Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh these disadvantages?

In a contemporary society, people tend to spend their time on social networks to chat and acquire information. In this essay, although social media might provide false information, I am convinced that its benefits outweigh these drawbacks because people can enhance their knowledge and stay abreast of current developments.

On the one hand, misinformation and sensitive content directly impact internet users. It is advisable that social media contain a vast array of information provided by content creators; nevertheless, its content might not be considered and examined carefully. Hence, these problematic behaviors could not only negatively affect mental health but also shape the perspectives of users. A concrete example of this is that, in Vietnam, promoting a viral trend featuring suggestive dances posted by young girls, especially those aged 18 to 25, could influence children's attitudes toward sexual knowledge and behavior. From my point of view, that is not a crucial issue because these platforms could enact laws grounded in human rights, social equality, and child protection regulations; thus, they primarily promote high-quality content.

On the other hand, despite the disadvantages mentioned above, the profound benefits should also be considered carefully, as social media could send large amounts of information to viewers and function as a communication platform. Besides accessing news online, most social platforms provide and separate their users into groups based on their interests. This might support users in exchanging pleasantries and remaining informed about global events. A clear example of this is that the Facebook social platform plays an essential role not only as the best place to access various kinds of information, including cooking, playing video games, and studying, but also as a meeting place for users to maintain their relationships through chatting. I believe in this advantage because the absence of social media development in contemporary society could render individuals outdated and obsolete. Hence, it adversely affects socio-economic development.

In conclusion, I agree that the advantages of social media providing information to users could outweigh the disadvantages of harming their users due to a lack of content examination.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people tend to spend their time on social networks to chat and acquire information" -> "individuals frequently engage with social networks to converse and gather information"
Explanation: Replacing "people tend to spend their time" with "individuals frequently engage with" enhances the formality and specificity of the language, making it more suitable for an academic context. "Converse" is also more formal than "chat."
"I am convinced that its benefits outweigh these drawbacks" -> "I firmly believe that its advantages surpass these disadvantages"
Explanation: "I am convinced" is somewhat informal and colloquial; "I firmly believe" is more assertive and formal. "Advantages" and "disadvantages" are more precise terms than "benefits" and "drawbacks."
"people can enhance their knowledge" -> "individuals can expand their knowledge"
Explanation: "Enhance" is somewhat vague; "expand" is more specific and academically precise, implying a broader scope of knowledge acquisition.
"stay abreast of current developments" -> "remain informed about current developments"
Explanation: "Stay abreast of" is a common idiom; "remain informed about" is more formal and avoids colloquialisms.
"misinformation and sensitive content" -> "misinformation and potentially sensitive content"
Explanation: Adding "potentially" clarifies that the content may be sensitive, which is more precise and avoids making assumptions.
"could not only negatively affect mental health but also shape the perspectives of users" -> "may not only negatively impact mental health but also influence the perspectives of users"
Explanation: "Could" is less definitive than "may," which is more appropriate for academic writing. "Influence" is more precise than "shape" in this context.
"enact laws grounded in human rights, social equality, and child protection regulations" -> "enact laws founded on human rights, social equality, and child protection regulations"
Explanation: "Founded on" is more formal and precise than "grounded in," which is slightly less common in formal writing.
"they primarily promote high-quality content" -> "they primarily disseminate high-quality content"
Explanation: "Disseminate" is a more formal term than "promote," fitting better in an academic context.
"send large amounts of information to viewers" -> "transmit significant amounts of information to users"
Explanation: "Transmit" is more formal and precise than "send," and "users" is more appropriate than "viewers" in this context.
"function as a communication platform" -> "serve as a communication platform"
Explanation: "Serve" is more formal and academically appropriate than "function" in this context.
"plays an essential role not only as the best place to access various kinds of information" -> "plays a crucial role not only as a primary source of diverse information"
Explanation: "Crucial" is more formal than "essential," and "primary source of diverse information" is more precise than "best place to access various kinds of information."
"the absence of social media development in contemporary society could render individuals outdated and obsolete" -> "the absence of social media development in contemporary society could render individuals outdated"
Explanation: Removing "and obsolete" avoids redundancy and maintains the formal tone by focusing on the primary impact of being outdated.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. The author acknowledges the potential for misinformation and its impact on users, which is a critical aspect of the question. The argument is well-structured, with a clear focus on the notion that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, while the disadvantages are mentioned, they could be explored in greater depth to provide a more balanced view. For instance, the essay could have included more examples of negative consequences beyond mental health impacts.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could delve deeper into specific disadvantages, perhaps by discussing the implications of misinformation on public opinion or mental health in more detail. Additionally, providing more concrete examples of both advantages and disadvantages would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of social media outweigh its disadvantages. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. The author uses phrases like "I am convinced" and "I believe in this advantage," which clearly indicate their perspective. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive, particularly when discussing the disadvantages, which might lead to ambiguity about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should ensure that the language used when discussing disadvantages does not undermine their position. Phrasing such as "that is not a crucial issue" could be reworded to emphasize that while disadvantages exist, they are outweighed by the benefits. A more definitive tone when addressing drawbacks would enhance the overall coherence of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of social media, such as its role in information dissemination and maintaining relationships. The examples provided, particularly the reference to Facebook, effectively support the argument. However, the development of ideas could be more robust; for instance, the mention of "promoting high-quality content" lacks a detailed explanation of how this could be achieved or what it entails.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should elaborate on key points. For example, when discussing the benefits of social media, they could include statistics or studies that demonstrate the positive impact of social media on communication or information access. Additionally, providing a more thorough explanation of how social media platforms can mitigate misinformation would enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of social media as outlined in the prompt. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the question. For example, the mention of socio-economic development, while relevant, feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the central argument regarding personal benefits and drawbacks.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the advantages and disadvantages of social media. It may be helpful to create a more explicit link between socio-economic development and the personal impacts of social media, or to omit less relevant points that do not directly support the thesis.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author could enhance the depth and clarity of their response, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The argument progresses logically from identifying the drawbacks of social media to emphasizing its benefits. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the disadvantages, using a relevant example from Vietnam to illustrate the potential negative impact of misinformation. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother; the shift feels somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that signal shifts in focus, such as "Conversely" or "On the other hand," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the disadvantages, while the second addresses the advantages. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly linked to the main points discussed in the body paragraphs to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs. This will not only reinforce the argument but also provide a clear closure to the essay. For example, you could restate the main disadvantages and advantages before concluding with your final stance.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. Additionally, phrases like "from my point of view" and "I believe" indicate the writer’s perspective. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." These can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, when transitioning from discussing the disadvantages to the advantages, using "Nevertheless" could effectively indicate a shift in perspective while maintaining the connection between the two sides of the argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary society," "misinformation," "sensitive content," and "socio-economic development." These words effectively convey the writer’s ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "social media" is repeated multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms for "social media," such as "digital platforms," "online networks," or "social networking sites." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the language, such as replacing "large amounts of information" with "vast quantities of information."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "promoting a viral trend featuring suggestive dances" could be misinterpreted as implying that such trends are inherently negative without sufficient context. Furthermore, the term "high-quality content" is somewhat vague; it could benefit from a more precise definition or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to clarify ambiguous terms. Instead of "high-quality content," they could specify what constitutes this quality, such as "educational resources" or "fact-checked news articles." Additionally, providing clearer context for statements about trends would help avoid misinterpretation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors that impede understanding. Words like "contemporary," "information," and "perspectives" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can help catch any minor errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can further reinforce this skill.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To improve further, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through careful proofreading and practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "although social media might provide false information, I am convinced that its benefits outweigh these drawbacks" effectively conveys nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "it is advisable that social media contain a vast array of information provided by content creators" could be rephrased for better engagement by using an active voice or a different structure.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, conditional sentences, and participial clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," try using phrases like "In contrast" or "Conversely." Additionally, using more complex structures that include subordinate clauses can enhance the depth of your argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are some punctuation issues, such as the comma splice in "these problematic behaviors could not only negatively affect mental health but also shape the perspectives of users." The sentence would benefit from a comma before "but" to separate the two independent clauses. Additionally, the phrase "the profound benefits should also be considered carefully" could be more clearly punctuated to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation rules, particularly with coordinating conjunctions and complex sentences. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on punctuation can help solidify these skills. Furthermore, proofreading your work for common errors, such as comma splices or run-on sentences, can significantly enhance clarity and precision.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, people tend to spend their time on social networks to chat and acquire information. In this essay, although social media might provide false information, I am convinced that its benefits outweigh these drawbacks because individuals can enhance their knowledge and stay informed about current developments.

On the one hand, misinformation and sensitive content directly impact internet users. It is advisable that social media contain a vast array of information provided by content creators; nevertheless, its content might not be considered and examined carefully. Hence, these problematic behaviors may not only negatively affect mental health but also influence the perspectives of users. A concrete example of this is that, in Vietnam, promoting a viral trend featuring suggestive dances posted by young girls, especially those aged 18 to 25, could influence children’s attitudes toward sexual knowledge and behavior. From my point of view, that is not a crucial issue because these platforms could enact laws founded on human rights, social equality, and child protection regulations; thus, they primarily disseminate high-quality content.

On the other hand, despite the disadvantages mentioned above, the profound benefits should also be considered carefully, as social media could transmit significant amounts of information to viewers and serve as a communication platform. Besides accessing news online, most social platforms provide and separate their users into groups based on their interests. This might support users in exchanging pleasantries and remaining informed about global events. A clear example of this is that the Facebook social platform plays a crucial role not only as the best place to access various kinds of information, including cooking, playing video games, and studying, but also as a meeting place for users to maintain their relationships through chatting. I believe in this advantage because the absence of social media development in contemporary society could render individuals outdated and obsolete. Hence, it adversely affects socio-economic development.

In conclusion, I agree that the advantages of social media providing information to users could outweigh the disadvantages of harming their users due to a lack of content examination.