of the job market. Additionally, universities could encourage students to gain work experience while studying, perhaps by reducing the workload to accommodate part-time employment opportunities.

Furthermore, large companies can contribute to solving this issue by offering more entry-level positions and internships to recent graduates, providing them with valuable on-the-job training and experience. Additionally, governments can incentivize small businesses to hire fresh graduates by offering subsidies or tax incentives.

In conclusion, while the job market presents challenges for many graduates, improvements in university education and increased opportunities for practical experience can help mitigate these difficulties and facilitate smoother transitions from academia to the workforce.