Many offenders commit crimes again after serving their first punishment . Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many criminals reoffend after serving their first sentence.Thiss essay will examine the primary of this and suggest some possible solutions to this problem

There are two main reasons for recidivism . The first one is criminal records. This can restrict their posibility of finding a job because no companies recruit a criminal, so they have no choice to do something. This compelling them to commit crimes, such as robbery, burglary kitnapping, or even murder in order to get money to make ends meet . Another reason is intergration into society. Because of getting involed in illegal activities, people offending are loocked down and pushed away from their families, friends and neighbours , leading to lose faith in sociey. This cause them to join gangs to gain a sense of belonging.

Various mearsures can be taken to address this issue. One solution would be for the government to give criminals proper education and vocational trainning, which ensure them togain more knowledge and skills to adapt company's requirement and easily to get a job. Another measure would be to organise rehabilitation programmes , for example street cleaning , tree planting so that people committing crimes could have opportunities to interact with people around their neighbourhood. Apart from that, these activities help them build positive relationships with orthers . By taking these actions, we can deal with the offending behaviour of criminals and break the cycle of recidivism.

In conclusion, there are several factors leading to reoffending and a number of actions can be implemented to tackle this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many criminals reoffend" -> "Numerous offenders recidivate"
Explanation: "Numerous offenders recidivate" uses more precise and formal terminology, enhancing the academic tone. "Recidivate" is the preferred term in criminological contexts, and "offenders" is more specific than "criminals."
"This essay will examine the primary of this" -> "This essay will investigate the primary causes of this"
Explanation: "Investigate" is more appropriate for academic writing than "examine," and "primary causes" is a clearer and more formal expression than "primary of this."
"suggest some possible solutions to this problem" -> "propose several potential solutions to this issue"
Explanation: "Propose" is more formal than "suggest," and "several potential solutions" is more precise than "some possible solutions." "Issue" is also preferred over "problem" in formal writing.
"The first one is criminal records" -> "The first factor is criminal records"
Explanation: "Factor" is a more precise term in academic writing than "reason," which is vague and less formal.
"This can restrict their posibility" -> "This can limit their possibilities"
Explanation: "Limit" is more precise than "restrict," and "possibilities" should be plural to match the context.
"no companies recruit a criminal" -> "few companies employ individuals with criminal records"
Explanation: "Employ individuals with criminal records" is more specific and avoids the simplistic and informal "no companies recruit a criminal."
"This compelling them" -> "This compels them"
Explanation: "Compels" is the correct verb form to use in this context, indicating compulsion or necessity.
"kitnapping" -> "kidnapping"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"intergration into society" -> "integration into society"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"getting involed in illegal activities" -> "becoming involved in illegal activities"
Explanation: "Becoming involved" is grammatically correct and more formal than "getting involed."
"people offending are loocked down" -> "those offending are locked down"
Explanation: "Those offending" is grammatically correct, and "locked down" should be two words.
"lose faith in sociey" -> "lose faith in society"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"mearsures" -> "measures"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"ensure them togain" -> "ensure they gain"
Explanation: "Ensure they gain" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"to adapt company’s requirement" -> "to meet the requirements of companies"
Explanation: "Meet the requirements of companies" is more precise and formal.
"organise rehabilitation programmes" -> "organize rehabilitation programs"
Explanation: "Organize" is the correct verb form in American English, and "programs" is the preferred spelling in this context.
"street cleaning, tree planting" -> "street cleaning and tree planting"
Explanation: Adds the conjunction "and" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"orthers" -> "others"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"By taking these actions, we can deal with the offending behaviour of criminals" -> "By implementing these measures, we can address the offending behavior of offenders"
Explanation: "Implementing" is more precise than "taking," and "address" is more formal than "deal with." "Offenders" is also preferred over "criminals" in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies reasons for recidivism and suggests measures to tackle the problem. The reasons provided—criminal records and societal integration—are relevant and reflect an understanding of the issue. However, the explanation of these reasons lacks depth and could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration. For instance, while the essay mentions that criminal records hinder job opportunities, it could further explore how this impacts an individual’s self-esteem and societal perception.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each reason and solution. Including statistics or studies that support the claims would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that recidivism is a significant issue that can be addressed through education and rehabilitation. However, the introduction contains a minor grammatical error ("the primary of this") that obscures the clarity of the position. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more assertive in stating the writer’s stance on the importance of addressing recidivism.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that all statements are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Strengthening the conclusion to reflect a more definitive stance on the importance of the proposed solutions would also help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes of recidivism and potential solutions. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the suggestion of vocational training is a good one, it lacks a detailed explanation of how this training would be implemented or its potential effectiveness. The mention of rehabilitation programs is a positive aspect, but again, it could be expanded to include examples of successful programs.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Discussing the potential impact of the proposed solutions with evidence or case studies would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for reoffending and the measures to address it. However, there are instances where the language and phrasing could be clearer, which may lead to slight deviations in focus. For example, phrases like "loocked down" and "kitnapping" contain spelling errors that distract from the content and could lead readers to lose focus on the main ideas.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should proofread the essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Ensuring that the language is clear and precise will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the main arguments presented.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and addresses the prompt effectively, there are areas for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, support for ideas, and overall coherence. By expanding on the points made and ensuring grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the quality of their response and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons for recidivism, and proposed solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons for reoffending to solutions is abrupt. The essay mentions two reasons for recidivism but does not clearly link these reasons to the proposed solutions, which can leave the reader searching for connections.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the reasons to the solutions. For example, after discussing the reasons for recidivism, a sentence like "To address these challenges, several measures can be implemented" would create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis can help reinforce the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the introduction could be more developed, and the conclusion feels somewhat generic and lacks a strong summary of the key points discussed. The body paragraphs could also benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by providing a brief overview of the points that will be discussed, which sets the stage for the reader. In the body paragraphs, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, instead of starting with "There are two main reasons for recidivism," consider "One significant factor contributing to recidivism is the existence of criminal records." Finally, in the conclusion, summarize the main points more explicitly and restate the importance of addressing recidivism.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Another reason" and "Apart from that," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "This compelling them to commit crimes." Additionally, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as "loocked down" instead of "locked down" and "intergration" instead of "integration."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Consequently." This will help in creating more fluid connections between sentences and ideas. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will enhance clarity and coherence. Consider using tools or resources for grammar checking to catch these mistakes before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on enhancing logical organization, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of crime and recidivism. Terms such as "recidivism," "criminal records," "rehabilitation programmes," and "vocational training" are appropriately used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication, which restricts the overall impact of the argument. For instance, the phrase "commit crimes" is repeated without variation, and terms like "robbery," "burglary," and "murder" could be expanded upon with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "commit crimes," alternatives like "engage in criminal activities" or "perpetrate offenses" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to social issues and rehabilitation could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "no companies recruit a criminal" could be more precisely stated as "few companies are willing to hire individuals with criminal records." Additionally, "this compelling them to commit crimes" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer if reworded to "this compels them to reoffend." The use of "loocked down" is also incorrect and should be "locked down."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Reviewing phrases for clarity and ensuring that they convey the intended meaning without ambiguity is crucial. Using tools like thesauruses or vocabulary exercises can help in selecting more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Words such as "Thiss," "posibility," "intergration," "involed," "loocked," "mearsures," "trainning," "togain," and "orthers" are misspelled, which detracts from the overall quality of the writing. These errors indicate a need for careful proofreading and attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a systematic proofreading process. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through targeted exercises, especially for commonly misspelled words, can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and uses relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("This can restrict their possibility of finding a job") and compound sentences ("Another reason is integration into society"). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences being quite basic and lacking complexity. For instance, the sentence "This compelling them to commit crimes, such as robbery, burglary, kidnapping, or even murder in order to get money to make ends meet" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "this cause them to join gangs" shows a lack of grammatical sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "This can restrict their possibility of finding a job," the writer could say, "Because of their criminal records, individuals often find it challenging to secure employment." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity. Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can further diversify sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "Thiss essay will examine the primary of this" contains a spelling error ("Thiss" should be "This") and an unclear phrase ("the primary of this"). Additionally, the phrase "loocked down" is a misspelling of "locked down," and "mearsures" is a misspelling of "measures." Punctuation errors are also present, such as the lack of spaces after periods and inconsistent spacing before commas. These errors disrupt the flow of the essay and make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling and punctuation errors. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes. Additionally, studying common grammatical rules, such as subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles, will help the writer avoid these errors in the future. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on mistakes that need correction.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and arguments, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many criminals reoffend after serving their first sentence. This essay will examine the primary causes of this and suggest some possible solutions to this problem.

There are two main reasons for recidivism. The first one is criminal records. This can restrict their possibility of finding a job because few companies employ individuals with criminal records, so they have no choice but to do something. This compels them to commit crimes, such as robbery, burglary, kidnapping, or even murder in order to get money to make ends meet. Another reason is integration into society. Because of becoming involved in illegal activities, those offending are locked down and pushed away from their families, friends, and neighbors, leading them to lose faith in society. This causes them to join gangs to gain a sense of belonging.

Various measures can be taken to address this issue. One solution would be for the government to give criminals proper education and vocational training, which would ensure they gain more knowledge and skills to meet the requirements of companies and easily get a job. Another measure would be to organize rehabilitation programs, for example, street cleaning and tree planting, so that people committing crimes could have opportunities to interact with others in their neighborhood. Apart from that, these activities help them build positive relationships with others. By implementing these measures, we can address the offending behavior of offenders and break the cycle of recidivism.

In conclusion, there are several factors leading to reoffending, and a number of actions can be implemented to tackle this issue.