Many people argue that working at home has more advantages but some people suppose it brings more disadvantages for employees. While there are some drawbacks to this problem, I am of the opinion that the strengths will likely be more significant.

Many people argue that working at home has more advantages but some people suppose it brings more disadvantages for employees. While there are some benefits to this problem, I am of the opinion that the strengths will likely be more significant.

On the other hand, the option to work at home can exert many positive effects. The first advantage of this is, for example: workers can control the time when they are working, therefore workers can spend more time with other people in their family and easily reduce the risk of traffic jams when they come to work, which is the biggest issue nowaday. Another advantage is flexibility in their job which can increase a company's turnover. The reason is when workers are at home they always have a high ability to focus. It can give many ideas about the company's plan instead of being neglected.

Nevertheless, I believe that this trend may carry a certain degree of risk. The first drawback relates to when workers work in their home it is quite hard to check work assigned to them. This is because workers are not honest about their plan or use AI to solve this. The second disadvantage relates to not finishing the plan or task on time. Therefore some companies hate giving agents to work at home. One of the examples is dedicated staff frequently trying to finish their tasks for the company.

In conclusion, this trend might possess many disadvantages. However, I am more inclined to the view that the advantages will likely prevail.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people argue" -> "Many individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often associated with informal or colloquial language in academic writing.
"some people suppose" -> "some individuals assume"
Explanation: "Assume" is more specific and academically appropriate than "suppose," which can imply a lack of evidence or a speculative nature that is less suitable for formal writing.
"the strengths will likely be more significant" -> "the benefits will likely outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Outweigh the drawbacks" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea that the advantages are greater than the disadvantages, aligning better with academic style.
"the option to work at home can exert many positive effects" -> "the option to work from home can have numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Have numerous benefits" is a more direct and formal way to describe the advantages of working from home, avoiding the vague term "positive effects."
"workers can control the time when they are working" -> "employees can manage their working hours"
Explanation: "Manage their working hours" is a more precise and formal expression than "control the time when they are working," which is somewhat redundant and informal.
"easily reduce the risk of traffic jams" -> "significantly reduce the risk of traffic congestion"
Explanation: "Significantly reduce the risk of traffic congestion" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague "traffic jams."
"nowaday" -> "currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is the correct form of "nowadays," which is a more formal and grammatically correct term for describing contemporary situations.
"flexibility in their job which can increase a company’s turnover" -> "job flexibility, which can enhance a company’s productivity"
Explanation: "Job flexibility" is a more concise and formal term than "flexibility in their job," and "enhance a company’s productivity" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact on the company.
"always have a high ability to focus" -> "consistently demonstrate high levels of focus"
Explanation: "Consistently demonstrate high levels of focus" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal and vague "always have a high ability."
"give many ideas about the company’s plan" -> "contribute numerous ideas to the company’s strategy"
Explanation: "Contribute numerous ideas to the company’s strategy" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "give many ideas about the company’s plan."
"being neglected" -> "being overlooked"
Explanation: "Being overlooked" is a more precise and formal term than "being neglected," which can imply a lack of care or attention that is less suitable for an academic context.
"it is quite hard to check work assigned to them" -> "it is challenging to monitor the work assigned"
Explanation: "It is challenging to monitor the work assigned" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "it is quite hard to check."
"workers are not honest about their plan" -> "workers may not be truthful about their schedules"
Explanation: "May not be truthful about their schedules" is a more formal and less accusatory way to express the idea, avoiding the informal and potentially negative connotation of "not honest."
"use AI to solve this" -> "utilize artificial intelligence to address this"
Explanation: "Utilize artificial intelligence to address this" is more formal and precise, replacing the casual "use AI to solve this."
"not finishing the plan or task on time" -> "failing to complete tasks on schedule"
Explanation: "Failing to complete tasks on schedule" is a more formal and precise way to describe the issue, avoiding the informal "not finishing the plan or task on time."
"dedicated staff frequently trying to finish their tasks" -> "dedicated staff consistently striving to complete their tasks"
Explanation: "Consistently striving to complete their tasks" is more formal and emphasizes the effort and dedication of the staff, replacing the informal "frequently trying to finish their tasks."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home. The introduction clearly states the writer’s opinion that advantages outweigh disadvantages. However, the discussion of disadvantages is less developed than the advantages. For instance, while the advantages are supported with examples, the drawbacks are mentioned but not elaborated upon in detail.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are explored in a balanced manner. This could involve providing specific examples or evidence for the disadvantages, similar to how the advantages are presented. For instance, discussing the impact of remote work on team collaboration or communication could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of working from home are more significant than the disadvantages. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "Nevertheless, I believe that this trend may carry a certain degree of risk" introduces the drawbacks but feels abrupt and could confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their position while introducing the disadvantages. For example, they could say, "While there are notable drawbacks, I still believe the benefits significantly outweigh them." This would help maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages of working from home, such as flexibility and reduced commuting time. These points are somewhat supported with reasoning. However, the discussion of disadvantages lacks depth and fails to provide sufficient support. For example, the mention of workers using AI to complete tasks is vague and could be elaborated upon to clarify the concern.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing the potential dishonesty of remote workers, they could elaborate on how this impacts productivity or trust within a team. Additionally, using statistics or studies related to remote work could enhance the credibility of their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the pros and cons of working from home. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly unclear, such as "this problem" in the introduction, which could confuse readers about what "this problem" refers to. Additionally, the phrase "dedicated staff frequently trying to finish their tasks for the company" is somewhat ambiguous and does not clearly relate to the disadvantages of working from home.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all language is precise and directly related to the topic. They should avoid vague references and instead clarify their points. For example, instead of saying "this problem," they could specify "the challenges of remote work." This clarity will help keep the reader engaged and ensure that all points are relevant to the topic at hand.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing more balanced coverage of both sides, and ensuring clarity in language will help improve the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used to introduce the advantages, but it could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence to enhance logical flow. The discussion of advantages and disadvantages is somewhat balanced but lacks a clear thematic connection between points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas (e.g., "In addition to the benefits," or "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph discusses advantages but combines multiple points without clear separation, making it harder to follow. The second body paragraph on disadvantages is similarly structured but lacks depth in each point.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. For instance, the advantages could be split into two paragraphs: one focusing on flexibility and time management, and another on increased productivity. This would allow for a more in-depth discussion of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "nevertheless," which help in contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For example, the transition into the disadvantages could be more fluid, as the current phrasing does not effectively link back to the advantages discussed.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," "for example," and "as a result." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advantages," "disadvantages," "flexibility," and "traffic jams." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the terms "workers" and "advantages." For example, the phrase "the first advantage of this is, for example" is awkward and could be expressed more fluidly.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "workers," alternatives like "employees," "staff," or "team members" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "the primary benefit" or "one significant advantage" can replace "the first advantage."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some appropriate vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "this problem" in the introduction is vague and does not clearly refer to the topic of working from home. Additionally, the phrase "workers are not honest about their plan" lacks clarity—it’s unclear what "plan" refers to in this context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary directly relates to the topic and is clearly defined. Instead of "this problem," specifying "the challenges of remote work" would provide clarity. Furthermore, replacing "plan" with "work schedule" or "tasks" would enhance understanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "nowaday," which should be "nowadays." This error detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can also help. Regular reading and writing practice can enhance familiarity with correct spelling in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, improvements in variety, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the other hand" and "Nevertheless" effectively transitions between contrasting ideas. However, some sentences are overly simplistic or repetitive, such as "workers can control the time when they are working" and "workers are not honest about their plan." The essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and more complex structures to enhance the flow and sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas. For example, instead of stating "workers can control the time when they are working," you might say, "By allowing workers to control their schedules, companies not only enhance employee satisfaction but also increase productivity." Additionally, using a wider range of conjunctions and transition phrases can help create more complex sentence forms.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the biggest issue nowaday" should be corrected to "nowadays." There are also punctuation issues, such as the incorrect use of a comma in "The first advantage of this is, for example:" which disrupts the flow of the sentence. Furthermore, the phrase "workers are not honest about their plan or use AI to solve this" lacks clarity and could be misinterpreted.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "the option to work at home can exert many positive effects" could be more clearly stated as "working from home can have several positive effects." Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, particularly around clauses and lists, will improve readability. Practicing sentence diagramming may also help in identifying and correcting complex sentence structures.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals contend that working from home has more advantages, while some individuals assume it brings more disadvantages for employees. While there are some drawbacks to this issue, I am of the opinion that the benefits will likely outweigh the drawbacks.

On the other hand, the option to work from home can have numerous positive effects. The first advantage is that employees can manage their working hours, allowing them to spend more time with their families and significantly reduce the risk of traffic congestion when commuting, which is a major issue currently. Another advantage is the job flexibility, which can enhance a company’s productivity. The reason for this is that when workers are at home, they consistently demonstrate high levels of focus. This environment can foster creativity and enable them to contribute numerous ideas to the company’s strategy instead of being overlooked.

Nevertheless, I believe that this trend may carry a certain degree of risk. The first drawback relates to the challenge of monitoring the work assigned to employees when they are working from home. This is because workers may not be truthful about their schedules or may utilize artificial intelligence to address this issue. The second disadvantage concerns the potential for failing to complete tasks on schedule. As a result, some companies are hesitant to allow employees to work from home. One example is that dedicated staff consistently striving to complete their tasks for the company may still face challenges in this arrangement.

In conclusion, this trend might possess several disadvantages. However, I am more inclined to the view that the advantages will likely prevail.