Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free.
Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In contemporary times, numerous museums request entrance fees while others are free for individuals visiting. Charging admission may bring certain negative impacts. I believe that these far outweigh the potential advantages.
Admittedly, charging for admission may bring certain advantages to museums relating facilities growth and deserving treasures. Regarding the former, this trend provides museums with amount of money, which enables museums to upgrade and construct more and more facilities, and make museums more effective. As a result, this could lead to attractive individuals for visiting. Concerning deserving treasures is very significant. This is because deserving treasures request museums must recruit many professional employees with high Techni. For instance, Bach Dinh museums collected items of king Bao Dai who was the last king of Vietnam used and deserved that is saving history for future young generations.
On the other hand, the disadvantages of charging for admission far outweigh the potential benefits relating to history education and cultural development. One of main reasons, this trend makes individuals are not interested in visiting because many individuals do not like to chare or the employee have a low income. Consequenly, This will decline the access to historical knowledge and cultures by the way individuals would forget their significant events, heroes or appears originally and extremely effect on the awareness of individuals education. Additionally, This action concentrates on charging for admission will affect on Cultural development, because museums only focus on business without paying attention for developing cultures. This could lead the individuals find it the museums are sill not change and boring, which will decrease the number of individuals are a results of this trend.
In conclusion, It is clear that the potential disadvantages from museums charging for admisson far outweigh the advantages realting to history education and cultural development. Based on the presented arguments, i completely disagree with the proposed idea.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"numerous museums request entrance fees" -> "many museums charge entrance fees"
Explanation: "Request" is not the correct term here, as it implies a request rather than a policy. "Charge" is more accurate and formal for describing the action of museums imposing fees.
"free for individuals visiting" -> "free to visitors"
Explanation: "Free for individuals visiting" is awkward and redundant. "Free to visitors" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"Charging for admission may bring certain negative impacts" -> "Charging admission fees may have certain negative effects"
Explanation: "Impacts" is less precise than "effects" in this context, which refers to the consequences of an action. "Charging admission fees" is also more specific than "charging for admission."
"relating facilities growth and deserving treasures" -> "facilitating facility growth and preserving valuable artifacts"
Explanation: "Relating facilities growth" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Facilitating facility growth" is grammatically correct and more precise. "Deserving treasures" is vague and informal; "valuable artifacts" is more specific and formal.
"amount of money" -> "funds"
Explanation: "Amount of money" is redundant; "funds" is a more concise and formal term.
"make museums more effective" -> "enhance museum operations"
Explanation: "Make museums more effective" is vague and informal. "Enhance museum operations" is more specific and formal.
"attractive individuals for visiting" -> "more visitors"
Explanation: "Attractive individuals for visiting" is awkward and unclear. "More visitors" is straightforward and maintains the formal tone.
"Concerning deserving treasures is very significant" -> "The preservation of valuable artifacts is crucial"
Explanation: "Concerning deserving treasures is very significant" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "The preservation of valuable artifacts is crucial" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"request museums must recruit many professional employees with high Techni" -> "require museums to employ highly skilled professionals"
Explanation: "Request museums must recruit" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Require museums to employ" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Bach Dinh museums collected items of king Bao Dai" -> "The Bach Dinh Museum houses artifacts of King Bao Dai"
Explanation: "Bach Dinh museums" is incorrect as it should be singular. "The Bach Dinh Museum houses artifacts" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"used and deserved that is saving history for future young generations" -> "which preserves history for future generations"
Explanation: "Used and deserved that is saving history" is awkward and unclear. "Which preserves history for future generations" is clearer and more formal.
"This will decline the access to historical knowledge and cultures" -> "This will reduce access to historical knowledge and cultural heritage"
Explanation: "Decline the access" is grammatically incorrect. "Reduce access to historical knowledge and cultural heritage" is grammatically correct and uses more precise terminology.
"Consequenly" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: "Consequenly" is a typographical error. "Consequently" is the correct word.
"This action concentrates on charging for admission" -> "This focus on charging admission fees"
Explanation: "Concentrates on charging for admission" is awkward and unclear. "This focus on charging admission fees" is clearer and more formal.
"find it the museums are sill not change and boring" -> "find the museums unchanged and uninteresting"
Explanation: "Find it the museums are sill not change and boring" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Find the museums unchanged and uninteresting" corrects these issues and maintains formality.
"are a results of this trend" -> "a result of this trend"
Explanation: "Are a results" is grammatically incorrect. "A result of this trend" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument—advantages and disadvantages of charging admission to museums. It acknowledges potential benefits such as funding for facilities and preservation of treasures, while also highlighting significant drawbacks like reduced public interest and negative impacts on cultural development.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of advantages versus disadvantages. While it briefly mentions advantages, it predominantly focuses on disadvantages. It would be stronger if it provided more nuanced arguments for both perspectives, possibly exploring how certain benefits might outweigh specific drawbacks in certain contexts.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against charging admission to museums, stating that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay with arguments centered on decreased public interest and negative impacts on cultural development.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay could explicitly state its position earlier in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing the position with more detailed examples or studies could strengthen the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks clarity and depth in their development. For instance, while it mentions advantages like funding for facilities and preservation of treasures, these ideas are not fully elaborated upon with specific examples or analysis. The discussion on disadvantages is more detailed but could benefit from more specific illustrations or case studies.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more concrete examples and evidence to support its claims. This could include specific instances where museum funding has led to significant cultural preservation or contrasting cases where free museums have struggled with maintenance and visitor engagement.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the pros and cons of charging admission to museums. However, there are instances where the argument slightly veers into general statements about cultural development without directly tying them back to the core question of admission fees.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages and disadvantages of museum admission fees. Avoiding tangential discussions about cultural development that are not directly linked to the cost of admission would strengthen the coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues against charging admission to museums, it could improve by providing more balanced analysis, deeper development of ideas with specific examples, and maintaining strict relevance to the essay prompt throughout. Strengthening these areas would elevate the Task Response score to a higher band level.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. However, there are issues with coherence in the body paragraphs. The first body paragraph discusses advantages, focusing on financial benefits and the preservation of valuable artifacts. The second body paragraph discusses disadvantages, focusing on decreased visitor interest and cultural neglect. While the essay attempts to present arguments, the sequencing is somewhat abrupt and lacks smooth transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next. Begin each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Use linking words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently) to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Consider reordering points to improve coherence and ensure a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to organize ideas, but there are issues with paragraph structure. Each body paragraph attempts to address different aspects of the topic (advantages vs. disadvantages), but the development within each paragraph is limited. Some paragraphs lack topic sentences, making it difficult to discern the main point. For instance, the second body paragraph begins abruptly with a disadvantage without a clear introductory sentence.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of that paragraph. Develop each idea fully with supporting details and examples. Aim for a balanced approach in discussing advantages and disadvantages, dedicating sufficient space to each aspect while maintaining coherence within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, such as pronouns (this, these), conjunctions (because, consequently), and transitional phrases (for instance, on the other hand). However, their usage is inconsistent and sometimes incorrect, which affects the overall coherence. For example, there are instances of unclear reference ("this trend" without clear antecedent) and awkward phrasing that disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: Focus on using cohesive devices correctly and consistently. Ensure pronouns refer clearly to specific nouns, avoiding ambiguous references. Use conjunctions appropriately to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. Practice using a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, transitional words, pronouns) effectively to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of organizing ideas into paragraphs and attempts to use cohesive devices, there are significant opportunities for improvement in enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and mastering the use of cohesive devices. These improvements will not only strengthen coherence and cohesion but also contribute to a clearer and more persuasive presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes terms like "contemporary times," "admittedly," "deserving treasures," and "significant events." However, there is repetition of basic vocabulary ("charging," "individuals," "museums") which limits lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and more specific terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "charging," explore alternatives like "admission fees," "entrance charges," or "ticket costs." Additionally, introduce domain-specific vocabulary related to museums and cultural institutions, such as "curatorial decisions," "exhibition curation," or "cultural heritage preservation."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary is adequate but inconsistent. For example, phrases like "deserving treasures" and "significant events" are clear and aptly used. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the phrase "makes individuals are not interested" where "discourages" or "deters" might convey the idea more precisely.
- How to improve: Practice using words that capture nuanced meanings more accurately. For example, instead of "significant events," consider using "historical milestones" or "pivotal moments." This approach enhances both clarity and precision in expression, aligning more closely with academic writing expectations.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable spelling errors, such as "Bach Dinh museums" (should be "Bach Dang Museum"), "chare" (should be "charge"), and "Techni" (likely intended as "technical"). These errors slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, utilize spell-check tools and carefully proofread writing. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and technical terms specific to the topic. Additionally, familiarize yourself with correct names of historical places or institutions to avoid errors in referencing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates sufficient competence in vocabulary use and spelling, enhancing lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy can elevate the clarity and sophistication of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng:

**Band Score for Gram

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, many museums charge entrance fees, while others are free for visitors. Charging admission fees may have certain negative effects. I believe that these disadvantages far outweigh the potential advantages.

Admittedly, charging for admission may bring some benefits to museums, such as facilitating facility growth and preserving valuable artifacts. Regarding facilities, this practice provides museums with funds that enable them to upgrade and construct more facilities, thereby enhancing museum operations. For instance, the Bach Dinh Museum houses artifacts of King Bao Dai, which preserves history for future generations. However, the disadvantages of charging for admission outweigh these benefits, particularly concerning history education and cultural development.

One of the main disadvantages is that charging for admission can deter individuals from visiting museums. Many people may be discouraged by the entrance fees, which can reduce access to historical knowledge and cultural heritage. Consequently, this trend may lead to a decline in awareness of significant historical events and heroes. Moreover, focusing on admission fees may shift museums’ focus towards business rather than cultural development. This could result in museums being perceived as uninteresting or unchanged over time, thereby decreasing visitor numbers.

In conclusion, while charging admission fees may provide financial benefits and aid in artifact preservation, the negative impacts on history education and cultural development are substantial. Therefore, I disagree with the notion that the advantages of charging for admission outweigh the disadvantages.